Part 1 out of 4
Produced by Julie C. Sparks
THE WHITE DEVIL
TO THE READER
In publishing this tragedy, I do but challenge myself that liberty, which
other men have taken before me; not that I affect praise by it, for, nos
haec novimus esse nihil, only since it was acted in so dull a time of
winter, presented in so open and black a theatre, that it wanted (that
which is the only grace and setting-out of a tragedy) a full and
understanding auditory; and that since that time I have noted, most of
the people that come to that playhouse resemble those ignorant asses
(who, visiting stationers' shops, their use is not to inquire for good
books, but new books), I present it to the general view with this
Nec rhoncos metues maligniorum,
Nec scombris tunicas dabis molestas.
If it be objected this is no true dramatic poem, I shall easily confess
it, non potes in nugas dicere plura meas, ipse ego quam dixi; willingly,
and not ignorantly, in this kind have I faulted: For should a man present
to such an auditory, the most sententious tragedy that ever was written,
observing all the critical laws as height of style, and gravity of
person, enrich it with the sententious Chorus, and, as it were Life and
Death, in the passionate and weighty Nuntius: yet after all this divine
rapture, O dura messorum ilia, the breath that comes from the incapable
multitude is able to poison it; and, ere it be acted, let the author
resolve to fix to every scene this of Horace:
--Haec hodie porcis comedenda relinques.
To those who report I was a long time in finishing this tragedy, I
confess I do not write with a goose-quill winged with two feathers; and
if they will need make it my fault, I must answer them with that of
Euripides to Alcestides, a tragic writer: Alcestides objecting that
Euripides had only, in three days composed three verses, whereas himself
had written three hundred: Thou tallest truth (quoth he), but here 's the
difference, thine shall only be read for three days, whereas mine shall
continue for three ages.
Detraction is the sworn friend to ignorance: for mine own part, I have
ever truly cherished my good opinion of other men's worthy labours,
especially of that full and heightened style of Mr. Chapman, the laboured
and understanding works of Mr. Johnson, the no less worthy composures of
the both worthily excellent Mr. Beaumont and Mr. Fletcher; and lastly
(without wrong last to be named), the right happy and copious industry of
Mr. Shakespeare, Mr. Dekker, and Mr. Heywood, wishing what I write may be
read by their light: protesting that, in the strength of mine own
judgment, I know them so worthy, that though I rest silent in my own
work, yet to most of theirs I dare (without flattery) fix that of
--non norunt haec monumenta mori.
MONTICELSO, a Cardinal; afterwards Pope PAUL the Fourth.
FRANCISCO DE MEDICIS, Duke of Florence; in the 5th Act disguised for a
Moor, under the name of MULINASSAR.
BRACHIANO, otherwise PAULO GIORDANO URSINI, Duke of Brachiano, Husband
to ISABELLA, and in love with VITTORIA.
GIOVANNI--his Son by ISABELLA.
LODOVICO, an Italian Count, but decayed.
ANTONELLI, | his Friends, and Dependants of the Duke of Florence.
CAMILLO, Husband to VITTORIA.
HORTENSIO, one of BRACHIANO's Officers.
MARCELLO, an Attendant of the Duke of Florence, and Brother to VITTORIA.
FLAMINEO, his Brother; Secretary to BRACHIANO.
JACQUES, a Moor, Servant to GIOVANNI.
ISABELLA, Sister to FRANCISCO DE MEDICI, and Wife to BRACHIANO.
VITTORIA COROMBONA, a Venetian Lady; first married to CAMILLO, afterwards
CORNELIA, Mother to VITTORIA, FLAMINEO, and MARCELLO.
ZANCHE, a Moor, Servant to VITTORIA.
Ambassadors, Courtiers, Lawyers, Officers, Physicians, Conjurer,
Enter Count Lodovico, Antonelli, and Gasparo
Ant. It griev'd me much to hear the sentence.
Lodo. Ha, ha, O Democritus, thy gods
That govern the whole world! courtly reward
And punishment. Fortune 's a right whore:
If she give aught, she deals it in small parcels,
That she may take away all at one swoop.
This 'tis to have great enemies! God 'quite them.
Your wolf no longer seems to be a wolf
Than when she 's hungry.
Gas. You term those enemies,
Are men of princely rank.
Lodo. Oh, I pray for them:
The violent thunder is adored by those
Are pasht in pieces by it.
Ant. Come, my lord,
You are justly doom'd; look but a little back
Into your former life: you have in three years
Ruin'd the noblest earldom.
Gas. Your followers
Have swallowed you, like mummia, and being sick
With such unnatural and horrid physic,
Vomit you up i' th' kennel.
Ant. All the damnable degrees
Of drinking have you stagger'd through. One citizen,
Is lord of two fair manors, call'd you master,
Only for caviare.
Gas. Those noblemen
Which were invited to your prodigal feasts,
(Wherein the phoenix scarce could 'scape your throats)
Laugh at your misery, as fore-deeming you
An idle meteor, which drawn forth, the earth
Would be soon lost i' the air.
Ant. Jest upon you,
And say you were begotten in an earthquake,
You have ruin'd such fair lordships.
Lodo. Very good.
This well goes with two buckets: I must tend
The pouring out of either.
Gas. Worse than these.
You have acted certain murders here in Rome,
Bloody and full of horror.
Lodo. 'Las, they were flea-bitings:
Why took they not my head then?
Gas. O, my lord!
The law doth sometimes mediate, thinks it good
Not ever to steep violent sins in blood:
This gentle penance may both end your crimes,
And in the example better these bad times.
Lodo. So; but I wonder then some great men 'scape
This banishment: there 's Paulo Giordano Ursini,
The Duke of Brachiano, now lives in Rome,
And by close panderism seeks to prostitute
The honour of Vittoria Corombona:
Vittoria, she that might have got my pardon
For one kiss to the duke.
Ant. Have a full man within you:
We see that trees bear no such pleasant fruit
There where they grew first, as where they are new set.
Perfumes, the more they are chaf'd, the more they render
Their pleasing scents, and so affliction
Expresseth virtue fully, whether true,
Or else adulterate.
Lodo. Leave your painted comforts;
I 'll make Italian cut-works in their guts
If ever I return.
