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The Spectator, Volumes 1, 2 and 3 by Joseph Addison and Richard Steele

Part 49 out of 51

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order, preparing it for another World, and reconciling it to the
Thoughts of Death. I must therefore acquaint you, that besides those
usual Methods of Charity, of which I have before spoken, I am at this
very Instant finding out a convenient Place where I may build an
Alms-house, which I intend to endow very handsomely, for a Dozen
superannuated Husbandmen. It will be a great pleasure to me to say my
Prayers twice a-day with Men of my own [Years [1]], who all of them,
as well as my self, may have their Thoughts taken up how they shall
die, rather than how they shall live. I remember an excellent Saying
that I learned at School, _Finis coronat opus_. You know best whether
it be in _Virgil_ or in _Horace_, it is my business to apply it. If
your Affairs will permit you to take the Country Air with me
sometimes, you shall find an Apartment fitted up for you, and shall be
every day entertained with Beef or Mutton of my own feeding; Fish out
of my own Ponds; and Fruit out of my own Garden[s]. You shall have
free Egress and Regress about my House, without having any Questions
asked you, and in a Word such an hearty Welcome as you may expect from

_Your most sincere Friend
and humble Servant,_

ANDREW FREEPORT.

The Club, of which I am Member, being entirely dispersed, I shall
consult my Reader next Week, upon a Project relating to the Institution
of a new one.

O.

[Footnote 1: Age.]

* * * * *

No. 550. Monday, December 1, 1712. Addison.

'Quid dignum tanto feret hic promissor HIATU?'

Hor.

Since the late Dissolution of the Club whereof I have often declared my
self a Member, there are very many Persons who by Letters, Petitions,
and Recommendations, put up for the next Election. At the same time I
must complain, that several indirect and underhand Practices have been
made use of upon this Occasion. A certain Country Gentleman begun to
_tapp_ upon the first Information he received of Sir ROGER'S Death; when
he sent me up word, that if I would get him chosen in the Place of the
Deceased, he would present me with a Barrel of the best _October_ I had
ever drank in my Life. The Ladies are in great Pain to know whom I
intend to elect in the Room of WILL. HONEYCOMBE. Some of them indeed are
of Opinion that Mr. HONEYCOMBE did not take sufficient care of their
Interests in the Club, and are therefore desirous of having in it
hereafter a Representative of their own Sex. A Citizen who subscribes
himself _Y. Z._ tells me that he has one and twenty Shares in the
_African_ Company, and offers to bribe me with the odd one in case he
may succeed Sir ANDREW FREEPORT, which he thinks would raise the Credit
of that Fund. I have several Letters, dated from _Fenny Man's_, by
Gentlemen who are Candidates for Capt. SENTRY'S Place, and as many from
a Coffee-House in _Paul's_ Church-yard of such who would fill up the
Vacancy occasioned by the Death of my worthy Friend the Clergyman, whom
I can never mention but with a particular Respect.

Having maturely weighed these several Particulars, with the many
Remonstrances that have been made to me on this Subject, and considering
how invidious an Office I shall take upon me, if I make the whole
Election depend upon my single Voice, and being unwilling to expose my
self to those Clamours, which, on such an Occasion, will not fail to be
raised against me for Partiality, Injustice, Corruption, and other
Qualities which my Nature abhors, I have formed to my self the Project
of a Club as follows.

I have thoughts of issuing out Writs to all and every of the Clubs that
are established in the Cities of _London_ and _Westminster_, requiring
them to chuse out of their respective Bodies a Person of the greatest
Merit, and to return his name to me before _Lady-day_, at which time I
intend to sit upon Business.

By this means I may have Reason to hope, that the Club over which I
shall preside will be the very Flower and Quintescence of all other
Clubs. I have communicated this my Project to none but a particular
Friend of mine, whom I have celebrated twice or thrice for his Happiness
in that kind of Wit which is commonly known by the Name of a Punn. The
only Objection he makes to it is, that I shall raise up Enemies to my
self if I act with so regal an Air; and that my Detractors, instead of
giving me the usual Title of SPECTATOR, will be apt to call me the _King
of Clubs_.

But to proceed on my intended Project: It is very well known that I at
first set forth in this Work with the Character of a silent Man; and I
think I have so well preserved my Taciturnity, that I do not remember to
have violated it with three Sentences in the space of almost two Years.
As a Monosyllable is my Delight, I have made very few Excursions in the
Conversations which I have related beyond a Yes or a No. By this Means
my Readers have lost many good things which I have had in my Heart,
though I did not care for uttering them.

Now in order to diversify my Character, and to shew the World how well I
can talk if I have a Mind, I have Thoughts of being very loquacious in
the Club which I have now under Consideration. But that I may proceed
the more regularly in this Affair, I design, upon the first Meeting of
the said Club, to have _my Mouth opened_ in form; intending to regulate
my self in this Particular by a certain Ritual which I have by me, that
contains all the Ceremonies which are practised at the opening of the
Mouth of a Cardinal. I have likewise examined the forms which were used
of old by _Pythagoras_, when any of his Scholars, after an
Apprenticeship of Silence, was made free of his Speech. In the mean
time, as I have of late found my Name in foreign Gazettes upon less
Occasions, I question not but in their next Articles from _Great
Britain_, they will inform the World that _the_ SPECTATOR'S _Mouth is to
be opened on the twenty-fifth of_ March _next_. [1] I may perhaps
publish a very useful Paper at that Time of the Proceedings in that
Solemnity, and of the Persons who shall assist at it. But of this more
hereafter.

O.

[Footnote 1: On the twelfth of the following March appeared the first
number of Steele's _Guardian_. Addison's attempt to revive the
_Spectator_ was not made until June, 1714.]

* * * * *

No. 551. Tuesday, December 2, 1712.

'Sic Honor et Nomen divinis vatibus atque
Carminibus venit.'

Hor.

Mr. SPECTATOR,

When Men of worthy and excelling Genius's have obliged the World with
beautiful and instructive Writings, it is in the nature of Gratitude
that Praise should be returned them, as one proper consequent Reward
of their Performances. Nor has Mankind ever been so degenerately sunk,
but they have made this Return, and even when they have not been
wrought up by the generous Endeavour so as to receive the Advantages
designed by it. This Praise, which arises first in the Mouth of
particular Persons, spreads and lasts according to the Merit of
Authors; and when it thus meets with a full Success changes its
Denomination, and is called _Fame_. They who have happily arrived at
this, are, even while they live, enflamed by the Acknowledgments of
others, and spurred on to new Undertakings for the Benefit of Mankind,
notwithstanding the Detraction which some abject Tempers would cast
upon them: But when they decease, their Characters being freed from
the Shadow which _Envy_ laid them under, begin to shine out with
greater Splendour; their Spirits survive in their Works; they are
admitted into the highest Companies, and they continue pleasing and
instructing Posterity from Age to Age. Some of the best gain a
Character, by being able to shew that they are no Strangers to them;
and others obtain a new Warmth to labour for the Happiness and Ease of
Mankind, from a Reflection upon those Honours which are paid to their
Memories.

The Thought of this took me up as I turned over those Epigrams which
are the Remains of several of the _Wits_ of _Greece_, and perceived
many dedicated to the Fame of those who had excelled in beautiful
poetick Performances. Wherefore, in pursuance to my Thought, I
concluded to do something along with them to bring their Praises into
a new Light and Language, for the Encouragement of those whose modest
Tempers may be deterr'd by the Fear of Envy or Detraction from fair
Attempts, to which their Parts might render them equal. You will
perceive them as they follow to be conceived in the form of Epitaphs,
a sort of Writing which is wholly set apart for a short pointed Method
of Praise.

On _Orpheus_, written by _Antipater_.

'No longer_, Orpheus, _shall thy sacred Strains
Lead Stones, and Trees, and Beasts along the Plains;
No longer sooth the boistrous Wind to sleep,
Or still the Billows of the raging Deep:
For thou art gone, the Muses mourn'd thy Fall
In solemn Strains, thy Mother most of all.
Ye Mortals, idly for your Sons ye moan,
If thus a Goddess could not save her own.'

Observe here, that if we take the Fable for granted, as it was
believed to be in that Age when the Epigram was written, the Turn
appears to have Piety to the Gods, and a resigning Spirit in its
Application. But if we consider the Point with respect to our present
Knowledge, it will be less esteem'd; though the Author himself,
because he believ'd it, may still be more valued than any one who
should now write with a Point of the same Nature.

On _Homer_, by _Alpheus_ of _Mytilene_.

'Still in our Ears_ Andromache _complains,
And still in sight the Fate of_ Troy _remains;
Still_ Ajax _fights, still_ Hector's _dragg'd along,
Such strange Enchantment dwells in_ Homer's _Song;
Whose Birth cou'd more than one poor Realm adorn,
For all the World is proud that he was born.'

The Thought in the first part of this is natural, and depending upon
the Force of Poesy: In the latter part it looks as if it would aim at
the History of seven Towns contending for the Honour of _Homer's_
Birth-place; but when you expect to meet with that common Story, the
Poet slides by, and raises the whole _World_ for a kind of _Arbiter_,
which is to end the Contention amongst its several Parts.

On _Anacreon_ by _Antipater._

'This Tomb be thine,_ Anacreon; _all around
Let Ivy wreath, let Flourets deck the Ground,
And from its Earth, enrich'd with such a Prize,
Let Wells of Milk and Streams of Wine arise:
So will thine Ashes yet a Pleasure know,
If any Pleasure reach the Shades below.'

The Poet here written upon, is an easy gay Author, and he who writes
upon him has filled his own Head with the Character of his Subject. He
seems to love his Theme so much, that he thinks of nothing but
pleasing him as if he were still alive, by entering into his Libertine
Spirit; so that the Humour is easy and gay, resembling _Anacreon_ in
its Air, raised by such Images, and pointed with such a Turn as he
might have used. I give it a place here, because the Author may have
design'd it for his Honour; and I take an Opportunity from it to
advise others, that when they would praise, they cautiously avoid
every looser Qualification, and fix only where there is a real
Foundation in Merit.

On _Euripides_, by _Ion._

'Divine_ Euripides, _this Tomb we see
So fair, is not a Monument for thee,
So much as thou for it, since all will own
Thy Name and lasting Praise adorns the Stone.'

The Thought here is fine, but its Fault is, that it is general, that
it may belong to any great Man, because it points out no particular
Character. It would be better, if when we light upon such a Turn, we
join it with something that circumscribes and bounds it to the
Qualities of our Subject. He who gives his Praise in gross, will often
appear either to have been a Stranger to those he writes upon, or not
to have found any thing in them which is Praise-worthy.

On _Sophocles_, by _Simonides_.

