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Washington Square Plays by Various

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HETTY. You don't know how you have made me suffer.

HARRIET [beginning to feel the strength of HETTY'S emotion surge
through her and trying to conquer it]. It is not my business to
have heartaches.

HETTY. You're bloodless. Nothing but sham -- sham -- while I ----

HARRIET [emotionally]. Be quiet! I can't let her see that I have
been fighting with my inner self.

HETTY. And now after all my suffering you say it has cost you
more than it has cost me to be married to Charles. But it's the
pain here in my heart -- I've paid the price -- I've paid ----
Charles is not your husband!

HARRIET [trying to conquer emotion]. He is.

HETTY [follows HARRIET]. He isn't.

HARRIET [weakly]. He is.

HETTY [towering over HARRIET]. He isn't! I'll kill you!

HARRIET [overpowered, sinks into a chair]. Don't -- don't --
you're stronger than I -- you're ----

HETTY. Say he's mine.

HARRIET. He's ours.

HETTY [the telephone rings]. There she is now.

[HETTY hurries to 'phone but HARRIET regains her supremacy.]

HARRIET [authoritatively]. Wait! I can't let the telephone girl
down there hear my real self. It isn't proper. [At 'phone.] Show
Mrs. Caldwell up.

HETTY. I'm so excited, my heart's in my mouth.

HARRIET [at the mirror]. A nice state you've put my nerves into.

HETTY. Don't let her see you're nervous.

HARRIET. *Quick, put the veil on, or she'll see you shining
through me. [HARRIET takes a scarf of chiffon that has been lying
over the back of a chair and drapes it on HETTY, covering her
face. The chiffon is the same color of their gowns but paler in
shade so that it pales HETTY'S darker gown to match HARRIET'S
lighter one. As HETTY moves in the following scene the chiffon
falls away revealing now and then the gown of deeper dye
underneath.]

------
* (The vaudeville production did not use Harriet's line about the
veil because at the rise of the curtain Hetty is already veiled
in chiffon the same dark green shade as her gown.)
------

HETTY. Tell her Charles is rich and fascinating -- boast of our
friends, make her feel she needs us.

HARRIET. I'll make her ask John to paint us.

HETTY. That's just my thought -- if John paints our portrait ----

HARRIET. We can wear an exquisite gown ----

HETTY. And make him fall in love again and ----

HARRIET [schemingly]. Yes.

[MARGARET parts the portieres back centre and extends her hand.
MARGARET is followed by her counterpart MAGGIE.] Oh, MARGARET,
I'm so glad to see you!

HETTY [to MAGGIE]. That's a lie.

MARGARET [in superficial voice throughout]. It's enchanting to
see you, Harriet.

MAGGIE [in emotional voice throughout]. I'd bite you, if I dared.

HARRIET [to MARGARET]. Wasn't our meeting a stroke of luck?

MARGARET [coming down left of table]. I've thought of you so
often, HARRIET; and to come back and find you living in New York.

HARRIET [coming down right of table]. Mr. Goodrich has many
interests here.

MAGGIE [to MARGARET]. Flatter her.

MARGARET. I know, Mr. Goodrich is so successful.

HETTY [to HARRIET]. Tell her we're rich.

HARRIET [to MARGARET]. Won't you sit down?

MARGARET [takes a chair]. What a beautiful cabinet!*

------
*What beautiful lamps! (In vaudeville production.)
-----

HARRIET. Do you like it? I'm afraid Charles paid an extravagant
price.

MAGGIE [to HETTY]. I don't believe it.

MARGARET [sitting down. To HARRIET]. I am sure he must have.

HARRIET [sitting down]. How well you are looking, Margaret.

HETTY. Yes, you are not. There are circles under your eyes.

MAGGIE [to HETTY]. I haven't eaten since breakfast and I'm
hungry.

MARGARET [to HARRIET]. How well you are looking, too.

MAGGIE [to HETTY]. You have hard lines about your lips, are you
happy?

HETTY [to HARRIET]. Don't let her know that I'm unhappy.

HARRIET [to MARGARET]. Why shouldn't I look well? My life is
full, happy, complete ----

MAGGIE. I wonder.

HETTY [in HARRIET'S ear]. Tell her we have an automobile.

MARGARET [to HARRIET]. My life is complete, too.

MAGGIE. My heart is torn with sorrow; my husband cannot make a
living. He will kill himself if he does not get an order for a
painting.

MARGARET [laughs]. You must come and see us in our studio. John
has been doing some excellent portraits. He cannot begin to fill
his orders.

HETTY [to HARRIET]. Tell her we have an automobile.

HARRIET [to MARGARET]. Do you take lemon in your tea?

MAGGIE. Take cream. It's more filling.

MARGARET [looking nonchalantly at tea things]. No, cream, if you
please. How cozy!

MAGGIE [glaring at tea things]. Only cakes! I could eat them all!

HARRIET [to MARGARET]. How many lumps?

MAGGIE [to MARGARET]. Sugar is nourishing.

MARGARET [to HARRIET], Three, please. I used to drink very sweet
coffee in Turkey and ever since I've ----

HETTY. I don't believe you were ever in Turkey.

MAGGIE. I wasn't, but it is none of your business.

HARRIET [pouring tea]. Have you been in Turkey, do tell me about
it.

MAGGIE [to MARGARET]. Change the subject.

MARGARET [to HARRIET]. You must go there. You have so much taste
in dress you would enjoy seeing their costumes.

MAGGIE. Isn't she going to pass the cake?

MARGARET [to HARRIET]. John painted several portraits there.

HETTY [to HARRIET]. Why don't you stop her bragging and tell her
we have an automobile?

HARRIET [offers cake across the table to MARGARET]. Cake?

MAGGIE [stands back of MARGARET, shadowing her as HETTY shadows
HARRIET. MAGGIE reaches claws out for the cake and groans with
joy]. At last! [But her claws do not touch the cake.]

MARGARET [with a graceful, nonchalant hand places cake upon her
plate and bites at it slowly and delicately]. Thank you.

HETTY [to HARRIET]. Automobile!

MAGGIE [to MARGARET]. Follow up the costumes with the suggestion
that she would make a good model for John. It isn't too early to
begin getting what you came for.

MARGARET [ignoring MAGGIE]. What delicious cake.

HETTY [excitedly to HARRIET]. There's your chance for the auto.

HARRIET [nonchalantly to MARGARET]. Yes, it is good cake, isn't
it? There are always a great many people buying it at Harper's. I
sat in my automobile fifteen minutes this morning waiting for my
chauffeur to get it.

MAGGIE [to MARGARET]. Make her order a portrait.