Gas. Oh, sir.
Lodo. I am patient.
I have seen some ready to be executed,
Give pleasant looks, and money, and grown familiar
With the knave hangman; so do I; I thank them,
And would account them nobly merciful,
Would they dispatch me quickly.
Ant. Fare you well;
We shall find time, I doubt not, to repeal
Lodo. I am ever bound to you.
This is the world's alms; pray make use of it.
Great men sell sheep, thus to be cut in pieces,
When first they have shorn them bare, and sold their fleeces.
Enter Brachiano, Camillo, Flamineo, Vittoria
Brach. Your best of rest.
Vit. Unto my lord the duke,
The best of welcome. More lights: attend the duke.
[Exeunt Camillo and Vittoria.
Flam. My lord.
Brach. Quite lost, Flamineo.
Flam. Pursue your noble wishes, I am prompt
As lightning to your service. O my lord!
The fair Vittoria, my happy sister,
Shall give you present audience--Gentlemen, [Whisper.
Let the caroch go on--and 'tis his pleasure
You put out all your torches and depart.
Brach. Are we so happy?
Flam. Can it be otherwise?
Observ'd you not to-night, my honour'd lord,
Which way soe'er you went, she threw her eyes?
I have dealt already with her chambermaid,
Zanche the Moor, and she is wondrous proud
To be the agent for so high a spirit.
Brach. We are happy above thought, because 'bove merit.
Flam. 'Bove merit! we may now talk freely: 'bove merit! what is 't you
doubt? her coyness! that 's but the superficies of lust most women have;
yet why should ladies blush to hear that named, which they do not fear
to handle? Oh, they are politic; they know our desire is increased by
the difficulty of enjoying; whereas satiety is a blunt, weary, and
drowsy passion. If the buttery-hatch at court stood continually open,
there would be nothing so passionate crowding, nor hot suit after the
Brach. Oh, but her jealous husband----
Flam. Hang him; a gilder that hath his brains perished with quicksilver
is not more cold in the liver. The great barriers moulted not more
feathers, than he hath shed hairs, by the confession of his doctor. An
Irish gamester that will play himself naked, and then wage all
downward, at hazard, is not more venturous. So unable to please a
woman, that, like a Dutch doublet, all his back is shrunk into his
Shroud you within this closet, good my lord;
Some trick now must be thought on to divide
My brother-in-law from his fair bed-fellow.
Brach. Oh, should she fail to come----
Flam. I must not have your lordship thus unwisely amorous. I myself
have not loved a lady, and pursued her with a great deal of under-age
protestation, whom some three or four gallants that have enjoyed would
with all their hearts have been glad to have been rid of. 'Tis just
like a summer bird-cage in a garden: the birds that are without despair
to get in, and the birds that are within despair and are in a
consumption for fear they shall never get out. Away, away, my lord.
[Exit Brachiano as Camillo enters.
See here he comes. This fellow by his apparel
Some men would judge a politician;
But call his wit in question, you shall find it
Merely an ass in 's foot-cloth. How now, brother?
What, travelling to bed with your kind wife?
Cam. I assure you, brother, no. My voyage lies
More northerly, in a far colder clime.
I do not well remember, I protest,
When I last lay with her.
Flam. Strange you should lose your count.
Cam. We never lay together, but ere morning
There grew a flaw between us.
Flam. 'T had been your part
To have made up that flaw.
Cam. True, but she loathes I should be seen in 't.
Flam. Why, sir, what 's the matter?
Cam. The duke your master visits me, I thank him;
And I perceive how, like an earnest bowler,
He very passionately leans that way
he should have his bowl run.
Flam. I hope you do not think----
Cam. That nobleman bowl booty? faith, his cheek
Hath a most excellent bias: it would fain
Jump with my mistress.
Flam. Will you be an ass,
Despite your Aristotle? or a cuckold,
Contrary to your Ephemerides,
Which shows you under what a smiling planet
You were first swaddled?
Cam. Pew wew, sir; tell me not
Of planets nor of Ephemerides.
A man may be made cuckold in the day-time,
When the stars' eyes are out.
Flam. Sir, good-bye you;
I do commit you to your pitiful pillow
Stuffed with horn-shavings.
Flam. God refuse me.
Might I advise you now, your only course
Were to lock up your wife.
Cam. 'Twere very good.
Flam. Bar her the sight of revels.
Flam. Let her not go to church, but, like a hound
In leon, at your heels.
Cam. 'Twere for her honour.
Flam. And so you should be certain in one fortnight,
Despite her chastity or innocence,
To be cuckolded, which yet is in suspense:
This is my counsel, and I ask no fee for 't.
Cam. Come, you know not where my nightcap wrings me.
Flam. Wear it a' th' old fashion; let your large ears come through,
it will be more easy--nay, I will be bitter--bar your wife of her
entertainment: women are more willingly and more gloriously chaste,
when they are least restrained of their liberty. It seems you would
be a fine capricious, mathematically jealous coxcomb; take the height
of your own horns with a Jacob's staff, afore they are up. These
politic enclosures for paltry mutton, makes more rebellion in the
flesh, than all the provocative electuaries doctors have uttered since
Cam. This doth not physic me----
Flam. It seems you are jealous: I 'll show you the error of it by a
familiar example: I have seen a pair of spectacles fashioned with such
perspective art, that lay down but one twelve pence a' th' board,
'twill appear as if there were twenty; now should you wear a pair of
these spectacles, and see your wife tying her shoe, you would imagine
twenty hands were taking up of your wife's clothes, and this would put
you into a horrible causeless fury.
Cam. The fault there, sir, is not in the eyesight.
Flam. True, but they that have the yellow jaundice think all objects
they look on to be yellow. Jealousy is worse; her fits present to a
man, like so many bubbles in a basin of water, twenty several crabbed
faces, many times makes his own shadow his cuckold-maker. [Enter
Vittoria Corombona.] See, she comes; what reason have you to be
jealous of this creature? what an ignorant ass or flattering knave
might be counted, that should write sonnets to her eyes, or call her
brow the snow of Ida, or ivory of Corinth; or compare her hair to the
blackbird's bill, when 'tis liker the blackbird's feather? This is
all. Be wise; I will make you friends, and you shall go to bed
together. Marry, look you, it shall not be your seeking. Do you stand
upon that, by any means: walk you aloof; I would not have you seen
in 't.--Sister [my lord attend you in the banqueting-house,] your
husband is wondrous discontented.
