Part 1 out of 2
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come in ASCII to the printed text.
The elongated S's have been changed to small s's and the
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together a spelling dictionary devised from the spellings of the
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Twelfe Night, Or what you will
Actus Primus, Scaena Prima.
Enter Orsino Duke of Illyria, Curio, and other Lords.
Duke. If Musicke be the food of Loue, play on,
Giue me excesse of it: that surfetting,
The appetite may sicken, and so dye.
That straine agen, it had a dying fall:
O, it came ore my eare, like the sweet sound
That breathes vpon a banke of Violets;
Stealing, and giuing Odour. Enough, no more,
'Tis not so sweet now, as it was before.
O spirit of Loue, how quicke and fresh art thou,
That notwithstanding thy capacitie,
Receiueth as the Sea. Nought enters there,
Of what validity, and pitch so ere,
But falles into abatement, and low price
Euen in a minute; so full of shapes is fancie,
That it alone, is high fantasticall
Cu. Will you go hunt my Lord?
Du. What Curio?
Cu. The Hart
Du. Why so I do, the Noblest that I haue:
O when mine eyes did see Oliuia first,
Me thought she purg'd the ayre of pestilence;
That instant was I turn'd into a Hart,
And my desires like fell and cruell hounds,
Ere since pursue me. How now what newes from her?
Val. So please my Lord, I might not be admitted,
But from her handmaid do returne this answer:
The Element it selfe, till seuen yeares heate,
Shall not behold her face at ample view:
But like a Cloystresse she will vailed walke,
And water once a day her Chamber round
With eye-offending brine: all this to season
A brothers dead loue, which she would keepe fresh
And lasting, in her sad remembrance
Du. O she that hath a heart of that fine frame
To pay this debt of loue but to a brother,
How will she loue, when the rich golden shaft
Hath kill'd the flocke of all affections else
That liue in her. When Liuer, Braine, and Heart,
These soueraigne thrones, are all supply'd and fill'd
Her sweete perfections with one selfe king:
Away before me, to sweet beds of Flowres,
Loue-thoughts lye rich, when canopy'd with bowres.
Enter Viola, a Captaine, and Saylors.
Vio. What Country (Friends) is this?
Cap. This is Illyria Ladie
Vio. And what should I do in Illyria?
My brother he is in Elizium,
Perchance he is not drown'd: What thinke you saylors?
Cap. It is perchance that you your selfe were saued
Vio. O my poore brother, and so perchance may he be
Cap. True Madam, and to comfort you with chance,
Assure your selfe, after our ship did split,
When you, and those poore number saued with you,
Hung on our driuing boate: I saw your brother
Most prouident in perill, binde himselfe,
(Courage and hope both teaching him the practise)
To a strong Maste, that liu'd vpon the sea:
Where like Orion on the Dolphines backe,
I saw him hold acquaintance with the waues,
So long as I could see
Vio. For saying so, there's Gold:
Mine owne escape vnfoldeth to my hope,
Whereto thy speech serues for authoritie
The like of him. Know'st thou this Countrey?
Cap. I Madam well, for I was bred and borne
Not three houres trauaile from this very place
Vio. Who gouernes heere?
Cap. A noble Duke in nature, as in name
Vio. What is his name?
Vio. Orsino: I haue heard my father name him.
He was a Batchellor then
Cap. And so is now, or was so very late:
For but a month ago I went from hence,
And then 'twas fresh in murmure (as you know
What great ones do, the lesse will prattle of,)
That he did seeke the loue of faire Oliuia
Vio. What's shee?
Cap. A vertuous maid, the daughter of a Count
That dide some tweluemonth since, then leauing her
In the protection of his sonne, her brother,
Who shortly also dide: for whose deere loue
(They say) she hath abiur'd the sight
And company of men
Vio. O that I seru'd that Lady,
And might not be deliuered to the world
Till I had made mine owne occasion mellow
What my estate is
Cap. That were hard to compasse,
Because she will admit no kinde of suite,
No, not the Dukes
Vio. There is a faire behauiour in thee Captaine,
And though that nature, with a beauteous wall
Doth oft close in pollution: yet of thee
I will beleeue thou hast a minde that suites
With this thy faire and outward charracter.
I prethee (and Ile pay thee bounteously)
Conceale me what I am, and be my ayde,
For such disguise as haply shall become
The forme of my intent. Ile serue this Duke,
Thou shalt present me as an Eunuch to him,
It may be worth thy paines: for I can sing,
And speake to him in many sorts of Musicke,
That will allow me very worth his seruice.
What else may hap, to time I will commit,
Onely shape thou thy silence to my wit
Cap. Be you his Eunuch, and your Mute Ile bee,
When my tongue blabs, then let mine eyes not see
Vio. I thanke thee: Lead me on.
Enter Sir Toby, and Maria.
Sir To. What a plague meanes my Neece to take the
death of her brother thus? I am sure care's an enemie to
Mar. By my troth sir Toby, you must come in earlyer
a nights: your Cosin, my Lady, takes great exceptions
to your ill houres
To. Why let her except, before excepted
Ma. I, but you must confine your selfe within the
modest limits of order
To. Confine? Ile confine my selfe no finer then I am:
these cloathes are good enough to drinke in, and so bee
these boots too: and they be not, let them hang themselues
in their owne straps
Ma. That quaffing and drinking will vndoe you: I
heard my Lady talke of it yesterday: and of a foolish
knight that you brought in one night here, to be hir woer
To. Who, Sir Andrew Ague-cheeke?
Ma. I he
To. He's as tall a man as any's in Illyria
Ma. What's that to th' purpose?
To. Why he ha's three thousand ducates a yeare
Ma. I, but hee'l haue but a yeare in all these ducates:
He's a very foole, and a prodigall
To. Fie, that you'l say so: he playes o'th Viol-de-gamboys,
and speaks three or four languages word for word
without booke, & hath all the good gifts of nature
Ma. He hath indeed, almost naturall: for besides that
he's a foole, he's a great quarreller: and but that hee hath
the gift of a Coward, to allay the gust he hath in quarrelling,
'tis thought among the prudent, he would quickely
haue the gift of a graue
Tob. By this hand they are scoundrels and substractors
that say so of him. Who are they?
Ma. They that adde moreour, hee's drunke nightly
in your company
To. With drinking healths to my Neece: Ile drinke
to her as long as there is a passage in my throat, & drinke
in Illyria: he's a Coward and a Coystrill that will not
drinke to my Neece, till his braines turne o'th toe, like a
parish top. What wench? Castiliano vulgo: for here coms
Sir Andrew Agueface.
Enter Sir Andrew.
And. Sir Toby Belch. How now sir Toby Belch?
To. Sweet sir Andrew
And. Blesse you faire Shrew
Mar. And you too sir
Tob. Accost Sir Andrew, accost
And. What's that?
To. My Neeces Chamber-maid
Ma. Good Mistris accost, I desire better acquaintance
Ma. My name is Mary sir
And. Good mistris Mary, accost
To, You mistake knight: Accost, is front her, boord
her, woe her, assayle her
And. By my troth I would not vndertake her in this
company. Is that the meaning of Accost?
Ma. Far you well Gentlemen
To. And thou let part so Sir Andrew, would thou
mightst neuer draw sword agen
And. And you part so mistris, I would I might neuer
draw sword agen: Faire Lady, doe you thinke you haue
fooles in hand?
Ma. Sir, I haue not you by'th hand
An. Marry but you shall haue, and heeres my hand
Ma. Now sir, thought is free: I pray you bring your
hand to'th Buttry barre, and let it drinke
An. Wherefore (sweet-heart?) What's your Metaphor?
