Blasphemies, a Defiance of Mankind, and an Outraging of the Gods, frequently pass upon the Audience for tow’ring Thoughts, and have accordingly met with infinite Applause.
I shall here add a Remark, which I am afraid our Tragick Writers may make an ill use of. As our Heroes are generally Lovers, their Swelling and Blustring upon the Stage very much recommends them to the fair Part of their Audience. The Ladies are wonderfully pleased to see a Man insulting Kings, or affronting the Gods, in one Scene, and throwing himself at the Feet of his Mistress in another. Let him behave himself insolently towards the Men, and abjectly towards the Fair One, and it is ten to one but he proves a Favourite of the Boxes. _Dryden_ and _Lee_, in several of their Tragedies, have practised this Secret with good Success.
But to shew how a Rant pleases beyond the most just and natural Thought that is not pronounced with Vehemence, I would desire the Reader when he sees the Tragedy of _OEdipus_, to observe how quietly the Hero is dismissed at the End of the third Act, after having pronounced the following Lines, in which the Thought is very natural, and apt to move Compassion;
‘To you, good Gods, I make my last Appeal; Or clear my Virtues, or my Crimes reveal. If in the Maze of Fate I blindly run,
And backward trod those Paths I sought to shun; Impute my Errors to your own Decree:
My Hands are guilty, but my Heart is free.’
Let us then observe with what Thunder-claps of Applause he leaves the Stage, after the Impieties and Execrations at the End of the fourth Act; [4] and you will wonder to see an Audience so cursed and so pleased at the same time;
‘O that as oft have at Athens seen,–
[Where, by the Way, there was no Stage till many Years after OEdipus.]
… The Stage arise, and the big Clouds descend; So now, in very Deed, I might behold
This pond’rous Globe, and all yen marble Roof, Meet like the Hands of Jove, and crush Mankind. For all the Elements, &c.’
[Footnote 1: Here Aristotle is not quite accurately quoted. What he says of the tragedies which end unhappily is, that Euripides was right in preferring them,
‘and as the strongest proof of it we find that upon the stage, and in the dramatic contests, such tragedies, if they succeed, have always the most tragic effect.’
Poetics, Part II. Sec. 12.]
[Footnote 2: Of the two plays in this list, besides ‘Othello’, which have not been mentioned in the preceding notes, ‘All for Love’, produced in 1678, was Dryden’s ‘Antony and Cleopatra’, ‘Oroonoko’, first acted in, 1678, was a tragedy by Thomas Southerne, which included comic scenes. Southerne, who held a commission in the army, was living in the ‘Spectator’s’ time, and died in 1746, aged 86. It was in his best play, ‘Isabella’, or the Fatal Marriage, that Mrs. Siddons, in 1782, made her first appearance on the London stage.]
[Footnote 3: Congreve’s ‘Mourning Bride’ was first acted in 1697; Rowe’s ‘Tamerlane’ (with a hero planned in complement to William III.) in 1702; Rowe’s ‘Ulysses’ in 1706; Edmund Smith’s ‘Phaedra’ and ‘Hippolitus’ in 1707.]
[Footnote 4: The third Act of ‘OEdipus’ was by Dryden, the fourth by Lee. Dryden wrote also the first Act, the rest was Lee’s.]
* * * * *
ADVERTISEMENT
_Having spoken of Mr._ Powell, as sometimes raising himself Applause from the ill Taste of an Audience; I must do him the Justice to own, that he is excellently formed for a Tragoedian, and, when he pleases, deserves the Admiration of the best Judges; as I doubt not but he will in the Conquest of Mexico, _which is acted for his own Benefit To-morrow Night_.
C.
* * * * *
No. 41. Tuesday, April 17, 1711. Steele.
‘Tu non inventa reperta es.’
Ovid
Compassion for the Gentleman who writes the following Letter, should not prevail upon me to fall upon the Fair Sex, if it were not that I find they are frequently Fairer than they ought to be. Such Impostures are not to be tolerated in Civil Society; and I think his Misfortune ought to be made publick, as a Warning for other Men always to Examine into what they Admire.
SIR,
Supposing you to be a Person of general Knowledge, I make my Application to you on a very particular Occasion. I have a great Mind to be rid of my Wife, and hope, when you consider my Case, you will be of Opinion I have very just Pretensions to a Divorce. I am a mere Man of the Town, and have very little Improvement, but what I have got from Plays. I remember in _The Silent Woman_ the Learned Dr. _Cutberd_, or Dr. _Otter_ (I forget which) makes one of the Causes of Separation to be _Error Personae_, when a Man marries a Woman, and finds her not to be the same Woman whom he intended to marry, but another. [1] If that be Law, it is, I presume, exactly my Case. For you are to know, Mr. SPECTATOR, that there are Women who do not let their Husbands see their Faces till they are married.
Not to keep you in suspence, I mean plainly, that Part of the Sex who paint. They are some of them so Exquisitely skilful this Way, that give them but a Tolerable Pair of Eyes to set up with, and they will make Bosoms, Lips, Cheeks, and Eye-brows, by their own Industry. As for my Dear, never Man was so Enamour’d as I was of her fair Forehead, Neck, and Arms, as well as the bright Jett of her Hair; but to my great Astonishment, I find they were all the Effects of Art: Her Skin is so Tarnished with this Practice, that when she first wakes in a Morning, she scarce seems young enough to be the Mother of her whom I carried to Bed the Night before. I shall take the Liberty to part with her by the first Opportunity, unless her Father will make her Portion suitable to her real, not her assumed, Countenance. This I thought fit to let him and her know by your Means.
I am, SIR, Your most obedient, humble Servant.
I cannot tell what the Law, or the Parents of the Lady, will do for this Injured Gentleman, but must allow he has very much Justice on his Side. I have indeed very long observed this Evil, and distinguished those of our Women who wear their own, from those in borrowed Complexions, by the _Picts_ and the _British_. There does not need any great Discernment to judge which are which. The _British_ have a lively, animated Aspect; The _Picts_, tho’ never so Beautiful, have dead, uninformed Countenances. The Muscles of a real Face sometimes swell with soft Passion, sudden Surprize, and are flushed with agreeable Confusions, according as the Objects before them, or the Ideas presented to them, affect their Imagination. But the _Picts_ behold all things with the same Air, whether they are Joyful or Sad; the same fixed Insensibility appears upon all Occasions. A _Pict_, tho’ she takes all that Pains to invite the Approach of Lovers, is obliged to keep them at a certain Distance; a Sigh in a Languishing Lover, if fetched too near her, would dissolve a Feature; and a Kiss snatched by a Forward one, might transfer the Complexion of the Mistress to the Admirer. It is hard to speak of these false Fair Ones, without saying something uncomplaisant, but I would only recommend to them to consider how they like coming into a Room new Painted; they may assure themselves, the near Approach of a Lady who uses this Practice is much more offensive.
WILL. HONEYCOMB told us, one Day, an Adventure he once had with a _Pict_. This Lady had Wit, as well as Beauty, at Will; and made it her Business to gain Hearts, for no other Reason, but to rally the Torments of her Lovers. She would make great Advances to insnare Men, but without any manner of Scruple break off when there was no Provocation. Her Ill-Nature and Vanity made my Friend very easily Proof against the Charms of her Wit and Conversation; but her beauteous Form, instead of being blemished by her Falshood and Inconstancy, every Day increased upon him, and she had new Attractions every time he saw her. When she observed WILL. irrevocably her Slave, she began to use him as such, and after many Steps towards such a Cruelty, she at last utterly banished him. The unhappy Lover strove in vain, by servile Epistles, to revoke his Doom; till at length he was forced to the last Refuge, a round Sum of Money to her Maid. This corrupt Attendant placed him early in the Morning behind the Hangings in her Mistress’s Dressing-Room. He stood very conveniently to observe, without being seen. The _Pict_ begins the Face she designed to wear that Day, and I have heard him protest she had worked a full half Hour before he knew her to be the same Woman. As soon as he saw the Dawn of that Complexion, for which he had so long languished, he thought fit to break from his Concealment, repeating that of _Cowley:_
‘Th’ adorning Thee, with so much Art, Is but a barbarous Skill;
‘Tis like the Pois’ning of a Dart, Too apt before to kill.’ [2]
The _Pict_ stood before him in the utmost Confusion, with the prettiest Smirk imaginable on the finished side of her Face, pale as Ashes on the other. HONEYCOMB seized all her Gallypots and Washes, and carried off his Han kerchief full of Brushes, Scraps of _Spanish_ Wool, and Phials of Unguents. The Lady went into the Country, the Lover was cured.
It is certain no Faith ought to be kept with Cheats, and an Oath made to a _Pict_ is of it self void. I would therefore exhort all the _British_ Ladies to single them out, nor do I know any but _Lindamira_, who should be Exempt from Discovery; for her own Complexion is so delicate, that she ought to be allowed the covering it with Paint, as a Punishment for choosing to be the worst Piece of Art extant, instead of the Masterpiece of Nature. As for my part, who have no Expectations from Women, and consider them only as they are Part of the Species, I do not half so much fear offending a Beauty, as a Woman of Sense; I shall therefore produce several Faces which have been in Publick this many Years, and never appeared. It will be a very pretty Entertainment in the Playhouse (when I have abolished this Custom) to see so many Ladies, when they first lay it down, _incog._, in their own Faces.
In the mean time, as a Pattern for improving their Charms, let the Sex study the agreeable _Statira_. Her Features are enlivened with the Chearfulness of her Mind, and good Humour gives an Alacrity to her Eyes. She is Graceful without affecting an Air, and Unconcerned without appearing Careless. Her having no manner of Art in her Mind, makes her want none in her Person.
How like is this Lady, and how unlike is a _Pict_, to that Description Dr. _Donne_ gives of his Mistress?
Her pure and eloquent Blood
Spoke in her Cheeks, and so distinctly wrought, That one would almost say her Body thought. [3]
[Footnote 1: Ben Jonson’s ‘Epicoene’, or the Silent Woman, kept the stage in the Spectator’s time, and was altered by G. Colman for Drury Lane, in 1776. Cutbeard in the play is a barber, and Thomas Otter a Land and Sea Captain.
“Tom Otter’s bull, bear, and horse is known all over England, ‘in rerum natura.'”
In the fifth act Morose, who has married a Silent Woman and discovered her tongue after marriage, is played upon by the introduction of Otter, disguised as a Divine, and Cutbeard, as a Canon Lawyer, to explain to him
‘for how many causes a man may have ‘divortium legitimum’, a lawful divorce.’
Cutbeard, in opening with burlesque pedantry a budget of twelve impediments which make the bond null, is thus supported by Otter:
‘Cutb.’ The first is ‘impedimentum erroris’.