Vit. I did nothing to displease him; I carved to him at supper-time.
Flam. [You need not have carved him, in faith; they say he is a capon
already. I must now seemingly fall out with you.] Shall a gentleman
so well descended as Camillo [a lousy slave, that within this twenty
years rode with the black guard in the duke's carriage, 'mongst spits
Cam. Now he begins to tickle her.
Flam. An excellent scholar [one that hath a head fill'd with calves'
brains without any sage in them,] come crouching in the hams to you for
a night's lodging? [that hath an itch in 's hams, which like the fire
at the glass-house hath not gone out this seven years] Is he not a
courtly gentleman? [when he wears white satin, one would take him by
his black muzzle to be no other creature than a maggot] You are a
goodly foil, I confess, well set out [but cover'd with a false stone--
yon counterfeit diamond].
Cam. He will make her know what is in me.
Flam. Come, my lord attends you; thou shalt go to bed to my lord.
Cam. Now he comes to 't.
Flam. [With a relish as curious as a vintner going to taste new wine.]
[To Camillo.] I am opening your case hard.
Cam. A virtuous brother, o' my credit!
Flam. He will give thee a ring with a philosopher's stone in it.
Cam. Indeed, I am studying alchemy.
Flam. Thou shalt lie in a bed stuffed with turtle's feathers; swoon in
perfumed linen, like the fellow was smothered in roses. So perfect
shall be thy happiness, that as men at sea think land, and trees, and
ships, go that way they go; so both heaven and earth shall seem to go
your voyage. Shalt meet him; 'tis fix'd, with nails of diamonds to
Vit. How shalt rid him hence?
Flam. [I will put brize in 's tail, set him gadding presently.] I have
almost wrought her to it; I find her coming: but, might I advise you
now, for this night I would not lie with her, I would cross her humour
to make her more humble.
Cam. Shall I, shall I?
Flam. It will show in you a supremacy of judgment.
Cam. True, and a mind differing from the tumultuary opinion; for, quae
Flam. Right: you are the adamant shall draw her to you, though you keep
Cam. A philosophical reason.
Flam. Walk by her a' th' nobleman's fashion, and tell her you will lie
with her at the end of the progress.
Cam. Vittoria, I cannot be induc'd, or as a man would say, incited----
Vit. To do what, sir?
Cam. To lie with you to-night. Your silkworm used to fast every third
day, and the next following spins the better. To-morrow at night, I am
Vit. You 'll spin a fair thread, trust to 't.
Flam. But do you hear, I shall have you steal to her chamber about
Cam. Do you think so? why look you, brother, because you shall not say
I 'll gull you, take the key, lock me into the chamber, and say you
shall be sure of me.
Flam. In troth I will; I 'll be your jailor once.
Cam. A pox on 't, as I am a Christian! tell me to-morrow how scurvily
she takes my unkind parting.
Flam. I will.
Cam. Didst thou not mark the jest of the silkworm?
Good-night; in faith, I will use this trick often.
Flam. Do, do, do. [Exit Camillo.
So, now you are safe. Ha, ha, ha, thou entanglest thyself in thine own
work like a silkworm. [Enter Brachiano.] Come, sister, darkness hides
your blush. Women are like cursed dogs: civility keeps them tied all
daytime, but they are let loose at midnight; then they do most good, or
most mischief. My lord, my lord!
Zanche brings out a carpet, spreads it, and lays on it two fair cushions.
Enter Cornelia listening, but unperceived.
Brach. Give credit: I could wish time would stand still,
And never end this interview, this hour;
But all delight doth itself soon'st devour.
Let me into your bosom, happy lady,
Pour out, instead of eloquence, my vows.
Loose me not, madam, for if you forgo me,
I am lost eternally.
Vit. Sir, in the way of pity,
I wish you heart-whole.
Brach. You are a sweet physician.
Vit. Sure, sir, a loathed cruelty in ladies
Is as to doctors many funerals:
It takes away their credit.
Brach. Excellent creature!
We call the cruel fair; what name for you
That are so merciful?
Zan. See now they close.
Flam. Most happy union.
Corn. [Aside.] My fears are fall'n upon me: oh, my heart!
My son the pander! now I find our house
Sinking to ruin. Earthquakes leave behind,
Where they have tyranniz'd, iron, or lead, or stone;
But woe to ruin, violent lust leaves none.
Brach. What value is this jewel?
Vit. 'Tis the ornament of a weak fortune.
Brach. In sooth, I 'll have it; nay, I will but change
My jewel for your jewel.
His jewel for her jewel: well put in, duke.
Brach. Nay, let me see you wear it.
Vit. Here, sir?
Brach. Nay, lower, you shall wear my jewel lower.
Flam. That 's better: she must wear his jewel lower.
Vit. To pass away the time, I 'll tell your grace
A dream I had last night.
Brach. Most wishedly.
Vit. A foolish idle dream:
Methought I walked about the mid of night
Into a churchyard, where a goodly yew-tree
Spread her large root in ground: under that yew,
As I sat sadly leaning on a grave,
Chequer'd with cross-sticks, there came stealing in
Your duchess and my husband; one of them
A pickaxe bore, th' other a rusty spade,
And in rough terms they 'gan to challenge me
About this yew.
Brach. That tree?
Vit. This harmless yew;
They told me my intent was to root up
That well-grown yew, and plant i' the stead of it
A wither'd blackthorn; and for that they vow'd
To bury me alive. My husband straight
With pickaxe 'gan to dig, and your fell duchess
With shovel, like a fury, voided out
The earth and scatter'd bones: Lord, how methought
I could not pray.
Flam. No; the devil was in your dream.
Vit. When to my rescue there arose, methought,
A whirlwind, which let fall a massy arm
From that strong plant;
And both were struck dead by that sacred yew,
In that base shallow grave that was their due.
Flam. Excellent devil!