MARGARET [to HARRIET]. If you stopped at Harper's you must have
noticed the new gowns at Henderson's. Aren't the shop windows
alluring these days?

HARRIET. Even my chauffeur notices them.

MAGGIE. I know you have an automobile, I heard you the first
time.

MARGARET. I notice gowns now with an artist's eye as John does.
The one you have on, my dear, is very paintable.

HETTY. Don't let her see you're anxious to be painted.

HARRIET [nonchalantly]. Oh, it's just a little model.

MAGGIE [to MARGARET]. Don't seem anxious to get the order.

MARGARET [nonchalantly]. Perhaps it isn't the gown itself but the
way you wear it that pleases the eye. Some people can wear
anything with grace.

HETTY. Yes, I'm very graceful.

HARRIET [to MARGARET]. You flatter me, my dear.

MARGARET. On the contrary, Harriet, I have an intense admiration
for you. I remember how beautiful you were -- as a girl. In fact,
I was quite jealous when John was paying you so much attention.

HETTY. She is gloating because I lost him.

HARRIET. Those were childhood days in a country town.

MAGGIE [to MARGARET]. She's trying to make you feel that John was
only a country boy.

MARGARET. Most great men have come from the country. There is a
fair chance that John will be added to the list.

HETTY. I know it and I am bitterly jealous of you.

HARRIET. Undoubtedly he owes much of his success to you,
Margaret, your experience in economy and your ability to endure
hardship. Those first few years in Paris must have been a
struggle.

MAGGIE. She is sneering at your poverty.

MARGARET. Yes, we did find life difficult at first, not the
luxurious start a girl has who marries wealth.

HETTY [to HARRIET]. Deny that you married Charles for his money.
[HARRIET deems it wise to ignore HETTY'S advice.]

MARGARET. But John and I are so congenial in our tastes, that we
were impervious to hardship or unhappiness.

HETTY [in anguish]. Do you love each other? Is it really true?

HARRIET [sweetly]. Did you have all the romance of starving for
his art?

MAGGIE [to MARGARET]. She's taunting you. Get even with her.

MARGARET. Not for long. Prince Rier soon discovered John's
genius, and introduced him royally to wealthy Parisians who gave
him many orders.

HETTY [to MAGGIE]. Are you telling the truth or are you lying?

HARRIET. If he had so many opportunities there, you must have had
great inducements to come back to the States.

MAGGIE [to HETTY]. We did, but not the kind you think.

MARGARET. John became the rage among Americans travelling in
France, too, and they simply insisted upon his coming here.

HARRIET. Whom is he going to paint here?

MAGGIE [frightened]. What names dare I make up?

MARGARET [calmly]. Just at present Miss Dorothy Ainsworth of
Oregon is posing. You may not know the name, but she is the
daughter of a wealthy miner who found gold in Alaska.

HARRIET. I dare say there are many Western people we have never
heard of.

MARGARET. You must have found social life in New York very
interesting, Harriet, after the simplicity of our home town.

HETTY [to MAGGIE]. There's no need to remind us that our
beginnings were the same.

HARRIET. Of course Charles's family made everything delightful
for me. They are so well connected.

MAGGIE [to MARGARET]. Flatter her.

MARGARET. I heard it mentioned yesterday that you had made
yourself very popular. Some one said you were very clever!

HARRIET [pleased]. Who told you that?

MAGGIE. Nobody!

MARGARET [pleasantly]. Oh, confidences should be suspected --
respected, I mean. They said, too, that you are gaining some
reputation as a critic of art.

HARRIET. I make no pretenses.

MARGARET. Are you and Mr. Goodrich interested in the same things,
too?

HETTY. No!

HARRIET. Yes, indeed, Charles and I are inseparable.

MAGGIE. I wonder.

HARRIET. Do have another cake.

MAGGIE [in relief]. Oh, yes.
[Again her claws extend but do not touch the cake.]

MARGARET [takes cake delicately]. I really shouldn't -- after my
big luncheon. John took me to the Ritz and we are invited to the
Bedfords' for dinner -- they have such a magnificent house near
the drive -- I really shouldn't, but the cakes are so good.

MAGGIE. Starving!

HARRIET [to MARGARET]. More tea?

MAGGIE. Yes!

MARGARET. No, thank you. How wonderfully life has arranged itself
for you. Wealth, position, a happy marriage, every opportunity
to enjoy all pleasures; beauty, art -- how happy you must be.

HETTY [in anguish]. Don't call me happy. I've never been happy
since I gave up John. All these years without him -- a future
without him -- no -- no -- I shall win him back -- away from you
-- away from you ----

HARRIET [does not see MAGGIE pointing to cream and MARGARET
stealing some]. I sometimes think it is unfair for any one to be
as happy as I am. Charles and I are just as much in love now as
when we married. To me he is just the dearest man in the world.

MAGGIE [passionately]. My John is. I love him so much I could die
for him. I'm going through hunger and want to make him great and
he loves me. He worships me!

MARGARET [leisurely to HARRIET]. I should like to meet Mr.
Goodrich. Bring him to our studio. John has some sketches to
show. Not many, because all the portraits have been purchased by
the subjects. He gets as much as four thousand dollars now.

HETTY [to HARRIET]. Don't pay that much.

HARRIET [to MARGARET]. As much as that?

MARGARET. It is not really too much when one considers that John
is in the foremost rank of artists to-day. A picture painted by
him now will double and treble in value.

MAGGIE. It's all a lie. He is growing weak with despair.

HARRIET. Does he paint all day long?

MAGGIE. No, he draws advertisements for our bread.

MARGARET [to HARRIET]. When you and your husband come to see us,
telephone first ----

MAGGIE. Yes, so he can get the advertisements out of the way.

MARGARET. Otherwise you might arrive while he has a sitter, and
John refuses to let me disturb him then.

HETTY. Make her ask for an order.

HARRIET [to MARGARET]. Le Grange offered to paint me for a
thousand.

MARGARET. Louis Le Grange's reputation isn't worth more than
that.

HARRIET. Well, I've heard his work well mentioned.

MAGGIE. Yes, he is doing splendid work.

MARGARET. Oh, dear me, no. He is only praised by the masses. He
is accepted not at all by artists themselves.

HETTY [anxiously]. Must I really pay the full price?

HARRIET. Le Grange thought I would make a good subject.

MAGGIE [to MARGARET]. Let her fish for it.

MARGARET. Of course you would. Why don't you let Le Grange paint
you, if you trust him?

HETTY. She doesn't seem anxious to have John do it.

HARRIET. But if Le Grange isn't accepted by artists, it would be
a waste of time to pose for him, wouldn't it?

MARGARET. Yes, I think it would.