'Winde, gentle Ever-green, to form a Shade
Around the Tomb where_ Sophocles _is laid;
Sweet Ivy winde thy Boughs, and intertwine
With blushing Roses and the clustring Vine:
Thus will thy lasting Leaves, with Beauties hung,
Prove grateful Emblems of the Lays he sung;
Whose Soul, exalted like a_ God _of_ Wit,
_Among the_ Muses _and the_ Graces _writ.'

This Epigram I have open'd more than any of the former: The Thought
towards the latter End seemed closer couched, so as to require an
Explication. I fancied the Poet aimed at the Picture which is
generally made of _Apollo_ and the _Muses_, he sitting with his Harp
in the Middle, and they around him. This look'd beautiful to my
Thought, and because the Image arose before me out of the Words of the
Original as I was reading it, I venture to explain them so.

On _Menander_, the Author unnamed.

'The very Bees, O sweet_ Menander, _hung
To taste the_ Muses _Spring upon thy Tongue;
The very_ Graces _made the Scenes you writ
Their happy Point of fine Expression hit.
Thus still you live, you make your_ Athens _shine,
And raise its Glory to the Skies in thine.'

This Epigram has a respect to the Character of its Subject; for
_Menander_ writ remarkably with a Justness and Purity of Language. It
has also told the Country he was born in, without either a set or a
hidden Manner, while it twists together the Glory of the Poet and his
Nation, so as to make the Nation depend upon his for an Encrease of
its own.

I will offer no more Instances at present, to shew that they who
deserve Praise have it returned them from different Ages. Let these
which have been laid down, shew Men that Envy will not always prevail.
And to the End that Writers may more successfully enliven the
Endeavours of one another, let them consider, in some such Manner as I
have attempted, what may be the justest Spirit and Art of Praise. It
is indeed very hard to come up to it. Our Praise is trifling when it
depends upon Fable; it is false when it depends upon wrong
Qualifications; it means nothing when it is general; it is extreamly
difficult to hit when we propose to raise Characters high, while we
keep to them justly. I shall end this with transcribing that excellent
Epitaph of Mr. _Cowley_, wherein, with a kind of grave and
philosophick Humour, he very beautifully speaks of himself (withdrawn
from the World, and dead to all the Interests of it) as of a Man
really deceased. At the same time it is an Instruction how to leave
the Publick with a good Grace.

Epitaphium Vivi Authoris.

'Hic, O Viator, sub Lare parvulo_
Couleius _hic est conditus, hic jacet
Defunctus Humani Laboris
Sorte, supervacuaque Vita,
Non Indecora pauperie nitens,
Et non inerti Nobilis Otio,
Vanoque dilectis popello
Divitiis animosus hostis.
Possis ut illum dicere mortuum
En Terra jam nunc Quantula sufficit?
Exempta sit Curis, Viator,
Terra sit illa laevis, precare.
Hic sparge Flores, sparge breves Rosas,
Nam Vita gaudet Mortua Floribus,
Herbisque Odoratis Corona
Vatis adhuc Cinerem Calentem.'

[The Publication of these Criticisms having procured me the following
Letter from a very ingenious Gentleman, I cannot forbear inserting it in
the Volume, though it did not come soon enough to have a place in any of
my single Papers.

_Mr_. SPECTATOR,

'Having read over in your Paper, No. 551. some of the Epigrams made by
the _Grecian_ Wits, in commendation of their celebrated Poets, I could
not forbear sending you another, out of the same Collection; which I
take to be as great a Compliment to _Homer_, as any that has yet been
paid him.

[Greek: Tis poth' ho ton Troiaes polemon, &c.]

Who first transcribed the famous_ Trojan _War,
And wise_ Ulysses' _Acts, O_ Jove, _make known:
For since 'tis certain, Thine those Poems are,
No more let_ Homer _boast they are his own.

If you think it worthy of a Place in your Speculations, for ought I
know (by that means) it may in time be printed as often in _English_,
as it has already been in _Greek_, I am (like the rest of the World)

_SIR_,

_Your great Admirer_,
G. R.
4th _Dec_.

The Reader may observe that the Beauty of this Epigram is different from
that of any in the foregoing. An Irony is look'd upon as the finest
Palliative of Praise; and very often conveys the noblest Panegyrick
under the Appearance of Satire. _Homer_ is here seemingly accused and
treated as a Plagiary; but what is drawn up in the form of an Accusation
is certainly, as my Correspondent observes, the greatest Compliment that
could have been paid to that Divine Poet.]

_Dear Mr_. SPECTATOR,

I am a Gentleman of a pretty good Fortune, and of a Temper impatient
of any thing which I think an Injury; however I always quarrelled
according to Law, and instead of attacking my Adversary by the
dangerous Method of Sword and Pistol, I made my Assaults by that more
secure one of Writ or Warrant. I cannot help telling you, that either
by the Justice of my Causes, or the Superiority of my Counsel, I have
been generally successful; and to my great Satisfaction I can say it,
that by three Actions of Slander, and half a dozen Trespasses, I have
for several Years enjoy'd a perfect Tranquility in my Reputation and
Estate. By these means also I have been made known to the Judges, the
Serjeants of our Circuit are my intimate Friends, and the Ornamental
Counsel pay a very profound Respect to one who has made so great a
Figure in the Law. Affairs of Consequence having brought me to Town, I
had the Curiosity t'other day to visit _Westminster-Hall_; and having
placed my self in one of the Courts, expected to be most agreeably
entertained. After the Court and Counsel were, with due Ceremony,
seated, up stands a learned Gentleman, and began, When this _Matter_
was last _stirr'd_ before your Lordship: The next humbly moved to
_quash_ an _Indictment_; another complain'd that his Adversary had
_snapp'd_ a _Judgment_; the next informed the Court that his Client
was _stripp'd_ of his _Possession_; another begg'd Leave to acquaint
his Lordship, that they had been _saddled_ with Costs. At last up got
a grave Serjeant, and told us his Client had been _hung up_ a whole
Term by a _Writ of Error_. At this I could bear it no longer, but came
hither, and resolv'd to apply my self to your Honour to interpose with
these Gentlemen, that they would leave off such low and unnatural
Expressions: For surely tho' the Lawyers subscribe to hideous _French_
and false _Latin_, yet they should let their Clients have a little
decent and proper _English_ for their Money. What Man that has a Value
for a good Name would like to have it said in a publick Court, that
Mr. such-a-one was _stripp'd, saddled_ or _hung up_? This being what
has escaped your Spectatorial Observation, be pleas'd to correct such
an illiberal Cant among profess'd Speakers, and you'll infinitely
oblige
_Your humble Servant_,
Philonicus.

Joe's _Coffee-house_,
Novemb. 28.

* * * * *

No. 552. Wednesday, December 3, 1712. Steele.

'--Quae praegravat artes
Infra se positas extinctus amabitur idem.'

Hor.

As I was tumbling about the Town the other Day in an Hackney-Coach, and
delighting my self with busy Scenes in the Shops of each Side of me, it
came into my Head, with no small Remorse, that I had not been frequent
enough in the Mention and Recommendation of the industrious Part of
Mankind. It very naturally, upon this Occasion, touched my Conscience in
particular, that I had not acquitted my self to my Friend Mr. _Peter
Motteux_. [1] That industrious Man of Trade, and formerly Brother of the
Quill, has dedicated to me a Poem upon Tea. It would injure him, as a
Man of Business, if I did not let the World know that the Author of so
good Verses writ them before he was concern'd in Traffick. In order to
expiate my Negligence towards him, I immediately resolv'd to make him a
Visit. I found his spacious Warehouses fill'd and adorn'd with Tea,
_China_ and _Indian_ Ware. I could observe a beautiful Ordonnance of the
whole; and such different and considerable Branches of Trade carried on,
in the same House, I exulted in seeing dispos'd by a Poetical Head. In
one place were exposed to view Silks of various Shades and Colours, rich
Brocades, and the wealthiest Products of foreign Looms.

Here you might see the finest Laces held up by the fairest Hands, and
there examin'd by the beauteous Eyes of the Buyers, the most delicate
Cambricks, Muslins, and Linnens. I could not but congratulate my Friend
on the humble, but, I hoped, beneficial Use he had made of his Talents,
and wished I could be a Patron to his Trade, as he had been pleased to
make me of his Poetry. The honest Man has, I know, that modest Desire of
Gain which is peculiar to those who understand better Things than
Riches: and I dare say he would be contented with much less than what is
called Wealth at that Quarter of the Town which he inhabits, and will
oblige all his Customers with Demands agreeable to the Moderation of his
Desires.

Among other Omissions of which I have been also guilty, with relation to
Men of Industry of a superior Order, I must acknowledge my Silence
towards a Proposal frequently enclosed to me by Mr. _Renatus Harris,
Organ-Builder_. The ambition of this Artificer is to erect an Organ in
St. _Paul's_ Cathedral, over the West Door, at the Entrance into the
Body of the Church, which in Art and Magnificence shall transcend any
Work of that kind ever before invented. The Proposal in perspicuous
Language sets forth the Honour and Advantage such a Performance would be
to the _British_ Name, as well as that it would apply the Power of
Sounds in a manner more amazingly forcible than, perhaps, has yet been
known, and I am sure to an End much more worthy. Had the vast Sums which
have been laid out upon Opera's without Skill or Conduct, and to no
other Purpose but to suspend or vitiate our Understandings, been
disposed this Way, we should now perhaps have an Engine so formed as to
strike the Minds of half a People at once in a Place of Worship with a
Forgetfulness of present Care and Calamity, and a Hope of endless
Rapture, Joy, and Hallelujah hereafter.

When I am doing this Justice, I am not to forget the best Mechanick of
my Acquaintance, that useful Servant to Science and Knowledge, Mr. _John
Rowley_; but I think I lay a great Obligation on the Publick, by
acquainting them with his Proposals for a Pair of new Globes. After his
Preamble, he promises in the said Proposals that,

_In the Celestial Globe,_

'Care shall be taken that the fixed Stars be placed according to their
true Longitude and Latitude, from the many and correct Observations of
_Hevelius, Cassini_, Mr. _Flamsteed_, Reg. Astronomer, Dr. _Halley
Savilian_ Professor of Geometry in _Oxon_; and from whatever else can
be procured to render the Globe more exact, instructive, and useful.

'That all the Constellations be drawn in a curious, new, and
particular manner; each Star in so just, distinct, and conspicuous a
Proportion, that its true Magnitude may be readily known by bare
Inspection, according to the different _Light_ and _Sizes_ of the
Stars. That the Track or Way of such Comets as have been well
observ'd, but not hitherto expressed in any Globe, be carefully
delineated in this.