Ma. It's dry sir
And. Why I thinke so: I am not such an asse, but I
can keepe my hand dry. But what's your iest?
Ma. A dry iest Sir
And. Are you full of them?
Ma. I Sir, I haue them at my fingers ends: marry now
I let go your hand, I am barren.
To. O knight, thou lack'st a cup of Canarie: when did
I see thee so put downe?
An. Neuer in your life I thinke, vnlesse you see Canarie
put me downe: mee thinkes sometimes I haue no
more wit then a Christian, or an ordinary man ha's: but I
am a great eater of beefe, and I beleeue that does harme
to my wit
To. No question
An. And I thought that, I'de forsweare it. Ile ride
home to morrow sir Toby
To. Pur-quoy my deere knight?
An. What is purquoy? Do, or not do? I would I had
bestowed that time in the tongues, that I haue in fencing
dancing, and beare-bayting: O had I but followed the
To. Then hadst thou had an excellent head of haire
An. Why, would that haue mended my haire?
To. Past question, for thou seest it will not coole my nature
An. But it becoms me wel enough, dost not?
To. Excellent, it hangs like flax on a distaffe: & I hope
to see a huswife take thee between her legs, & spin it off
An. Faith Ile home to morrow sir Toby, your niece wil
not be seene, or if she be it's four to one, she'l none of me:
the Count himselfe here hard by, wooes her
To. Shee'l none o'th Count, she'l not match aboue hir
degree, neither in estate, yeares, nor wit: I haue heard her
swear't. Tut there's life in't man
And. Ile stay a moneth longer. I am a fellow o'th
strangest minde i'th world: I delight in Maskes and Reuels
To. Art thou good at these kicke-chawses Knight?
And. As any man in Illyria, whatsoeuer he be, vnder
the degree of my betters, & yet I will not compare with
an old man
To. What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?
And. Faith, I can cut a caper
To. And I can cut the Mutton too't
And. And I thinke I haue the backe-tricke, simply as
strong as any man in Illyria
To. Wherefore are these things hid? Wherefore haue
these gifts a Curtaine before 'em? Are they like to take
dust, like mistris Mals picture? Why dost thou not goe
to Church in a Galliard, and come home in a Carranto?
My verie walke should be a Iigge: I would not so much
as make water but in a Sinke-a-pace: What dooest thou
meane? Is it a world to hide vertues in? I did thinke by
the excellent constitution of thy legge, it was form'd vnder
the starre of a Galliard
And. I, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a
dam'd colour'd stocke. Shall we sit about some Reuels?
To. What shall we do else: were we not borne vnder
And. Taurus? That sides and heart
To. No sir, it is leggs and thighes: let me see thee caper.
Ha, higher: ha, ha, excellent.
Enter Valentine, and Viola in mans attire.
Val. If the Duke continue these fauours towards you
Cesario, you are like to be much aduanc'd, he hath known
you but three dayes, and already you are no stranger
Vio. You either feare his humour, or my negligence,
that you call in question the continuance of his loue. Is
he inconstant sir, in his fauours
Val. No beleeue me.
Enter Duke, Curio, and Attendants.
Vio. I thanke you: heere comes the Count
Duke. Who saw Cesario hoa?
Vio. On your attendance my Lord heere
Du. Stand you a-while aloofe. Cesario,
Thou knowst no lesse, but all: I haue vnclasp'd
To thee the booke euen of my secret soule.
Therefore good youth, addresse thy gate vnto her,
Be not deni'de accesse, stand at her doores,
And tell them, there thy fixed foot shall grow
Till thou haue audience
Vio. Sure my Noble Lord,
If she be so abandon'd to her sorrow
As it is spoke, she neuer will admit me
Du. Be clamorous, and leape all ciuill bounds,
Rather then make vnprofited returne,
Vio. Say I do speake with her (my Lord) what then?
Du. O then, vnfold the passion of my loue,
Surprize her with discourse of my deere faith;
It shall become thee well to act my woes:
She will attend it better in thy youth,
Then in a Nuntio's of more graue aspect
Vio. I thinke not so, my Lord
Du. Deere Lad, beleeue it;
For they shall yet belye thy happy yeeres,
That say thou art a man: Dianas lip
Is not more smooth, and rubious: thy small pipe
Is as the maidens organ, shrill, and sound,
And all is semblatiue a womans part.
I know thy constellation is right apt
For this affayre: some foure or fiue attend him,
All if you will: for I my selfe am best
When least in companie: prosper well in this,
And thou shalt liue as freely as thy Lord,
To call his fortunes thine
Vio. Ile do my best
To woe your Lady: yet a barrefull strife,
Who ere I woe, my selfe would be his wife.
Enter Maria, and Clowne.
Ma. Nay, either tell me where thou hast bin, or I will
not open my lippes so wide as a brissle may enter, in way
of thy excuse: my Lady will hang thee for thy absence
Clo. Let her hang me: hee that is well hang'de in this
world, needs to feare no colours
Ma. Make that good
Clo. He shall see none to feare
Ma. A good lenton answer: I can tell thee where y
saying was borne, of I feare no colours
Clo. Where good mistris Mary?
Ma. In the warrs, & that may you be bolde to say in
Clo. Well, God giue them wisedome that haue it: &
those that are fooles, let them vse their talents
Ma. Yet you will be hang'd for being so long absent,
or to be turn'd away: is not that as good as a hanging to
Clo. Many a good hanging, preuents a bad marriage:
and for turning away, let summer beare it out
Ma. You are resolute then?
Clo. Not so neyther, but I am resolu'd on two points
Ma. That if one breake, the other will hold: or if both
breake, your gaskins fall
Clo. Apt in good faith, very apt: well go thy way, if
sir Toby would leaue drinking, thou wert as witty a piece
of Eues flesh, as any in Illyria
Ma. Peace you rogue, no more o'that: here comes my
Lady: make your excuse wisely, you were best.
Enter Lady Oliuia, with Maluolio.
Clo. Wit, and't be thy will, put me into good fooling:
those wits that thinke they haue thee, doe very oft proue
fooles: and I that am sure I lacke thee, may passe for a
wise man. For what saies Quinapalus, Better a witty foole,
then a foolish wit. God blesse thee Lady
Ol. Take the foole away
Clo. Do you not heare fellowes, take away the Ladie
Ol. Go too, y'are a dry foole: Ile no more of you: besides
you grow dis-honest
Clo. Two faults Madona, that drinke & good counsell
wil amend: for giue the dry foole drink, then is the foole
not dry: bid the dishonest man mend himself, if he mend,
he is no longer dishonest; if hee cannot, let the Botcher
mend him: any thing that's mended, is but patch'd: vertu
that transgresses, is but patcht with sinne, and sin that amends,
is but patcht with vertue. If that this simple
Sillogisme will serue, so: if it will not, what remedy?
As there is no true Cuckold but calamity, so beauties a
flower; The Lady bad take away the foole, therefore I
say againe, take her away
Ol. Sir, I bad them take away you
Clo. Misprision in the highest degree. Lady, Cucullus
non facit monachum: that's as much to say, as I weare not
motley in my braine: good Madona, giue mee leaue to
proue you a foole
Ol. Can you do it?
Clo. Dexteriously, good Madona
Ol. Make your proofe
Clo. I must catechize you for it Madona, Good my
Mouse of vertue answer mee
Ol. Well sir, for want of other idlenesse, Ile bide your
Clo. Good Madona, why mournst thou?