She hath taught him in a dream
To make away his duchess and her husband.
Brach. Sweetly shall I interpret this your dream.
You are lodg'd within his arms who shall protect you
From all the fevers of a jealous husband,
From the poor envy of our phlegmatic duchess.
I 'll seat you above law, and above scandal;
Give to your thoughts the invention of delight,
And the fruition; nor shall government
Divide me from you longer, than a care
To keep you great: you shall to me at once
Be dukedom, health, wife, children, friends, and all.
Corn. [Advancing.] Woe to light hearts, they still forerun our fall!
Flam. What fury raised thee up? away, away. [Exit Zanche.
Corn. What make you here, my lord, this dead of night?
Never dropp'd mildew on a flower here till now.
Flam. I pray, will you go to bed then,
Lest you be blasted?
Corn. O that this fair garden
Had with all poison'd herbs of Thessaly
At first been planted; made a nursery
For witchcraft, rather than a burial plot
For both your honours!
Vit. Dearest mother, hear me.
Corn. O, thou dost make my brow bend to the earth.
Sooner than nature! See the curse of children!
In life they keep us frequently in tears;
And in the cold grave leave us in pale fears.
Brach. Come, come, I will not hear you.
Vit. Dear my lord.
Corn. Where is thy duchess now, adulterous duke?
Thou little dream'st this night she 's come to Rome.
Flam. How! come to Rome!
Vit. The duchess!
Brach. She had been better----
Corn. The lives of princes should like dials move,
Whose regular example is so strong,
They make the times by them go right, or wrong.
Flam. So, have you done?
Corn. Unfortunate Camillo!
Vit. I do protest, if any chaste denial,
If anything but blood could have allay'd
His long suit to me----
Corn. I will join with thee,
To the most woeful end e'er mother kneel'd:
If thou dishonour thus thy husband's bed,
Be thy life short as are the funeral tears
In great men's----
Brach. Fie, fie, the woman's mad.
Corn. Be thy act Judas-like; betray in kissing:
May'st thou be envied during his short breath,
And pitied like a wretch after his death!
Vit. O me accurs'd! [Exit.
Flam. Are you out of your wits? my lord,
I 'll fetch her back again.
Brach. No, I 'll to bed:
Send Doctor Julio to me presently.
Uncharitable woman! thy rash tongue
Hath rais'd a fearful and prodigious storm:
Be thou the cause of all ensuing harm. [Exit.
Flam. Now, you that stand so much upon your honour,
Is this a fitting time a' night, think you,
To send a duke home without e'er a man?
I would fain know where lies the mass of wealth
Which you have hoarded for my maintenance,
That I may bear my bear out of the level
Of my lord's stirrup.
Corn. What! because we are poor
Shall we be vicious?
Flam. Pray, what means have you
To keep me from the galleys, or the gallows?
My father prov'd himself a gentleman,
Sold all 's land, and, like a fortunate fellow,
Died ere the money was spent. You brought me up
At Padua, I confess, where I protest,
For want of means--the University judge me--
I have been fain to heel my tutor's stockings,
At least seven years; conspiring with a beard,
Made me a graduate; then to this duke's service,
I visited the court, whence I return'd
More courteous, more lecherous by far,
But not a suit the richer. And shall I,
Having a path so open, and so free
To my preferment, still retain your milk
In my pale forehead? No, this face of mine
I 'll arm, and fortify with lusty wine,
'Gainst shame and blushing.
Corn. O that I ne'er had borne thee!
Flam. So would I;
I would the common'st courtesan in Rome
Had been my mother, rather than thyself.
Nature is very pitiful to whores,
To give them but few children, yet those children
Plurality of fathers; they are sure
They shall not want. Go, go,
Complain unto my great lord cardinal;
It may be he will justify the act.
Lycurgus wonder'd much, men would provide
Good stallions for their mares, and yet would suffer
Their fair wives to be barren.
Corn. Misery of miseries! [Exit.
Flam. The duchess come to court! I like not that.
We are engag'd to mischief, and must on;
As rivers to find out the ocean
Flow with crook bendings beneath forced banks,
Or as we see, to aspire some mountain's top,
The way ascends not straight, but imitates
The subtle foldings of a winter's snake,
So who knows policy and her true aspect,
Shall find her ways winding and indirect.
Enter Francisco de Medicis, Cardinal Monticelso, Marcello, Isabella,
young Giovanni, with little Jacques the Moor
Fran. Have you not seen your husband since you arrived?
Isab. Not yet, sir.
Fran. Surely he is wondrous kind;
If I had such a dove-house as Camillo's,
I would set fire on 't were 't but to destroy
The polecats that haunt to it--My sweet cousin!
Giov. Lord uncle, you did promise me a horse,
Fran. That I did, my pretty cousin.
Marcello, see it fitted.
Marc. My lord, the duke is here.
Fran. Sister, away; you must not yet be seen.
Isab. I do beseech you,
Entreat him mildly, let not your rough tongue
Set us at louder variance; all my wrongs
Are freely pardon'd; and I do not doubt,
As men to try the precious unicorn's horn
Make of the powder a preservative circle,
And in it put a spider, so these arms
Shall charm his poison, force it to obeying,
And keep him chaste from an infected straying.
Fran. I wish it may. Begone. [Exit Isabella as Brachiano and Flamineo
enter.] Void the chamber.
You are welcome; will you sit?--I pray, my lord,
Be you my orator, my heart 's too full;
I 'll second you anon.
Mont. Ere I begin,
Let me entreat your grace forgo all passion,
Which may be raised by my free discourse.
Brach. As silent as i' th' church: you may proceed.
Mont. It is a wonder to your noble friends,
That you, having as 'twere enter'd the world
With a free scepter in your able hand,
And having to th' use of nature well applied
High gifts of learning, should in your prime age
Neglect your awful throne for the soft down
Of an insatiate bed. O my lord,
The drunkard after all his lavish cups
Is dry, and then is sober; so at length,
When you awake from this lascivious dream,
Repentance then will follow, like the sting
Plac'd in the adder's tail. Wretched are princes
When fortune blasteth but a petty flower
Of their unwieldy crowns, or ravisheth
But one pearl from their scepter; but alas!