MAGGIE [passionately to HETTY across back of table]. Give us the
order. John is so despondent he can't endure much longer. Help
us! Help me! Save us!

HETTY [to HARRIET]. Don't seem too eager.

HARRIET. And yet if he charges only a thousand one might consider
it.

MARGARET. If you really wish to be painted, why don't you give a
little more and have a portrait really worth while? John might be
induced to do you for a little below his usual price considering
that you used to be such good friends.

HETTY [in glee]. Hurrah!

HARRIET [quietly to MARGARET]. That's very nice of you to suggest
-- of course I don't know ----

MAGGIE [in fear]. For God's sake, say yes.

MARGARET [quietly to HARRIET]. Of course, I don't know whether
John would. He is very peculiar in these matters. He sets his
value on his work and thinks it beneath him to discuss price.

HETTY [to MAGGIE]. You needn't try to make us feel small.

MARGARET. Still, I might quite delicately mention to him that
inasmuch as you have many influential friends you would be very
glad to -- to ----

MAGGIE [to HETTY]. Finish what I don't want to say.

HETTY [to HARRIET]. Help her out.

HARRIET. Oh, yes, introductions will follow the exhibition of my
portrait. No doubt I ----

HETTY [to HARRIET]. Be patronizing.

HARRIET. No doubt I shall be able to introduce your husband to
his advantage.

MAGGIE [relieved]. Saved.

MARGARET. If I find John in a propitious mood I shall take
pleasure, for your sake, in telling him about your beauty. Just
as you are sitting now would be a lovely pose.

MAGGIE [to MARGARET]. We can go now.

HETTY [to HARRIET]. Don't let her think she is doing us a favor.

HARRIET. It will give me pleasure to add my name to your
husband's list of patronesses.

MAGGIE [excitedly to MARGARET]. Run home and tell John the good
news.

MARGARET [leisurely to HARRIET]. I little guessed when I came for
a pleasant chat about old times that it would develop into
business arrangements. I had no idea, Harriet, that you had any
intention of being painted. By Le Grange, too. Well, I came just
in time to rescue you.

MAGGIE [to MARGARET]. Run home and tell John. Hurry, hurry!

HETTY [to HARRIET]. You managed the order very neatly. She
doesn't suspect that you wanted it.

HARRIET. Now if I am not satisfied with my portrait I shall blame
you, Margaret, dear. I am relying upon your opinion of John's
talent.

MAGGIE [to MARGARET]. She doesn't suspect what you came for. Run
home and tell John!

HARRIET. You always had a brilliant mind, Margaret.

MARGARET. Ah, it is you who flatter, now.

MAGGIE [to MARGARET]. You don't have to stay so long. Hurry home!

HARRIET. Ah, one does not flatter when one tells the truth.

MARGARET [smiles]. I must be going or you will have me completely
under your spell.

HETTY [looks at clock]. Yes, do go. I have to dress for dinner.

HARRIET [to MARGARET]. Oh, don't hurry.

MAGGIE [to HETTY]. I hate you!

MARGARET [to HARRIET]. No, really I must, but I hope we shall see
each other often at the studio. I find you so stimulating.

HETTY [to MAGGIE]. I hate you!

HARRIET [to MARGARET]. It is indeed gratifying to find a kindred
spirit.

MAGGIE [to HETTY]. I came for your gold.

MARGARET [to HARRIET]. How delightful it is to know you again.

HETTY [to MAGGIE]. I am going to make you and your husband
suffer.

HARRIET. My kind regards to John.

MAGGIE [to HETTY]. He has forgotten all about you.

MARGARET [rises]. He will be so happy to receive them.

HETTY [to MAGGIE]. I can hardly wait to talk to him again.

HARRIET. I shall wait, then, until you send me word?

MARGARET [offering her hand]. I'll speak to John about it as soon
as I can and tell you when to come.

[HARRIET takes MARGARET'S hand affectionately. HETTY and MAGGIE
rush at each other, throw back their veils, and fling their
speeches fiercely at each other.]

HETTY. I love him -- I love him ----

MAGGIE. He's starving -- I'm starving ----

HETTY. I'm going to take him away from you ----

MAGGIE. I want your money -- and your influence.

HETTY and MAGGIE. I'm going to rob you -- rob you.

[There is a cymbal crash, the lights go out and come up again
slowly, leaving only MARGARET and HARRIET visible.]

MARGARET [quietly to HARRIET]. I've had such a delightful
afternoon.

HARRIET [offering her hand]. It has been a joy to see you.

MARGARET [sweetly to HARRIET]. Good-bye.

HARRIET [sweetly to MARGARET as she kisses her].
Good-bye, my dear.

Curtain.

IV. HELENA'S HUSBAND
An Historical Comedy by PHILIP MOELLER

Copyright, 1915, by Philip Moeller

"Helena's Husband" was produced by the Washington Square Players,
under the direction of Philip Moeller, at the Bandbox Theatre,
New York City, beginning October 4, 1915.

In the cast, in the order of their appearance, were the
following:

HELENA, Queen of Sparta . . Noel Haddon
TSUMU, her slave . . . . Helen Westley
MENELAUS, the King . . . Frank Conroy
ANALYTIKOS, his librarian . . Walter Frankl
PARIS, a shepherd . . . . Harold Meltzer
The scene was designed by Paul T. Frankl and
the costumes by Robert Locker.

"Helena's Husband" was subsequently revived by the Washington
Square Players at the Comedy Theatre, New York City, beginning
June 5, 1916, with Margaret Mower playing the part of Helen.

CHARACTERS

HELENA, the Queen
TSUMU, a black woman, slave to Helena
MENELAUS, the King
ANALYTIKOS, the King's librarian
PARIS, a shepherd

SCENE: Is that archeolological mystery, a Greek interior. A door
on the right leads to the KING'S library, one on the left to the
apartments of the QUEEN. Back right is the main entrance leading
to the palace. Next this, running the full length of the wall, is
a window with a platform, built out over the main court. Beyond
is a view of hills bright with lemon groves, and in the far
distance shimmers the sea. On the wall near the QUEEN'S room
hangs an old shield rusty with disuse. A bust of Zeus stands on a
pedestal against the right wall. There are low coffers about
the room from which hang the ends of vivid colored robes. The
scene is bathed in intense sunlight.

TSUMU is massaging the QUEEN.

HELENA. There's no doubt about it.

TSUMU. Analytikos says there is much doubt about all things.

HELENA. Never mind what he says. I envy you your complexion.

TSUMU [falling prostrate before HELENA]. Whom the Queen envies
should beware.

HELENA [annoyed]. Get up, Tsumu. You make me nervous tumbling
about like that.