Ol. Good foole, for my brothers death
Clo. I thinke his soule is in hell, Madona
Ol. I know his soule is in heauen, foole
Clo. The more foole (Madona) to mourne for your
Brothers soule, being in heauen. Take away the Foole,
Ol. What thinke you of this foole Maluolio, doth he
Mal. Yes, and shall do, till the pangs of death shake
him: Infirmity that decaies the wise, doth euer make the
Clow. God send you sir, a speedie Infirmity, for the
better increasing your folly: Sir Toby will be sworn that
I am no Fox, but he wil not passe his word for two pence
that you are no Foole
Ol. How say you to that Maluolio?
Mal. I maruell your Ladyship takes delight in such
a barren rascall: I saw him put down the other day, with
an ordinary foole, that has no more braine then a stone.
Looke you now, he's out of his gard already: vnles you
laugh and minister occasion to him, he is gag'd. I protest
I take these Wisemen, that crow so at these set kinde of
fooles, no better then the fooles Zanies
Ol. O you are sicke of selfe-loue Maluolio, and taste
with a distemper'd appetite. To be generous, guiltlesse,
and of free disposition, is to take those things for Bird-bolts,
that you deeme Cannon bullets: There is no slander
in an allow'd foole, though he do nothing but rayle;
nor no rayling, in a knowne discreet man, though hee do
nothing but reproue
Clo. Now Mercury indue thee with leasing, for thou
speak'st well of fooles.
Mar. Madam, there is at the gate, a young Gentleman,
much desires to speake with you
Ol. From the Count Orsino, is it?
Ma I know not (Madam) 'tis a faire young man, and
Ol. Who of my people hold him in delay?
Ma. Sir Toby Madam, your kinsman
Ol. Fetch him off I pray you, he speakes nothing but
madman: Fie on him. Go you Maluolio; If it be a suit
from the Count, I am sicke, or not at home. What you
will, to dismisse it.
Now you see sir, how your fooling growes old, & people
Clo. Thou hast spoke for vs (Madona) as if thy eldest
sonne should be a foole: whose scull, Ioue cramme with
braines, for heere he comes.
Enter Sir Toby.
One of thy kin has a most weake Pia-mater
Ol. By mine honor halfe drunke. What is he at the
To. A Gentleman
Ol. A Gentleman? What Gentleman?
To. 'Tis a Gentleman heere. A plague o'these pickle
herring: How now Sot
Clo. Good Sir Toby
Ol. Cosin, Cosin, how haue you come so earely by
To. Letcherie, I defie Letchery: there's one at the
Ol. I marry, what is he?
To. Let him be the diuell and he will, I care not: giue
me faith say I. Well, it's all one.
Ol. What's a drunken man like, foole?
Clo. Like a drown'd man, a foole, and a madde man:
One draught aboue heate, makes him a foole, the second
maddes him, and a third drownes him
Ol. Go thou and seeke the Crowner, and let him sitte
o'my Coz: for he's in the third degree of drinke: hee's
drown'd: go looke after him
Clo. He is but mad yet Madona, and the foole shall
looke to the madman.
Mal. Madam, yond young fellow sweares hee will
speake with you. I told him you were sicke, he takes on
him to vnderstand so much, and therefore comes to speak
with you. I told him you were asleepe, he seems to haue
a fore knowledge of that too, and therefore comes to
speake with you. What is to be said to him Ladie, hee's
fortified against any deniall
Ol. Tell him, he shall not speake with me
Mal. Ha's beene told so: and hee sayes hee'l stand at
your doore like a Sheriffes post, and be the supporter to
a bench, but hee'l speake with you
Ol. What kinde o'man is he?
Mal. Why of mankinde
Ol. What manner of man?
Mal. Of verie ill manner: hee'l speake with you, will
you, or no
Ol. Of what personage, and yeeres is he?
Mal. Not yet old enough for a man, nor yong enough
for a boy: as a squash is before tis a pescod, or a Codling
when tis almost an Apple: Tis with him in standing water,
betweene boy and man. He is verie well-fauour'd,
and he speakes verie shrewishly: One would thinke his
mothers milke were scarse out of him
Ol. Let him approach: Call in my Gentlewoman
Mal. Gentlewoman, my Lady calles.
Ol. Giue me my vaile: come throw it ore my face,
Wee'l once more heare Orsinos Embassie.
Vio. The honorable Ladie of the house, which is she?
Ol. Speake to me, I shall answer for her: your will
Vio. Most radiant, exquisite, and vnmatchable beautie.
I pray you tell me if this bee the Lady of the house,
for I neuer saw her. I would bee loath to cast away my
speech: for besides that it is excellently well pend, I haue
taken great paines to con it. Good Beauties, let mee sustaine
no scorne; I am very comptible, euen to the least
Ol. Whence came you sir?
Vio. I can say little more then I haue studied, & that
question's out of my part. Good gentle one, giue mee
modest assurance, if you be the Ladie of the house, that | I
may proceede in my speech
Ol. Are you a Comedian?
Vio. No my profound heart: and yet (by the verie
phangs of malice, I sweare) I am not that I play. Are you
the Ladie of the house?
Ol. If I do not vsurpe my selfe, I am
Vio. Most certaine, if you are she, you do vsurp your
selfe: for what is yours to bestowe, is, not yours to reserue.
But this is from my Commission: I will on with
my speech in your praise, and then shew you the heart of
Ol. Come to what is important in't: I forgiue you
Vio. Alas, I tooke great paines to studie it, and 'tis
Ol. It is the more like to be feigned, I pray you keep
it in. I heard you were sawcy at my gates, & allowd your
approach rather to wonder at you, then to heare you. If
you be not mad, be gone: if you haue reason, be breefe:
'tis not that time of Moone with me, to make one in so
skipping a dialogue
Ma. Will you hoyst sayle sir, here lies your way
Vio. No good swabber, I am to hull here a little longer.
Some mollification for your Giant, sweete Ladie;
tell me your minde, I am a messenger
Ol. Sure you haue some hiddeous matter to deliuer,
when the curtesie of it is so fearefull. Speake your office
Vio. It alone concernes your eare: I bring no ouerture
of warre, no taxation of homage; I hold the Olyffe
in my hand: my words are as full of peace, as matter
Ol. Yet you began rudely. What are you?
What would you?
Vio. The rudenesse that hath appear'd in mee, haue I
learn'd from my entertainment. What I am, and what I
would, are as secret as maiden-head: to your eares, Diuinity;
to any others, prophanation
Ol. Giue vs the place alone,
We will heare this diuinitie. Now sir, what is your text?
Vio. Most sweet Ladie
Ol. A comfortable doctrine, and much may bee saide
of it. Where lies your Text?
Vio. In Orsinoes bosome
Ol. In his bosome? In what chapter of his bosome?
Vio. To answer by the method, in the first of his hart
Ol. O, I haue read it: it is heresie. Haue you no more
Vio. Good Madam, let me see your face
Ol. Haue you any Commission from your Lord, to
negotiate with my face: you are now out of your Text:
but we will draw the Curtain, and shew you the picture.
Looke you sir, such a one I was this present: Ist not well
Vio. Excellently done, if God did all
Ol. 'Tis in graine sir, 'twill endure winde and weather
Vio. Tis beauty truly blent, whose red and white,
Natures owne sweet, and cunning hand laid on:
Lady, you are the cruell'st shee aliue,
If you will leade these graces to the graue,
And leaue the world no copie
Ol. O sir, I will not be so hard-hearted: I will giue
out diuers scedules of my beautie. It shalbe Inuentoried
and euery particle and vtensile labell'd to my will: As,
Item two lippes indifferent redde, Item two grey eyes,
with lids to them: Item, one necke, one chin, & so forth.
Were you sent hither to praise me?