_In the Terrestrial Globe._

'That by reason the Descriptions formerly made, both in the _English_
[and [2]] _Dutch_ great Globes, are erroneous, _Asia, Africa_, and
_America_, be drawn in a Manner wholly new; by which means it is to be
noted, that the Undertakers will be obliged to alter the Latitude of
some Places in 10 Degrees, the Longitude of others in 20 Degrees:
besides which great and necessary Alterations, there be many
remarkable Countries, Cities, Towns, Rivers, and Lakes, omitted in
other Globes, inserted here according to the best Discoveries made by
our late Navigators. Lastly, That the Course of the Trade-Winds, the
_Monsoons_, and other Winds periodically shifting between the
Tropicks, be visibly express'd.

'Now in Regard that this Undertaking is of so universal Use, as the
Advancement of the most necessary Parts of the Mathematicks, as well
as tending to the Honour of the _British_ Nation, and that the Charge
of carrying it on is very expensive; it is desired that all Gentlemen
who are willing to promote so great a Work, will be pleased to
subscribe on the following Conditions.

'I. The Undertakers engage to furnish each Subscriber with a Celestial
and Terrestrial Globe, each of 30 Inches Diameter, in all Respects
curiously adorned, the Stars gilded, the Capital Cities plainly
distinguished, the Frames, Meridians, Horizons, Hour Circles and
Indexes so exactly finished up, and accurately divided, that a Pair of
these Globes will really appear in the Judgment of any disinterested
and intelligent Person, worth Fifteen Pounds more than will be
demanded for them by the Undertakers.

'II. Whosoever will be pleas'd to subscribe, and pay Twenty Five
Pounds in the Manner following for a Pair of these Globes, either for
their own Use, or to present them to any College in the Universities,
or any publick Library or School, shall have his Coat of Arms, Name,
Title, Seat, or Place of Residence, _&c._, inserted in some convenient
Place of the Globe.

'III. That every Subscriber do at first pay down the Sum of Ten
Pounds, and Fifteen Pounds more upon the delivery of each Pair of
Globes perfectly fitted up. And that the said Globes be deliver'd
within Twelve Months after the Number of Thirty Subscribers be
compleated; and that the Subscribers be served with Globes in the
Order in which they subscribed.

'IV. That a Pair of these Globes shall not hereafter to be sold to any
Person but the Subscribers under Thirty Pounds.

'V. That if there be not thirty Subscribers within four Months after
the first of _December_, 1712, the Money paid shall be return'd on
Demand by Mr. _John Warner_ Gold-smith near _Temple-Bar_, who shall
receive and pay the same according to the above-mention'd Articles.

T.

[Footnote 1: See note on p. 288, 289, vol. ii. [Footnote 1 of No. 288.]

[Footnote 2: [or]]

* * * * *

No. 553. Thursday, December 4, 1712. Addison.

'Nec lusisse pudet, sed non incidere ludum.'

Hor.

The Project which I published on _Monday_ last has brought me in several
Packets of Letters. Among the rest I have receiv'd one from a certain
Projector, wherein after having represented, that in all probability the
Solemnity of _opening my Mouth_ will draw together a great Confluence of
Beholders, he proposes to me the hiring of _Stationer's-Hall_ for the
more convenient exhibiting of that Publick Ceremony. He undertakes to be
at the Charge of it himself, provided he may have the erecting of
Galleries on every side, and the letting of them out upon that Occasion.
I have a Letter also from a Bookseller, petitioning me in a very humble
manner, that he may have the Printing of the Speech which I shall make
to the Assembly upon the first opening of my Mouth. I am informed from
all Parts, that there are great Canvassings in the several Clubs about
Town, upon the chusing of a proper Person to sit with me on those
arduous Affairs, to which I have summoned them. Three Clubs have already
proceeded to Election, whereof one has made a double Return. If I find
that my Enemies shall take Advantage of my Silence to begin Hostilities
upon me, or if any other Exigency of Affairs may so require, since I see
Elections in so great a forwardness, we may possibly meet before the Day
appointed; or if matters go on to my Satisfaction, I may perhaps put off
the Meeting to a further Day; but of this Publick Notice shall be given.

In the mean time, I must confess that I am not a little gratify'd and
oblig'd by that Concern which appears in this great City upon my present
Design of laying down this Paper. It is likewise with much Satisfaction,
that I find some of the most outlying Parts of the Kingdom alarm'd upon
this Occasion, having receiv'd Letters to expostulate with me about it,
from several of my Readers of the remotest Boroughs of _Great Britain_.
Among these I am very well pleased with a Letter dated from _Berwick
upon Tweed_, wherein my Correspondent compares the Office which I have
for some time executed in these Realms to the Weeding of a great Garden;
which, says he, it is not sufficient to weed once for all, and
afterwards to give over, but that the Work must be continued daily, or
the same Spots of Ground which are cleared for a while, will in a little
time be over-run as much as ever. Another Gentleman lays before me
several Enormities that are already sprouting, and which he believes
will discover themselves in their Growth immediately after my
Disappearance. There is no doubt, says he, but the Ladies Heads will
shoot up as soon as they know they are no longer under the _Spectator's_
Eye; and I have already seen such monstrous broad-brimmed Hats under the
Arms of Foreigners, that I question not but they will overshadow the
Island within a Month or two after the dropping of your Paper. But among
all the Letters which are come to my hands, there is none so handsomely
written as the following one, which I am the more pleased with, as it is
sent me from Gentlemen who belong to a Body which I shall always Honour,
and where (I cannot speak it without a secret Pride) my Speculations
have met with a very kind Reception. It is usual for Poets, upon the
publishing of their Works, to print before them such Copies of Verses as
have been made in their Praise. Not that you must imagine they are
pleased with their own Commendations, but because the elegant
Compositions of their Friends should not be lost. I must make the same
Apology for the Publication of the ensuing Letter, in which I have
suppressed no Part of those Praises that are given my Speculations with
too lavish and good-natured an Hand; though my Correspondents can
witness for me, that at other times I have generally blotted out those
Parts in the Letters which I have received from them.

[O.]

_Oxford, Nov. 25._

_Mr._ SPECTATOR,

'In spight of your Invincible Silence you have found out a Method of
being the most agreeable Companion in the World: That kind of
Conversation which you hold with the Town, has the good Fortune of
being always pleasing to the Men of Taste and Leisure, and never
offensive to those of Hurry and Business. You are never heard, but at
what _Horace_ calls _dextro tempore_, and have the Happiness to
observe the politick Rule, which the same discerning Author gave his
Friend, when he enjoin'd him to deliver his Book to _Augustus_.

'Si validus, si laetus erit, si denique poscet.'

'You never begin to talk, but when People are desirous to hear you;
and I defy any one to be out of humour till you leave off. But I am
led unawares into Reflections, foreign to the original Design of this
Epistle; which was to let you know, that some unfeigned Admirers of
your inimitable Papers, who could, without any Flattery, greet you
with the Salutation used to the Eastern Monarchs, viz. _O Spec, live
for ever_, have lately been under the same Apprehensions, with Mr.
_Philo-Spec_; that the haste you have made to dispatch your best
Friends portends no long Duration to your own short Visage. We could
not, indeed, find any just Grounds for Complaint in the Method you
took to dissolve that venerable Body: No, the World was not worthy of
your Divine. WILL. HONEYCOMB could not, with any Reputation, live
single any longer. It was high time for the TEMPLAR to turn himself to
_Coke_: And Sir ROGER's dying was the wisest thing he ever did in his
Life. It was, however, matter of great Grief to us, to think that we
were in danger of losing so Elegant and Valuable an Entertainment. And
we could not, without Sorrow, reflect that we were likely to have
nothing to interrupt our Sips in a Morning, and to suspend our Coffee
in mid-air, between our Lips and Right Ear, but the ordinary Trash of
News-Papers. We resolved, therefore, not to part with you so. But
since, to make use of your own Allusion, the Cherries began now to
crowd the Market, and their Season was almost over, we consulted our
future Enjoyments, and endeavoured to make the exquisite Pleasure that
delicious Fruit gave our Taste as lasting as we could, and by drying
them protract their stay beyond its natural Date. We own that thus
they have not a Flavour equal to that of their juicy Bloom; but yet,
under this Disadvantage, they pique the Palate, and become a Salver
better than any other Fruit at its first Appearance. To speak plain,
there are a Number of us who have begun your Works afresh, and meet
two Nights in the Week in order to give you a Rehearing. We never come
together without drinking your Health, and as seldom part without
general Expressions of Thanks to you for our Night's Improvement. This
we conceive to be a more useful Institution than any other Club
whatever, not excepting even that of _ugly Faces_. We have one
manifest Advantage over that renowned Society, with respect to Mr.
_Spectator's_ Company. For though they may brag, that you sometimes
make your personal Appearance amongst them, it is impossible they
should ever get a Word from you. Whereas you are with us the Reverse
of what _Phaedria_ would have his Mistress be in his Rival's Company,
_Present in your Absence_. We make you talk as much and as long as we
please; and let me tell you, you seldom hold your Tongue for the whole
Evening. I promise my self you will look with an Eye of Favour upon a
Meeting which owes its Original to a mutual Emulation among its
Members, who shall shew the most profound Respect for your Paper; not
but we have a very great Value for your Person: and I dare say you can
no where find four more sincere Admirers, and humble Servants, than
_T. F., G. S., J. T., E. T._

* * * * *

No. 554. Friday, December 5, 1712. John Hughes.

'--tentanda Via est, qua me quoque possim
Tollere humo, Victorque virum volitare per Ora.'

Virg.

I am obliged for the following Essay, as well as for that which lays
down Rules out of _Tully_ for Pronunciation and Action, to the Ingenious
Author of a Poem just Published, Entitled, _An Ode to the Creator of the
World, occasioned by the Fragments of_ Orpheus.

It is a Remark made, as I remember, by a celebrated _French_ Author,
that _no Man ever pushed his Capacity as far as it was able to extend_.
I shall not enquire whether this Assertion be strictly true. It may
suffice to say, that Men of the greatest Application and Acquirements
can look back upon many vacant Spaces, and neglected Parts of Time,
which have slipped away from them unemployed; and there is hardly any
one considering Person in the World, but is apt to fancy with himself,
at some time or other, that if his Life were to begin again, he could
fill it up better.

The Mind is most provoked to cast on it self this ingenuous Reproach,
when the Examples of such Men are presented to it, as have far outshot
the generality of their Species, in Learning, Arts, or any valuable
Improvements.