TSUMU [still on the floor]. Why does the great Queen envy Tsumu?

HELENA. Get up, you silly. [She kicks her.] I envy you because
you can run about and never worry about getting sunburnt.

TSUMU [on her knees]. The radiant beauty of the Queen is
unspoilable.

HELENA. That's just what's worrying me, Tsumu. When beauty is so
perfect the slightest jar may mean a jolt. [She goes over and
looks at her reflection in the shield.] I can't see myself as
well as I would like to. The King's shield is tarnished. Menelaus
has been too long out of battle.

TSUMU [handing her a hand mirror]. The Gods will keep Sparta free
from strife.

HELENA. I'll have you beaten if you assume that prophetic tone
with me. There's one thing I can't stand, and that's a know-all.
[Flinging the hand mirror to the floor.]

TSUMU [in alarm]. Gods grant you haven't bent it.

HELENA. These little mirrors are useless. His shield is the only
thing in which I can see myself full-length. If he only went to
war, he'd have to have it cleaned.

TSUMU [putting the mirror on a table near the QUEEN]. The King is
a lover of peace.

HELENA. The King is a lover of comfort. Have you noticed that he
spends more time than he used to in the library?

TSUMU. He is busy with questions of State.

HELENA. You know perfectly well that when anything's the matter
with the Government it's always straightened out at the other end
of the palace. Finish my shoulder. [She examines her arm.] I
doubt if there is a finer skin than this in Sparta.

[TSUMU begins to massage the QUEEN'S shoulder.]

HELENA [taking up a mirror]. That touch of deep carmine right
here in the centre of my lips was quite an idea.

TSUMU [busily pounding the QUEEN]. An inspiration of the Gods!

HELENA. The Gods have nothing to do with it. I copied it from a
low woman I saw at the circus. I can't understand how these bad
women have such good ideas. [HELENA twists about.]

TSUMU. If your majesty doesn't sit still, I may pinch you.

HELENA [boxing her ears]. None of your tricks, you ebony fiend!

TSUMU [crouching]. Descendant of paradise, forgive me.

HELENA. If you bruise my perfect flesh, the King will kill you.
My beauty is his religion. He can sit for hours, as if at prayer,
just examining the arch of my foot. Tsumu, you may kiss my foot.

TSUMU [prostrate]. May the Gods make me worthy of your kindness!

HELENA. That's enough. Tsumu, are you married?

TSUMU [getting up]. I've been so busy having babies I never had
time to get married.

HELENA. It's a great disillusionment.

TSUMU [aghast]. What!

HELENA. I'm not complaining. Moo Moo is the best of husbands, but
sometimes being adored too much is trying. [She sighs deeply.] I
think I'll wear my heliotrope this afternoon.

[A trumpet sounds below in the courtyard. TSUMU goes to the
window.]

TSUMU. They are changing the guards at the gates of the palace.
It's almost time for your bath. [She begins scraping the massage
ointment back into the box.]

HELENA. You're as careful with that ointment as Moo Moo is with
me.

TSUMU. Precious things need precious guarding.

HELENA. It's very short-sighted on Moo Moo's part to send
everybody to the galleys who dares lift a head when I pass by --
and all those nice-looking soldiers! Why -- the only men I ever
see besides Moo Moo are Analytikos and a lot of useless eunuchs.

TSUMU. Oh, those eunuchs!

HELENA [as she sits dreaming]. I wish, I wish ---- [She stops
short.]

TSUMU. You have but to speak your desire to the King.

HELENA [shocked]. Tsumu! How can you think of such a thing? I'm
not a bad woman.

TSUMU. He would die for you.

HELENA [relieved]. Ah! Do you think so, Tsumu?

TSUMU. All Sparta knows that His Majesty is a lover of peace, and
yet he would rush into battle to save you.

HELENA. I should love to have men fighting for me.

TSUMU [in high alarm]. May Zeus turn a deaf ear to your voice.

HELENA. Don't be impertinent, Tsumu. I've got to have some sort
of amusement.

TSUMU. You've only to wait till next week, and you can see
another of the priestesses sacrificed to Diana.

HELENA. That doesn't interest me any longer. The girls are
positively beginning to like it. No! My mind is set on war.

TSUMU [terrified]. I have five fathers of my children to lose.

HELENA. War, or -- or ----

TSUMU [hopefully]. Have I been so long your slave that I no
longer know your wish?

HELENA [very simply]. Well, I should like to have a lover.

TSUMU [springs up and rushes over in horror to draw the curtains
across the door to the library. All of a tremble]. Gods grant
they didn't hear you.

HELENA. Don't be alarmed, Tsumu. Analytikos is over eighty.
[She bursts into a loud peal of laughter and MENELAUS rushes into
the room.]

MENELAUS [in high irritation]. I wish you wouldn't make so much
noise in here. A King might at least expect quiet in his own
palace.

HELENA. Tsumu, see if my bath is ready. [TSUMU exits.]
You used not speak like that to me, Moo Moo.

MENELAUS [in a temper]. How many times must I tell you that my
name is Menelaus and that it isn't "Moo Moo?"

HELENA [sweetly]. I'll never do it again, Moo Moo. [She giggles.]

MENELAUS. Your laugh gets on my nerves. It's louder than it used
to be.

HELENA. If you wish it, I'll never, never laugh again.

MENELAUS. You've promised that too often.

HELENA [sadly]. Things are not as they used to be.

MENELAUS. Are you going to start that again?

HELENA [with a tinge of melancholy]. I suppose you'd like me to
be still and sad.

MENELAUS [bitterly]. Is it too much to hope that you might be
still and happy?

HELENA [speaking very quickly and tragically]. Don't treat me
cruelly, Moo Moo. You don't understand me. No man ever really
understands a woman. There are terrible depths to my nature.
I had a long talk with Dr. Aesculapius only last week, and he
told me I'm too introspective. It's the curse of us emotional
women. I'm really quite worried, but much you care, much you
care. [A note of tears comes into her voice.] I'm sure you don't
love me any more, Moo Moo. No! No! Don't answer me! If you did
you couldn't speak to me the way you do. I've never wronged you
in deed or in thought. No, never -- never. I've given up my hopes
and aspirations, because I knew you wanted me around you. And
now, NOW ---- [She can contain the tears no longer.] Because I
have neglected my beauty and because I am old and ugly, you
regret that Ulysses or Agamemnon didn't marry me when you all
wanted me, and I know you curse the day you ever saw me. [She is
breathless.]

MENELAUS [fuming]. Well! Have you done?

HELENA. No. I could say a great deal more, but I'm not a
talkative woman.