Vio. I see you what you are, you are too proud:
But if you were the diuell, you are faire:
My Lord, and master loues you: O such loue
Could be but recompenc'd, though you were crown'd
The non-pareil of beautie
Ol. How does he loue me?
Vio. With adorations, fertill teares,
With groanes that thunder loue, with sighes of fire
Ol. Your Lord does know my mind, I cannot loue him
Yet I suppose him vertuous, know him noble,
Of great estate, of fresh and stainlesse youth;
In voyces well divulg'd, free, learn'd, and valiant,
And in dimension, and the shape of nature,
A gracious person; But yet I cannot loue him:
He might haue tooke his answer long ago
Vio. If I did loue you in my masters flame,
With such a suffring, such a deadly life:
In your deniall, I would finde no sence,
I would not vnderstand it
Ol. Why, what would you?
Vio. Make me a willow Cabine at your gate,
And call vpon my soule within the house,
Write loyall Cantons of contemned loue,
And sing them lowd euen in the dead of night:
Hallow your name to the reuerberate hilles,
And make the babling Gossip of the aire,
Cry out Oliuia: O you should not rest
Betweene the elements of ayre, and earth,
But you should pittie me
Ol. You might do much:
What is your Parentage?
Vio. Aboue my fortunes, yet my state is well:
I am a Gentleman
Ol. Get you to your Lord:
I cannot loue him: let him send no more,
Vnlesse (perchance) you come to me againe,
To tell me how he takes it: Fare you well:
I thanke you for your paines: spend this for mee
Vio. I am no feede poast, Lady; keepe your purse,
My Master, not my selfe, lackes recompence.
Loue make his heart of flint, that you shal loue,
And let your feruour like my masters be,
Plac'd in contempt: Farwell fayre crueltie.
Ol. What is your Parentage?
Aboue my fortunes, yet my state is well;
I am a Gentleman. Ile be sworne thou art,
Thy tongue, thy face, thy limbes, actions, and spirit,
Do giue thee fiue-fold blazon: not too fast: soft, soft,
Vnlesse the Master were the man. How now?
Euen so quickly may one catch the plague?
Me thinkes I feele this youths perfections
With an inuisible, and subtle stealth
To creepe in at mine eyes. Well, let it be.
What hoa, Maluolio.
Mal. Heere Madam, at your seruice
Ol. Run after that same peeuish Messenger
The Countes man: he left this Ring behinde him
Would I, or not: tell him, Ile none of it.
Desire him not to flatter with his Lord,
Nor hold him vp with hopes, I am not for him:
If that the youth will come this way to morrow,
Ile giue him reasons for't: hie thee Maluolio
Mal. Madam, I will.
Ol. I do I know not what, and feare to finde
Mine eye too great a flatterer for my minde:
Fate, shew thy force, our selues we do not owe,
What is decreed, must be: and be this so.
Finis, Actus primus.
Actus Secundus, Scaena prima.
Enter Antonio & Sebastian.
Ant. Will you stay no longer: nor will you not that
I go with you
Seb. By your patience, no: my starres shine darkely
ouer me; the malignancie of my fate, might perhaps distemper
yours; therefore I shall craue of you your leaue,
that I may beare my euils alone. It were a bad recompence
for your loue, to lay any of them on you
An. Let me yet know of you, whither you are bound
Seb. No sooth sir: my determinate voyage is meere
extrauagancie. But I perceiue in you so excellent a touch
of modestie, that you will not extort from me, what I am
willing to keepe in: therefore it charges me in manners,
the rather to expresse my selfe: you must know of mee
then Antonio, my name is Sebastian (which I call'd Rodorigo)
my father was that Sebastian of Messaline, whom I
know you haue heard of. He left behinde him, my selfe,
and a sister, both borne in an houre: if the Heauens had
beene pleas'd, would we had so ended. But you sir, alter'd
that, for some houre before you tooke me from the
breach of the sea, was my sister drown'd
Ant. Alas the day
Seb. A Lady sir, though it was said shee much resembled
me, was yet of many accounted beautiful: but thogh
I could not with such estimable wonder ouer-farre beleeue
that, yet thus farre I will boldly publish her, shee
bore a minde that enuy could not but call faire: Shee is
drown'd already sir with salt water, though I seeme to
drowne her remembrance againe with more
Ant. Pardon me sir, your bad entertainment
Seb. O good Antonio, forgiue me your trouble
Ant. If you will not murther me for my loue, let mee
be your seruant
Seb. If you will not vndo what you haue done, that is
kill him, whom you haue recouer'd, desire it not. Fare
ye well at once, my bosome is full of kindnesse, and I
am yet so neere the manners of my mother, that vpon the
least occasion more, mine eyes will tell tales of me: I am
bound to the Count Orsino's Court, farewell.
Ant. The gentlenesse of all the gods go with thee:
I haue many enemies in Orsino's Court,
Else would I very shortly see thee there:
But come what may, I do adore thee so,
That danger shall seeme sport, and I will go.
Enter Viola and Maluolio, at seuerall doores.
Mal. Were not you eu'n now, with the Countesse Oliuia?
Vio. Euen now sir, on a moderate pace, I haue since ariu'd
Mal. She returnes this Ring to you (sir) you might
haue saued mee my paines, to haue taken it away your
selfe. She adds moreouer, that you should put your Lord
into a desperate assurance, she will none of him. And one
thing more, that you be neuer so hardie to come againe
in his affaires, vnlesse it bee to report your Lords taking
of this: receiue it so
Vio. She tooke the Ring of me, Ile none of it
Mal. Come sir, you peeuishly threw it to her: and
her will is, it should be so return'd: If it bee worth stooping
for, there it lies, in your eye: if not, bee it his that
Vio. I left no Ring with her: what meanes this Lady?
Fortune forbid my out-side haue not charm'd her:
She made good view of me, indeed so much,
That me thought her eyes had lost her tongue,
For she did speake in starts distractedly.
She loues me sure, the cunning of her passion
Inuites me in this churlish messenger:
None of my Lords Ring? Why he sent her none;
I am the man, if it be so, as tis,
Poore Lady, she were better loue a dreame:
Disguise, I see thou art a wickednesse,
Wherein the pregnant enemie does much.
How easie is it, for the proper false
In womens waxen hearts to set their formes:
Alas, O frailtie is the cause, not wee,
For such as we are made, if such we bee:
How will this fadge? My master loues her deerely,
And I (poore monster) fond asmuch on him:
And she (mistaken) seemes to dote on me:
What will become of this? As I am man,
My state is desperate for my maisters loue:
As I am woman (now alas the day)
What thriftlesse sighes shall poore Oliuia breath?
O time, thou must vntangle this, not I,
It is too hard a knot for me t' vnty.
Enter Sir Toby, and Sir Andrew.
To. Approach Sir Andrew: not to bee a bedde after
midnight, is to be vp betimes, and Deliculo surgere, thou
And. Nay by my troth I know not: but I know, to
be vp late, is to be vp late
To. A false conclusion: I hate it as an vnfill'd Canne.
To be vp after midnight, and to go to bed then is early:
so that to go to bed after midnight, is to goe to bed betimes.
Does not our liues consist of the foure Elements?
And. Faith so they say, but I thinke it rather consists
of eating and drinking
To. Th'art a scholler; let vs therefore eate and drinke
Marian I say, a stoope of wine.
And. Heere comes the foole yfaith
Clo. How now my harts: Did you neuer see the Picture
of we three?