One of the most extensive and improved Genius's we have had any Instance
of in our own Nation, or in any other, was that of Sir _Francis Bacon_
Lord _Verulam_. This great Man, by an extraordinary Force of Nature,
Compass of Thought, and indefatigable Study, had amassed to himself such
stores of Knowledge as we cannot look upon without Amazement. His
Capacity seems to have grasped All that was revealed in Books before his
Time; and not satisfied with that, he began to strike out new Tracks of
Science, too many to be travelled over by any one Man, in the Compass of
the longest Life. These, therefore, he could only mark down, like
imperfect Coastings in Maps, or supposed Points of Land, to be further
discovered, and ascertained by the Industry of After-Ages, who should
proceed upon his Notices or Conjectures.

The Excellent Mr. _Boyle_ was the Person, who seems to have been
designed by Nature to succeed to the Labours and Enquiries of that
extraordinary Genius I have just mentioned. By innumerable Experiments
He, in a great Measure, filled up those Planns and Out-Lines of Science,
which his Predecessor had sketched out. His Life was spent in the
Pursuit of Nature, through a great Variety of Forms and Changes, and in
the most rational, as well as devout Adoration of its Divine Author.

It would be impossible to name many Persons who have extended their
Capacities so far as these two, in the Studies they pursued; but my
learned Readers, on this Occasion, will naturally turn their Thoughts to
a _Third_ [1], who is yet living, and is likewise the Glory of our own
Nation. The Improvements which others had made in Natural and
Mathematical Knowledge have so vastly increased in his Hands, as to
afford at once a wonderful Instance how great the Capacity is of a Human
Soul, and how inexhaustible the Subject of its Enquiries; so true is
that Remark in Holy Writ, that, _though a wise Man seek to find out the
Works of God from the Beginning to the End, yet shall he not be able to
do it_.

I cannot help mentioning here one Character more, of a different kind
indeed from these, yet such a one as may serve to shew the wonderful
Force of Nature and of Application, and is the most singular Instance of
an Universal Genius I have ever met with. The Person I mean is _Leonardo
da Vinci_, an _Italian_ Painter, descended from a noble Family in
_Tuscany_, about the beginning of the sixteenth Century. In his
Profession of History-Painting he was so great a Master, that some have
affirmed he excelled all who went before him[. It is certain], that he
raised the Envy of _Michael Angelo_, who was his Contemporary, and that
from the Study of his Works _Raphael_ himself learned his best Manner of
Designing. He was a Master too in Sculpture and Architecture, and
skilful in Anatomy, Mathematicks, and Mechanicks. The Aquaeduct from the
River _Adda_ to _Milan_, is mentioned as a Work of his Contrivance. He
had learned several Languages, and was acquainted with the Studies of
History, Philosophy, Poetry, and Musick. Though it is not necessary to
my present Purpose, I cannot but take notice, that all who have writ of
him mention likewise his Perfections of Body. The Instances of his
Strength are almost incredible. He is described to have been of a
well-formed Person, and a Master of all genteel Exercises. And lastly,
we are told that his moral Qualities were agreeable to his natural and
intellectual Endowments, and that he was of an honest and generous Mind,
adorned with great Sweetness of Manners. I might break off the Account
of him here, but I imagine it will be an Entertainment to the Curiosity
of my Readers, to find so remarkable a Character distinguished by as
remarkable a Circumstance at his Death. The Fame of his Works having
gained him an universal Esteem, he was invited to the Court of _France_,
where, after some time, he fell sick; and _Francis the First_ coming to
see him, he raised himself in his Bed to acknowledge the Honour which
was done him by that Visit. The King embraced him, and _Leonardo_
fainting at the same Instant, expired in the Arms of that great Monarch.

It is impossible to attend to such Instances as these, without being
raised into a Contemplation on the wonderful Nature of an Human Mind,
which is capable of such Progressions in Knowledge, and can contain such
a Variety of Ideas without Perplexity or Confusion. How reasonable is it
from hence to infer its Divine Original? And whilst we find unthinking
Matter endued with a Natural Power to last for ever, unless annihilated
by Omnipotence, how absurd would it be to imagine, that a Being so much
Superior to it should not have the same Privilege?

At the same time it is very surprizing, when we remove our Thoughts from
such Instances as I have mentioned, to consider those we so frequently
meet with in the Accounts of barbarous Nations among the _Indians_;
where we find Numbers of People who scarce shew the first Glimmerings of
Reason, and seem to have few Ideas above those of Sense and Appetite.
These, methinks, appear like large Wilds, or vast uncultivated Tracts of
Human Nature; and when we compare them with Men of the most exalted
Characters in Arts and Learning, we find it difficult to believe that
they are Creatures of the same Species.

Some are of Opinion that the Souls of Men are all naturally equal, and
that the great Disparity we so often observe, arises from the different
Organization or Structure of the Bodies to which they are United. But
whatever constitutes this first Disparity, the next great Difference
which we find between Men in their several Acquirements is owing to
accidental Differences in their Education, Fortunes, or Course of Life.
The Soul is a kind of rough Diamond, which requires Art, Labour, and
Time to polish it. For want of which, many a good natural Genius is
lost, or lies unfashioned, like a Jewel in the Mine.

One of the strongest Incitements to excel in such Arts and
Accomplishments as are in the highest Esteem among Men, is the natural
Passion which the Mind of Man has for Glory; which, though it may be
faulty in the Excess of it, ought by no means to be discouraged. Perhaps
some Moralists are too severe in beating down this Principle, which
seems to be a Spring implanted by Nature to give Motion to all the
latent Powers of the Soul, and is always observed to exert it self with
the greatest Force in the most generous Dispositions. The Men whose
Characters have shone the brightest among the ancient _Romans_, appear
to have been strongly animated by this Passion. _Cicero_, whose Learning
and Services to his Country are so well known, was enflamed by it to an
extravagant degree, and warmly presses _Lucceius_ [2], who was composing
a History of those Times, to be very particular and zealous in relating
the Story of his Consulship; and to execute it speedily, that he might
have the Pleasure of enjoying in his Life-time some Part of the [Honour
[3]] which he foresaw wou'd be paid to his Memory. This was the Ambition
of a great Mind; but he is faulty in the Degree of it, and cannot
refrain from solliciting the Historian upon this Occasion to neglect the
strict Laws of History, and, in praising him, _even to exceed the Bounds
of Truth_. The younger _Pliny_ appears to have had the same Passion for
Fame, but accompanied with greater Chastness and Modesty. His Ingenuous
manner of owning it to a Friend, who had prompted him to undertake some
great Work, is exquisitely beautiful, and raises him to a certain
Grandeur above the Imputation of Vanity. _I must confess_, says he,
_that nothing employs my Thoughts more than the Desire I have of
perpetuating my Name; which in my Opinion is a Design worthy of a Man,
at least of such a one, who being conscious of no Guilt, is not afraid
to be remember'd by Posterity_ [4].

I think I ought not to conclude, without interesting all my Readers in
the Subject of this Discourse: I shall therefore lay it down as a Maxim,
that though all are not capable of shining in Learning or the Politer
Arts; yet _every one is capable of excelling in something_. The Soul has
in this Respect a certain vegetative Power, which cannot lie wholly
idle. If it is not laid out and cultivated into a regular and beautiful
Garden, it will of it self shoot up in Weeds or Flowers of a wilder
Growth.

[Footnote 1: Newton.]

[Footnote 2: Epist. ad Diversos, v. 12.]

[Footnote 3: [Glory]]

[Footnote 4: Lib. v. ep. 8, to Titinius Capito. In which, also, Pliny
quotes the bit of Virgil taken for the motto of this paper.]

* * * * *

No. 555. Saturday, November 6, 1712. Steele.

'--Respue quod non es--'

Pers.

All the Members of the imaginary Society, which were described in my
First Papers, having disappear'd one after another, it is high time for
the _Spectator_ himself to go off the Stage. But, now I am to take my
Leave, I am under much greater Anxiety than I have known for the Work of
any Day since I undertook this Province. It is much more difficult to
converse with the World in a real than a personated Character. That
might pass for Humour in the _Spectator_, which would look like
Arrogance in a Writer who sets his Name to his Work. The Fictitious
Person might contemn those who disapproved him, and extoll his own
Performances, without giving Offence. He might assume a mock-Authority,
without being looked upon as vain and conceited. The Praises or Censures
of himself fall only upon the Creature of his Imaginations; and if any
one finds fault with him, the Author may reply with the Philosopher of
old, _Thou dost but beat the Case of_ Anaxarchus. When I speak in my own
private Sentiments, I cannot but address my self to my Readers in a more
submissive manner, and with a just Gratitude, for the kind Reception
which they have given to these Dayly Papers that have been published for
almost the space of Two Years last past.

I hope the Apology I have made as to the Licence allowable to a feigned
Character, may excuse any thing which has been said in these Discourses
of the _Spectator_ and his Works; but the Imputation of the grossest
Vanity would still dwell upon me, if I did not give some Account by what
Means I was enabled to keep up the Spirit of so long and approved a
Performance. All the Papers marked with a C, an L, an I, or an O, that
is to say, all the Papers which I have distinguished by any Letter in
the name of the Muse _CLIO_, were given me by the Gentleman, of whose
Assistance I formerly boasted in the Preface and concluding Leaf of my
_Tatlers_. I am indeed much more proud of his long-continued Friendship,
than I should be of the Fame of being thought the Author of any Writings
which he himself is capable of producing. I remember when I finished the
_Tender Husband_, I told him there was nothing I so ardently wished, as
that we might some time or other publish a Work written by us both,
which should bear the Name of _the Monument_, in Memory of our
Friendship. I heartily wish what I have done here, were as Honorary to
that Sacred Name, as Learning, Wit, and Humanity render those Pieces
which I have taught the Reader how to distinguish for his. When the Play
above-mentioned was last Acted, there were so many applauded Stroaks in
it which I had from the same Hand, that I thought very meanly of my self
that I had never publickly acknowledged them. After I have put other
Friends upon importuning him to publish Dramatick, as well as other
Writings he has by him, I shall end what I think I am obliged to say on
this Head, by giving my Reader this Hint for the better judging of my
Productions, that the best Comment upon them would be an Account when
the Patron to the _Tender Husband_ was in _England_, or Abroad.

The Reader will also find some Papers which are marked with the Letter
X, for which he is obliged to the Ingenious Gentleman who diverted the
Town with the Epilogue to the _Distressed Mother_. I might have owned
these several Papers with the free Consent of these Gentlemen, who did
not write them with a design of being known for the Authors. But as a
candid and sincere Behaviour ought to be preferred to all other
Considerations, I would not let my Heart reproach me with a
Consciousness of having acquired a Praise which is not my Right.