‘Otter.’ Of which there are several species.
‘Cutb.’ Ay, ‘as error personae’.
‘Otter. If you contract yourself to one person, thinking her another.’]
[Footnote 2: This is fourth of five stanzas to ‘The Waiting-Maid,’ in the collection of poems called ‘The Mistress.’]
[Footnote 3: Donne’s Funeral Elegies, on occasion of the untimely death of Mistress Elizabeth Drury. ‘Of the Progress of the Soul,’ Second Anniversary. It is the strain not of a mourning lover, but of a mourning friend. Sir Robert Drury was so cordial a friend that he gave to Donne and his wife a lodging rent free in his own large house in Drury Lane,
‘and was also,’ says Isaac Walton, ‘a cherisher of his studies, and such a friend as sympathized ‘with him and his, in all their joys and sorrows.’
The lines quoted by Steele show that the sympathy was mutual; but the poetry in them is a flash out of the clouds of a dull context. It is hardly worth noticing that Steele, quoting from memory, puts ‘would’ for ‘might’ in the last line. Sir Robert’s daughter Elizabeth, who, it is said, was to have been the wife of Prince Henry, eldest son of James I, died at the age of fifteen in 1610.]
* * * *
ADVERTISEMENT.
_A young Gentlewoman of about Nineteen Years of Age (bred in the Family of a Person of Quality lately deceased,) who Paints the finest Flesh-colour, wants a Place,
and is to be heard of at the House of Minheer_ Grotesque _a Dutch Painter in_ Barbican.
N. B. _She is also well-skilled in the Drapery-part, and puts on Hoods and mixes Ribbons so as to suit the Colours of the Face with great Art and Success_.
R.
* * * *
No. 42. Wednesday, April 18, 1711. Addison.
Garganum inugire putes nemus aut mare Thuscum, Tanto cum strepitu ludi spectantur; et artes, Divitiaeque peregrina, quibus oblitus actor Cum stetit in Scena, concurrit dextera laevae. Dixit adhuc aliquid? Nil sane. Quid placet ergo? Lana Tarentino violas imitata veneno.
Hor.
Aristotle [1] has observed, That ordinary Writers in Tragedy endeavour to raise Terror and Pity in their Audience, not by proper Sentiments and Expressions, but by the Dresses and Decorations of the Stage. There is something of this kind very ridiculous in the _English_ Theatre. When the Author has a mind to terrify us, it thunders; When he would make us melancholy, the Stage is darkened. But among all our Tragick Artifices, I am the most offended at those which are made use of to inspire us with magnificent Ideas of the Persons that speak. The ordinary Method of making an Hero, is to clap a huge Plume of Feathers upon his Head, which rises so very high, that there is often a greater Length from his Chin to the Top of his Head, than to the sole of his Foot. One would believe, that we thought a great Man and a tall Man the same thing. This very much embarrasses the Actor, who is forced to hold his Neck extremely stiff and steady all the while he speaks; and notwithstanding any Anxieties which he pretends for his Mistress, his Country, or his Friends, one may see by his Action, that his greatest Care and Concern is to keep the Plume of Feathers from falling off his Head. For my own part, when I see a Man uttering his Complaints under such a Mountain of Feathers, I am apt to look upon him rather as an unfortunate Lunatick, than a distressed Hero. As these superfluous Ornaments upon the Head make a great Man, a Princess generally receives her Grandeur from those additional Incumbrances that fall into her Tail: I mean the broad sweeping Train that follows her in all her Motions, and finds constant Employment for a Boy who stands behind her to open and spread it to Advantage. I do not know how others are affected at this Sight, but, I must confess, my Eyes are wholly taken up with the Page’s Part; and as for the Queen, I am not so attentive to any thing she speaks, as to the right adjusting of her Train, lest it should chance to trip up her Heels, or incommode her, as she walks to and fro upon the Stage. It is, in my Opinion, a very odd Spectacle, to see a Queen venting her Passion in a disordered Motion, and a little Boy taking care all the while that they do not ruffle the Tail of her Gown. The Parts that the two Persons act on the Stage at the same Time, are very different: The Princess is afraid lest she should incur the Displeasure of the King her Father, or lose the Hero her Lover, whilst her Attendant is only concerned lest she should entangle her Feet in her Petticoat.
We are told, That an ancient Tragick Poet, to move the Pity of his Audience for his exiled Kings and distressed Heroes, used to make the Actors represent them in Dresses and Cloaths that were thread-bare and decayed. This Artifice for moving Pity, seems as ill-contrived, as that we have been speaking of to inspire us with a great Idea of the Persons introduced upon the Stage. In short, I would have our Conceptions raised by the Dignity of Thought and Sublimity of Expression, rather than by a Train of Robes or a Plume of Feathers.
Another mechanical Method of making great Men, and adding Dignity to Kings and Queens, is to accompany them with Halberts and Battle-axes. Two or three Shifters of Scenes, with the two Candle-snuffers, make up a compleat Body of Guards upon the _English_ Stage; and by the Addition of a few Porters dressed in Red Coats, can represent above a Dozen Legions. I have sometimes seen a Couple of Armies drawn up together upon the Stage, when the Poet has been disposed to do Honour to his Generals. It is impossible for the Reader’s Imagination to multiply twenty Men into such prodigious Multitudes, or to fancy that two or three hundred thousand Soldiers are fighting in a Room of forty or fifty Yards in Compass. Incidents of such a Nature should be told, not represented.
‘Non tamen intus
Digna geri promes in scenam: multaque tolles Ex oculis, qua mox narret facundia proesens.’
Hor.
‘Yet there are things improper for a Scene, Which Men of Judgment only will relate.’
(L. Roscom.)
I should therefore, in this Particular, recommend to my Countrymen the Example of the _French_ Stage, where the Kings and Queens always appear unattended, and leave their Guards behind the Scenes. I should likewise be glad if we imitated the _French_ in banishing from our Stage the Noise of Drums, Trumpets, and Huzzas; which is sometimes so very great, that when there is a Battle in the _Hay-Market_ Theatre, one may hear it as far as _Charing-Cross_.
I have here only touched upon those Particulars which are made use of to raise and aggrandize Persons in Tragedy; and shall shew in another Paper the several Expedients which are practised by Authors of a vulgar Genius to move Terror, Pity, or Admiration, in their Hearers.
The Tailor and the Painter often contribute to the Success of a Tragedy more than the Poet. Scenes affect ordinary Minds as much as Speeches; and our Actors are very sensible, that a well-dressed Play his sometimes brought them as full Audiences, as a well-written one. The _Italians_ have a very good Phrase to express this Art of imposing upon the Spectators by Appearances: They call it the _Fourberia della Scena, The Knavery or trickish Part of the Drama_. But however the Show and Outside of the Tragedy may work upon the Vulgar, the more understanding Part of the Audience immediately see through it and despise it.
A good Poet will give the Reader a more lively Idea of an Army or a Battle in a Description, than if he actually saw them drawn up in Squadrons and Battalions, or engaged in the Confusion of a Fight. Our Minds should be opened to great Conceptions and inflamed with glorious Sentiments by what the Actor speaks, more than by what he appears. Can all the Trappings or Equipage of a King or Hero give _Brutus_ half that Pomp and Majesty which he receives from a few Lines in _Shakespear_?
C.
[Footnote 1: ‘Poetics’, Part II. Sec. 13.]
* * * * *
No. 43. Thursday, April 19, 1711. Steele.
‘Ha tibi erunt artes; pacisque imponere morem, Parcere Subjectis, et debellare Superbos.’
Virg.
There are Crowds of Men, whose great Misfortune it is that they were not bound to Mechanick Arts or Trades; it being absolutely necessary for them to be led by some continual Task or Employment. These are such as we commonly call dull Fellows; Persons, who for want of something to do, out of a certain Vacancy of Thought, rather than Curiosity, are ever meddling with things for which they are unfit. I cannot give you a Notion of them better than by presenting you with a Letter from a Gentleman, who belongs to a Society of this Order of Men, residing at _Oxford_.
Oxford, April 13, 1711. Four a Clock in the Morning.
SIR,
‘In some of your late Speculations, I find some Sketches towards an History of Clubs: But you seem to me to shew them in somewhat too ludicrous a Light. I have well weighed that Matter, and think, that the most important Negotiations may best be carried on in such Assemblies. I shall therefore, for the Good of Mankind, (which, I trust, you and I are equally concerned for) propose an Institution of that Nature for Example sake.
I must confess, the Design and Transactions of too many Clubs are trifling, and manifestly of no consequence to the Nation or Publick Weal: Those I’ll give you up. But you must do me then the Justice to own, that nothing can be more useful or laudable than the Scheme we go upon. To avoid Nicknames and Witticisms, we call ourselves _The Hebdomadal Meeting:_ Our President continues for a Year at least, and sometimes four or five: We are all Grave, Serious, Designing Men, in our Way: We think it our Duty, as far as in us lies, to take care the Constitution receives no Harm,–_Ne quid detrimenti Res capiat publica_–To censure Doctrines or Facts, Persons or Things, which we don’t like; To settle the Nation at home, and to carry on the War abroad, where and in what manner we see fit: If other People are not of our Opinion, we can’t help that. ‘Twere better they were. Moreover, we now and then condescend to direct, in some measure, the little Affairs of our own University.
Verily, _Mr_. SPECTATOR, we are much offended at the Act for importing _French_ Wines: [1] A Bottle or two of good solid Edifying Port, at honest _George’s_, made a Night chearful, and threw off Reserve. But this plaguy _French_ Claret will not only cost us more Mony, but do us less Good: Had we been aware of it, before it had gone too far, I must tell you, we would have petitioned to be heard upon that Subject. But let that pass.
I must let you know likewise, good Sir, that we look upon a certain Northern Prince’s March, in Conjunction with Infidels, [2] to be palpably against our Goodwill and Liking; and, for all Monsieur Palmquist, [3] a most dangerous Innovation; and we are by no means yet sure, that some People are not at the Bottom on’t. At least, my own private Letters leave room for a Politician well versed in matters of this Nature, to suspect as much, as a penetrating Friend of mine tells me.
We think we have at last done the business with the Malecontents in _Hungary_, and shall clap up a Peace there. [4]
What the Neutrality Army [5] is to do, or what the Army in _Flanders_, and what two or three other Princes, is not yet fully determined among us; and we wait impatiently for the coming in of the next _Dyer’s_ [6] who, you must know, is our Authentick Intelligence, our _Aristotle_ in Politics. And ’tis indeed but fit there should be some Dernier Resort, the Absolute Decider of all Controversies.