When they to wilful shipwreck lose good fame,
All princely titles perish with their name.
Brach. You have said, my lord----
Mont. Enough to give you taste
How far I am from flattering your greatness.
Brach. Now you that are his second, what say you?
Do not like young hawks fetch a course about;
Your game flies fair, and for you.
Fran. Do not fear it:
I 'll answer you in your own hawking phrase.
Some eagles that should gaze upon the sun
Seldom soar high, but take their lustful ease,
Since they from dunghill birds their prey can seize.
You know Vittoria?
Fran. You shift your shirt there,
When you retire from tennis?
Fran. Her husband is lord of a poor fortune,
Yet she wears cloth of tissue.
Brach. What of this?
Will you urge that, my good lord cardinal,
As part of her confession at next shrift,
And know from whence it sails?
Fran. She is your strumpet----
Brach. Uncivil sir, there 's hemlock in thy breath,
And that black slander. Were she a whore of mine,
All thy loud cannons, and thy borrow'd Switzers,
Thy galleys, nor thy sworn confederates,
Durst not supplant her.
Fran. Let 's not talk on thunder.
Thou hast a wife, our sister; would I had given
Both her white hands to death, bound and lock'd fast
In her last winding sheet, when I gave thee
Brach. Thou hadst given a soul to God then.
Thy ghostly father, with all his absolution,
Shall ne'er do so by thee.
Brach. Spit thy poison.
Fran. I shall not need; lust carries her sharp whip
At her own girdle. Look to 't, for our anger
Is making thunderbolts.
Brach. Thunder! in faith,
They are but crackers.
Fran. We 'll end this with the cannon.
Brach. Thou 'lt get naught by it, but iron in thy wounds,
And gunpowder in thy nostrils.
Fran. Better that,
Than change perfumes for plasters.
Brach. Pity on thee!
'Twere good you 'd show your slaves or men condemn'd,
Your new-plough'd forehead. Defiance! and I 'll meet thee,
Even in a thicket of thy ablest men.
Mont. My lords, you shall not word it any further
Without a milder limit.
Brach. Have you proclaim'd a triumph, that you bait
A lion thus?
Mont. My lord!
Brach. I am tame, I am tame, sir.
Fran. We send unto the duke for conference
'Bout levies 'gainst the pirates; my lord duke
Is not at home: we come ourself in person;
Still my lord duke is busied. But we fear
When Tiber to each prowling passenger
Discovers flocks of wild ducks, then, my lord--
'Bout moulting time I mean--we shall be certain
To find you sure enough, and speak with you.
Fran. A mere tale of a tub: my words are idle.
But to express the sonnet by natural reason,
When stags grow melancholic you 'll find the season.
Mont. No more, my lord; here comes a champion
Shall end the difference between you both;
Your son, the Prince Giovanni. See, my lords,
What hopes you store in him; this is a casket
For both your crowns, and should be held like dear.
Now is he apt for knowledge; therefore know
It is a more direct and even way,
To train to virtue those of princely blood,
By examples than by precepts: if by examples,
Whom should he rather strive to imitate
Than his own father? be his pattern then,
Leave him for a stock of virtue that may last,
Should fortune rend his sails, and split his mast.
Brach. Your hand, boy: growing to a soldier?
Giov. Give me a pike.
Fran. What, practising your pike so young, fair cousin?
Giov. Suppose me one of Homer's frogs, my lord,
Tossing my bulrush thus. Pray, sir, tell me,
Might not a child of good discretion
Be leader to an army?
Fran. Yes, cousin, a young prince
Of good discretion might.
Giov. Say you so?
Indeed I have heard, 'tis fit a general
Should not endanger his own person oft;
So that he make a noise when he 's a-horseback,
Like a Danske drummer,--Oh, 'tis excellent!--
He need not fight! methinks his horse as well
Might lead an army for him. If I live,
I 'll charge the French foe in the very front
Of all my troops, the foremost man.
Fran. What! what!
Giov. And will not bid my soldiers up, and follow,
But bid them follow me.
Brach. Forward lapwing!
He flies with the shell on 's head.
Fran. Pretty cousin!
Giov. The first year, uncle, that I go to war,
All prisoners that I take, I will set free,
Without their ransom.
Fran. Ha! without their ransom!
How then will you reward your soldiers,
That took those prisoners for you?
Giov. Thus, my lord:
I 'll marry them to all the wealthy widows
That falls that year.
Fran. Why then, the next year following,
You 'll have no men to go with you to war.
Giov. Why then I 'll press the women to the war,
And then the men will follow.
Mont. Witty prince!
Fran. See, a good habit makes a child a man,
Whereas a bad one makes a man a beast.
Come, you and I are friends.
Brach. Most wishedly:
Like bones which, broke in sunder, and well set,
Knit the more strongly.
Fran. Call Camillo hither.--
You have receiv'd the rumour, how Count Lodowick
Is turn'd a pirate?
Fran. We are now preparing to fetch him in. Behold your duchess.
We now will leave you, and expect from you
Nothing but kind entreaty.
Brach. You have charm'd me.
[Exeunt Francisco, Monticelso, and Giovanni.
You are in health, we see.
Isab. And above health,
To see my lord well.
Brach. So: I wonder much
What amorous whirlwind hurried you to Rome.
Isab. Devotion, my lord.
Is your soul charg'd with any grievous sin?
Isab. 'Tis burden'd with too many; and I think
The oftener that we cast our reckonings up,
Our sleep will be the sounder.
Brach. Take your chamber.
Isab. Nay, my dear lord, I will not have you angry!
Doth not my absence from you, now two months,
Merit one kiss?
Brach. I do not use to kiss:
If that will dispossess your jealousy,
I 'll swear it to you.
Isab. O, my loved lord,
I do not come to chide: my jealousy!
I am to learn what that Italian means.
You are as welcome to these longing arms,
As I to you a virgin.
Brach. Oh, your breath!
Out upon sweetmeats and continued physic,
The plague is in them!
Isab. You have oft, for these two lips,
Neglected cassia, or the natural sweets
Of the spring-violet: they are not yet much wither'd.