The other Assistances which I have had, have been conveyed by Letter,
sometimes by whole Papers, and other times by short Hints from unknown
Hands. I have not been able to trace Favours of this kind, with any
Certainty, but to the following Names, which I place in the Order
wherein I received the Obligation, tho' the first I am going to name,
can hardly be mentioned in a List wherein he would not deserve the
Precedence. The Persons to whom I am to make these Acknowledgments are
Mr. _Henry Martyn_, Mr. _Pope_, Mr. _Hughs_, Mr. _Carey_ of
_New-College_ in _Oxford_, Mr. _Tickell_ of _Queen's_ in the same
University, Mr. _Parnelle_, and Mr. _Eusden_ of _Trinity_ in
_Cambridge_. Thus, to speak in the Language of my late Friend Sir ANDREW
FREEPORT, I have Ballanced my Accounts with all my Creditors for Wit and
Learning. But as these excellent Performances would not have seen the
Light without the means of this Paper, I may still arrogate to my self
the Merit of their being communicated to the Publick.

I have nothing more to add, but having swelled this Work to five hundred
and fifty five Papers, they will be disposed into seven Volumes, four of
which are already publish'd, and the three others in the Press. It will
not be demanded of me why I now leave off, tho' I must own my self
obliged to give an Account to the Town of my Time hereafter; since I
retire when their Partiality to me is so great, that an Edition of the
former Volumes of _Spectators_ of above Nine thousand each Book is
already sold off, and the Tax on each half-Sheet has brought into the
Stamp-Office one Week with another above _L20_. a-Week arising from this
single Paper, notwithstanding it at first reduced it to less than half
the number that was usually Printed before this Tax was laid.

I humbly beseech the Continuance of this Inclination to favour what I
may hereafter produce, and hope I have in many Occurrences of Life
tasted so deeply of Pain and Sorrow, that I am Proof against much more
prosperous Circumstances than any Advantages to which my own Industry
can possibly exalt me.

_I am,
My Good-natured Reader,
Your most Obedient,
Most Obliged Humble Servant,_
Richard Steele.

_Vos valete et plaudite_ [1]. Ter.

[The following Letter [2]] regards an ingenious Sett of Gentlemen, who
have done me the Honour to make me one of their Society.

_Mr_. SPECTATOR, Dec. 4, 1712.

'The Academy of _Painting_, lately established in _London_, having
done you and themselves the Honour to chuse you one of their
Directors; that Noble and Lovely Art, which before was entitled to
your Regards, as a _Spectator_, has an additional Claim to you, and
you seem to be under a double Obligation to take some Care of her
Interests.

'The Honour of our Country is also concerned in the matter I am going
to lay before you: we (and perhaps other Nations as well as we) have a
National false Humility as well as a National Vain-Glory; and tho' we
boast our selves to excel all the World in things wherein we are
out-done abroad, in other things we attribute to others a Superiority
which we our selves possess. This is what is done, particularly, in
the Art of _Portrait_ or _Face-Painting_.

'_Painting_ is an Art of a vast Extent, too great by much for any
mortal Man to be in full possession of, in all its Parts; 'tis enough
if any one succeed in painting Faces, History, Battels, Landscapes,
Sea-Pieces, Fruit, Flowers, or Drolls, &c. Nay, no Man ever was
excellent in all the Branches (tho' [many [3]] in Number) of these
several Arts, for a distinct Art I take upon me to call every one of
those several Kinds of Painting.

'And as one Man may be a good Landscape-Painter, but unable to paint a
Face or a History tollerably well, and so of the rest; one Nation may
excel in some kinds of Painting, and other kinds may thrive better in
other Climates.

'_Italy_ may have the Preference of all other Nations for
History-Painting; _Holland_ for Drolls, and a neat finished Manner of
Working; _France_, for Gay, Janty, Fluttering Pictures; and _England_
for Portraits: but to give the Honour of every one of these kinds of
Painting to any one of those Nations on account of their Excellence in
any of these parts of it, is like adjudging the Prize of Heroick,
Dramatick, Lyrick or Burlesque Poetry, to him who has done well in any
one of them.

'Where there are the greatest Genius's, and most Helps and
Encouragements, 'tis reasonable to suppose an Art will arrive to the
greatest Perfection: By this Rule let us consider our own Country with
respect to Face-Painting. No Nation in the World delights so much in
having their own, or Friends, or Relations Pictures; whether from
their National Good-Nature, or having a love to Painting, and not
being encouraged in the great Article of Religious Pictures, which the
Purity of our Worship refuses the free use of, or from whatever other
Cause. Our Helps are not inferior to those of any other People, but
rather they are greater; for what the Antique Statues and Bas-reliefs
which _Italy_ enjoys are to the History-Painters, the Beautiful and
noble Faces with which _England_ is confessed to abound, are to
Face-Painters; and besides we have the greatest number of the Works of
the best Masters in that kind of any People, not without a competent
number of those of the most excellent in every other part of Painting.
And for Encouragement, the Wealth and Generosity of the _English_
Nation affords that in such a degree, as Artists have no reason to
complain.

'And accordingly in Fact, Face-Painting is no where so well performed
as in _England_: I know not whether it has lain in your way to observe
it, but I have, and pretend to be a tolerable Judge. I have seen what
is done abroad, and can assure you, that the Honour of that Branch of
Painting is justly due to us. I appeal to the judicious Observers for
the Truth of what I assert. If Foreigners have oftentimes or even for
the most part excelled our Natives, it ought to be imputed to the
Advantages they have met with _here_, join'd to their own Ingenuity
and Industry; nor has any one Nation distinguished themselves so as to
raise an Argument in favour of their Country: but it is to be
observed, that neither _French_ nor _Italians_, nor any one of either
Nation, notwithstanding all our Prejudices in their favour have, or
ever had, for any considerable time, any Character among us as
Face-Painters.

'This Honour is due to our own Country; and has been so for near an
Age: So that instead of going to _Italy_, or elsewhere, one that
designs for Portrait-Painting ought to study in _England_. Hither such
should come from _Holland, France, Italy, Germany_, &c. as he that
intends to practice any other kind of Painting, should go to those
Parts where 'tis in greatest Perfection. 'Tis said the Blessed Virgin
descended from Heaven, to sit to St _Luke_; I dare venture to affirm,
that if she should desire another _Madonna_ to be painted by the Life,
she would come to _England_; and am of opinion that your present
President, Sir _Godfrey Kneller_, from his Improvement since he
arrived in this Kingdom, would perform that Office better than any
Foreigner living. I am, with all possible Respect,

_SIR
Your most Humble, and
Most Obedient Servant, &c._

_The ingenious Letters sign'd the_ Weather-Glass, _with several others,
were received, but came too late_.

(_POSTSCRIPT_.

It had not come to my Knowledge, when I left off the _Spectator_, that I
owe several excellent Sentiments and agreeable Pieces in this Work to
Mr. _Ince of Grey's-Inn_. [4] R. STEELE.)

[Footnote 1: Transposed in the volume to this place. In the number it
stood last; following the next letter.]

[Footnote 2: [Give me leave before I conclude to insert a Letter which]]

[Footnote 3: [few]]

[Footnote 4: Mr. Richard Ince, a good Greek scholar, who became
Comptroller of Army Accounts, and inherited a fortune, died in 1758.]

* * * * *

WILLIAM HONEYCOMB, ESQ. [1]

The Seven former Volumes of the _Spectator_ having been Dedicated to
some of the most celebrated Persons of the Age, I take leave to Inscribe
this Eighth and Last to You, as to a Gentleman who hath ever been
ambitious of appearing in the best Company.

You are now wholly retired from the busie Part of Mankind, and at
leisure to reflect upon your past Achievements; for which reason, I look
upon You as a Person very well qualified for a Dedication.

I may possibly disappoint my Readers, and your self too, if I do not
endeavour on this Occasion to make the World acquainted with your
Virtues. And here, Sir, I shall not compliment You upon your Birth,
Person, or Fortune; nor any other the like Perfections, which You
possess whether You will or no: But shall only touch upon those, which
are of your own acquiring, and in which every one must allow You have a
real Merit.

Your janty Air and easy Motion, the Volubility of your Discourse, the
Suddenness of your Laugh, the Management of your Snuff-Box, with the
Whiteness of your Hands and Teeth (which have justly gained You the Envy
of the most polite part of the Male World, and the Love of the greatest
Beauties in the Female) are intirely to be ascribed to your own personal
Genius and Application.

You are formed for these Accomplishments by a happy Turn of Nature, and
have finished your self in them by the utmost Improvements of Art. A Man
that is defective in either of these Qualifications (whatever may be the
secret Ambition of his Heart) must never hope to make the Figure You
have done, among the fashionable part of his Species. It is therefore no
wonder, we see such Multitudes of aspiring young Men fall short of You
in all these Beauties of your Character, notwithstanding the Study and
Practice of them is the whole Business of their Lives. But I need not
tell You that the free and disengaged Behaviour of a fine Gentleman
makes as many aukward Beaux, as the Easiness of your Favourite _Waller_
hath made insipid Poets.

At present You are content to aim all your Charms at your own Spouse,
without further Thought of Mischief to any others of the Sex. I know you
had formerly a very great Contempt for that Pedantick Race of Mortals
who call themselves Philosophers; and yet, to your Honour be it spoken,
there is not a Sage of them all could have better acted up to their
Precepts in one of the most important Points of Life: I mean in that
Generous Dis-regard of Popular Opinion, which you showed some Years ago,
when you chose for your Wife an obscure young Woman, who doth not indeed
pretend to an ancient Family, but has certainly as many Fore-fathers as
any Lady in the Land, if she could but reckon up their Names.

I must own I conceived very extraordinary hopes of you from the Moment
that you confessed your Age, and from eight and forty (where you had
stuck so many Years) very ingenuously step'd into your Grand
Climacterick. Your Deportment has since been very venerable and
becoming. If I am rightly informed, You make a regular Appearance every
Quarter-Sessions among your Brothers of the _Quorum_; and if things go
on as they do, stand fair for being a Colonel of the Militia. I am told
that your Time passes away as agreeably in the Amusements of a Country
Life, as it ever did in the Gallantries of the Town: And that you now
take as much pleasure in the Planting of young Trees, as you did
formerly in the Cutting down of your Old ones. In short, we hear from
all Hands that You are thoroughly reconciled to your dirty Acres, and
have not too much Wit to look into your own Estate.

After having spoken thus much of my Patron, I must take the Privilege of
an Author in saying something of my self. I shall therefore beg leave to
add, that I have purposely omitted setting those Marks to the End of
every Paper, which appeared in my former Volumes, that You may have an
Opportunity of showing Mrs. _Honeycomb_ the Shrewdness of your
Conjectures, by ascribing every Speculation to its proper Author: Though
You know how often many profound Criticks in Style and Sentiments have
very judiciously erred in this Particular, before they were let into the
Secret. I am,
_SIR,
Your most Faithful,
Humble Servant,
THE SPECTATOR_.