We were lately informed, that the Gallant Train’d Bands had patroll’d all Night long about the Streets of _London:_ We indeed could not imagine any Occasion for it, we guessed not a Tittle on’t aforehand, we were in nothing of the Secret; and that City Tradesmen, or their Apprentices, should do Duty, or work, during the Holidays, we thought absolutely impossible: But _Dyer_ being positive in it, and some Letters from other People, who had talked with some who had it from those who should know, giving some Countenance to it, the Chairman reported from the Committee, appointed to examine into that Affair, That ’twas Possible there might be something in’t. I have much more to say to you, but my two good Friends and Neighbours, _Dominick_ and _Slyboots_, are just come in, and the Coffee’s ready. I am, in the mean time,
_Mr_. SPECTATOR,
_Your Admirer, and
Humble Servant,_
Abraham Froth.
You may observe the Turn of their Minds tends only to Novelty, and not Satisfaction in any thing. It would be Disappointment to them, to come to Certainty in any thing, for that would gravel them, and put an end to their Enquiries, which dull Fellows do not make for Information, but for Exercise. I do not know but this may be a very good way of accounting for what we frequently see, to wit, that dull Fellows prove very good Men of Business. Business relieves them from their own natural Heaviness, by furnishing them with what to do; whereas Business to Mercurial Men, is an Interruption from their real Existence and Happiness. Tho’ the dull Part of Mankind are harmless in their Amusements, it were to be wished they had no vacant Time, because they usually undertake something that makes their Wants conspicuous, by their manner of supplying them. You shall seldom find a dull Fellow of good Education, but (if he happens to have any Leisure upon his Hands,) will turn his Head to one of those two Amusements, for all Fools of Eminence, Politicks or Poetry. The former of these Arts, is the Study of all dull People in general; but when Dulness is lodged in a Person of a quick Animal Life, it generally exerts it self in Poetry. One might here mention a few Military Writers, who give great Entertainment to the Age, by reason that the Stupidity of their Heads is quickened by the Alacrity of their Hearts. This Constitution in a dull Fellow, gives Vigour to Nonsense, and makes the Puddle boil, which would otherwise stagnate. The _British Prince_, that Celebrated Poem, which was written in the Reign of King Charles the Second, and deservedly called by the Wits of that Age _Incomparable_, [7] was the Effect of such an happy Genius as we are speaking of. From among many other Disticks no less to be quoted on this Account, I cannot but recite the two following Lines.
_A painted Vest Prince_ Voltager _had on, Which from a Naked_ Pict _his Grandsire won_.
Here if the Poet had not been Vivacious, as well as Stupid, he could [not,] in the Warmth and Hurry of Nonsense, [have] been capable of forgetting that neither Prince _Voltager_, nor his Grandfather, could strip a Naked Man of his Doublet; but a Fool of a colder Constitution, would have staid to have Flea’d the _Pict_, and made Buff of his Skin, for the Wearing of the Conqueror.
To bring these Observations to some useful Purpose of Life, what I would propose should be, that we imitated those wise Nations, wherein every Man learns some Handycraft-Work. Would it not employ a Beau prettily enough, if instead of eternally playing with a Snuff-box, he spent some part of his Time in making one? Such a Method as this, would very much conduce to the Publick Emolument, by making every Man living good for something; for there would then be no one Member of Human Society, but would have some little Pretension for some Degree in it; like him who came to _Will’s_ Coffee-house, upon the Merit of having writ a Posie of a Ring.
R.
[Footnote 1: Like the chopping in two of the _Respublica_ in the quotation just above of the well-known Roman formula by which consuls were to see _ne quid Respublica detrimenti capiat_, this is a jest on the ignorance of the political wiseacres. Port wine had been forced on England in 1703 in place of Claret, and the drinking of it made an act of patriotism,–which then meant hostility to France,–by the Methuen treaty, so named from its negotiator, Paul Methuen, the English Minister at Lisbon. It is the shortest treaty upon record, having only two clauses, one providing that Portugal should admit British cloths; the other that England should admit Portuguese wines at one-third less duty than those of France. This lasted until 1831, and so the English were made Port wine drinkers. Abraham Froth and his friends of the ‘Hebdomadal Meeting’, all ‘Grave, Serious, Designing Men in their Way’ have a confused notion in 1711 of the Methuen Treaty of 1703 as ‘the Act for importing French wines,’ with which they are much offended. The slowness and confusion of their ideas upon a piece of policy then so familiar, gives point to the whimsical solemnity of their ‘Had we been aware,’ &c.]
[Footnote 2: The subject of Mr. Froth’s profound comment is now the memorable March of Charles XII of Sweden to the Ukraine, ending on the 8th of July, 1709, in the decisive battle of Pultowa, that established the fortune of Czar Peter the Great, and put an end to the preponderance of Sweden in northern Europe. Charles had seemed to be on his way to Moscow, when he turned south and marched through desolation to the Ukraine, whither he was tempted by Ivan Mazeppa, a Hetman of the Cossacks, who, though 80 years old, was ambitious of independence to be won for him by the prowess of Charles XII. Instead of 30,000 men Mazeppa brought to the King of Sweden only himself as a fugitive with 40 or 50 attendants; but in the spring of 1809 he procured for the wayworn and part shoeless army of Charles the alliance of the Saporogue Cossacks. Although doubled by these and by Wallachians, the army was in all but 20,000 strong with which he then determined to besiege Pullowa; and there, after two months’ siege, he ventured to give battle to a relieving army of 60,000 Russians. Of his 20,000 men, 9000 were left on that battle-field, and 3000 made prisoners. Of the rest–all that survived of 54,000 Swedes with whom he had quitted Saxony to cross the steppes of Russia, and of 16,000 sent to him as reinforcement afterwards–part perished, and they who were left surrendered on capitulation, Charles himself having taken refuge at Bender in Bessarabia with the Turks, Mr. Froth’s Infidels.]
[Footnote 3: Perhaps Monsieur Palmquist is the form in which these ‘Grave, Serious, Designing Men in their Way’ have picked up the name of Charles’s brave general, Count Poniatowski, to whom he owed his escape after the battle of Pultowa, and who won over Turkey to support his failing fortunes. The Turks, his subsequent friends, are the ‘Infidels’ before-mentioned, the wise politicians being apparently under the impression that they had marched with the Swedes out of Saxony.]
[Footnote 4: Here Mr. Froth and his friends were truer prophets than anyone knew when this number of the _Spectator_ appeared, on the 19th of April. The news had not reached England of the death of the Emperor Joseph I on the 17th of April. During his reign, and throughout the war, the Hungarians, desiring independence, had been fighting on the side of France. The Archduke Charles, now become Emperor, was ready to give the Hungarians such privileges, especially in matters of religion, as restored their friendship.]
[Footnote 5: After Pultowa, Frederick IV of Denmark, Augustus II of Poland, and Czar Peter, formed an alliance against Sweden; and in the course of 1710 the Emperor of Germany, Great Britain, and the States-General concluded two treaties guaranteeing the neutrality of all the States of the Empire. This suggests to Mr. Froth and his friends the idea that there is a ‘Neutrality Army’ operating somewhere.]
[Footnote 6: Dyer was a Jacobite printer, whose News-letter was twice in trouble for ‘misrepresenting the proceedings of the House,’ and who, in 1703, had given occasion for a proclamation against ‘printing and spreading false ‘news.’]
[Footnote 7: ”The British Princes’, an Heroick Poem,’ by the Hon. Edward Howard, was published in 1669. The author produced also five plays, and a volume of Poems and Essays, with a Paraphrase on Cicero’s Laelius in Heroic Verse. The Earls of Rochester and Dorset devoted some verses to jest both on ‘The British Princes’ and on Edward Howard’s Plays. Even Dr. Sprat had his rhymed joke with the rest, in lines to a Person of Honour ‘upon his Incomparable, Incomprehensible Poem, intitled ‘The British Princes’.’ Edward Howard did not print the nonsense here ascribed to him. It was a burlesque of his lines:
‘A vest as admir’d Vortiger had on,
Which from this Island’s foes his Grandsire won.’]
* * * * *
No. 44. Friday, April 20, 1711. Addison.
‘Tu, quid ego et populus mecum desideret, audi.’
Hor.
Among the several Artifices which are put in Practice by the Poets to fill the Minds of [an] [1] Audience with Terror, the first Place is due to Thunder and Lightning, which are often made use of at the Descending of a God, or the Rising of a Ghost, at the Vanishing of a Devil, or at the Death of a Tyrant. I have known a Bell introduced into several Tragedies with good Effect; and have seen the whole Assembly in a very great Alarm all the while it has been ringing. But there is nothing which delights and terrifies our ‘English’ Theatre so much as a Ghost, especially when he appears in a bloody Shirt. A Spectre has very often saved a Play, though he has done nothing but stalked across the Stage, or rose through a Cleft of it, and sunk again without speaking one Word. There may be a proper Season for these several Terrors; and when they only come in as Aids and Assistances to the Poet, they are not only to be excused, but to be applauded. Thus the sounding of the Clock in ‘Venice Preserved’, [2] makes the Hearts of the whole Audience quake; and conveys a stronger Terror to the Mind than it is possible for Words to do. The Appearance of the Ghost in ‘Hamlet’ is a Master-piece in its kind, and wrought up with all the Circumstances that can create either Attention or Horror. The Mind of the Reader is wonderfully prepared for his Reception by the Discourses that precede it: His Dumb Behaviour at his first Entrance, strikes the Imagination very strongly; but every time he enters, he is still more terrifying. Who can read the Speech with which young ‘Hamlet’ accosts him, without trembling?
Hor. Look, my Lord, it comes!
Ham. Angels and Ministers of Grace defend us! Be thou a Spirit of Health, or Goblin damn’d; Bring with thee Airs from Heav’n, or Blasts from Hell; Be thy Events wicked or charitable;
Thou com’st in such a questionable Shape That I will speak to thee. I’ll call thee Hamlet, King, Father, Royal Dane: Oh! Oh! Answer me, Let me not burst in Ignorance; but tell Why thy canoniz’d Bones, hearsed in Death, Have burst their Cearments? Why the Sepulchre, Wherein we saw thee quietly inurn’d, Hath op’d his ponderous and marble Jaws To cast thee up again? What may this mean? That thou dead Coarse again in compleat Steel Revisit’st thus the Glimpses of the Moon, Making Night hideous?
I do not therefore find Fault with the Artifices above-mentioned when they are introduced with Skill, and accompanied by proportionable Sentiments and Expressions in the Writing.
For the moving of Pity, our principal Machine is the Handkerchief; and indeed in our common Tragedies, we should not know very often that the Persons are in Distress by any thing they say, if they did not from time to time apply their Handkerchiefs to their Eyes. Far be it from me to think of banishing this Instrument of Sorrow from the Stage; I know a Tragedy could not subsist without it: All that I would contend for, is, to keep it from being misapplied. In a Word, I would have the Actor’s Tongue sympathize with his Eyes.