To. Welcome asse, now let's haue a catch
And. By my troth the foole has an excellent breast. I
had rather then forty shillings I had such a legge, and so
sweet a breath to sing, as the foole has. Insooth thou wast
in very gracious fooling last night, when thou spok'st of
Pigrogromitus, of the Vapians passing the Equinoctial of
Queubus: 'twas very good yfaith: I sent thee sixe pence
for thy Lemon, hadst it?
Clo. I did impeticos thy gratillity: for Maluolios nose
is no Whip-stocke. My Lady has a white hand, and the
Mermidons are no bottle-ale houses
An. Excellent: Why this is the best fooling, when
all is done. Now a song
To. Come on, there is sixe pence for you. Let's haue
An. There's a testrill of me too: if one knight giue a
Clo. Would you haue a loue-song, or a song of good
To. A loue song, a loue song
An. I, I. I care not for good life
Clowne sings .
O Mistris mine where are you roming?
O stay and heare, your true loues coming,
That can sing both high and low.
Trip no further prettie sweeting.
Iourneys end in louers meeting,
Euery wise mans sonne doth know
An. Excellent good, ifaith
To. Good, good
Clo. What is loue, tis not heereafter,
Present mirth, hath present laughter:
What's to come, is still vnsure.
In delay there lies no plentie,
Then come kisse me sweet and twentie:
Youths a stuffe will not endure
An. A mellifluous voyce, as I am true knight
To. A contagious breath
An. Very sweet, and contagious ifaith
To. To heare by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion.
But shall we make the Welkin dance indeed? Shall wee
rowze the night-Owle in a Catch, that will drawe three
soules out of one Weauer? Shall we do that?
And. And you loue me, let's doo't: I am dogge at a
Clo. Byrlady sir, and some dogs will catch well
An. Most certaine: Let our Catch be, Thou Knaue
Clo. Hold thy peace, thou Knaue knight. I shall be constrain'd
in't, to call thee knaue, Knight
An. 'Tis not the first time I haue constrained one to
call me knaue. Begin foole: it begins, Hold thy peace
Clo. I shall neuer begin if I hold my peace
An. Good ifaith: Come begin.
Mar. What a catterwalling doe you keepe heere? If
my Ladie haue not call'd vp her Steward Maluolio, and
bid him turne you out of doores, neuer trust me
To. My Lady's a Catayan, we are politicians, Maluolios
a Peg-a-ramsie, and Three merry men be wee. Am not I
consanguinious? Am I not of her blood: tilly vally. Ladie,
There dwelt a man in Babylon, Lady, Lady
Clo. Beshrew me, the knights in admirable fooling
An. I, he do's well enough if he be dispos'd, and so
do I too: he does it with a better grace, but I do it more
To. O the twelfe day of December
Mar. For the loue o' God peace.
Mal. My masters are you mad? Or what are you?
Haue you no wit, manners, nor honestie, but to gabble
like Tinkers at this time of night? Do yee make an Alehouse
of my Ladies house, that ye squeak out your Coziers
Catches without any mitigation or remorse of voice?
Is there no respect of place, persons, nor time in you?
To. We did keepe time sir in our Catches. Snecke vp
Mal. Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My Lady
bad me tell you, that though she harbors you as her kinsman,
she's nothing ally'd to your disorders. If you can
separate your selfe and your misdemeanors, you are welcome
to the house: if not, and it would please you to take
leaue of her, she is very willing to bid you farewell
To. Farewell deere heart, since I must needs be gone
Mar. Nay good Sir Toby
Clo. His eyes do shew his dayes are almost done
Mal. Is't euen so?
To. But I will neuer dye
Clo. Sir Toby there you lye
Mal. This is much credit to you
To. Shall I bid him go
Clo. What and if you do?
To. Shall I bid him go, and spare not?
Clo. O no, no, no, no, you dare not
To. Out o' tune sir, ye lye: Art any more then a Steward?
Dost thou thinke because thou art vertuous, there
shall be no more Cakes and Ale?
Clo. Yes by S[aint]. Anne, and Ginger shall bee hotte y'th
To. Th'art i'th right. Goe sir, rub your Chaine with
crums. A stope of Wine Maria
Mal. Mistris Mary, if you priz'd my Ladies fauour
at any thing more then contempt, you would not giue
meanes for this vnciuill rule; she shall know of it by this
Mar. Go shake your eares
An. 'Twere as good a deede as to drink when a mans
a hungrie, to challenge him the field, and then to breake
promise with him, and make a foole of him
To. Doo't knight, Ile write thee a Challenge: or Ile
deliuer thy indignation to him by word of mouth
Mar. Sweet Sir Toby be patient for to night: Since
the youth of the Counts was to day with my Lady, she is
much out of quiet. For Monsieur Maluolio, let me alone
with him: If I do not gull him into a nayword, and make
him a common recreation, do not thinke I haue witte enough
to lye straight in my bed: I know I can do it
To. Possesse vs, possesse vs, tell vs something of him
Mar. Marrie sir, sometimes he is a kinde of Puritane
An. O, if I thought that, Ide beate him like a dogge
To. What for being a Puritan, thy exquisite reason,
An. I haue no exquisite reason for't, but I haue reason
Mar. The diu'll a Puritane that hee is, or any thing
constantly but a time-pleaser, an affection'd Asse, that
cons State without booke, and vtters it by great swarths.
The best perswaded of himselfe: so cram'd (as he thinkes)
with excellencies, that it is his grounds of faith, that all
that looke on him, loue him: and on that vice in him, will
my reuenge finde notable cause to worke
To. What wilt thou do?
Mar. I will drop in his way some obscure Epistles of
loue, wherein by the colour of his beard, the shape of his
legge, the manner of his gate, the expressure of his eye,
forehead, and complection, he shall finde himselfe most
feelingly personated. I can write very like my Ladie
your Neece, on a forgotten matter wee can hardly make
distinction of our hands
To. Excellent, I smell a deuice
An. I hau't in my nose too
To. He shall thinke by the Letters that thou wilt drop
that they come from my Neece, and that shee's in loue
Mar. My purpose is indeed a horse of that colour
An. And your horse now would make him an Asse
Mar. Asse, I doubt not
An. O twill be admirable
Mar. Sport royall I warrant you: I know my Physicke
will worke with him, I will plant you two, and let
the Foole make a third, where he shall finde the Letter:
obserue his construction of it: For this night to bed, and
dreame on the euent: Farewell.
To. Good night Penthisilea
An. Before me she's a good wench
To. She's a beagle true bred, and one that adores me:
An. I was ador'd once too
To. Let's to bed knight: Thou hadst neede send for
An. If I cannot recouer your Neece, I am a foule way
To. Send for money knight, if thou hast her not i'th
end, call me Cut
An. If I do not, neuer trust me, take it how you will
To. Come, come, Ile go burne some Sacke, tis too late
to go to bed now: Come knight, come knight.
Enter Duke, Viola, Curio, and others
Du. Giue me some Musick; Now good morow frends.
Now good Cesario, but that peece of song,
That old and Anticke song we heard last night;
Me thought it did releeue my passion much,
More then light ayres, and recollected termes
Of these most briske and giddy-paced times.
Come, but one verse
Cur. He is not heere (so please your Lordshippe) that
should sing it?
Du. Who was it?
Cur. Feste the Iester my Lord, a foole that the Ladie
Oliuiaes Father tooke much delight in. He is about the
Du. Seeke him out, and play the tune the while.
Come hither Boy, if euer thou shalt loue
In the sweet pangs of it, remember me:
For such as I am, all true Louers are,
Vnstaid and skittish in all motions else,
Saue in the constant image of the creature
That is belou'd. How dost thou like this tune?
Vio. It giues a verie eccho to the seate
Where loue is thron'd
Du. Thou dost speake masterly,
My life vpon't, yong though thou art, thine eye
Hath staid vpon some fauour that it loues:
Hath it not boy?