[ANALYTIKOS comes in from the library.]

ANALYTIKOS. Your Majesty, are we to read no longer to-day?

HELENA. I have something to say to the King. [ANALYTIKOS goes
toward the library. MENELAUS anxiously stops him.]

MENELAUS. No. Stay here. You are a wise man and will understand
the wisdom of the Queen.

ANALYTIKOS [bowing to HELENA]. Helena is wise as she is
beautiful.

MENELAUS. She is attempting to prove to me in a thousand words
that she's a silent woman.

ANALYTIKOS. Women are seldom silent. [HELENA resents this.] Their
beauty is forever speaking for them.

HELENA. The years have, indeed, taught you wisdom.
[TSUMU enters.]

TSUMU. The almond water awaits Your Majesty.

HELENA. I hope you haven't forgotten the chiropodist.

TSUMU. He has been commanded but he's always late. He's so busy.

HELENA [in a purring tone to MENELAUS]. Moo Moo.

[MENELAUS, bored, turns away.]

HELENA [to TSUMU]. I think after all I'll wear my Sicily blue.

[She and TSUMU go into the QUEEN'S apartment.]

ANALYTIKOS. Shall we go back to the library?

MENELAUS. My mind is unhinged again -- that woman with her
endless protestations.

ANALYTIKOS. I am sorry the poets no longer divert you.

MENELAUS. A little poetry is always too much.

ANALYTIKOS. To-morrow we will try the historians.

MENELAUS. No! Not the historians. I want the truth for a change.

ANALYTIKOS. The truth!

MENELAUS. Where in books can I find escape from the grim reality
of being hitched for life to such a wife? Bah!

ANALYTIKOS. Philosophy teaches ----

MENELAUS. Why have the Gods made woman necessary to man, and made
them fools?

ANALYTIKOS. For seventy years I have been resolving the problem
of woman and even at my age ----

MENELAUS. Give it up, old man. The answer is -- don't.

ANALYTIKOS. Such endless variety, and yet ----

MENELAUS [with the conviction of finality]. There are only two
sorts of women! Those who are failures and those who realize it.

ANALYTIKOS. Is not Penelope, the model wife of your cousin
Ulysses, an exception?

MENELAUS. Duty is the refuge of the unbeautiful. She is as
commonplace as she is ugly. [And then with deep bitterness.] Why
didn't he marry Helen when we all wanted her? He was too wise
for that. He is the only man I've ever known who seems able to
direct destiny.

ANALYTIKOS. You should not blame the Gods for a lack of will.

MENELAUS [shouting]. Will! Heaven knows I do not lack the will to
rid myself of this painted puppet, but where is the instrument
ready to my hand?

[At this moment a SHEPHERD of Apollonian beauty leaps across the
rail of the balcony and bounds into the room. MENELAUS and
ANALYTIKOS start back in amazement.]

ANALYTIKOS. Who are you?

PARIS. An adventurer.

ANALYTIKOS. Then you have reached the end of your story. In a
moment you will die.

PARIS. I have no faith in prophets.

ANALYTIKOS. The soldiers of the King will give you faith. Don't
you know that it means death for any man to enter the apartments
of the Queen?

PARIS [looking from one to the other]. Oh! So you're a couple of
eunuchs.

[Though nearly eighty this is too much for ANALYTIKOS to bear. He
rushes to call the guards, but MENELAUS stops him.]

PARIS [to ANALYTIKOS]. Thanks.

ANALYTIKOS. You thank me for telling you your doom?

PARIS. No -- for convincing me that I'm where I want to be. It's
taken me a long while, but I knew I'd get here. [And then very
intimately to MENELAUS.] Where's the Queen?

MENELAUS. Where do you come from?

PARIS. From the hills. I had come down into the market-place to
sell my sheep. I had my hood filled with apples. They were
golden-red like a thousand sunsets.

MENELAUS [annoyed]. You might skip those bucolic details.

PARIS. At the fair I met three ancient gypsies.

MENELAUS. What have they to do with you coming here?

PARIS. You don't seem very patient. Can't I tell my story in my
own way? They asked me for the apple I was eating and I asked
them what they'd give for it.

MENELAUS. I'm not interested in market quotations.

PARIS. You take everything so literally. I'm sure you're easily
bored.

MENELAUS [with meaning]. I am.

PARIS [going on cheerfully]. The first was to give me all the
money she could beg, and the second was to tell me all the truth
she could learn by listening, and the third promised me a pretty
girl. So I chose ---- [He hesitates.]

ANALYTIKOS. You cannot escape by spinning out your tale.

PARIS. Death is the end of one story and the beginning of
another.

MENELAUS. Well! Well! Come to the point. Which did you choose?

PARIS [smiling]. Well, you see I'd been in the hills for a long
while, so I picked the girl.

ANALYTIKOS. It would have been better for you if you had chosen
wisdom.

PARIS. I knew you'd say that.

ANALYTIKOS. I have spoken truly. In a moment you will die.

PARIS. It is because the old have forgotten life that they preach
wisdom.

MENELAUS. So you chose the girl? Well, go on.

PARIS. This made the other cronies angry, and when I tossed her
the apple one of the others yelped at me: "You may as well seek
the Queen of Sparta: she is the fairest of women." And as I
turned away I heard their laughter, but the words had set my
heart aflame and though it costs me my life, I'll follow the
adventure.

ANALYTIKOS [scandalized]. Haven't we heard enough of this?

MENELAUS [deeply]. No! I want to hear how the story ends. It may
amuse the King. [He makes a sign to ANALYTIKOS.]

PARIS. And on the ship at night I looked long at the stars and
dreamed of possessing Helen. [ANALYTIKOS makes an involuntary
movement toward the balcony but MENELAUS stops him.] Desire has
been my guiding Mercury; the Fates are with me, and here I am!

ANALYTIKOS. The wrath of the King will show you no mercy.

PARIS [nonchalantly]. I'm not afraid of the King. He's fat, and
-- a fool.

ANALYTIKOS. Shall I call the guards?
[MENELAUS stops him.]

MENELAUS [very significantly]. So you would give your life for a
glimpse of the Queen?

PARIS [swiftly]. Yes! My immortal soul, and if the fables tell
the truth, the sight will be worth the forfeit.

MENELAUS [suddenly jumping up]. It shall be as you wish!

PARIS [buoyantly]. Venus has smiled on me.

MENELAUS. In there beyond the library you will find a room with a
bath. Wait there till I call you.

PARIS. Is this some trick to catch me?

MENELAUS. A Spartan cannot lie.

PARIS. What will happen to you if the King hears of this?

MENELAUS. I will answer for the king. Go.