A disconsolate Mother, with a Child in her Hand, has frequently drawn Compassion from the Audience, and has therefore gained a place in several Tragedies. A Modern Writer, that observed how this had took in other Plays, being resolved to double the Distress, and melt his Audience twice as much as those before him had done, brought a Princess upon the Stage with a little Boy in one Hand and a Girl in the other. This too had a very good Effect. A third Poet, being resolved to out-write all his Predecessors, a few Years ago introduced three Children, with great Success: And as I am informed, a young Gentleman, who is fully determined to break the most obdurate Hearts, has a Tragedy by him, where the first Person that appears upon the Stage, is an afflicted Widow in her mourning Weeds, with half a Dozen fatherless Children attending her, like those that usually hang about the Figure of Charity. Thus several Incidents that are beautiful in a good Writer, become ridiculous by falling into the Hands of a bad one.
But among all our Methods of moving Pity or Terror, there is none so absurd and barbarous, and what more exposes us to the Contempt and Ridicule of our Neighbours, than that dreadful butchering of one another, which is so very frequent upon the _English_ Stage. To delight in seeing Men stabbed, poysoned, racked, or impaled, is certainly the Sign of a cruel Temper: And as this is often practised before the _British_ Audience, several _French_ Criticks, who think these are grateful Spectacles to us, take occasion from them to represent us as a People that delight in Blood. [3] It is indeed very odd, to see our Stage strowed with Carcasses in the last Scene of a Tragedy; and to observe in the Ward-robe of a Play-house several Daggers, Poniards, Wheels, Bowls for Poison, and many other Instruments of Death. Murders and Executions are always transacted behind the Scenes in the _French_ Theatre; which in general is very agreeable to the Manners of a polite and civilized People: But as there are no Exceptions to this Rule on the _French_ Stage, it leads them into Absurdities almost as ridiculous as that which falls under our present Censure. I remember in the famous Play of _Corneille_, written upon the Subject of the _Horatii_ and _Curiatii_; the fierce young hero who had overcome the _Curiatii_ one after another, (instead of being congratulated by his Sister for his Victory, being upbraided by her for having slain her Lover,) in the Height of his Passion and Resentment kills her. If any thing could extenuate so brutal an Action, it would be the doing of it on a sudden, before the Sentiments of Nature, Reason, or Manhood could take Place in him. However, to avoid _publick Blood-shed_, as soon as his Passion is wrought to its Height, he follows his Sister the whole length of the Stage, and forbears killing her till they are both withdrawn behind the Scenes. I must confess, had he murder’d her before the Audience, the Indecency might have been greater; but as it is, it appears very unnatural, and looks like killing in cold Blood. To give my Opinion upon this Case; the Fact ought not to have been represented, but to have been told, if there was any Occasion for it.
It may not be unacceptable to the Reader, to see how _Sophocles_ has conducted a Tragedy under the like delicate Circumstances. _Orestes_ was in the same Condition with _Hamlet_ in _Shakespear_, his Mother having murdered his Father, and taken possession of his Kingdom in Conspiracy with her Adulterer. That young Prince therefore, being determined to revenge his Father’s Death upon those who filled his Throne, conveys himself by a beautiful Stratagem into his Mother’s Apartment with a Resolution to kill her. But because such a Spectacle would have been too shocking to the Audience, this dreadful Resolution is executed behind the Scenes: The Mother is heard calling out to her Son for Mercy; and the Son answering her, that she shewed no Mercy to his Father; after which she shrieks out that she is wounded, and by what follows we find that she is slain. I do not remember that in any of our Plays there are Speeches made behind the Scenes, though there are other Instances of this Nature to be met with in those of the Ancients: And I believe my Reader will agree with me, that there is something infinitely more affecting in this dreadful Dialogue between the Mother and her Son behind the Scenes, than could have been in anything transacted before the Audience. _Orestes_ immediately after meets the Usurper at the Entrance of his Palace; and by a very happy Thought of the Poet avoids killing him before the Audience, by telling him that he should live some Time in his present Bitterness of Soul before he would dispatch him; and [by] ordering him to retire into that Part of the Palace where he had slain his Father, whose Murther he would revenge in the very same Place where it was committed. By this means the Poet observes that Decency, which _Horace_ afterwards established by a Rule, of forbearing to commit Parricides or unnatural Murthers before the Audience.
_Nec coram populo natos_ Medea _trucidet_.
_Let not_ Medea _draw her murth’ring Knife, And spill her Children’s Blood upon the Stage._
The _French_ have therefore refin’d too much upon _Horace’s_ Rule, who never designed to banish all Kinds of Death from the Stage; but only such as had too much Horror in them, and which would have a better Effect upon the Audience when transacted behind the Scenes. I would therefore recommend to my Countrymen the Practice of the ancient Poets, who were very sparing of their publick Executions, and rather chose to perform them behind the Scenes, if it could be done with as great an Effect upon the Audience. At the same time I must observe, that though the devoted Persons of the Tragedy were seldom slain before the Audience, which has generally something ridiculous in it, their Bodies were often produced after their Death, which has always in it something melancholy or terrifying; so that the killing on the Stage does not seem to have been avoided only as an Indecency, but also as an Improbability.
_Nec pueros coram populo_ Medea _trucidet; Aut humana palam coquat exta nefarius_ Atreus; _Aut in avem_ Progne _vertatur_, Cadmus _in anguem, Quodcunque ostendis mihi sic, incredulus odi_.
Hor.
Medea _must not draw her murth’ring Knife, Nor_ Atreus _there his horrid Feast prepare._ Cadmus _and_ Progne’s _Metamorphosis,
(She to a Swallow turn’d, he to a Snake) And whatsoever contradicts my Sense,
I hate to see, and never can believe._
(Ld. ROSCOMMON.) [4]
I have now gone through the several Dramatick Inventions which are made use of by [the] Ignorant Poets to supply the Place of Tragedy, and by [the] Skilful to improve it; some of which I could wish entirely rejected, and the rest to be used with Caution. It would be an endless Task to consider Comedy in the same Light, and to mention the innumerable Shifts that small Wits put in practice to raise a Laugh. _Bullock_ in a short Coat, and _Norris_ in a long one, seldom fail of this Effect. [5] In ordinary Comedies, a broad and a narrow brim’d Hat are different Characters. Sometimes the Wit of the Scene lies in a Shoulder-belt, and Sometimes in a Pair of Whiskers. A Lover running about the Stage, with his Head peeping out of a Barrel, was thought a very good Jest in King _Charles_ the Second’s time; and invented by one of the first Wits of that Age. [6] But because Ridicule is not so delicate as Compassion, and [because] [7] the Objects that make us laugh are infinitely more numerous than those that make us weep, there is a much greater Latitude for comick than tragick Artifices, and by Consequence a much greater Indulgence to be allowed them.
C.
[Footnote 1: the]
[Footnote 2: In Act V The toll of the passing bell for Pierre in the parting scene between Jaffier and Belvidera.]
[Footnote 3: Thus Rene Rapin,–whom Dryden declared alone
‘sufficient, were all other critics lost, to teach anew the rules of writing,’
said in his ‘Reflections on Aristotle’s Treatise of Poetry,’ translated by Rymer in 1694,
The English, our Neighbours, love Blood in their Sports, by the quality of their Temperament: These are _Insulaires_, separated from the rest of men; we are more humane … The English have more of Genius for Tragedy than other People, as well by the Spirit of their Nation, which delights in Cruelty, as also by the Character of their Language, which is proper for Great Expressions.’]
[Footnote 4: The Earl of Roscommon, who died in 1684, aged about 50, besides his ‘Essay on Translated Verse,’ produced, in 1680, a Translation of ‘Horace’s Art of Poetry’ into English Blank Verse, with Remarks. Of his ‘Essay,’ Dryden said:
‘The Muse’s Empire is restored again In Charles his reign, and by Roscommon’s pen.’]
[Footnote 5: Of Bullock see note, p. 138, _ante_. Norris had at one time, by his acting of Dicky in Farquhar’s ‘Trip to the Jubilee,’ acquired the name of Jubilee Dicky.
[Footnote 6: Sir George Etherege. It was his first play, ‘The Comical Revenge, or Love in a Tub’, produced in 1664, which introduced him to the society of Rochester, Buckingham, &c.
[Footnote 7: as]
* * * * *
No. 45. Saturday, April 21, 1711. Addison.
‘Natio Comaeda est.’
Juv.
There is nothing which I more desire than a safe and honourable Peace, [1] tho’ at the same time I am very apprehensive of many ill Consequences that may attend it. I do not mean in regard to our Politicks, but to our Manners. What an Inundation of Ribbons and Brocades will break in upon us? What Peals of Laughter and Impertinence shall we be exposed to? For the Prevention of these great Evils, I could heartily wish that there was an Act of Parliament for Prohibiting the Importation of _French_ Fopperies.
The Female Inhabitants of our Island have already received very strong Impressions from this ludicrous Nation, tho’ by the Length of the War (as there is no Evil which has not some Good attending it) they are pretty well worn out and forgotten. I remember the time when some of our well-bred Country-Women kept their _Valet de Chambre_, because, forsooth, a Man was much more handy about them than one of their own Sex. I myself have seen one of these Male _Abigails_ tripping about the Room with a Looking-glass in his Hand, and combing his Lady’s Hair a whole Morning together. Whether or no there was any Truth in the Story of a Lady’s being got with Child by one of these her Handmaids I cannot tell, but I think at present the whole Race of them is extinct in our own Country.
About the Time that several of our Sex were taken into this kind of Service, the Ladies likewise brought up the Fashion of receiving Visits in their Beds. [2] It was then look’d upon as a piece of Ill Breeding, for a Woman to refuse to see a Man, because she was not stirring; and a Porter would have been thought unfit for his Place, that could have made so awkward an Excuse. As I love to see every thing that is new, I once prevailed upon my Friend WILL. HONEYCOMB to carry me along with him to one of these Travelled Ladies, desiring him, at the same time, to present me as a Foreigner who could not speak _English_, that so I might not be obliged to bear a Part in the Discourse. The Lady, tho’ willing to appear undrest, had put on her best Looks, and painted her self for our Reception. Her Hair appeared in a very nice Disorder, as the Night-Gown which was thrown upon her Shoulders was ruffled with great Care. For my part, I am so shocked with every thing which looks immodest in the Fair Sex, that I could not forbear taking off my Eye from her when she moved in her Bed, and was in the greatest Confusion imaginable every time she stired a Leg or an Arm. As the Coquets, who introduced this Custom, grew old, they left it off by Degrees; well knowing that a Woman of Threescore may kick and tumble her Heart out, without making any Impressions.