(_THE_ Bookseller _to the_ Reader.

_In the Six hundred and thirty second_ Spectator, _the Reader will find
an Account of the Rise of this Eighth and Last Volume._

_I have not been able to prevail upon the several Gentlemen who were
concerned in this Work to let me acquaint the World with their Names.

Perhaps it will be unnecessary to inform the Reader, that no other
Papers, which have appeared under the Title of_ Spectator, _since the
closing of this Eighth Volume, were written by any of those Gentlemen
who had a Hand in this or the former Volumes_.)

[Footnote 1: This Dedication to Addison's supplementary _Spectator_,
begun a year and a half after the close of Steele's, is thought to be by
Eustace Budgell.]

* * * * *

No. 556. Friday, June 18, 1714. Addison. [1]

To be continued every _Monday, Wednesday_, and _Friday_.

'Qualis ubi in lucem coluber, mala gramina, pastus,
Frigida sub terra tumidum quem bruma tegebat;
Nunc positis novus exuviis, nitidusque juventa,
Lubrica convolvit sublato pectore terga
Arduus ad solem, et linguis micat ore trisulcis.'

Virg.

Upon laying down the Office of SPECTATOR, I acquainted the World with my
Design of electing a new Club, and of opening my Mouth in it after a
most solemn Manner. Both the Election and the Ceremony are now past; but
not finding it so easy as I at first imagined, to break thro' a Fifty
Years Silence, I would not venture into the World under the character of
a Man who pretends to talk like other People, till I had arrived at a
full Freedom of Speech.

I shall reserve for another time the History of such Club or Clubs of
which I am now a Talkative, but unworthy Member; and shall here give an
Account of this surprising Change which has been produced in me, and
which I look upon to be as remarkable an Accident as any recorded in
History, since that which happened to the Son of _Croesus_, after having
been many Years as much Tongue-tied as my self.

Upon the first opening of my Mouth, I made a Speech consisting of about
half a Dozen well-turned Periods; but grew so very hoarse upon it, that
for three Days together, instead of finding the use of my Tongue, I was
afraid that I had quite lost it. Besides, the unusual Extension of my
Muscles on this Occasion, made my Face ake on both Sides to such a
Degree, that nothing but an invincible Resolution and Perseverance could
have prevented me from falling back to my Monosyllables. I afterwards
made several Essays towards speaking; and that I might not be startled
at my own Voice, which has happen'd to me more than once, I used to read
aloud in my Chamber, and have often stood in the Middle of the Street to
call a Coach, when I knew there was none within hearing.

When I was thus grown pretty well acquainted with my own Voice, I laid
hold of all Opportunities to exert it. Not caring however to speak much
by my self, and to draw upon me the whole Attention of those I conversed
with, I used, for some time, to walk every Morning in the _Mall_, and
talk in Chorus with a Parcel of _Frenchmen_. I found my Modesty greatly
relieved by the communicative Temper of this Nation, who are so very
sociable, as to think they are never better Company, than when they are
all opening at the same time.

I then fancied I might receive great Benefit from Female Conversation,
and that I should have a Convenience of talking with the greater
Freedom, when I was not under any Impediment of thinking: I therefore
threw my self into an Assembly of Ladies, but could not for my Life get
in a Word among them; and found that if I did not change my Company, I
was in Danger of being reduced to my primitive Taciturnity.

The Coffee-houses have ever since been my chief Places of Resort, where
I have made the greatest Improvements; in order to which I have taken a
particular Care never to be of the same Opinion with the Man I conversed
with. I was a Tory at _Button's_, and a Whig at _Childe's_; a Friend to
the _Englishman_, or an Advocate for the _Examiner_, as it best served
my Turn; some fancy me a great Enemy to the _French_ King, though, in
reality, I only make use of him for a Help to Discourse. In short, I
wrangle and dispute for Exercise; and have carried this Point so far
that I was once like to have been run through the Body for making a
little too free with my Betters.

In a Word, I am quite another Man to what I was.

'--Nil fuit unquam
Tam dispar sibi--'

My old Acquaintance scarce know me; nay I was asked the other Day by a
_Jew_ at _Jonathan's_, whether I was not related to a dumb Gentleman,
who used to come to that Coffee-house? But I think I^never was better
pleased in my Life than about a Week ago, when, as I was battling it
across the Table with a young Templar, his Companion gave him a Pull by
the Sleeve, begging him to come away, for that the old Prig would talk
him to Death.

Being now a very good Proficient in Discourse, I shall appear in the
World with this Addition to my Character, that my Countrymen may reap
the Fruits of my new-acquired Loquacity.

Those who have been present at public Disputes in the University, know
that it is usual to maintain Heresies for Argument's sake. I have heard
a Man a most impudent Socinian for Half an Hour, who has been an
Orthodox Divine all his Life after. I have taken the same Method to
accomplish my self in the Gift of Utterance, having talked above a
Twelve-month, not so much for the Benefit of my Hearers as of my self.
But since I have now gained the Faculty, I have been so long
endeavouring after, I intend to make a right Use of it, and shall think
my self obliged, for the future, to speak always in Truth and Sincerity
of Heart. While a Man is learning to fence, he practises both on Friend
and Foe; but when he is a Master in the Art, he never exerts it but on
what he thinks the right Side.

That this last Allusion may not give my Reader a wrong Idea of my Design
in this Paper, I must here inform him, that the Author of it is of no
Faction, that he is a Friend to no Interests but those of Truth and
Virtue, nor a Foe to any but those of Vice and Folly. Though I make more
Noise in the World than I used to do, I am still resolved to act in it
as an indifferent SPECTATOR. It is not my Ambition to encrease the
Number either of Whigs or Tories, but of wise and good Men, and I could
heartily wish there were not Faults common to both Parties which afford
me sufficient Matter to work upon, without descending to those which are
peculiar to either.

If in a Multitude of Counsellors there is Safety, we ought to think our
selves the securest Nation in the World. Most of our Garrets are
inhabited by Statesmen, who watch over the Liberties of their Country,
and make a Shift to keep themselves from starving by taking into their
Care the Properties of their Fellow-Subjects.

As these Politicians of both Sides have already worked the Nation into a
most unnatural Ferment, I shall be so far from endeavouring to raise it
to a greater Height, that on the contrary, it shall be the chief
Tendency of my Papers, to inspire my Countrymen with a mutual Good-will
and Benevolence. Whatever Faults either Party may be guilty of, they are
rather inflamed than cured by those Reproaches, which they cast upon one
another. The most likely Method of rectifying any Man's Conduct, is, by
recommending to him the Principles of Truth and Honour, Religion and
Virtue; and so long as he acts with an Eye to these Principles, whatever
Party he is of, he cannot fail of being a good _Englishman_, and a Lover
of his Country.

As for the Persons concerned in this Work, the Names of all of them, or
at least of such as desire it, shall be published hereafter: Till which
time I must entreat the courteous Reader to suspend his Curiosity, and
rather to consider what is written, than who they are that write it.

Having thus adjusted all necessary Preliminaries with my Reader, I shall
not trouble him with any more prefatory Discourses, but proceed in my
old Method, and entertain him with Speculations on every useful Subject
that falls in my Way.

[Footnote 1: Addison's papers are marked on the authority of Tickell.]

* * * * *

No. 557. From Friday, June 18 to Monday, June 21, 1714. Addison.

'Quippe domum timet ambiguam, Tyriosque bilingues.'

Virg.

_There is nothing, says Plato, so delightful, as the hearing or the
speaking of Truth_. For this Reason there is no Conversation so
agreeable as that of the Man of Integrity, who hears without any
Intention to betray, and speaks without any Intention to deceive.

Among all the Accounts which are given of _Cato_, I do not remember one
that more redounds to his Honour than the following Passage related by
_Plutarch_. As an Advocate was pleading the Cause of his Client before
one of the Praetors, he could only produce a single Witness in a Point
where the Law required the Testimony of two Persons; upon which the
Advocate insisted on the Integrity of that Person whom he had produced:
but the Praetor told him, That where the Law required two Witnesses he
would not accept of one, tho' it were _Cato_ himself. Such a Speech from
a Person who sat at the Head of a Court of Justice, while _Cato_ was
still living, shews us, more than a thousand Examples, the high
Reputation this great Man had gained among his Contemporaries upon the
Account of his Sincerity.

When such an inflexible Integrity is a little softened and qualified by
the Rules of Conversation and Good-breeding, there is not a more shining
Virtue in the whole Catalogue of Social Duties. A Man however ought to
take great Care not to polish himself out of his Veracity, nor to refine
his Behaviour to the Prejudice of his Virtue.

This Subject is exquisitely treated in the most elegant Sermon of the
great _British_ Preacher [1]. I shall beg Leave to transcribe out of it
two or three Sentences, as a proper Introduction to a very curious
Letter, which I shall make the chief Entertainment of this Speculation.

'The old _English_ Plainness and Sincerity, that generous Integrity of
Nature, and Honesty of Disposition, which always argues true Greatness
of Mind, and is usually accompanied with undaunted Courage and
Resolution, is in a great Measure lost among us.

'The Dialect of Conversation is now-a-days so swelled with Vanity and
Compliment, and so surfeited (as I may say) of Expressions of Kindness
and Respect, that if a Man that lived an Age or two ago should return
into the World again, he would really want a Dictionary to help him to
understand his own Language, and to know the true intrinsick Value of
the Phrase in Fashion; and would hardly, at first, believe at what a
low Rate the highest Strains and Expressions of Kindness imaginable do
commonly pass in current Payment; and when he should come to
understand it, it would be a great while before he could bring himself
with a good Countenance and a good Conscience, to converse with Men
upon equal Terms and in their own Way.'

I have by me a Letter which I look upon as a great Curiosity, and which
may serve as an Exemplification to the foregoing Passage, cited out of
this most excellent Prelate. It is said to have been written in King
_Charles_ II.'s Reign by the Ambassador of _Bantam_ [2], a little after
his Arrival in _England_.