[PARIS exits into the library.]

ANALYTIKOS [rubbing his hands]. Shall I order the boiling oil?

MENELAUS [surprised]. Oil?

ANALYTIKOS. Now that he is being cleaned for the sacrifice.

MENELAUS. His torture will be greater than being boiled alive.

ANALYTIKOS [eagerly]. You'll have him hurled from the walls of
the palace to a forest of waiting spears below?

MENELAUS. None is so blind as he who sees too much.

ANALYTIKOS. Your Majesty is subtle in his cruelty.

MENELAUS. Haven't the years taught you the cheapness of revenge?

ANALYTIKOS [mystified]. You do not intend to alter destiny.

MENELAUS. Never before has destiny been so clear to me.

ANALYTIKOS. Then the boy must die.

MENELAUS [with slow determination]. No! He has been sent by the
Gods to save me!

ANALYTIKOS. Your majesty! [He is trembling with apprehension.]

MENELAUS [with unbudgeable conviction]. Helena must elope with
him!

ANALYTIKOS [falling into a seat]. Ye Gods!

MENELAUS [quickly]. I couldn't divorce the Queen. That would set
a bad example.

ANALYTIKOS. Yes, very.

MENELAUS. I couldn't desert her. That would be beneath my honor.

ANALYTIKOS [deeply]. Was there no other way?

MENELAUS [pompously]. The King can do no wrong, and besides I
hate the smell of blood. Are you a prophet as well as a scholar?
Will she go?

ANALYTIKOS. To-night I will read the stars.

MENELAUS [meaningfully]. By to-night I'll not need you to tell
me. [ANALYTIKOS sits deep in thought.] Well?

ANALYTIKOS. Ethics cite no precedent.

MENELAUS. Do you mean to say I'm not justified?

ANALYTIKOS [cogitating]. Who can establish the punctilious ratio
between necessity and desire?

MENELAUS [beginning to fume]. This is no time for language. Just
put yourself in my place.

ANALYTIKOS. Being you, how can I judge as I?

MENELAUS [losing control]. May you choke on your dialectics! Zeus
himself could have stood it no longer.

ANALYTIKOS. Have you given her soul a chance to grow?

MENELAUS. Her soul, indeed! It's shut in her rouge pot. [He has
been strutting about. Suddenly he sits down crushing a roll of
papyrus. He takes it up and in utter disgust reads.] "The perfect
hip, its development and permanence." Bah! [He flings it to the
floor.] I've done what I had to do, and Gods grant the bait may
be sweet enough to catch the Queen.

ANALYTIKOS. If you had diverted yourself with a war or two you
might have forgotten your troubles at home.

MENELAUS [frightened]. I detest dissension of any kind -- my
dream was perpetual peace in comfortable domesticity with a
womanly woman to warm my sandals.

ANALYTIKOS. Is not the Queen ----?

MENELAUS. No! No! The whole world is but her mirror. And I'm
expected to face that woman every morning at breakfast for the
rest of my life, and by Venus that's more than even a King can
bear!

ANALYTIKOS. Even a King cannot alter destiny. I warn you, whom
the Gods have joined together ----

MENELAUS [in an outburst]. Is for man to break asunder!

ANALYTIKOS [deeply shocked]. You talk like an atheist.

MENELAUS. I never allow religion to interfere with life. Go call
the victim and see that he be left alone with the Queen.
[MENELAUS exits and ANALYTIKOS goes over to the door of the
library and summons PARIS, who enters clad in a gorgeous robe.]

PARIS. I found this in there. It looks rather well, doesn't it?
Ah! So you're alone. I suppose that stupid friend of yours has
gone to tell the King. When do I see the Queen?

ANALYTIKOS. At once. [He goes to the door of the QUEEN'S
apartment and claps his hand. TSUMU enters and at the sight of
her PARIS recoils the full length of the room.]

PARIS. I thought the Queen was a blonde!

ANALYTIKOS. Tell Her Majesty a stranger awaits her here. [TSUMU
exits, her eyes wide on PARIS.] You should thank the Gods for
this moment.

PARIS [his eyes on the door]. You do it for me. I can never
remember all their names.

[HELENA enters clad in her Sicily blue, crowned with a garland of
golden flowers. She and PARIS stand riveted, looking at each
other. Their attitude might be described as fatalistic.
ANALYTIKOS watches them for a moment and then with hands and head
lifted to heaven he goes into the library.]

PARIS [quivering with emotion]. I have the most strange sensation
of having seen you before. Something I can't explain ----

HELENA [quite practically]. Please don't bother about all sorts
of fine distinctions. Under the influence of Analytikos and my
husband, life has become a mess of indecision. I'm a simple,
direct woman and I expect you to say just what you think.

PARIS. Do you? Very well, then ---- [He comes a step nearer to
her.] Fate is impelling me toward you.

HELENA. Yes. That's much better. So you're a fatalist. It's very
Greek. I don't see what our dramatists would do without it.

PARIS. In my country there are no dramatists. We are too busy
with reality.

HELENA. Your people must be uncivilized barbarians.

PARIS. My people are a genuine people. There is but one thing we
worship.

HELENA. Don't tell me it's money.

PARIS. It's ----

HELENA. Analytikos says if there weren't any money, there
wouldn't be any of those ridiculous socialists.

PARIS. It isn't money. It's sincerity.

HELENA. I, too, believe in sincerity. It's the loveliest thing in
the world.

PARIS. And the most dangerous.

HELENA. The truth is never dangerous.

PARIS. Except when told.

HELENA [making room on the couch for him to sit next to her]. You
mustn't say wicked things to me.

PARIS. Can your theories survive a test?

HELENA [beautifully]. Truth is eternal and survives all tests.

PARIS. No. Perhaps, after all, your soul is not ready for the
supremest heights.

HELENA. Do you mean to say I'm not religious? Religion teaches
the meaning of love.

PARIS. Has it taught you to love your husband?

HELENA [starting up and immediately sitting down again]. How dare
you speak to me like that?

PARIS. You see. I was right. [He goes toward the balcony.]

HELENA [stopping him]. Whatever made you think so?

PARIS. I've heard people talk of the King. You could never love a
man like that.

HELENA [beautifully]. A woman's first duty is to love her
husband.

PARIS. There is a higher right than duty.

HELENA [with conviction]. Right is right.

PARIS [with admiration]. The world has libelled you.

HELENA. Me! The Queen?

PARIS. You are as wise as you are beautiful.

HELENA [smiling coyly]. Why, you hardly know me.

PARIS. I know you! I, better than all men.

HELENA. You?

PARIS [rapturously]. Human law has given you to Menelaus, but
divine law makes you mine.