My lord, I should be merry: these your frowns
Show in a helmet lovely; but on me,
In such a peaceful interview, methinks
They are too roughly knit.
Brach. O dissemblance!
Do you bandy factions 'gainst me? have you learnt
The trick of impudent baseness to complain
Unto your kindred?
Isab. Never, my dear lord.
Brach. Must I be hunted out? or was 't your trick
To meet some amorous gallant here in Rome,
That must supply our discontinuance?
Isab. Pray, sir, burst my heart; and in my death
Turn to your ancient pity, though not love.
Brach. Because your brother is the corpulent duke,
That is, the great duke, 'sdeath, I shall not shortly
Racket away five hundred crowns at tennis,
But it shall rest 'pon record! I scorn him
Like a shav'd Polack: all his reverend wit
Lies in his wardrobe; he 's a discreet fellow,
When he 's made up in his robes of state.
Your brother, the great duke, because h' 'as galleys,
And now and then ransacks a Turkish fly-boat,
(Now all the hellish furies take his soul!)
First made this match: accursed be the priest
That sang the wedding-mass, and even my issue!
Isab. Oh, too, too far you have curs'd!
Brach. Your hand I 'll kiss;
This is the latest ceremony of my love.
Henceforth I 'll never lie with thee; by this,
This wedding-ring, I 'll ne'er more lie with thee!
And this divorce shall be as truly kept,
As if the judge had doomed it. Fare you well:
Our sleeps are sever'd.
Isab. Forbid it the sweet union
Of all things blessed! why, the saints in heaven
Will knit their brows at that.
Brach. Let not thy love
Make thee an unbeliever; this my vow
Shall never, on my soul, be satisfied
With my repentance: let thy brother rage
Beyond a horrid tempest, or sea-fight,
My vow is fixed.
Isab. O, my winding-sheet!
Now shall I need thee shortly. Dear my lord,
Let me hear once more, what I would not hear:
Isab. Oh, my unkind lord! may your sins find mercy,
As I upon a woeful widow'd bed
Shall pray for you, if not to turn your eyes
Upon your wretched wife and hopeful son,
Yet that in time you 'll fix them upon heaven!
Brach. No more; go, go, complain to the great duke.
Isab. No, my dear lord; you shall have present witness
How I 'll work peace between you. I will make
Myself the author of your cursed vow;
I have some cause to do it, you have none.
Conceal it, I beseech you, for the weal
Of both your dukedoms, that you wrought the means
Of such a separation: let the fault
Remain with my supposed jealousy,
And think with what a piteous and rent heart
I shall perform this sad ensuing part.
Enter Francisco, Flamineo, Monticelso, and Camillo
Brach. Well, take your course.--My honourable brother!
Fran. Sister!--This is not well, my lord.--Why, sister!--She merits not
Brach. Welcome, say!
She hath given a sharp welcome.
Fran. Are you foolish?
Come, dry your tears: is this a modest course
To better what is naught, to rail and weep?
Grow to a reconcilement, or, by heaven,
I 'll ne'er more deal between you.
Isab. Sir, you shall not;
No, though Vittoria, upon that condition,
Would become honest.
Fran. Was your husband loud
Since we departed?
Isab. By my life, sir, no,
I swear by that I do not care to lose.
Are all these ruins of my former beauty
Laid out for a whore's triumph?
Fran. Do you hear?
Look upon other women, with what patience
They suffer these slight wrongs, and with what justice
They study to requite them: take that course.
Isab. O that I were a man, or that I had power
To execute my apprehended wishes!
I would whip some with scorpions.
Fran. What! turn'd fury!
Isab. To dig that strumpet's eyes out; let her die
Some twenty months a-dying; to cut off
Her nose and lips, pull out her rotten teeth;
Preserve her flesh like mummia, for trophies
Of my just anger! Hell, to my affliction,
Is mere snow-water. By your favour, sir;--
Brother, draw near, and my lord cardinal;--
Sir, let me borrow of you but one kiss;
Henceforth I 'll never lie with you, by this,
Fran. How, ne'er more lie with him!
Isab. And this divorce shall be as truly kept
As if in thronged court a thousand ears
Had heard it, and a thousand lawyers' hands
Sealed to the separation.
Brach. Ne'er lie with me!
Isab. Let not my former dotage
Make thee an unbeliever; this my vow
Shall never on my soul be satisfied
With my repentance: manet alta mente repostum.
Fran. Now, by my birth, you are a foolish, mad,
And jealous woman.
Brach. You see 'tis not my seeking.
Fran. Was this your circle of pure unicorn's horn,
You said should charm your lord! now horns upon thee,
For jealousy deserves them! Keep your vow
And take your chamber.
Isab. No, sir, I 'll presently to Padua;
I will not stay a minute.
Mont. Oh, good madam!
Brach. 'Twere best to let her have her humour;
Some half-day's journey will bring down her stomach,
And then she 'll turn in post.
Fran. To see her come
To my lord for a dispensation
Of her rash vow, will beget excellent laughter.
Isab. 'Unkindness, do thy office; poor heart, break:
Those are the killing griefs, which dare not speak.' [Exit.
Marc. Camillo's come, my lord.
Fran. Where 's the commission?
Marc. 'Tis here.
Fran. Give me the signet.
Flam. [Leading Brachiano aside.] My lord, do you mark their
whispering? I will compound a medicine, out of their two heads,
stronger than garlic, deadlier than stibium: the cantharides, which
are scarce seen to stick upon the flesh, when they work to the heart,
shall not do it with more silence or invisible cunning.
Brach. About the murder?
Flam. They are sending him to Naples, but I 'll send him to Candy.
Here 's another property too.
Brach. Oh, the doctor!
Flam. A poor quack-salving knave, my lord; one that should have been
lashed for 's lechery, but that he confessed a judgment, had an
execution laid upon him, and so put the whip to a non plus.
Doctor. And was cozened, my lord, by an arranter knave than myself, and
made pay all the colorable execution.
Flam. He will shoot pills into a man's guts shall make them have more
ventages than a cornet or a lamprey; he will poison a kiss; and was
once minded for his masterpiece, because Ireland breeds no poison, to
have prepared a deadly vapour in a Spaniard's fart, that should have
poisoned all Dublin.