_Sempronia_ is at present the most profest Admirer of the _French_ Nation, but is so modest as to admit her Visitants no further than her Toilet. It is a very odd Sight that beautiful Creature makes, when she is talking Politicks with her Tresses flowing about her Shoulders, and examining that Face in the Glass, which does such Execution upon all the Male Standers-by. How prettily does she divide her Discourse between her Woman and her Visitants? What sprightly Transitions does she make from an Opera or a Sermon, to an Ivory Comb or a Pincushion? How have I been pleased to see her interrupted in an Account of her Travels, by a Message to her Footman; and holding her Tongue, in the midst of a Moral Reflexion, by applying the Tip of it to a Patch?
There is nothing which exposes a Woman to greater dangers, than that Gaiety and Airiness of Temper, which are natural to most of the Sex. It should be therefore the Concern of every wise and virtuous Woman, to keep this Sprightliness from degenerating into Levity. On the contrary, the whole Discourse and Behaviour of the _French_ is to make the Sex more Fantastical, or (as they are pleased to term it,) _more awakened_, than is consistent either with Virtue or Discretion. To speak Loud in Publick Assemblies, to let every one hear you talk of Things that should only be mentioned in Private or in Whisper, are looked upon as Parts of a refined Education. At the same time, a Blush is unfashionable, and Silence more ill-bred than any thing that can be spoken. In short, Discretion and Modesty, which in all other Ages and Countries have been regarded as the greatest Ornaments of the Fair Sex, are considered as the Ingredients of narrow Conversation, and Family Behaviour.
Some Years ago I was at the Tragedy of _Macbeth_, and unfortunately placed myself under a Woman of Quality that is since Dead; who, as I found by the Noise she made, was newly returned from _France_. A little before the rising of the Curtain, she broke out into a loud Soliloquy, _When will the dear Witches enter?_ and immediately upon their first Appearance, asked a Lady that sat three Boxes from her, on her Right-hand, if those Witches were not charming Creatures. A little after, as _Betterton_ was in one of the finest Speeches of the Play, she shook her Fan at another Lady, who sat as far on the Left hand, and told her with a Whisper, that might be heard all over the Pit, We must not expect to see _Balloon_ to-night. [3] Not long after, calling out to a young Baronet by his Name, who sat three Seats before me, she asked him whether _Macbeth’s_ Wife was still alive; and before he could give an Answer, fell a talking of the Ghost of _Banquo_. She had by this time formed a little Audience to herself, and fixed the Attention of all about her. But as I had a mind to hear the Play, I got out of the Sphere of her Impertinence, and planted myself in one of the remotest Corners of the Pit.
This pretty Childishness of Behaviour is one of the most refined Parts of Coquetry, and is not to be attained in Perfection, by Ladies that do not Travel for their Improvement. A natural and unconstrained Behaviour has something in it so agreeable, that it is no Wonder to see People endeavouring after it. But at the same time, it is so very hard to hit, when it is not Born with us, that People often make themselves Ridiculous in attempting it.
A very ingenious _French_ Author [4] tells us, that the Ladies of the Court of _France_, in his Time, thought it Ill-breeding, and a kind of Female Pedantry, to pronounce an hard Word right; for which Reason they took frequent occasion to use hard Words, that they might shew a Politeness in murdering them. He further adds, that a Lady of some Quality at Court, having accidentally made use of an hard Word in a proper Place, and pronounced it right, the whole Assembly was out of Countenance for her.
I must however be so just to own, that there are many Ladies who have Travelled several Thousand of Miles without being the worse for it, and have brought Home with them all the Modesty, Discretion and good Sense that they went abroad with. As on the contrary, there are great Numbers of _Travelled_ Ladies, [who] [5] have lived all their Days within the Smoke of _London_. I have known a Woman that never was out of the Parish of St. _James’s_, [betray] [6] as many Foreign Fopperies in her Carriage, as she could have Gleaned up in half the Countries of _Europe_.
C.
[Footnote 1: At this date the news would just have reached England of the death of the Emperor Joseph and accession of Archduke Charles to the German crown. The Archduke’s claim to the crown of Spain had been supported as that of a younger brother of the House of Austria, in whose person the two crowns of Germany and Spain were not likely to be united. When, therefore, Charles became head of the German empire, the war of the Spanish succession changed its aspect altogether, and the English looked for peace. That of 1711 was, in fact, Marlborough’s last campaign; peace negotiations were at the same time going on between France and England, and preliminaries were signed in London in October of this year, 1711. England was accused of betraying the allied cause; but the changed political conditions led to her withdrawal from it, and her withdrawal compelled the assent of the allies to the general peace made by the Treaty of Utrecht, which, after tedious negotiations, was not signed until the 11th of April, 1713, the continuous issue of the _Spectator_ having ended, with Vol. VII., in December, 1712.]
[Footnote 2: The custom was copied from the French _Precieuses_, at a time when _courir les ruelles_ (to take the run of the bedsides) was a Parisian phrase for fashionable morning calls upon the ladies. The _ruelle_ is the little path between the bedside and the wall.]
[Footnote 3: _Balloon_ was a game like tennis played with a foot-ball; but the word may be applied here to a person. It had not the sense which now first occurs to the mind of a modern reader. Air balloons are not older than 1783.]
[Footnote 4: Describing perhaps one form of reaction against the verbal pedantry and _Phebus_ of the _Precieuses_.]
[Footnote 5: that]
[Footnote 6: with]
* * * * *
No 46. Monday, April 23, 1711. Addison
Non bene junctarum discordia semina rerum.
Ovid.
When I want Materials for this Paper, it is my Custom to go abroad in quest of Game; and when I meet any proper Subject, I take the first Opportunity of setting down an Hint of it upon Paper. At the same time I look into the Letters of my Correspondents, and if I find any thing suggested in them that may afford Matter of Speculation, I likewise enter a Minute of it in my Collection of Materials. By this means I frequently carry about me a whole Sheetful of Hints, that would look like a Rhapsody of Nonsense to any Body but myself: There is nothing in them but Obscurity and Confusion, Raving and Inconsistency. In short, they are my Speculations in the first Principles, that (like the World in its Chaos) are void of all Light, Distinction, and Order.
About a Week since there happened to me a very odd Accident, by Reason of one of these my Papers of Minutes which I had accidentally dropped at _Lloyd’s_ [1] Coffee-house, where the Auctions are usually kept. Before I missed it, there were a Cluster of People who had found it, and were diverting themselves with it at one End of the Coffee-house: It had raised so much Laughter among them before I had observed what they were about, that I had not the Courage to own it. The Boy of the Coffee-house, when they had done with it, carried it about in his Hand, asking every Body if they had dropped a written Paper; but no Body challenging it, he was ordered by those merry Gentlemen who had before perused it, to get up into the Auction Pulpit, and read it to the whole Room, that if any one would own it they might. The Boy accordingly mounted the Pulpit, and with a very audible Voice read as follows.
MINUTES.
Sir _Roger de Coverly’s_ Country Seat–Yes, for I hate long Speeches–Query, if a good Christian may be a Conjurer–_Childermas-day_, Saltseller, House-Dog, Screech-owl, Cricket–Mr. _Thomas Inkle of London_, in the good Ship called _The Achilles_. _Yarico–AEgrescitique medendo_–Ghosts–The Lady’s Library–Lion by Trade a Taylor–Dromedary called _Bucephalus_–Equipage the Lady’s _summum bonum_–_Charles Lillie_ to be taken notice of [2]–Short Face a Relief to Envy–Redundancies in the three Professions–King _Latinus_ a Recruit–Jew devouring an Ham of Bacon–_Westminster Abbey_–_Grand Cairo_–Procrastination–_April_ Fools–Blue Boars, Red Lions, Hogs in Armour–Enter a King and two Fidlers _solus_–Admission into the Ugly Club–Beauty, how improveable–Families of true and false Humour–The Parrot’s School-Mistress–Face half _Pict_ half _British_–no Man to be an Hero of Tragedy under Six foot–Club of Sighers–Letters from Flower-Pots, Elbow-Chairs, Tapestry-Figures, Lion, Thunder–The Bell rings to the Puppet-Show–Old-Woman with a Beard married to a smock-faced Boy–My next Coat to be turned up with Blue–Fable of Tongs and Gridiron–Flower Dyers–The Soldier’s Prayer–Thank ye for nothing, says the Gally-Pot–_Pactolus_ in Stockings, with golden Clocks to them–Bamboos, Cudgels, Drumsticks–Slip of my Landlady’s eldest Daughter–The black Mare with a Star in her Forehead–The Barber’s Pole–WILL. HONEYCOMB’S Coat-pocket–_Caesar’s_ Behaviour and my own in Parallel Circumstances–Poem in Patch-work–_Nulli gravis est percussus Achilles_–The Female Conventicler–The Ogle Master.
The reading of this Paper made the whole Coffee-house very merry; some of them concluded it was written by a Madman, and others by some Body that had been taking Notes out of the Spectator. One who had the Appearance of a very substantial Citizen, told us, with several politick Winks and Nods, that he wished there was no more in the Paper than what was expressed in it: That for his part, he looked upon the Dromedary, the Gridiron, and the Barber’s Pole, to signify something more than what is usually meant by those Words; and that he thought the Coffee-man could not do better than to carry the Paper to one of the Secretaries of State. He further added, that he did not like the Name of the outlandish Man with the golden Clock in his Stockings. A young [_Oxford_ Scholar [3]], who chanced to be with his Uncle at the Coffee-house, discover’d to us who this _Pactolus_ was; and by that means turned the whole Scheme of this worthy Citizen into Ridicule. While they were making their several Conjectures upon this innocent Paper, I reach’d out my Arm to the Boy, as he was coming out of the Pulpit, to give it me; which he did accordingly. This drew the Eyes of the whole Company upon me; but after having cast a cursory Glance over it, and shook my Head twice or thrice at the reading of it, I twisted it into a kind of Match, and litt my Pipe with it. My profound Silence, together with the Steadiness of my Countenance, and the Gravity of my Behaviour during this whole Transaction, raised a very loud Laugh on all Sides of me; but as I had escaped all Suspicion of being the Author, I was very well satisfied, and applying myself to my Pipe, and the _Post-man_, took no [further] Notice of any thing that passed about me.
My Reader will find, that I have already made use of above half the Contents of the foregoing Paper; and will easily Suppose, that those Subjects which are yet untouched were such Provisions as I had made for his future Entertainment. But as I have been unluckily prevented by this Accident, I shall only give him the Letters which relate to the two last Hints. The first of them I should not have published, were I not informed that there is many a Husband who suffers very much in his private Affairs by the indiscreet Zeal of such a Partner as is hereafter mentioned; to whom I may apply the barbarous Inscription quoted by the Bishop of _Salisbury_ in his Travels; [4] _Dum nimia pia est, facta est impia_.