Vio. A little, by your fauour
Du. What kinde of woman ist?
Vio. Of your complection
Du. She is not worth thee then. What yeares ifaith?
Vio. About your yeeres my Lord
Du. Too old by heauen: Let still the woman take
An elder then her selfe, so weares she to him;
So swayes she leuell in her husbands heart:
For boy, howeuer we do praise our selues,
Our fancies are more giddie and vnfirme,
More longing, wauering, sooner lost and worne,
Then womens are
Vio. I thinke it well my Lord
Du. Then let thy Loue be yonger then thy selfe,
Or thy affection cannot hold the bent:
For women are as Roses, whose faire flowre
Being once displaid, doth fall that verie howre
Vio. And so they are: alas, that they are so:
To die, euen when they to perfection grow.
Enter Curio & Clowne.
Du. O fellow come, the song we had last night:
Marke it Cesario, it is old and plaine;
The Spinsters and the Knitters in the Sun,
And the free maides that weaue their thred with bones,
Do vse to chaunt it: it is silly sooth,
And dallies with the innocence of loue,
Like the old age
Clo. Are you ready Sir?
Duke. I prethee sing.
Come away, come away death,
And in sad cypresse let me be laide.
Fye away, fie away breath,
I am slaine by a faire cruell maide:
My shrowd of white, stuck all with Ew, O prepare it.
My part of death no one so true did share it.
Not a flower, not a flower sweete
On my blacke coffin, let there be strewne:
Not a friend, not a friend greet
My poore corpes, where my bones shall be throwne:
A thousand thousand sighes to saue, lay me o where
Sad true louer neuer find my graue, to weepe there
Du. There's for thy paines
Clo. No paines sir, I take pleasure in singing sir
Du. Ile pay thy pleasure then
Clo. Truely sir, and pleasure will be paide one time, or
Du. Giue me now leaue, to leaue thee
Clo. Now the melancholly God protect thee, and the
Tailor make thy doublet of changeable Taffata, for thy
minde is a very Opall. I would haue men of such constancie
put to Sea, that their businesse might be euery thing,
and their intent euerie where, for that's it, that alwayes
makes a good voyage of nothing. Farewell.
Du. Let all the rest giue place: Once more Cesario,
Get thee to yond same soueraigne crueltie:
Tell her my loue, more noble then the world
Prizes not quantitie of dirtie lands,
The parts that fortune hath bestow'd vpon her:
Tell her I hold as giddily as Fortune:
But 'tis that miracle, and Queene of Iems
That nature prankes her in, attracts my soule
Vio. But if she cannot loue you sir
Du. It cannot be so answer'd
Vio. Sooth but you must.
Say that some Lady, as perhappes there is,
Hath for your loue as great a pang of heart
As you haue for Oliuia: you cannot loue her:
You tel her so: Must she not then be answer'd?
Du. There is no womans sides
Can bide the beating of so strong a passion,
As loue doth giue my heart: no womans heart
So bigge, to hold so much, they lacke retention.
Alas, their loue may be call'd appetite,
No motion of the Liuer, but the Pallat,
That suffer surfet, cloyment, and reuolt,
But mine is all as hungry as the Sea,
And can digest as much, make no compare
Betweene that loue a woman can beare me,
And that I owe Oliuia
Vio. I but I know
Du. What dost thou knowe?
Vio. Too well what loue women to men may owe:
In faith they are as true of heart, as we.
My Father had a daughter lou'd a man
As it might be perhaps, were I a woman
I should your Lordship
Du. And what's her history?
Vio. A blanke my Lord: she neuer told her loue,
But let concealment like a worme i'th budde
Feede on her damaske cheeke: she pin'd in thought,
And with a greene and yellow melancholly,
She sate like Patience on a Monument,
Smiling at greefe. Was not this loue indeede?
We men may say more, sweare more, but indeed
Our shewes are more then will: for still we proue
Much in our vowes, but little in our loue
Du. But di'de thy sister of her loue my Boy?
Vio. I am all the daughters of my Fathers house,
And all the brothers too: and yet I know not.
Sir, shall I to this Lady?
Du. I that's the Theame,
To her in haste: giue her this Iewell: say,
My loue can giue no place, bide no denay.
Enter Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian.
To. Come thy wayes Signior Fabian
Fab. Nay Ile come: if I loose a scruple of this sport,
let me be boyl'd to death with Melancholly
To. Wouldst thou not be glad to haue the niggardly
Rascally sheepe-biter, come by some notable shame?
Fa. I would exult man: you know he brought me out
o' fauour with my Lady, about a Beare-baiting heere
To. To anger him wee'l haue the Beare againe, and
we will foole him blacke and blew, shall we not sir Andrew?
An. And we do not, it is pittie of our liues.
To. Heere comes the little villaine: How now my
Mettle of India?
Mar. Get ye all three into the box tree: Maluolio's
comming downe this walke, he has beene yonder i'the
Sunne practising behauiour to his own shadow this halfe
houre: obserue him for the loue of Mockerie: for I know
this Letter wil make a contemplatiue Ideot of him. Close
in the name of ieasting, lye thou there: for heere comes
the Trowt, that must be caught with tickling.
Mal. 'Tis but Fortune, all is fortune. Maria once
told me she did affect me, and I haue heard her self come
thus neere, that should shee fancie, it should bee one of
my complection. Besides she vses me with a more exalted
respect, then any one else that followes her. What
should I thinke on't?
To. Heere's an ouer-weening rogue
Fa. Oh peace: Contemplation makes a rare Turkey
Cocke of him, how he iets vnder his aduanc'd plumes
And. Slight I could so beate the Rogue
To. Peace I say
Mal. To be Count Maluolio
To. Ah Rogue
An. Pistoll him, pistoll him
To. Peace, peace
Mal. There is example for't: The Lady of the Strachy,
married the yeoman of the wardrobe
An. Fie on him Iezabel
Fa. O peace, now he's deepely in: looke how imagination
Mal. Hauing beene three moneths married to her,
sitting in my state
To. O for a stone-bow to hit him in the eye
Mal. Calling my Officers about me, in my branch'd
Veluet gowne: hauing come from a day bedde, where I
haue left Oliuia sleeping
To. Fire and Brimstone
Fa. O peace, peace
Mal. And then to haue the humor of state: and after
a demure trauaile of regard: telling them I knowe my
place, as I would they should doe theirs: to aske for my
To. Boltes and shackles
Fa. Oh peace, peace, peace, now, now
Mal. Seauen of my people with an obedient start,
make out for him: I frowne the while, and perchance
winde vp my watch, or play with my some rich Iewell:
Toby approaches; curtsies there to me
To. Shall this fellow liue?
Fa. Though our silence be drawne from vs with cars,
Mal. I extend my hand to him thus: quenching my
familiar smile with an austere regard of controll
To. And do's not Toby take you a blow o'the lippes,
Mal. Saying, Cosine Toby, my Fortunes hauing cast
me on your Neece, giue me this prerogatiue of speech
To. What, what?
Mal. You must amend your drunkennesse
To. Out scab
Fab. Nay patience, or we breake the sinewes of our
Mal. Besides you waste the treasure of your time,
with a foolish knight
And. That's mee I warrant you
Mal. One sir Andrew
And. I knew 'twas I, for many do call mee foole
Mal. What employment haue we heere?
Fa. Now is the Woodcocke neere the gin
To. Oh peace, and the spirit of humors intimate reading
aloud to him
Mal. By my life this is my Ladies hand: these bee her
very C's, her V's, and her T's, and thus makes shee her
great P's. It is in contempt of question her hand
An. Her C's, her V's, and her T's: why that?