Brach. Oh, Saint Anthony's fire!
Doctor. Your secretary is merry, my lord.
Flam. O thou cursed antipathy to nature! Look, his eye 's bloodshot,
like a needle a surgeon stitcheth a wound with. Let me embrace thee,
toad, and love thee, O thou abominable, loathsome gargarism, that will
fetch up lungs, lights, heart, and liver, by scruples!
Brach. No more.--I must employ thee, honest doctor:
You must to Padua, and by the way,
Use some of your skill for us.
Doctor. Sir, I shall.
Brach. But for Camillo?
Flam. He dies this night, by such a politic strain,
Men shall suppose him by 's own engine slain.
But for your duchess' death----
Doctor. I 'll make her sure.
Brach. Small mischiefs are by greater made secure.
Flam. Remember this, you slave; when knaves come to preferment, they
rise as gallows in the Low Countries, one upon another's shoulders.
[Exeunt. Monticelso, Camillo, and Francisco come forward.
Mont. Here is an emblem, nephew, pray peruse it:
'Twas thrown in at your window.
Cam. At my window!
Here is a stag, my lord, hath shed his horns,
And, for the loss of them, the poor beast weeps:
The word, Inopem me copia fecit.
Mont. That is,
Plenty of horns hath made him poor of horns.
Cam. What should this mean?
Mont. I 'll tell you; 'tis given out
You are a cuckold.
Cam. Is it given out so?
I had rather such reports as that, my lord,
Should keep within doors.
Fran. Have you any children?
Cam. None, my lord.
Fran. You are the happier:
I 'll tell you a tale.
Cam. Pray, my lord.
Fran. An old tale.
Upon a time Phoebus, the god of light,
Or him we call the sun, would need to be married:
The gods gave their consent, and Mercury
Was sent to voice it to the general world.
But what a piteous cry there straight arose
Amongst smiths and felt-makers, brewers and cooks,
Reapers and butter-women, amongst fishmongers,
And thousand other trades, which are annoyed
By his excessive heat! 'twas lamentable.
They came to Jupiter all in a sweat,
And do forbid the banns. A great fat cook
Was made their speaker, who entreats of Jove
That Phoebus might be gelded; for if now,
When there was but one sun, so many men
Were like to perish by his violent heat,
What should they do if he were married,
And should beget more, and those children
Make fireworks like their father? So say I;
Only I apply it to your wife;
Her issue, should not providence prevent it,
Would make both nature, time, and man repent it.
Mont. Look you, cousin,
Go, change the air for shame; see if your absence
Will blast your cornucopia. Marcello
Is chosen with you joint commissioner,
For the relieving our Italian coast
Marc. I am much honour'd in 't.
Cam. But, sir,
Ere I return, the stag's horns may be sprouted
Greater than those are shed.
Mont. Do not fear it;
I 'll be your ranger.
Cam. You must watch i' th' nights;
Then 's the most danger.
Fran. Farewell, good Marcello:
All the best fortunes of a soldier's wish
Bring you a-shipboard.
Cam. Were I not best, now I am turn'd soldier,
Ere that I leave my wife, sell all she hath,
And then take leave of her?
Mont. I expect good from you,
Your parting is so merry.
Cam. Merry, my lord! a' th' captain's humour right,
I am resolved to be drunk this night. [Exeunt.
Fran. So, 'twas well fitted; now shall we discern
How his wish'd absence will give violent way
To Duke Brachiano's lust.
Mont. Why, that was it;
To what scorn'd purpose else should we make choice
Of him for a sea-captain? and, besides,
Count Lodowick, which was rumour'd for a pirate,
Is now in Padua.
Fran. Is 't true?
Mont. Most certain.
I have letters from him, which are suppliant
To work his quick repeal from banishment:
He means to address himself for pension
Unto our sister duchess.
Fran. Oh, 'twas well!
We shall not want his absence past six days:
I fain would have the Duke Brachiano run
Into notorious scandal; for there 's naught
In such cursed dotage, to repair his name,
Only the deep sense of some deathless shame.
Mont. It may be objected, I am dishonourable
To play thus with my kinsman; but I answer,
For my revenge I 'd stake a brother's life,
That being wrong'd, durst not avenge himself.
Fran. Come, to observe this strumpet.
Mont. Curse of greatness!
Sure he 'll not leave her?
Fran. There 's small pity in 't:
Like mistletoe on sere elms spent by weather,
Let him cleave to her, and both rot together. [Exeunt.
Enter Brachiano, with one in the habit of a conjurer
Brach. Now, sir, I claim your promise: 'tis dead midnight,
The time prefix'd to show me by your art,
How the intended murder of Camillo,
And our loath'd duchess, grow to action.
Conj. You have won me by your bounty to a deed
I do not often practise. Some there are,
Which by sophistic tricks, aspire that name
Which I would gladly lose, of necromancer;
As some that use to juggle upon cards,
Seeming to conjure, when indeed they cheat;
Others that raise up their confederate spirits
'Bout windmills, and endanger their own necks
For making of a squib; and some there are
Will keep a curtal to show juggling tricks,
And give out 'tis a spirit; besides these,
Such a whole ream of almanac-makers, figure-flingers,
Fellows, indeed that only live by stealth,
Since they do merely lie about stol'n goods,
They 'd make men think the devil were fast and loose,
With speaking fustian Latin. Pray, sit down;
Put on this nightcap, sir, 'tis charmed; and now
I 'll show you, by my strong commanding art,
The circumstance that breaks your duchess' heart.
A Dumb Show
Enter suspiciously Julio and Christophero: they draw a curtain where
Brachiano's picture is; they put on spectacles of glass, which cover
their eyes and noses, and then burn perfumes before the picture, and
wash the lips of the picture; that done, quenching the fire, and
putting off their spectacles, they depart laughing.
Enter Isabella in her night-gown, as to bedward, with lights, after her,
Count Lodovico, Giovanni, Guidantonio, and others waiting on her: she
kneels down as to prayers, then draws the curtain of the picture, does
three reverences to it, and kisses it thrice; she faints, and will not
suffer them to come near it; dies; sorrow expressed in Giovanni, and in
Count Lodovico. She is conveyed out solemnly.