SIR,
‘I am one of those unhappy Men that are plagued with a Gospel-Gossip, so common among Dissenters (especially Friends). Lectures in the Morning, Church-Meetings at Noon, and Preparation Sermons at Night, take up so much of her Time, ’tis very rare she knows what we have for Dinner, unless when the Preacher is to be at it. With him come a Tribe, all Brothers and Sisters it seems; while others, really such, are deemed no Relations. If at any time I have her Company alone, she is a meer Sermon Popgun, repeating and discharging Texts, Proofs, and Applications so perpetually, that however weary I may go to bed, the Noise in my Head will not let me sleep till towards Morning. The Misery of my Case, and great Numbers of such Sufferers, plead your Pity and speedy Relief, otherwise must expect, in a little time, to be lectured, preached, and prayed into Want, unless the Happiness of being sooner talked to Death prevent it.
I am, &c. R. G.
The second Letter relating to the Ogling Master, runs thus.
Mr. SPECTATOR,
‘I am an Irish Gentleman, that have travelled many Years for my Improvement; during which time I have accomplished myself in the whole Art of Ogling, as it is at present practised in all the polite Nations of _Europe_. Being thus qualified, I intend, by the Advice of my Friends, to set up for an Ogling-Master. I teach the Church Ogle in the Morning, and the Play-house Ogle by Candle-light. I have also brought over with me a new flying Ogle fit for the Ring; which I teach in the Dusk of the Evening, or in any Hour of the Day by darkning one of my Windows. I have a Manuscript by me called _The Compleat Ogler_, which I shall be ready to show you upon any Occasion. In the mean time, I beg you will publish the Substance of this Letter in an Advertisement, and you will very much oblige,
Yours, &c.
[Footnote 1: _Lloyd’s Coffee House_ was first established in Lombard Street, at the corner of Abchurch Lane. Pains were taken to get early Ship news at Lloyd’s, and the house was used by underwriters and insurers of Ships’ cargoes. It was found also to be a convenient place for sales. A poem called ‘The Wealthy Shopkeeper’, printed in 1700, says of him,
Now to Lloyd’s Coffee-house he never fails, To read the Letters, and attend the Sales.
It was afterwards removed to Pope’s Head Alley, as ‘the New Lloyd’s Coffee House;’ again removed in 1774 to a corner of the Old Royal Exchange; and in the building of the new Exchange was provided with the rooms now known as ‘Lloyd’s Subscription Rooms,’ an institution which forms part of our commercial system.]
[Footnote 2: Charles Lillie, the perfumer in the Strand, at the corner of Beaufort Buildings–where the business of a perfumer is at this day carried on–appears in the 16th, 18th, and subsequent numbers of the ‘Spectator’, together with Mrs. Baldwin of Warwick Lane, as a chief agent for the sale of the Paper. To the line which had run
‘LONDON: Printed for _Sam. Buckley_, at the _Dolphin_ in _Little Britain_; and Sold by _A. Baldwin_ in _Warwick-Lane_; where Advertisements are taken in;’
there was then appended:
‘as also by _Charles Lillie_, Perfumer, at the Corner of _Beaufort-Buildings_ in the _Strand_’.
Nine other agents, of whom complete sets could be had, were occasionally set forth together with these two in an advertisement; but only these are in the colophon.]
[Footnote 3: Oxonian]
[Footnote 4: Gilbert Burnet, author of the ‘History of the Reformation,’ and ‘History of his own Time,’ was Bishop of Salisbury from 1689 to his death in 1715. Addison here quotes:
‘Some Letters containing an Account of what seemed most remarkable in Travelling through Switzerland, Italy, some parts of Germany, &c., in the Years 1685 and 1686. Written by G. Burnet, D.D., to the Honourable R. B.’
In the first letter, which is from Zurich, Dr. Burnet speaks of many Inscriptions at Lyons of the late and barbarous ages, as ‘Bonum Memoriam’, and ‘Epitaphium hunc’. Of 23 Inscriptions in the Garden of the Fathers of Mercy, he quotes one which must be towards the barbarous age, as appears by the false Latin in ‘Nimia’ He quotes it because he has ‘made a little reflection on it,’ which is, that its subject, Sutia Anthis, to whose memory her husband Cecalius Calistis dedicates the inscription which says
‘quaedum Nimia pia fuit, facta est Impia’
(who while she was too pious, was made impious),
must have been publicly accused of Impiety, or her husband would not have recorded it in such a manner; that to the Pagans Christianity was Atheism and Impiety; and that here, therefore, is a Pagan husband’s testimony to the better faith, that the Piety of his wife made her a Christian.]
* * * * *
No. 47. Tuesday, April 24, 1711. Addison.
‘Ride si sapis.’
Mart.
Mr. _Hobbs_, in his Discourse of Human Nature, [1] which, in my humble Opinion, is much the best of all his Works, after some very curious Observations upon Laughter, concludes thus:
‘The Passion of Laughter is nothing else but sudden Glory arising from some sudden Conception of some Eminency in ourselves by Comparison with the Infirmity of others, or with our own formerly: For Men laugh at the Follies of themselves past, when they come suddenly to Remembrance, except they bring with them any present Dishonour.’
According to this Author, therefore, when we hear a Man laugh excessively, instead of saying he is very Merry, we ought to tell him he is very Proud. And, indeed, if we look into the bottom of this Matter, we shall meet with many Observations to confirm us in his Opinion. Every one laughs at some Body that is in an inferior State of Folly to himself. It was formerly the Custom for every great House in _England_ to keep a tame Fool dressed in Petticoats, that the Heir of the Family might have an Opportunity of joking upon him, and diverting himself with his Absurdities. For the same Reason Idiots are still in Request in most of the Courts of _Germany_, where there is not a Prince of any great Magnificence, who has not two or three dressed, distinguished, undisputed Fools in his Retinue, whom the rest of the Courtiers are always breaking their Jests upon.
The _Dutch_, who are more famous for their Industry and Application, than for Wit and Humour, hang up in several of their Streets what they call the Sign of the _Gaper_, that is, the Head of an Idiot dressed in a Cap and Bells, and gaping in a most immoderate manner: This is a standing Jest at _Amsterdam_.
Thus every one diverts himself with some Person or other that is below him in Point of Understanding, and triumphs in the Superiority of his Genius, whilst he has such Objects of Derision before his Eyes. Mr. _Dennis_ has very well expressed this in a Couple of humourous Lines, which are part of a Translation of a Satire in Monsieur Boileau. [2]
Thus one Fool lolls his Tongue out at another, And shakes his empty Noddle at his Brother.
Mr. _Hobbs’s_ Reflection gives us the Reason why the insignificant People above-mentioned are Stirrers up of Laughter among Men of a gross Taste: But as the more understanding Part of Mankind do not find their Risibility affected by such ordinary Objects, it may be worth the while to examine into the several Provocatives of Laughter in Men of superior Sense and Knowledge.
In the first Place I must observe, that there is a Set of merry Drolls, whom the common People of all Countries admire, and seem to love so well, _that they could eat them_, according to the old Proverb: I mean those circumforaneous Wits whom every Nation calls by the Name of that Dish of Meat which it loves best. In _Holland_ they are termed _Pickled Herrings_; in _France, Jean Pottages_; in _Italy, Maccaronies_; and in _Great Britain, Jack Puddings_. These merry Wags, from whatsoever Food they receive their Titles, that they may make their Audiences laugh, always appear in a Fool’s Coat, and commit such Blunders and Mistakes in every Step they take, and every Word they utter, as those who listen to them would be ashamed of.
But this little Triumph of the Understanding, under the Disguise of Laughter, is no where more visible than in that Custom which prevails every where among us on the first Day of the present Month, when every Body takes it in his Head to make as many Fools as he can. In proportion as there are more Follies discovered, so there is more Laughter raised on this Day than on any other in the whole Year. A Neighbour of mine, who is a Haberdasher by Trade, and a very shallow conceited Fellow, makes his Boasts that for these ten Years successively he has not made less than an hundred _April_ Fools. My Landlady had a falling out with him about a Fortnight ago, for sending every one of her Children upon some _Sleeveless Errand_, as she terms it. Her eldest Son went to buy an Halfpenny worth of Inkle at a Shoe-maker’s; the eldest Daughter was dispatch’d half a Mile to see a Monster; and, in short, the whole Family of innocent Children made _April_ Fools. Nay, my Landlady herself did not escape him. This empty Fellow has laughed upon these Conceits ever since.
This Art of Wit is well enough, when confined to one Day in a Twelvemonth; but there is an ingenious Tribe of Men sprung up of late Years, who are for making _April_ Fools every Day in the Year. These Gentlemen are commonly distinguished by the Name of _Biters_; a Race of Men that are perpetually employed in laughing at those Mistakes which are of their own Production.
Thus we see, in proportion as one Man is more refined than another, he chooses his Fool out of a lower or higher Class of Mankind: or, to speak in a more Philosophical Language, That secret Elation and Pride of Heart, which is generally called Laughter, arises in him from his comparing himself with an Object below him, whether it so happens that it be a Natural or an Artificial Fool. It is indeed very possible, that the Persons we laugh at may in the main of their Characters be much wiser Men than ourselves; but if they would have us laugh at them, they must fall short of us in those Respects which stir up this Passion.
I am afraid I shall appear too Abstracted in my Speculations, if I shew that when a Man of Wit makes us laugh, it is by betraying some Oddness or Infirmity in his own Character, or in the Representation which he makes of others; and that when we laugh at a Brute or even [at] an inanimate thing, it is at some Action or Incident that bears a remote Analogy to any Blunder or Absurdity in reasonable Creatures.
But to come into common Life: I shall pass by the Consideration of those Stage Coxcombs that are able to shake a whole Audience, and take notice of a particular sort of Men who are such Provokers of Mirth in Conversation, that it is impossible for a Club or Merry-meeting to subsist without them; I mean, those honest Gentlemen that are always exposed to the Wit and Raillery of their Well-wishers and Companions; that are pelted by Men, Women, and Children, Friends and Foes, and, in a word, stand as _Butts_ in Conversation, for every one to shoot at that pleases. I know several of these _Butts_, who are Men of Wit and Sense, though by some odd Turn of Humour, some unlucky Cast in their Person or Behaviour, they have always the Misfortune to make the Company merry. The Truth of it is, a Man is not qualified for a _Butt_, who has not a good deal of Wit and Vivacity, even in the ridiculous side of his Character. A stupid _Butt_ is only fit for the Conversation of ordinary People: Men of Wit require one that will give them Play, and bestir himself in the absurd Part of his Behaviour. A _Butt_ with these Accomplishments frequently gets the Laugh of his side, and turns the Ridicule upon him that attacks him. Sir _John Falstaff_ was an Hero of this Species, and gives a good Description of himself in his Capacity of a _Butt_, after the following manner; _Men of all Sorts_ (says that merry Knight) _take a pride to gird at me. The Brain of Man is not able to invent any thing that tends to Laughter more than I invent, or is invented on me. I am not only Witty in my self, but the Cause that Wit is in other Men_. [3]
C.