Mal. To the vnknowne belou'd, this, and my good Wishes:
Her very Phrases: By your leaue wax. Soft, and the impressure
her Lucrece, with which she vses to seale: tis my
Lady: To whom should this be?
Fab. This winnes him, Liuer and all
Mal. Ioue knowes I loue, but who, Lips do not mooue, no
man must know. No man must know. What followes?
The numbers alter'd: No man must know,
If this should be thee Maluolio?
To. Marrie hang thee brocke
Mal. I may command where I adore, but silence like a Lucresse
With bloodlesse stroke my heart doth gore, M.O.A.I. doth
sway my life
Fa. A fustian riddle
To. Excellent Wench, say I
Mal. M.O.A.I. doth sway my life. Nay but first
let me see, let me see, let me see
Fab. What dish a poyson has she drest him?
To. And with what wing the stallion checkes at it?
Mal. I may command, where I adore: Why shee may
command me: I serue her, she is my Ladie. Why this is
euident to any formall capacitie. There is no obstruction
in this, and the end: What should that Alphabeticall position
portend, if I could make that resemble something
in me? Softly, M.O.A.I
To. O I, make vp that, he is now at a cold sent
Fab. Sowter will cry vpon't for all this, though it bee
as ranke as a Fox
Mal. M. Maluolio, M. why that begins my name
Fab. Did not I say he would worke it out, the Curre
is excellent at faults
Mal. M. But then there is no consonancy in the sequell
that suffers vnder probation: A. should follow, but O.
Fa. And O shall end, I hope
To. I, or Ile cudgell him, and make him cry O
Mal. And then I. comes behind
Fa. I, and you had any eye behinde you, you might
see more detraction at your heeles, then Fortunes before
Mal. M,O,A,I. This simulation is not as the former:
and yet to crush this a little, it would bow to mee, for euery
one of these Letters are in my name. Soft, here followes
prose: If this fall into thy hand, reuolue. In my stars
I am aboue thee, but be not affraid of greatnesse: Some
are become great, some atcheeues greatnesse, and some
haue greatnesse thrust vppon em. Thy fates open theyr
hands, let thy blood and spirit embrace them, and to invre
thy selfe to what thou art like to be: cast thy humble
slough, and appeare fresh. Be opposite with a kinsman,
surly with seruants: Let thy tongue tang arguments of
state; put thy selfe into the tricke of singularitie. Shee
thus aduises thee, that sighes for thee. Remember who
commended thy yellow stockings, and wish'd to see thee
euer crosse garter'd: I say remember, goe too, thou art
made if thou desir'st to be so: If not, let me see thee a steward
still, the fellow of seruants, and not woorthie to
touch Fortunes fingers Farewell, Shee that would alter
seruices with thee, the fortunate vnhappy daylight and
champian discouers not more: This is open, I will bee
proud, I will reade politicke Authours, I will baffle Sir
Toby, I will wash off grosse acquaintance, I will be point
deuise, the very man. I do not now foole my selfe, to let
imagination iade mee; for euery reason excites to this,
that my Lady loues me. She did commend my yellow
stockings of late, shee did praise my legge being crosse-garter'd,
and in this she manifests her selfe to my loue, &
with a kinde of iniunction driues mee to these habites of
her liking. I thanke my starres, I am happy: I will bee
strange, stout, in yellow stockings, and crosse Garter'd,
euen with the swiftnesse of putting on. Ioue, and my
starres be praised. Heere is yet a postscript. Thou canst
not choose but know who I am. If thou entertainst my loue, let
it appeare in thy smiling, thy smiles become thee well. Therefore
in my presence still smile, deero my sweete, I prethee. Ioue
I thanke thee, I will smile, I wil do euery thing that thou
wilt haue me.
Fab. I will not giue my part of this sport for a pension
of thousands to be paid from the Sophy
To. I could marry this wench for this deuice
An. So could I too
To. And aske no other dowry with her, but such another
An. Nor I neither
Fab. Heere comes my noble gull catcher
To. Wilt thou set thy foote o'my necke
An. Or o'mine either?
To. Shall I play my freedome at tray-trip, and becom
An. Ifaith, or I either?
Tob. Why, thou hast put him in such a dreame, that
when the image of it leaues him, he must run mad
Ma. Nay but say true, do's it worke vpon him?
To. Like Aqua vite with a Midwife
Mar. If you will then see the fruites of the sport, mark
his first approach before my Lady: hee will come to her
in yellow stockings, and 'tis a colour she abhorres, and
crosse garter'd, a fashion shee detests: and hee will smile
vpon her, which will now be so vnsuteable to her disposition,
being addicted to a melancholly, as shee is, that it
cannot but turn him into a notable contempt: if you wil
see it follow me
To. To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent diuell
And. Ile make one too.
Finis Actus secundus
Actus Tertius, Scaena prima.
Enter Viola and Clowne.
Vio. Saue thee Friend and thy Musick: dost thou liue
by thy Tabor?
Clo. No sir, I liue by the Church
Vio. Art thou a Churchman?
Clo. No such matter sir, I do liue by the Church: For,
I do liue at my house, and my house dooth stand by the
Vio. So thou maist say the Kings lyes by a begger, if a
begger dwell neer him: or the Church stands by thy Tabor,
if thy Tabor stand by the Church
Clo. You haue said sir: To see this age: A sentence is
but a cheu'rill gloue to a good witte, how quickely the
wrong side may be turn'd outward
Vio. Nay that's certaine: they that dally nicely with
words, may quickely make them wanton
Clo. I would therefore my sister had had no name Sir
Vio. Why man?
Clo. Why sir, her names a word, and to dallie with
that word, might make my sister wanton: But indeede,
words are very Rascals, since bonds disgrac'd them
Vio. Thy reason man?
Clo. Troth sir, I can yeeld you none without wordes,
and wordes are growne so false, I am loath to proue reason
Vio. I warrant thou art a merry fellow, and car'st for
Clo. Not so sir, I do care for something: but in my conscience
sir, I do not care for you: if that be to care for nothing
sir, I would it would make you inuisible
Vio. Art not thou the Lady Oliuia's foole?
Clo. No indeed sir, the Lady Oliuia has no folly, shee
will keepe no foole sir, till she be married, and fooles are
as like husbands, as Pilchers are to Herrings, the Husbands
the bigger, I am indeede not her foole, but hir corrupter
Vio. I saw thee late at the Count Orsino's
Clo. Foolery sir, does walke about the Orbe like the
Sun, it shines euery where. I would be sorry sir, but the
Foole should be as oft with your Master, as with my Mistris:
I thinke I saw your wisedome there
Vio. Nay, and thou passe vpon me, Ile no more with
thee. Hold there's expences for thee
Clo. Now Ioue in his next commodity of hayre, send
thee a beard
Vio. By my troth Ile tell thee, I am almost sicke for
one, though I would not haue it grow on my chinne. Is
thy Lady within?
Clo Would not a paire of these haue bred sir?
Vio. Yes being kept together, and put to vse
Clo. I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia sir, to bring
a Cressida to this Troylus
Vio. I vnderstand you sir, tis well begg'd
Clo. The matter I hope is not great sir; begging, but a
begger: Cressida was a begger. My Lady is within sir. I
will conster to them whence you come, who you are, and
what you would are out of my welkin, I might say Element,
but the word is ouer-worne.
Vio. This fellow is wise enough to play the foole,
And to do that well, craues a kinde of wit:
He must obserue their mood on whom he iests,
The quality of persons, and the time:
And like the Haggard, checke at euery Feather
That comes before his eye. This is a practice,
As full of labour as a Wise-mans Art:
For folly that he wisely shewes, is fit;
But wisemens folly falne, quite taint their wit.