HELENA [in amazement]. What!

PARIS. I alone appreciate your beauty. I alone can reach your
soul.

HELENA. Ah!

PARIS. You hate your husband!

HELENA [drawing back]. Why do you look at me like that?

PARIS. To see if there's one woman in the world who dares tell
the truth.

HELENA. My husband doesn't understand me.

PARIS [with conviction]. I knew you detested him.

HELENA. He never listens to my aspirations.

PARIS. Egoist.

HELENA [assuming an irresistible pose]. I'm tired of being only
lovely. He doesn't realize the meaning of spiritual intercourse,
of soul communion.

PARIS. Fool!

HELENA. You dare call Moo Moo a fool?

PARIS. Has he not been too blind to see that your soul outshines
your beauty? [Then, very dramatically.] You're stifling!

HELENA [clearing her throat]. I -- I --------

PARIS. He has made you sit upon your wings. [HELENA, jumping up,
shifts her position.] You are groping in the darkness.

HELENA. Don't be silly. It's very light in here.

PARIS [undisturbed]. You are stumbling, and I have come to lead
you. [He steps toward her.]

HELENA. Stop right there! [PARIS stops.] No man but the King can
come within ten feet of me. It's a court tradition.

PARIS. Necessity knows no tradition. [He falls on his knees
before her.] I shall come close to you, though the flame of your
beauty consume me.

HELENA. You'd better be careful what you say to me. Remember I'm
the Queen.

PARIS. No man weighs his words who has but a moment to live.

HELENA. You said that exactly like an actor. [He leans very close
to her.] What are you doing now?

PARIS. I am looking into you. You are the clear glass in which I
read the secret of the universe.

HELENA. The secret of the universe. Ah! Perhaps you could
understand me.

PARIS. First you must understand yourself.

HELENA [instinctively taking up a mirror]. How?

PARIS. You must break with all this prose. [With an unconscious
gesture he sweeps a tray of toilet articles from the table.
HELENA emits a little shriek.]

HELENA. The ointment!

PARIS [rushing to the window and pointing to the distance]. And
climb to infinite poesie!

HELENA [catching his enthusiasm, says very blandly]. There is
nothing in the world like poetry.

PARIS [lyrically]. Have you ever heard the poignant breathing of
the stars?

HELENA. No. I don't believe in astrology.

PARIS. Have you ever smelt the powdery mists of the sun?

HELENA. I should sneeze myself to death.

PARIS. Have you ever listened to the sapphire soul of the sea?

HELENA. Has the sea a soul? But please don't stop talking. You do
it so beautifully.

PARIS. Deeds are sweeter than words. Shall we go hand in hand to
meet eternity?

HELENA [not comprehending him]. That's very pretty. Say it again.

PARIS [passionately]. There's but a moment of life left me. I
shall stifle it in ecstasy. Helena, Helena, I adore you!

HELENA [jumping up in high surprise]. You're not making love to
me, you naughty boy?

PARIS. Helena!

HELENA. You've spoken to me so little, and already you dare to do
that.

PARIS [impetuously]. I am a lover of life. I skip the
inessentials.

HELENA. Remember who I am.

PARIS. I have not forgotten. Daughter of Heaven. [Suddenly he
leaps to his feet.] Listen!

HELENA. Shhh! That's the King and Analytikos in the library.

PARIS. No! No! Don't you hear the flutter of wings?

HELENA. Wings?

PARIS [ecstatically]. Venus, mother of Love!

HELENA [alarmed]. What is it?

PARIS. She has sent her messenger. I hear the patter of little
feet.

HELENA. Those little feet are the soldiers below in the
courtyard. [A trumpet sounds.]

PARIS [the truth of the situation breaking through his emotion].
In a moment I shall be killed.

HELENA. Killed?

PARIS. Save me and save yourself!

HELENA. Myself?

PARIS. I shall rescue you and lead you on to life.

HELENA. No one has ever spoken to me like that before.

PARIS. This is the first time your ears have heard the truth.

HELENA. Was it of you I've been dreaming?

PARIS. Your dream was but your unrealized desire.

HELENA. Menelaus has never made me feel like this. [And then with
a sudden shriek.] Oh! I'm a wicked woman!

PARIS. No! No!

HELENA. For years I've been living with a man I didn't love.

PARIS. Yes! Yes!

HELENA. I'm lost!

PARIS [at a loss]. No! Yes! Yes! No!

HELENA. It was a profanation of the most holy.

PARIS. The holiest awaits you, Helena! Our love will lighten the
Plutonian realms.

HELENA. Menelaus never spoke to me like that.

PARIS. 'Tis but the first whisper of my adoration.

HELENA. I can't face him every morning at breakfast for the rest
of my life. That's even more than a Queen can bear.

PARIS. I am waiting to release you.

HELENA. I've stood it for seven years.

PARIS. I've been coming to you since the beginning of time.

HELENA. There is something urging me to go with you, something I
do not understand.

PARIS. Quick! There is but a moment left us. [He takes her
rapturously in his arms. There is a passionate embrace in the
midst of which TSUMU enters.]

TSUMU. The chiropodist has come.

HELENA. Bring me my outer garment and my purse.

[TSUMU exits, her eyes wide on PARIS.

PARIS. Helena! Helena!

[HELENA looks about her and takes up the papyrus that MENELAUS
has flung to the floor.]

HELENA. A last word to the King. [She looks at the papyrus.] No,
this won't do; I shall have to take this with me.

PARIS. What is it?

HELENA. Maskanda's discourse on the hip.

[A trumpet sounds below in the courtyard.]

PARIS [excitedly]. Leave it -- or your hip may cost me my head.
We haven't a minute to spare. Hurry! Hurry!

[HELENA takes up an eyebrow pencil and writes on the back of the
papyrus. She looks for a place to put it and seeing the shield
she smears it with some of the ointment and sticks the papyrus to
it.]

PARIS [watching her in ecstasy]. You are the fairest of all fair
women and your name will blaze as a symbol throughout eternity.
[TSUMU enters with the purse and the QUEEN'S outer robe.]

HELENA [tossing the purse to PARIS]. Here, we may need this.

PARIS [throwing it back to TSUMU]. This for your silence,
daughter of darkness. A prince has no heed of purses.

TSUMU [looking at him]. A prince!

HELENA [gloriously]. My prince of poetry. My deliverer!

PARIS [divinely]. My queen of love!

[They go out, TSUMU looking after them in speechless amazement.
Suddenly she sees the papyrus on the shield, runs over and
reads it and then rushes to the door of the library.]

TSUMU [calling]. Analytikos. [She hides the purse in her bosom.
ANALYTIKOS enters, scroll in hand.]