[Footnote 1: Chap. ix. Sec. 13. Thomas Hobbes’s ‘Human Nature’ was published in 1650. He died in 1679, aged 91.]
[Footnote 2: Boileau’s 4th satire. John Dennis was at this time a leading critic of the French school, to whom Pope afterwards attached lasting ridicule. He died in 1734, aged 77.]
[Footnote 3: ‘Henry IV Part II’ Act I Sec. 2.]
* * * * *
No. 48. Wednesday, April 25, 1711. Steele.
… Per multas aditum sibi saepe figuras Repperit …
Ovid
My Correspondents take it ill if I do not, from Time to Time let them know I have received their Letters. The most effectual Way will be to publish some of them that are upon important Subjects; which I shall introduce with a Letter of my own that I writ a Fortnight ago to a Fraternity who thought fit to make me an honorary Member.
To the President and Fellows of the _Ugly Club_.
_May it please your Deformities_,
I have received the Notification of the Honour you have done me, in admitting me into your Society. I acknowledge my Want of Merit, and for that Reason shall endeavour at all Times to make up my own Failures, by introducing and recommending to the Club Persons of more undoubted Qualifications than I can pretend to. I shall next Week come down in the Stage-Coach, in order to take my Seat at the Board; and shall bring with me a Candidate of each Sex. The Persons I shall present to you, are an old Beau and a modern _Pict_. If they are not so eminently gifted by Nature as our Assembly expects, give me Leave to say their acquired Ugliness is greater than any that has ever appeared before you. The Beau has varied his Dress every Day of his Life for these thirty Years last past, and still added to the Deformity he was born with. The _Pict_ has still greater Merit towards us; and has, ever since she came to Years of Discretion, deserted the handsome Party, and taken all possible Pains to acquire the Face in which I shall present her to your Consideration and Favour.
I desire to know whether you admit People of Quality.
I am, Gentlemen,
Your most obliged
Humble Servant,
The SPECTATOR.
April 7.
Mr. SPECTATOR,
To shew you there are among us of the vain weak Sex, some that have Honesty and Fortitude enough to dare to be ugly, and willing to be thought so; I apply my self to you, to beg your Interest and Recommendation to the Ugly Club. If my own Word will not be taken, (tho’ in this Case a Woman’s may) I can bring credible Witness of my Qualifications for their Company, whether they insist upon Hair, Forehead, Eyes, Cheeks, or Chin; to which I must add, that I find it easier to lean to my left Side than my right. I hope I am in all respects agreeable: And for Humour and Mirth, I’ll keep up to the President himself. All the Favour I’ll pretend to is, that as I am the first Woman has appeared desirous of good Company and agreeable Conversation, I may take and keep the upper End of the Table. And indeed I think they want a Carver, which I can be after as ugly a Manner as they can wish. I desire your Thoughts of my Claim as soon as you can. Add to my Features the Length of my Face, which is full half Yard; tho’ I never knew the Reason of it till you gave one for the Shortness of yours. If I knew a Name ugly enough to belong to the above-described Face, I would feign one; but, to my unspeakable Misfortune, my Name is the only disagreeable Prettiness about me; so prithee make one for me that signifies all the Deformity in the World: You understand Latin, but be sure bring it in with my being in the Sincerity of my Heart,
_Your most frightful Admirer,
and Servant_,
Hecatissa.
Mr. SPECTATOR,
I Read your Discourse upon Affectation, and from the Remarks made in it examined my own Heart so strictly, that I thought I had found out its most secret Avenues, with a Resolution to be aware of you for the future. But alas! to my Sorrow I now understand, that I have several Follies which I do not know the Root of. I am an old Fellow, and extremely troubled with the Gout; but having always a strong Vanity towards being pleasing in the Eyes of Women, I never have a Moment’s Ease, but I am mounted in high-heel’d Shoes with a glased Wax-leather Instep. Two Days after a severe Fit I was invited to a Friend’s House in the City, where I believed I should see Ladies; and with my usual Complaisance crippled my self to wait upon them: A very sumptuous Table, agreeable Company, and kind Reception, were but so many importunate Additions to the Torment I was in. A Gentleman of the Family observed my Condition; and soon after the Queen’s Health, he, in the Presence of the whole Company, with his own Hand degraded me into an old Pair of his own Shoes. This operation, before fine Ladies, to me (who am by Nature a Coxcomb) was suffered with the same Reluctance as they admit the Help of Men in their greatest Extremity. The Return of Ease made me forgive the rough Obligation laid upon me, which at that time relieved my Body from a Distemper, and will my Mind for ever from a Folly. For the Charity received I return my Thanks this Way.
_Your most humble Servant.
Epping, April 18._
_SIR_,
We have your Papers here the Morning they come out, and we have been very well entertained with your last, upon the false Ornaments of Persons who represent Heroes in a Tragedy. What made your Speculation come very seasonably amongst us is, that we have now at this Place a Company of Strolers, who are very far from offending in the impertinent Splendor of the Drama. They are so far from falling into these false Gallantries, that the Stage is here in its Original Situation of a Cart. _Alexander_ the Great was acted by a Fellow in a Paper Cravat. The next Day, the Earl of Essex [1] seemed to have no Distress but his Poverty: And my Lord Foppington [2] the same Morning wanted any better means to shew himself a Fop, than by wearing Stockings of different Colours. In a Word, tho’ they have had a full Barn for many Days together, our Itinerants are still so wretchedly poor, that without you can prevail to send us the Furniture you forbid at the Play-house, the Heroes appear only like sturdy Beggars, and the Heroines Gipsies. We have had but one Part which was performed and dressed with Propriety, and that was Justice Clodpate: [3] This was so well done that it offended Mr. Justice Overdo; [4] who, in the midst of our whole Audience, was (like Quixote in the Puppet-Show) so highly provok’d, that he told them, If they would move compassion, it should be in their own Persons, and not in the Characters of distressed Princes and Potentates: He told them, If they were so good at finding the way to People’s Hearts, they should do it at the End of Bridges or Church-Porches, in their proper Vocation of Beggars. This, the Justice says, they must expect, since they could not be contented to act Heathen Warriors, and such Fellows as _Alexander_, but must presume to make a Mockery of one of the _Quorum_. Your Servant.
R.
[Footnote 1: In ‘The Unhappy Favourite’, or the Earl of Essex, a Tragedy of John Banks, first acted in 1682.]
[Footnote 2: Lord Foppington is in the Colley Cibber’s ‘Careless Husband’, first acted in 1794.]
[Footnote 3: Justice Clodpate is in the Shadwell’s ‘Epsons Wells’, first acted in 1676.]
[Footnote 4: Adam Overdo is the Justice of the Peace, who in Ben Jonson’s ‘Bartholomew Fair’ goes disguised ‘for the good of the Republic in the Fair and the weeding out of enormity.’]
* * * * *
No. 49. Thursday, April 26, 1711. Steele.
… Hominem pagina nostra sapit.
Mart.
It is very natural for a Man who is not turned for Mirthful Meetings of Men, or Assemblies of the fair Sex, to delight in that sort of Conversation which we find in Coffee-houses. Here a Man, of my Temper, is in his Element; for if he cannot talk, he can still be more agreeable to his Company, as well as pleased in himself, in being only an Hearer. It is a Secret known but to few, yet of no small use in the Conduct of Life, that when you fall into a Man’s Conversation, the first thing you should consider is, whether he has a greater Inclination to hear you, or that you should hear him. The latter is the more general Desire, and I know very able Flatterers that never speak a Word in Praise of the Persons from whom they obtain daily Favours, but still practise a skilful Attention to whatever is uttered by those with whom they converse. We are very Curious to observe the Behaviour of Great Men and their Clients; but the same Passions and Interests move Men in lower Spheres; and I (that have nothing else to do but make Observations) see in every Parish, Street, Lane, and Alley of this Populous City, a little Potentate that has his Court, and his Flatterers who lay Snares for his Affection and Favour, by the same Arts that are practised upon Men in higher Stations.
In the Place I most usually frequent, Men differ rather in the Time of Day in which they make a Figure, than in any real Greatness above one another. I, who am at the Coffee-house at Six in a Morning, know that my Friend _Beaver_ the Haberdasher has a Levy of more undissembled Friends and Admirers, than most of the Courtiers or Generals of _Great-Britain_. Every Man about him has, perhaps, a News-Paper in his Hand; but none can pretend to guess what Step will be taken in any one Court of _Europe_, ’till Mr. _Beaver_ has thrown down his Pipe, and declares what Measures the Allies must enter into upon this new Posture of Affairs. Our Coffee-house is near one of the Inns of Court, and _Beaver_ has the Audience and Admiration of his Neighbours from Six ’till within a Quarter of Eight, at which time he is interrupted by the Students of the House; some of whom are ready dress’d for _Westminster_, at Eight in a Morning, with Faces as busie as if they were retained in every Cause there; and others come in their Night-Gowns to saunter away their Time, as if they never designed to go thither. I do not know that I meet, in any of my Walks, Objects which move both my Spleen and Laughter so effectually, as these young Fellows at the _Grecian, Squire’s, Searle’s_, [1] and all other Coffee-houses adjacent to the Law, who rise early for no other purpose but to publish their Laziness. One would think these young _Virtuoso’s_ take a gay Cap and Slippers, with a Scarf and Party-coloured Gown, to be Ensigns of Dignity; for the vain Things approach each other with an Air, which shews they regard one another for their Vestments. I have observed, that the Superiority among these proceeds from an Opinion of Gallantry and Fashion: The Gentleman in the Strawberry Sash, who presides so much over the rest, has, it seems, subscribed to every Opera this last Winter, and is supposed to receive Favours from one of the Actresses.