Enter Sir Toby and Andrew.
To. Saue you Gentleman
Vio. And you sir
And. Dieu vou guard Monsieur
Vio. Et vouz ousie vostre seruiture
An. I hope sir, you are, and I am yours
To. Will you incounter the house, my Neece is desirous
you should enter, if your trade be to her
Vio. I am bound to your Neece sir, I meane she is the
list of my voyage
To. Taste your legges sir, put them to motion
Vio. My legges do better vnderstand me sir, then I vnderstand
what you meane by bidding me taste my legs
To. I meane to go sir, to enter
Vio. I will answer you with gate and entrance, but we
Enter Oliuia, and Gentlewoman.
Most excellent accomplish'd Lady, the heauens raine Odours
And. That youth's a rare Courtier, raine odours, wel
Vio. My matter hath no voice Lady, but to your owne
most pregnant and vouchsafed eare
And. Odours, pregnant, and vouchsafed: Ile get 'em
all three already
Ol. Let the Garden doore be shut, and leaue mee to
my hearing. Giue me your hand sir
Vio. My dutie Madam, and most humble seruice
Ol. What is your name?
Vio. Cesario is your seruants name, faire Princesse
Ol. My seruant sir? 'Twas neuer merry world,
Since lowly feigning was call'd complement:
Y'are seruant to the Count Orsino youth
Vio. And he is yours, and his must needs be yours:
Your seruants seruant, is your seruant Madam
Ol. For him, I thinke not on him: for his thoughts,
Would they were blankes, rather then fill'd with me
Vio. Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts
On his behalfe
Ol. O by your leaue I pray you.
I bad you neuer speake againe of him;
But would you vndertake another suite
I had rather heare you, to solicit that,
Then Musicke from the spheares
Vio. Deere Lady
Ol. Giue me leaue, beseech you: I did send,
After the last enchantment you did heare,
A Ring in chace of you. So did I abuse
My selfe, my seruant, and I feare me you:
Vnder your hard construction must I sit,
To force that on you in a shamefull cunning
Which you knew none of yours. What might you think?
Haue you not set mine Honor at the stake,
And baited it with all th' vnmuzled thoughts
That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your receiuing
Enough is shewne, a Cipresse, not a bosome,
Hides my heart: so let me heare you speake
Vio. I pittie you
Ol. That's a degree to loue
Vio. No not a grize: for tis a vulgar proofe
That verie oft we pitty enemies
Ol. Why then me thinkes 'tis time to smile agen:
O world, how apt the poore are to be proud?
If one should be a prey, how much the better
To fall before the Lion, then the Wolfe?
The clocke vpbraides me with the waste of time:
Be not affraid good youth, I will not haue you,
And yet when wit and youth is come to haruest,
Your wife is like to reape a proper man:
There lies your way, due West
Vio. Then Westward hoe:
Grace and good disposition attend your Ladyship:
You'l nothing Madam to my Lord, by me:
Ol. Stay: I prethee tell me what thou thinkst of me?
Vio. That you do thinke you are not what you are
Ol. If I thinke so, I thinke the same of you
Vio. Then thinke you right: I am not what I am
Ol. I would you were, as I would haue you be
Vio. Would it be better Madam, then I am?
I wish it might, for now I am your foole
Ol. O what a deale of scorne, lookes beautifull?
In the contempt and anger of his lip,
A murdrous guilt shewes not it selfe more soone,
Then loue that would seeme hid: Loues night, is noone.
Cesario, by the Roses of the Spring,
By maid-hood, honor, truth, and euery thing,
I loue thee so, that maugre all thy pride,
Nor wit, nor reason, can my passion hide:
Do not extort thy reasons from this clause,
For that I woo, thou therefore hast no cause:
But rather reason thus, with reason fetter;
Loue sought, is good: but giuen vnsought, is better
Vio. By innocence I sweare, and by my youth,
I haue one heart, one bosome, and one truth,
And that no woman has, nor neuer none
Shall mistris be of it, saue I alone.
And so adieu good Madam, neuer more,
Will I my Masters teares to you deplore
Ol. Yet come againe: for thou perhaps mayst moue
That heart which now abhorres, to like his loue.
Enter Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian.
And. No faith, Ile not stay a iot longer:
To. Thy reason deere venom, giue thy reason
Fab. You must needes yeelde your reason, Sir Andrew?
And. Marry I saw your Neece do more fauours to the
Counts Seruing-man, then euer she bestow'd vpon mee:
I saw't i'th Orchard
To. Did she see the while, old boy, tell me that
And. As plaine as I see you now
Fab. This was a great argument of loue in her toward
And. S'light; will you make an Asse o'me
Fab. I will proue it legitimate sir, vpon the Oathes of
iudgement, and reason
To. And they haue beene grand Iurie men, since before
Noah was a Saylor
Fab. Shee did shew fauour to the youth in your sight,
onely to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse valour,
to put fire in your Heart, and brimstone in your Liuer:
you should then haue accosted her, and with some excellent
iests, fire-new from the mint, you should haue bangd
the youth into dumbenesse: this was look'd for at your
hand, and this was baulkt: the double gilt of this opportunitie
you let time wash off, and you are now sayld into
the North of my Ladies opinion, where you will hang
like an ysickle on a Dutchmans beard, vnlesse you do redeeme
it, by some laudable attempt, either of valour or
And. And't be any way, it must be with Valour, for
policie I hate: I had as liefe be a Brownist, as a Politician
To. Why then build me thy fortunes vpon the basis of
valour. Challenge me the Counts youth to fight with him
hurt him in eleuen places, my Neece shall take note of it,
and assure thy selfe, there is no loue-Broker in the world,
can more preuaile in mans commendation with woman,
then report of valour
Fab. There is no way but this sir Andrew
An. Will either of you beare me a challenge to him?
To. Go, write it in a martial hand, be curst and briefe:
it is no matter how wittie, so it bee eloquent, and full of
inuention: taunt him with the license of Inke: if thou
thou'st him some thrice, it shall not be amisse, and as many
Lyes, as will lye in thy sheete of paper, although the
sheete were bigge enough for the bedde of Ware in England,
set 'em downe, go about it. Let there bee gaulle enough
in thy inke, though thou write with a Goose-pen,
no matter: about it
And. Where shall I finde you?
To. Wee'l call thee at the Cubiculo: Go.
Exit Sir Andrew.
Fa. This is a deere Manakin to you Sir Toby
To. I haue beene deere to him lad, some two thousand
strong, or so
Fa. We shall haue a rare Letter from him; but you'le
To. Neuer trust me then: and by all meanes stirre on
the youth to an answer. I thinke Oxen and waine-ropes
cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were open'd
and you finde so much blood in his Liuer, as will clog the
foote of a flea, Ile eate the rest of th' anatomy
Fab. And his opposit the youth beares in his visage no
great presage of cruelty.
To. Looke where the youngest Wren of mine comes
Mar. If you desire the spleene, and will laughe your
selues into stitches, follow me; yond gull Maluolio is turned
Heathen, a verie Renegatho; for there is no christian
that meanes to be saued by beleeuing rightly, can euer
beleeue such impossible passages of grossenesse. Hee's in
To. And crosse garter'd?
Mar. Most villanously: like a Pedant that keepes a
Schoole i'th Church: I haue dogg'd him like his murtherer.
He does obey euery point of the Letter that I dropt,
to betray him: He does smile his face into more lynes,
then is in the new Mappe, with the augmentation of the