ANALYTIKOS. Has the Queen summoned me?

TSUMU [mysteriously]. A terrible thing has happened.

ANALYTIKOS. What's the matter?

TSUMU. Where's the King?

ANALYTIKOS. In the library.

TSUMU. I have news more precious than the gold of Midas.

ANALYTIKOS [giving her a purse]. Well! What is it?

TSUMU [speaking very dramatically and watching the effect of her
words]. The Queen has deserted Menelaus.

ANALYTIKOS [receiving the shock philosophically]. Swift are the
ways of Nature. The Gods have smiled upon him.

TSUMU. The Gods have forsaken the King to smile upon a prince.

ANALYTIKOS. What?

TSUMU. He was a prince.

ANALYTIKOS [apprehensively]. Why do you say that?

TSUMU [clutching her bosom]. I have a good reason to know.
[There is a sound of voices below in the courtyard. MENELAUS
rushes in expectantly. TSUMU falls prostrate before him.] Oh,
King, in thy bottomless agony blame not a blameless negress. The
Queen has fled!

MENELAUS [in his delight forgetting himself and flinging her a
purse]. Is it true?

TSUMU. Woe! Woe is me!

MENELAUS [storming]. Out of my sight, you eyeless Argus!

ANALYTIKOS [to TSUMU]. Quick, send a messenger. Find out who he
was.
[TSUMU sticks the third purse in her bosom and runs out.]

MENELAUS [with radiant happiness, kneeling before the bust of
Zeus]. Ye Gods, I thank ye. Peace and a happy life at last.
[The shouts in the courtyard grow louder.]

ANALYTIKOS. The news has spread through the palace.

MENELAUS [in trepidation, springing up]. No one would dare stop
the progress of the Queen.

TSUMU [rushes in and prostrates herself before the KING]. Woe is
me! They have gone by the road to the harbor.

MENELAUS [anxiously]. Yes! Yes!

TSUMU. By the King's orders no man has dared gaze upon Her
Majesty. They all fell prostrate before her.

MENELAUS. Good! Good! [Attempting to cover his delight.] Go! Go!
You garrulous dog. [TSUMU gets up and points to shield.
ANALYTIKOS and the KING look toward it. ANALYTIKOS tears off the
papyrus and brings it to MENELAUS. TSUMU, watching them, exits.]

MENELAUS [reading]. "I am not a bad woman. I did what I had to
do." How Greek to blame fate for what one wants to do. [TSUMU
again comes tumbling in.]

TSUMU [again prostrate before the KING]. A rumor flies through
the city. He -- he ----

ANALYTIKOS [anxiously]. Well? Well?

TSUMU. He -- he ----

MENELAUS [furiously to ANALYTIKOS]. Rid me of this croaking
raven.

TSUMU. Evil has fallen on Sparta. He ----

ANALYTIKOS. Yes -- yes ----

MENELAUS [in a rage]. Out of my sight, perfidious Nubian.
[Sounds of confusion in the courtyard. Suddenly she springs to
her feet and yells at the top of her voice.]

TSUMU. He was Paris, Prince of Troy!

[They all start back. ANALYTIKOS stumbles into a seat. MENELAUS
turns pale. TSUMU leers like a black Nemesis.]

ANALYTIKOS [very ominously]. Who can read the secret of the
Fates?

MENELAUS [frightened]. What do you mean?

ANALYTIKOS. He is the son of Priam, King of Troy.

TSUMU [adding fuel]. And of Hecuba, Queen of the Trojans. [She
rushes out to spread the news.]

ANALYTIKOS. That makes the matter international.

MENELAUS [quickly]. But we have treaties with Troy.

ANALYTIKOS. Circumstances alter treaties. They will mean nothing.

MENELAUS. Nothing?

ANALYTIKOS. No more than a scrap of papyrus. Sparta will fight to
regain her Queen.

MENELAUS. But I don't want her back.

ANALYTIKOS. Can you tell that to Sparta? Remember, the King can
do no wrong. Last night I dreamed of war.

MENELAUS. No! No! Don't say that. After the scandal I can't be
expected to fight to get her back.

ANALYTIKOS. Sparta will see with the eyes of chivalry.

MENELAUS [fuming]. But I don't believe in war.

ANALYTIKOS [still obdurate]. Have you forgotten the oath pledged
of old, with Ulysses and Agamemnon? They have sworn, if ever the
time came, to fight and defend the Queen.

MENELAUS [bitterly]. I didn't think of the triple alliance.

ANALYTIKOS. Can Sparta ask less of her King?

MENELAUS. Let's hear the other side. We can perhaps arbitrate.
Peace at any price.

ANALYTIKOS. Some bargains are too cheap.

MENELAUS [hopelessly]. But I am a pacifist.

ANALYTIKOS. You are Menelaus of Sparta, and Sparta's a nation of
soldiers.

MENELAUS [desperately]. I am too proud to fight!

ANALYTIKOS. Here, put on your shield. [A great clamor comes up
from the courtyard. ANALYTIKOS steps out on the balcony and is
greeted with shouts of "The King! The King!" Addressing the
crowd.] People of Sparta, this calamity has been forced upon us.

[MENELAUS winces.]
We are a peaceful people. But thanks to our unparalleled
efficiency, the military system of Sparta is the most powerful in
all Greece and we can mobilize in half an hour.

[Loud acclaims from the people. MENELAUS, the papyrus still in
hand, crawls over and attempts to stop ANALYTIKOS.]

ANALYTIKOS [not noticing him]. In the midst of connubial and
communal peace the thunderbolt has fallen on the King.[MENELAUS
tugs at ANALYTIKOS' robe.] Broken in spirit as he is, he is
already pawing the ground like a battle steed. Never will we lay
down our arms! We and Jupiter! [Cheers.] Never until the Queen is
restored to Menelaus. Never, even if it takes ten years.

[MENELAUS squirms. A loud cheer.]

HELENA'S HUSBAND
Even now the King is buckling on his shield.
[More cheers. ANALYTIKOS steps farther forward and then
with bursting eloquence.]
One hate we have and one alone! [Yells from below.]
Hate by water and hate by land,
Hate of the head and hate of the hand,
Hate of Paris and hate of Troy
That has broken the Queen for a moment's toy.
[The yells grow fiercer.]
Zeus' thunder will shatter the Trojan throne.
We have one hate and one alone!

[MENELAUS sits on the floor dejectedly looking at the papyrus. A
thunder of voices from the people.]

We have one hate and one alone. Troy! Troy!

[Helmets and swords are thrown into the air. The cheers grow
tumultuous, trumpets are blown, and the curtain falls.]

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