When the Day grows too busie for these Gentlemen to enjoy any longer the Pleasures of their _Deshabile_, with any manner of Confidence, they give place to Men who have Business or good Sense in their Faces, and come to the Coffee-house either to transact Affairs or enjoy Conversation. The Persons to whose Behaviour and Discourse I have most regard, are such as are between these two sorts of Men: Such as have not Spirits too Active to be happy and well pleased in a private Condition, nor Complexions too warm to make them neglect the Duties and Relations of Life. Of these sort of Men consist the worthier Part of Mankind; of these are all good Fathers, generous Brothers, sincere Friends, and faithful Subjects. Their Entertainments are derived rather from Reason than Imagination: Which is the Cause that there is no Impatience or Instability in their Speech or Action. You see in their Countenances they are at home, and in quiet Possession of the present Instant, as it passes, without desiring to quicken it by gratifying any Passion, or prosecuting any new Design. These are the Men formed for Society, and those little Communities which we express by the Word _Neighbourhoods_.
The Coffee-house is the Place of Rendezvous to all that live near it, who are thus turned to relish calm and ordinary Life. _Eubulus_ presides over the middle Hours of the Day, when this Assembly of Men meet together. He enjoys a great Fortune handsomely, without launching into Expence; and exerts many noble and useful Qualities, without appearing in any publick Employment. His Wisdom and Knowledge are serviceable to all that think fit to make use of them; and he does the office of a Council, a Judge, an Executor, and a Friend to all his Acquaintance, not only without the Profits which attend such Offices, but also without the Deference and Homage which are usually paid to them. The giving of Thanks is displeasing to him. The greatest Gratitude you can shew him is to let him see you are the better Man for his Services; and that you are as ready to oblige others, as he is to oblige you.
In the private Exigencies of his Friends he lends, at legal Value, considerable Sums, which he might highly increase by rolling in the Publick Stocks. He does not consider in whose Hands his Mony will improve most, but where it will do most Good.
_Eubulus_ has so great an Authority in his little Diurnal Audience, that when he shakes his Head at any Piece of publick News, they all of them appear dejected; and on the contrary, go home to their Dinners with a good Stomach and cheerful Aspect, when _Eubulus_ seems to intimate that Things go well. Nay, their Veneration towards him is so great, that when they are in other Company they speak and act after him; are Wise in his Sentences, and are no sooner sat down at their own Tables, but they hope or fear, rejoice or despond as they saw him do at the Coffee-house. In a word, every Man is _Eubulus_ as soon as his Back is turned.
Having here given an Account of the several Reigns that succeed each other from Day-break till Dinner-time, I shall mention the Monarchs of the Afternoon on another Occasion, and shut up the whole Series of them with the History of _Tom_ the Tyrant; who, as first Minister of the Coffee-house, takes the Government upon him between the Hours of Eleven and Twelve at Night, and gives his Orders in the most Arbitrary manner to the Servants below him, as to the Disposition of Liquors, Coal and Cinders.
R.
[Footnote 1: The ‘Grecian’ (see note [Footnote 10 of No. 1], p. 7, ‘ante’,) was by the Temple; ‘Squire’s’, by Gray’s Inn; ‘Serle’s’, by Lincoln’s Inn. ‘Squire’s’, a roomy, red-brick house, adjoined the gate of Gray’s Inn, in Fulwood’s Rents, Holborn, then leading to Gray’s Inn Walks, which lay open to the country. Squire, the establisher of this coffee-house, died in 1717. ‘Serle’s’ was near Will’s, which stood at the corner of Serle Street and Portugal Street, Lincoln’s Inn.
* * * * *
No. 50. Friday, April 27, 1711. [1] Addison.
‘Nunquam aliud Natura, aliud Sapientia dixit.’
Juv.
When the four _Indian_ Kings were in this Country about a Twelvemonth ago, [2] I often mixed with the Rabble, and followed them a whole Day together, being wonderfully struck with the Sight of every thing that is new or uncommon. I have, since their Departure, employed a Friend to make many Inquiries of their Landlord the Upholsterer, relating to their Manners and Conversation, as also concerning the Remarks which they made in this Country: For, next to the forming a right Notion of such Strangers, I should be desirous of learning what Ideas they have conceived of us.
The Upholsterer finding my Friend very inquisitive about these his Lodgers, brought him some time since a little Bundle of Papers, which he assured him were written by King _Sa Ga Yean Qua Rash Tow_, and, as he supposes, left behind by some Mistake. These Papers are now translated, and contain abundance of very odd Observations, which I find this little Fraternity of Kings made during their Stay in the Isle of _Great Britain_. I shall present my Reader with a short Specimen of them in this Paper, and may perhaps communicate more to him hereafter. In the Article of _London_ are the following Words, which without doubt are meant of the Church of St. _Paul_.
‘On the most rising Part of the Town there stands a huge House, big enough to contain the whole Nation of which I am King. Our good Brother _E Tow O Koam_, King of the _Rivers_, is of opinion it was made by the Hands of that great God to whom it is consecrated. The Kings of _Granajah_ and of the _Six Nations_ believe that it was created with the Earth, and produced on the same Day with the Sun and Moon. But for my own Part, by the best Information that I could get of this Matter, I am apt to think that this prodigious Pile was fashioned into the Shape it now bears by several Tools and Instruments of which they have a wonderful Variety in this Country. It was probably at first an huge mis-shapen Rock that grew upon the Top of the Hill, which the Natives of the Country (after having cut it into a kind of regular Figure) bored and hollowed with incredible Pains and Industry, till they had wrought in it all those beautiful Vaults and Caverns into which it is divided at this Day. As soon as this Rock was thus curiously scooped to their Liking, a prodigious Number of Hands must have been employed in chipping the Outside of it, which is now as smooth as [the Surface of a Pebble; [3]] and is in several Places hewn out into Pillars that stand like the Trunks of so many Trees bound about the Top with Garlands of Leaves. It is probable that when this great Work was begun, which must have been many Hundred Years ago, there was some Religion among this People; for they give it the Name of a Temple, and have a Tradition that it was designed for Men to pay their Devotions in. And indeed, there are several Reasons which make us think that the Natives of this Country had formerly among them some sort of Worship; for they set apart every seventh Day as sacred: But upon my going into one of [these [4]] holy Houses on that Day, I could not observe any Circumstance of Devotion in their Behaviour: There was indeed a Man in Black who was mounted above the rest, and seemed to utter something with a great deal of Vehemence; but as for those underneath him, instead of paying their Worship to the Deity of the Place, they were most of them bowing and curtisying to one another, and a considerable Number of them fast asleep.
The Queen of the Country appointed two Men to attend us, that had enough of our Language to make themselves understood in some few Particulars. But we soon perceived these two were great Enemies to one another, and did not always agree in the same Story. We could make a Shift to gather out of one of them, that this Island was very much infested with a monstrous Kind of Animals, in the Shape of Men, called _Whigs;_ and he often told us, that he hoped we should meet with none of them in our Way, for that if we did, they would be apt to knock us down for being Kings.
Our other Interpreter used to talk very much of a kind of Animal called a _Tory_, that was as great a Monster as the _Whig_, and would treat us as ill for being Foreigners. These two Creatures, it seems, are born with a secret Antipathy to one another, and engage when they meet as naturally as the Elephant and the Rhinoceros. But as we saw none of either of these Species, we are apt to think that our Guides deceived us with Misrepresentations and Fictions, and amused us with an Account of such Monsters as are not really in their Country.
These Particulars we made a shift to pick out from the Discourse of our Interpreters; which we put together as well as we could, being able to understand but here and there a Word of what they said, and afterwards making up the Meaning of it among ourselves. The Men of the Country are very cunning and ingenious in handicraft Works; but withal so very idle, that we often saw young lusty raw-boned Fellows carried up and down the Streets in little covered Rooms by a Couple of Porters, who are hired for that Service. Their Dress is likewise very barbarous, for they almost strangle themselves about the Neck, and bind their Bodies with many Ligatures, that we are apt to think are the Occasion of several Distempers among them which our Country is entirely free from. Instead of those beautiful Feathers with which we adorn our Heads, they often buy up a monstrous Bush of Hair, which covers their Heads, and falls down in a large Fleece below the Middle of their Backs; with which they walk up and down the Streets, and are as proud of it as if it was of their own growth.
We were invited to one of their publick Diversions, where we hoped to have seen the great Men of their Country running down a Stag or pitching a Bar, that we might have discovered who were the [Persons of the greatest Abilities among them; [5]] but instead of that, they conveyed us into a huge Room lighted up with abundance of Candles, where this lazy People sat still above three Hours to see several Feats of Ingenuity performed by others, who it seems were paid for it.
As for the Women of the Country, not being able to talk with them, we could only make our Remarks upon them at a Distance. They let the Hair of their Heads grow to a great Length; but as the Men make a great Show with Heads of Hair that are not of their own, the Women, who they say have very fine Heads of Hair, tie it up in a Knot, and cover it from being seen. The Women look like Angels, and would be more beautiful than the Sun, were it not for little black Spots that are apt to break out in their Faces, and sometimes rise in very odd Figures. I have observed that those little Blemishes wear off very soon; but when they disappear in one Part of the Face, they are very apt to break out in another, insomuch that I have seen a Spot upon the Forehead in the Afternoon, which was upon the Chin in the Morning. [6]’
The Author then proceeds to shew the Absurdity of Breeches and Petticoats, with many other curious Observations, which I shall reserve for another Occasion. I cannot however conclude this Paper without taking notice, That amidst these wild Remarks there now and then appears something very reasonable. I cannot likewise forbear observing, That we are all guilty in some Measure of the same narrow way of Thinking, which we meet with in this Abstract of the _Indian_ Journal; when we fancy the Customs, Dress, and Manners of other Countries are ridiculous and extravagant, if they do not resemble those of our own.
C.
[Footnote 1: Swift writes to Stella, in his Journal, 28th April, 1711:
‘The SPECTATOR is written by Steele, with Addison’s help; ’tis often very pretty. Yesterday it was made of a noble hint I gave him long ago for his Tatlers, about an Indian, supposed to write his travels into England. I repent he ever had it. I intended to have written a book on that subject. I believe he has spent it all in one paper, and all the under hints there are mine too; but I never see him or Addison.’
The paper, it will be noticed, was not written by Steele.]
[Footnote 2: The four kings Te Yee Neen Ho Ga Prow, Sa Ga Yean Qua Rash Tow, E Tow O Koam, and Oh Nee Yeath Ton Now Prow, were chiefs of the Iroquois Indians who had been persuaded by adjacent British colonists to come and pay their respects to Queen Anne, and see for themselves the untruth of the assertion made among them by the Jesuits, that the English and all other nations were vassals to the French king. They were said also to have been told that the Saviour was born in France and crucified in England.]
[Footnote 3: polished Marble]
[Footnote 4: those]
[Footnote 5: Men of the greatest Perfections in their Country]
[Footnote 6: There was, among other fancies, a patch cut to the pattern of a coach and horses. Suckling, in verses ‘upon the Black Spots worn by my Lady D. E.,’ had called them her
… Mourning weeds for Hearts forlorn, Which, though you must not love, you could not scorn,]