Brach. Excellent! then she 's dead.
Conj. She 's poisoned
By the fumed picture. 'Twas her custom nightly,
Before she went to bed, to go and visit
Your picture, and to feed her eyes and lips
On the dead shadow: Doctor Julio,
Observing this, infects it with an oil,
And other poison'd stuff, which presently
Did suffocate her spirits.
Brach. Methought I saw
Count Lodowick there.
Conj. He was; and by my art
I find he did most passionately dote
Upon your duchess. Now turn another way,
And view Camillo's far more politic fate.
Strike louder, music, from this charmed ground,
To yield, as fits the act, a tragic sound!
The Second Dumb Show
Enter Flamineo, Marcello, Camillo, with four more as captains: they drink
healths, and dance; a vaulting horse is brought into the room; Marcello
and two more whispered out of the room, while Flamineo and Camillo
strip themselves into their shirts, as to vault; compliment who shall
begin; as Camillo is about to vault, Flamineo pitcheth him upon his
neck, and, with the help of the rest, writhes his neck about; seems to
see if it be broke, and lays him folded double, as 'twere under the
horse; makes show to call for help; Marcello comes in, laments; sends
for the cardinal and duke, who comes forth with armed men; wonders at
the act; commands the body to be carried home; apprehends Flamineo,
Marcello, and the rest, and go, as 'twere, to apprehend Vittoria.
Brach. 'Twas quaintly done; but yet each circumstance
I taste not fully.
Conj. Oh, 'twas most apparent!
You saw them enter, charg'd with their deep healths
To their boon voyage; and, to second that,
Flamineo calls to have a vaulting horse
Maintain their sport; the virtuous Marcello
Is innocently plotted forth the room;
Whilst your eye saw the rest, and can inform you
The engine of all.
Brach. It seems Marcello and Flamineo
Are both committed.
Conj. Yes, you saw them guarded;
And now they are come with purpose to apprehend
Your mistress, fair Vittoria. We are now
Beneath her roof: 'twere fit we instantly
Make out by some back postern.
Brach. Noble friend,
You bind me ever to you: this shall stand
As the firm seal annexed to my hand;
It shall enforce a payment. [Exit Brachiano.
Conj. Sir, I thank you.
Both flowers and weeds spring, when the sun is warm,
And great men do great good, or else great harm.
Enter Francisco de Medicis, and Monticelso, their Chancellor and Register
Fran. You have dealt discreetly, to obtain the presence
Of all the great lieger ambassadors
To hear Vittoria's trial.
Mont. 'Twas not ill;
For, sir, you know we have naught but circumstances
To charge her with, about her husband's death:
Their approbation, therefore, to the proofs
Of her black lust shall make her infamous
To all our neighbouring kingdoms. I wonder
If Brachiano will be here?
Fran. Oh, fie! 'Twere impudence too palpable. [Exeunt.
Enter Flamineo and Marcello guarded, and a Lawyer
Lawyer. What, are you in by the week? So--I will try now whether they
wit be close prisoner--methinks none should sit upon thy sister, but
Flam. Or cuckolds; for your cuckold is your most terrible tickler of
lechery. Whore-masters would serve; for none are judges at tilting,
but those that have been old tilters.
Lawyer. My lord duke and she have been very private.
Flam. You are a dull ass; 'tis threatened they have been very public.
Lawyer. If it can be proved they have but kissed one another----
Flam. What then?
Lawyer. My lord cardinal will ferret them.
Flam. A cardinal, I hope, will not catch conies.
Lawyer. For to sow kisses (mark what I say), to sow kisses is to reap
lechery; and, I am sure, a woman that will endure kissing is half won.
Flam. True, her upper part, by that rule; if you will win her neither
part too, you know what follows.
Lawyer. Hark! the ambassadors are 'lighted----
Flam. I do put on this feigned garb of mirth,
To gull suspicion.
Marc. Oh, my unfortunate sister!
I would my dagger-point had cleft her heart
When she first saw Brachiano: you, 'tis said,
Were made his engine, and his stalking horse,
To undo my sister.
Flam. I am a kind of path
To her and mine own preferment.
Marc. Your ruin.
Flam. Hum! thou art a soldier,
Followest the great duke, feed'st his victories,
As witches do their serviceable spirits,
Even with thy prodigal blood: what hast got?
But, like the wealth of captains, a poor handful,
Which in thy palm thou bear'st, as men hold water;
Seeking to grip it fast, the frail reward
Steals through thy fingers.
Flam. Thou hast scarce maintenance
To keep thee in fresh chamois.
Flam. Hear me:
And thus, when we have even pour'd ourselves
Into great fights, for their ambition,
Or idle spleen, how shall we find reward?
But as we seldom find the mistletoe,
Sacred to physic, or the builder oak,
Without a mandrake by it; so in our quest of gain,
Alas, the poorest of their forc'd dislikes
At a limb proffers, but at heart it strikes!
This is lamented doctrine.
Marc. Come, come.
Flam. When age shall turn thee
White as a blooming hawthorn----
Marc. I 'll interrupt you:
For love of virtue bear an honest heart,
And stride o'er every politic respect,
Which, where they most advance, they most infect.
Were I your father, as I am your brother,
I should not be ambitious to leave you
A better patrimony.
Flam. I 'll think on 't. [Enter Savoy Ambassador.
The lord ambassadors.
[Here there is a passage of the Lieger Ambassadors over the stage
Enter French Ambassador
Lawyer. Oh, my sprightly Frenchman! Do you know him? he 's an
Flam. I saw him at last tilting: he showed like a pewter candlestick
fashioned like a man in armour, holding a tilting staff in his hand,
little bigger than a candle of twelve i' th' pound.
Lawyer. Oh, but he's an excellent horseman!
Flam. A lame one in his lofty tricks; he sleeps a-horseback, like a
Enter English and Spanish
Lawyer. Lo you, my Spaniard!
Flam. He carried his face in 's ruff, as I have seen a serving-man
carry glasses in a cypress hatband, monstrous steady, for fear of
breaking; he looks like the claw of a blackbird, first salted, and
then broiled in a candle. [Exeunt.