_Master_,

'The People, where I now am, have Tongues further from their Hearts
than from _London_ to _Bantam_, and thou knowest the Inhabitants of
one of these Places does not know what is done in the other. They call
thee and thy Subjects Barbarians, because we speak what we mean; and
account themselves a civilized People, because they speak one thing
and mean another: Truth they call Barbarity, and Falsehood Politeness.
Upon my first landing, one who was sent from the King of this Place to
meet me told me, _That he was extremely sorry for the Storm I had met
with just before my Arrival_. I was troubled to hear him grieve and
afflict himself upon my Account; but in less than a Quarter of an Hour
he smiled, and was as merry as if nothing had happened. Another who
came with him told me by my Interpreter, _He should be glad to do me
any Service that lay in his Power_. Upon which I desir'd him to carry
one of my Portmantaus for me, but instead of serving me according to
his Promise, he laughed, and bid another do it. I lodged, the first
Week, at the House of one, who desired me _to think my self at home,
and to consider his House as my own_. Accordingly, I the next Morning
began to knock down one of the Walls of it, in order to let in the
fresh Air, and had packed up some of the Houshold-Goods, of which I
intended to have made thee a Present: But the false Varlet no sooner
saw me falling to Work, but he sent Word to desire me to give over,
for that he would have no such Doings in his House. I had not been
long in this Nation, before I was told by one, for whom I had asked a
certain Favour from the Chief of the King's Servants, whom they here
call the Lord-Treasurer, That I had _eternally obliged him_. I was so
surpriz'd at his Gratitude, that I could not forbear saying, What
Service is there which one Man can do for another, that can oblige him
to all Eternity! However I only asked him, for my Reward, that he
would lend me his eldest Daughter during my Stay in this Country; but
I quickly found that he was as treacherous as the rest of his
Countrymen.

'At my first going to Court, one of the great Men almost put me out of
Countenance, by asking _ten thousand Pardons_ of me for only treading
by Accident upon my Toe. They call this kind of Lye a Compliment; for
when they are Civil to a great Man, they tell him Untruths, for which
thou wouldst order any of thy Officers of State to receive a hundred
Blows upon his Foot. I do not know how I shall negociate any thing
with this People, since there is so little Credit to be given to 'em.
When I go to see the King's Scribe, I am generally told that he is not
at home, tho' perhaps I saw him go into his House almost the very
Moment before. Thou wouldest fancy that the whole Nation are
Physicians, for the first Question they always ask me, is, _how I do_:
I have this Question put to me above a hundred times a Day. Nay, they
are not only thus inquisitive after my Health, but wish it in a more
solemn Manner, with a full Glass in their Hands, every time I sit with
them at Table, tho' at the same time they would perswade me to drink
their Liquors in such Quantities as I have found by Experience will
make me sick. They often pretend to pray for thy Health also in the
same Manner; but I have more Reason to expect it from the Goodness of
thy Constitution, than the Sincerity of their Wishes. May thy Slave
escape in Safety from this doubled-tongued Race of Men, and live to
lay himself once more at thy Feet in thy Royal City of _Bantam_.'

[Footnote 1: Tillotson. The Sermon 'Of Sincerity Towards God and Man.'
Works, Vol. II., p. 6, folio ed.]

[Footnote 2: In 1682.]

* * * * *

No. 558. Wednesday, June 23, 1714. Addison.

'Qui fit, Maecenas, ut nemo, quam sibi sortem
Seu ratio dederit, seu fors objecerit, illa
Contentus vivat: laudet diversa sequentes?
O Fortunati mercatores, gravis annis
Miles ait, multo jam fractus membra labore!
Contra mercator, navim jactantibus austris,
Militia est potior. Quid enim? concurritur? horae
Momenta cita mors venit, aut victoria laeta.
Agricolam laudat juris legumque peritus,
Sub galli cantum consultor ubi ostia pulsat.
Ille, datis vadibus, qui rure extractus in urbem est,
Solos felices viventes clamat in urbe.
Caetera de genere hoc (adeo sunt multa) loquacem
Delassare valent Fabium. Ne te morer, audi
Quo rem deducam. Si quis Deus, en ego dicat,
Jam faciam quod vultis: eris tu, qui modo miles,
Mercator: tu consultus modo, rusticus. Hinc vos,
Vos hinc mutatis discedite partibus. Eja,
Quid statis? Nolint. Atque licet esse beatis.'

Hor.

It is a celebrated Thought of _Socrates_, that if all the Misfortunes of
Mankind were cast into a publick Stock, in order to be equally
distributed among the whole Species, those who now think themselves the
most unhappy, would prefer the Share they are already possess'd of,
before that which would fall to them by such a Division. _Horace_ has
carried this Thought a great deal further in the Motto of my Paper,
which implies that the Hardships or Misfortunes we lye under, are more
easy to us than those of any other Person would be, in case we could
change Conditions with him.

As I was ruminating on these two Remarks, and seated in my Elbow-Chair,
I insensibly fell asleep; when, on a sudden, methought there was a
Proclamation made by _Jupiter_, that every Mortal should bring in his
Griefs and Calamities, and throw them together in a Heap. There was a
large Plain appointed for this Purpose. I took my Stand in the Center of
it, and saw with a great deal of Pleasure the whole human Species
marching one after another and throwing down their several Loads, which
immediately grew up into a prodigious Mountain that seemed to rise above
the Clouds.

There was a certain Lady of a thin airy Shape, who was very active in
this Solemnity. She carried a magnifying Glass in one of her Hands, and
was cloathed in a loose flowing Robe, embroidered with several Figures
of Fiends and Spectres, that discovered themselves in a Thousand
chimerical Shapes, as her Garment hovered in the Wind. There was
something wild and distracted in her Look. Her Name was _FANCY_. She led
up every Mortal to the appointed Place, after having very officiously
assisted him in making up his Pack, and laying it upon his Shoulders. My
Heart melted within me to see my Fellow-Creatures groaning under their
respective Burthens, and to consider that prodigious Bulk of human
Calamities which lay before me.

There were however several Persons who gave me great Diversion upon this
Occasion. I observed one bringing in a Fardel very carefully concealed
under an old embroidered Cloak, which, upon his throwing it into the
Heap, I discovered to be Poverty. Another, after a great deal of
puffing, threw down his Luggage; which, upon examining, I found to be
his Wife.

There were Multitudes of Lovers saddled with very whimsical Burthens
composed of Darts and Flames; but, what was very odd, tho' they sighed
as if their Hearts would break under these Bundles of Calamities, they
could not perswade themselves to cast them into the Heap when they came
up to it; but after a few faint efforts, shook their Heads and marched
away as heavy loaden as they came. I saw Multitudes of old Women throw
down their Wrinkles, and several young ones who stripped themselves of a
tawny Skin. There were very great Heaps of red Noses, large Lips, and
rusty Teeth. The Truth of it is, I was surpriz'd to see the greatest
Part of the Mountain made up of bodily Deformities. Observing one
advancing towards the Heap with a larger Cargo than ordinary upon his
Back, I found upon his near Approach, that it was only a natural Hump,
which he disposed of with great Joy of Heart among this Collection of
humane Miseries. There were likewise Distempers of all Sorts, tho' I
could not but observe, that there were many more Imaginary than real.
One little Packet I could not but take Notice of, which was a
Complication of all the Diseases incident to humane Nature, and was in
the Hand of a great many fine People: This was called the Spleen. But
what most of all surprized me, was a Remark I made, that there was not a
single [illegible] Folly thrown into the whole Heap: At which I was very
much astonished, having concluded within my self, that every one would
take this Opportunity of getting rid of his Passions, Prejudices, and
Frailties.

I took Notice in particular of a very profligate Fellow, who I did not
Question came loaden with his Crimes, but upon searching into his
Bundle, I found that instead of throwing his Guilt from him, he had only
laid down his Memory. He was followed by another worthless Rogue who
flung away his Modesty instead of his Ignorance.

When the whole Race of Mankind had thus cast their Burthens, the
_Phantome_ which had been so busie on this Occasion, seeing me an idle
Spectator of what passed, approached towards me. I grew uneasy at her
Presence, when of a sudden she held her magnifying Glass full before my
Eyes. I no sooner saw my Face in it, but was startled at the Shortness
of it, which now appeared to me in its utmost Aggravation. The
immoderate Breadth of the Features made me very much out of Humour with
my own Countenance, upon which I threw it from me like a Mask. It
happened very luckily, that one who stood by me had just before thrown
down his Visage, which, it seems, was too long for him. It was indeed
extended to a most shameful length; I believe the very Chin was,
modestly speaking, as long as my whole Face. We had both of us an
Opportunity of mending our selves, and all the Contributions being now
brought in, every Man was at Liberty to exchange his Misfortune for
those of another Person. But as there arose many new Incidents in the
Sequel of my Vision, I shall reserve them for the Subject of my next
Paper.

* * * * *

No. 559. Friday, June 25, 1714. Addison.

'Quid causae est, merito quin illis Jupiter ambas
Iratus buccas inflet: neque se fore posthac
Tam facilem dicat, votis ut praebeat aurem?'

Hor.

In my last Paper, I gave my Reader a Sight of that Mountain of Miseries,
which was made up of those several Calamities that afflict the Minds of
Men. I saw, with unspeakable Pleasure, the whole Species thus delivered
from its Sorrows: though at the same time, as we stood round the Heap,
and surveyed the several Materials of which it was composed, there was
scarce a Mortal in this vast Multitude who did not discover what he
thought Pleasures and Blessings of Life; and wondered how the Owners of
them ever came to look upon them as Burthens and Grievances.

As we were regarding very attentively this Confusion of Miseries, this
Chaos of Calamity, _Jupiter_ issued out a second Proclamation, that
every one was now at Liberty to exchange his Affliction, and to return
to his Habitation with any such other Bundle as should be delivered to
him.

Upon this, _FANCY_ began again to bestir her self, and parcelling out
the whole Heap with incredible Activity, recommended to every one his
particular Packet. The Hurry and Confusion at this time was not to be
expressed. Some Observations, which I made upon the Occasion, I shall
communicate to the Publick. A venerable grey-headed Man, who had laid
down the Cholick, and who I found wanted an Heir to his Estate, snatched
up an undutiful Son that had been thrown into the Heap by his angry
Father. The graceless Youth, in less than a quarter of an Hour, pulled
the old Gentleman by the Beard, and had like to have knocked his Brains
out; so that meeting the true Father, who came towards him in a Fit of
the Gripes, he begg'd him to take his Son again, and give him back his
Cholick; but they were incapable either of them to recede from the
Choice they had made. A poor Gally-Slave, who had thrown down his
Chains, took up the Gout in their stead, but made such wry Faces, that
one might easily perceive he was no great Gainer by the Bargain. It was
pleasant enough to see the several Exchanges that were made, for
Sickness against Poverty, Hunger against want of Appetite, and Care
against Pain.

The Female World were very busie among themselves in bartering for
Features; one was trucking a Lock of grey Hairs for a Carbuncle, another
was making over a short Waste for a Pair of round Shoulders, and a third
cheapning a bad Face for a lost Reputation: But on all these Occasions,
there was not one of them who did not think the new Blemish, as soon as
she had got it into her Possession, much more disagreeable than the old
one. I made the same Observation on every other Misfortune or Calamity,
which every one in the Assembly brought upon himself, in lieu of what he
had parted with; whether it be that all the Evils which befall us are in
some Measure suited and proportioned to our Strength, or that every Evil
becomes more supportable by our being accustomed to it, I shall not
determine.

I could not for my Heart forbear pitying the poor hump-back'd Gentleman
mentioned in the former Paper, who went off a very well-shaped Person
with a Stone in his Bladder; nor the fine Gentleman who had struck up
this Bargain with him, that limped thro' a whole Assembly of Ladies, who
used to admire him, with a Pair of Shoulders peeping over his Head.

I must not omit my own particular Adventure. My Friend with the long
Visage had no sooner taken upon him my short Face, but he made such a
grotesque Figure in it, that as I looked upon him I could not forbear
laughing at my self, insomuch that I put my own Face out of Countenance.
The poor Gentleman was so sensible of the Ridicule, that I found he was
ashamed of what he had done: On the other Side I found that I my self
had no great Reason to triumph, for as I went to touch my Forehead I
missed the Place, and clapped my Finger upon my upper Lip. Besides, as
my Nose was exceeding Prominent, I gave it two or three unlucky Knocks
as I was playing my Hand about my Face, and aiming at some other Part of
it. I saw two other Gentlemen by me, who were in the same ridiculous
Circumstances. These had made a foolish Swop between a Couple of thick
bandy Legs, and two long Trapsticks that had no Calfs to them. One of
these looked like a Man walking upon Stilts, and was so lifted up into
the Air above his ordinary Height, that his Head turned round with it,
while the other made such awkward Circles, as he attempted to walk, that
he scarce knew how to move forward upon his new Supporters: Observing
him to be a pleasant Kind of Fellow, I stuck my Cane in the Ground, and
told him I would lay him a Bottle of Wine, that he did not march up to
it on a Line, that I drew for him, in a Quarter of an Hour.

The Heap was at last distributed among the two Sexes, who made a most
piteous Sight, as they wandered up and down under the Pressure of their
several Burthens. The whole Plain was filled with Murmurs and
Complaints, Groans and Lamentations. _Jupiter_ at length, taking
Compassion on the poor Mortals, ordered them a second time to lay down
their Loads, with a Design to give every one his own again. They
discharged themselves with a great deal of Pleasure, after which, the
Phantome, who had led them into such gross Delusions, was commanded to
disappear. There was sent in her stead a Goddess of a quite different
Figure: Her Motions were steady and composed, and her Aspect serious but
cheerful. She every now and then cast her Eyes towards Heaven, and fixed
them upon _Jupiter_: Her name was _PATIENCE_. She had no sooner placed
her self by the Mount of Sorrows, but, what I thought very remarkable,
the whole Heap sunk to such a Degree, that it did not appear a third
part so big as it was before. She afterwards returned every Man his own
proper Calamity, and teaching him how to bear it in the most commodious
Manner, he marched off with it contentedly, being very well pleased that
he had not been left to his own Choice, as to the kind of Evils which
fell to his Lot.

Besides the several Pieces of Morality to be drawn out of this Vision, I
learnt from it, never to repine at my own Misfortunes, or to envy the
Happiness of another, since it is impossible for any Man to form a right
Judgment of his Neighbour's Sufferings; for which Reason also I have
determined never to think too lightly of another's Complaints, but to
regard the Sorrows of my Fellow Creatures with Sentiments of Humanity
and Compassion.

* * * * *

No. 560. Monday, June 28, 1714. Addison.

'--Verba intermissa retentat.'

Ov. Met.

Every one has heard of the Famous Conjurer, who, according to the
Opinion of the Vulgar, has studied himself _dumb_; for which Reason, as
it is believed, he delivers out all his Oracles in Writing. Be that as
it will, the blind _Tiresias_ was not more famous in _Greece_, than this
dumb Artist has been, for some Years last past, in the Cities of
_London_ and _Westminster_. Thus much for the profound Gentleman who
honours me with the following Epistle.

_From my Cell_, June 24, 1714.

_SIR,_

'Being informed that you have lately got the Use of your Tongue, I
have some Thoughts of following your Example, that I may be a
_Fortune-teller_ properly speaking. I am grown weary of my
Taciturnity, and having served my Country many Years under the Title
of the dumb Doctor, I shall now prophesie by Word of Mouth, and (as
Mr. _Lee_ says of the Magpie, who you know was a great Fortune-teller
among the Ancients) _chatter_ Futurity. I have hitherto chosen to
receive Questions and return Answers in Writing, that I might avoid
the Tediousness and Trouble of Debates, my Querists being generally of
a Humour to think, that they have never Predictions enough for their
Mony. In short, Sir, my Case has been something like that of those
discreet Animals the Monkeys, who, as the _Indians_ tell us, can speak
if they would, but purposely avoid it that they may not be made to
work. I have hitherto gained a Livelyhood by holding my Tongue, but
shall now open my Mouth in order to fill it. If I appear a little
Word-bound in my first Solutions and Responses, I hope it will not be
imputed to any Want of Foresight, but to the long Disuse of Speech. I
doubt not by this Invention to have all my former Customers over
again, for if I have promised any of them Lovers or Husbands, Riches
or good Luck, it is my Design to confirm to them _viva voce_, what I
have already given them under my Hand. If you will honour me with a
Visit, I will compliment you with the first opening of my Mouth, and
if you please you may make an entertaining Dialogue out of the
Conversation of two dumb Men. Excuse this Trouble, worthy Sir, from
one who has been a long time

_Your Silent Admirer_,
Cornelius Agrippa.'

I have received the following Letter, or rather _Billet-doux_, from a
pert young Baggage, who congratulates with me upon the same Occasion.

_June 23, 1714._

_Dear Mr._ Prate-apace,

'I am a Member of a Female Society who call ourselves the _Chit-Chat_
Club, and am ordered by the whole Sisterhood, to congratulate you upon
the Use of your Tongue. We have all of us a mighty Mind to hear you
talk, and if you will take your Place among us for an Evening, we have
unanimously agreed to allow you one Minute in ten, without
Interruption.

_I am, SIR,
Your Humble Servant,_
S. T.

P. S. '_You may find us at my Lady Betty_ Clack's, _who will leave
Orders with her Porter, that if an elderly Gentleman, with a short
Face, enquires for her, he shall be admitted and no Questions asked._

As this particular Paper shall consist wholly of what I have received
from my Correspondents, I shall fill up the remaining Part of it with
other congratulatory Letters of the same Nature.

_Oxford, June 25, 1714._

_SIR,_

'We are here wonderfully pleased with the Opening of your Mouth, and
very frequently open ours in Approbation of your Design; especially
since we find you are resolved to preserve your Taciturnity as to all
Party Matters. We do not question but you are as great an Orator as
Sir _Hudibras_, of whom the Poet sweetly sings,

'--He could not ope
His Mouth, but out there flew a Trope.'

'If you will send us down the Half-dozen well-turned Periods, that
produced such dismal Effects in your Muscles, we will deposite them
near an old Manuscript of _Tully's_ Orations, among the Archives of
the University; for we all agree with you, that there is not a more
remarkable Accident recorded in History, since that which happened to
the Son of _Croesus_, nay, I believe you might have gone higher, and
have added _Balaam's_ Ass. We are impatient to see more of your
Productions, and expect what Words will next fall from you, with as
much attention as those, who were set to watch the speaking Head which
Friar _Bacon_ formerly erected in this Place.
We are,

_Worthy SIR_,
_Your most humble Servants_,
B. R. T. D., &c.

_Honest_ SPEC.

_Middle-Temple, June 24_.

'I am very glad to hear that thou beginnest to prate; and find, by thy
Yesterday's Vision, thou art so used to it, that thou canst not
forbear talking in thy Sleep. Let me only advise thee to speak like
other Men, for I am afraid thou wilt be very Queer, if thou dost not
intend to use the Phrases in Fashion, as thou callest them in thy
Second Paper. Hast thou a Mind to pass for a _Bantamite_, or to make
us all _Quakers_? I do assure thee, Dear SPEC, I am not Polished out
of my Veracity, when I subscribe my self

_Thy Constant Admirer,
and humble Servant,_
Frank Townly.

* * * * *

No. 561. Wednesday, June 30, 1714. Addison.

'--Paulatim abolere Sichaeum
Incipit, et vivo tentat praevertere amore
Jampridem resides animos desuetaque corda.'

Virg.

SIR,

'I am a tall, broad-shoulder'd, impudent, black Fellow, and, as I
thought, every way qualified for a rich Widow: But, after having tried
my Fortune for above three Years together, I have not been able to get
one single Relict in the Mind. My first Attacks were generally
successful, but always broke off as soon as they came to the Word
_Settlement_. Though I have not improved my Fortune this way, I have
my Experience, and have learnt several Secrets which may be of use to
those unhappy Gentlemen, who are commonly distinguished by the Name of
Widow-hunters, and who do not know that this Tribe of Women are,
generally speaking, as much upon the Catch as themselves. I shall here
communicate to you the Mysteries of a certain Female Cabal of this
Order, who call themselves the _Widow-Club_. This Club consists of
nine experienced Dames, who take their Places once a Week round a
large oval Table.

I. Mrs. President is a Person who has disposed of six Husbands, and is
now determined to take a seventh; being of Opinion that there is as
much Vertue in the Touch of a seventh Husband as of a seventh Son. Her
Comrades are as follow.

II. Mrs. _Snapp_, who has four Jointures, by four different
Bed-fellows, of four different Shires. She is at present upon the
Point of Marriage with a _Middlesex_ Man, and is said to have an
Ambition of extending her Possessions through all the Counties in
_England_ on this Side the _Trent_.

III. Mrs. _Medlar_, who after two Husbands and a Gallant, is now
wedded to an old Gentleman of Sixty. Upon her making her Report to the
Club after a Weeks Cohabitation, she is still allowed to sit as a
Widow, and accordingly takes her Place at the Board.

IV. The Widow _Quick_, married within a Fortnight after the Death of
her last Husband. Her _Weeds_ have served her thrice, and are still as
good as new.

V. Lady _Catherine Swallow_. She was a Widow at Eighteen, and has
since buried a second Husband and two Coachmen.

VI. The Lady _Waddle_. She was married in the 15th Year of her Age to
Sir _Simon Waddle_, Knight, aged Threescore and Twelve, by whom she
had Twinns nine Months after his Decease. In the 55th Year of her Age
she was married to _James Spindle_, Esq.; a Youth of One and Twenty,
who did not out-live the Honey-Moon.

VII. _Deborah Conquest_. The Case of this Lady is something
particular. She is the Relict of _Sir Sampson Conquest_, some time
Justice of the _Quorum_. Sir _Sampson_ was seven Foot high, and two

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