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The Mirror of Literature, Amusement, and Instruction, Vol. 10, No. by Various

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VOL. 10, No. 287.] SATURDAY, DECEMBER 15, 1827. [PRICE 2d.

* * * * *

[Illustration: NEW STEAM CARRIAGE.]

Explanation of the References.

1. The Guide and Engineer, to whom the whole management of the machinery
and conduct of the carriage is intrusted. Besides this man, a guard will
be employed.

2. The handle which guides the Pole and Pilot Wheels.

3. The Pilot Wheels.

4. The Pole.

5. The Fore Boot, for luggage.

6. The "Throttle Valve" of the main steam-pipe, which, by means of the
handle, is opened or closed at pleasure, the power of the steam and the
progress of the carriage being thereby regulated from 1 to 10 or 20
miles per hour.

7. The Tank for Water, running from end to end, and the full breadth of
the carriage; it will contain 60 gallons of water.

8. The Carriage, capable of holding six inside-passengers.

9. Outside Passengers, of which the present carriage will carry 15.

10. The Hind Boot, containing the Boiler and Furnace. The Boiler is
incased with sheet-iron, and between the pipes the coke and charcoal are
put, the front being closed in the ordinary way with an iron door. The
pipes extend from the cylindrical reservoir of water at the bottom to
the cylindrical chamber for steam at the top, forming a succession of
lines something like a horse-shoe, turned edgeways. The steam enters the
"separators" through large pipes, which are observable on the Plan, and
is thence conducted to its proper destination.

11. "Separators," in which the steam is separated from the water, the
water descending and returning to the boiler, while the steam ascends,
and is forced into the steam-pipes or main arteries of the machine.

12. The Pump, by which the water is pumped from the tank, by means of
a flexible hose, to the reservoir, communicating with the boiler.

13. The Main Steam Pipe, descending from the "separators," and
proceeding in a direct line under the body of the coach to the "throttle
valve" (No. 6,) and thence, under the tank, to the cylinders from which
the pistons work.

14. Flues of the Furnace, from which there is no smoke, coke and
charcoal being used.

15. The Perches, of which there are three, conjoined, to support the

16. The Cylinders. There is one between each perch.

17. Valve Motion, admitting steam alternately to each side of the

18. Cranks, operating on the axle: at the ends of the axle are crotches
(No. 21,) which, as the axle turns round, catch projecting pieces of
iron on the boxes of the wheels, and give them the rotatory motion. The
hind wheels only are thus operated upon.

19. Propellers, which, as the carriage ascends a hill, are set in
motion, and move like the hind legs of a horse, catching the ground, and
then forcing the machine forward, increasing the rapidity of its motion,
and assisting the steam power.

20. The Drag, which is applied to increase the friction on the wheel in
going down a hill. This is also assisted by diminishing the pressure of
the steam--or, if necessary, inverting the motion of the wheels.

21. The Clutch, by which the wheel is sent round.

22. The Safety Valve, which regulates the proper pressure of the steam
in the pipe.

23. The Orifice for filling the Tank. This is done by means of a
flexible hose and a funnel, and occupies but a few seconds.

* * * * *

Mr. Goldsworthy Gurney, whose name is already familiar to most of our
readers, after a variety of experiments, during the last two years, has
completed a STEAM CARRIAGE on a new principle; or, as a wag said the
other day, he has at length _brought his plan to bear_. We have,
accordingly, procured a drawing of this extraordinary invention, which
we shall proceed to describe generally, since the letters, introduced
in the annexed Engraving, with the accompanying references, will enable
our readers to enter into the details of the machinery:--First, as to
its _safety_, upon which point the public are most sceptical.
In the present invention, it is stated, that, even from the bursting
of the boiler, there is not the most distant chance of mischief to the
passengers. This boiler is tubular, constructed upon philosophical
principles, and upon a plan totally distinct from any thing previously
in use. Instead of being, as in ordinary cases, a large vessel closed on
all sides, with the exception of the valves and steam conductors, which
a high pressure or accidental defect may burst, it is composed of a
succession of welded iron pipes, perhaps forty in number, screwed
together in the manner of the common gas-pipes, at given distances,
extending in a direct line, and in a row, at equal distances from a
small reservoir of water, to the distance of about a yard and a half,
and then curving over in a semi-circle of about half a yard in diameter,
returning in parallel lines to the pipes beneath, to a reservoir above,
thus forming a sort of inverted horse-shoe. This horse-shoe of pipes,
in fact, forms the boiler, and the space between is the furnace; the
whole being enclosed with sheet-iron. The advantage of this arrangement
is obvious; for, while more than a sufficient quantity of steam is
generated for the purposes requited, the only possible accident that
could happen would be, the bursting of one of these barrels, and a
temporary diminution of the steam-power of one-fortieth part. The
effects of the accident could, of course, only be felt within its own
enclosure; and the Engineer could, in ten minutes, repair the injury, by
extracting the wounded barrel, and plugging up the holes at each end;
but the fact is, that such are the proofs to which these barrels are
subjected, before they are used, by the application of a steam-pressure
five hundred times more than can ever be required, that the accident,
trifling as it is, is scarcely possible.

A contemporary journal illustrates Mr. Gurney's invention by the
following analogy:--"It will appear not a little singular that
Mr. Gurney, who was educated a medical man, has actually made the
construction of the human body, and of animals in general, the model
of his invention. His reservoirs of steam and water, or rather
'_separators_,' as they are called, and which are seen at the end
of our plate, are, as it were, the heart of his steam apparatus, the
lower pipes of the boiler are the arteries, and the upper pipes the
veins. The water, which is the substitute for blood, is first sent from
the reservoirs into the pipes--the operation of fire soon produces
steam, which ascends through the pipes to the upper part of the
reservoir, carrying with it a portion of water into the separators,
which of course descends to the lower part, and returns to fill the
pipes which have been exhausted by the evaporation of the steam--the
steam above pressing it down with an elastic force, so as to keep the
arteries or pipes constantly full, and preserve a regular circulation.
In the centre of the _separators_ are perforated steam pipes, which
ascend nearly to the tops, these tops being of course closed, so as to
prevent the escape of the steam. Through these pipes the steam descends
with its customary force, and is conducted by one main pipe all along
under the carriage to the end of the platform, which is, in point of
fact, the _water tank_, where it turns under till it reaches two
large branch pipes which communicate with the cylinders, from which the
pistons move and give motion to the machinery. The cranks of the axle
are thus set in action, and the rotatory movement is given to the
wheels. By the power thus engendered also a pump is worked, and which,
by means of a flexible hose, pumps the water into the boiler, keeping
the supply complete. The tank and furnace, it is calculated will hold
sufficient water and fuel for one hour's consumption, the former being
sixty gallons."

The vehicle resembles the ordinary stage-coaches, but is rather larger
and higher. Coke or charcoal are to form the fuel, by which means smoke
will be avoided; the flues will be above the level of the seated
passenger, and it is calculated that the motion of the carriage will
always disperse the heated rarefied air from the flues.

The present carriage would carry six inside and fifteen outside
passengers, independent of the guide, who is also the engineer. In front
of the coach is a very capacious boot; while behind, that which assumes
the appearance of a boot is the case for the boiler and the furnace.
The length of the vehicle, from end to end, is fifteen feet, and, with
the pole and pilot-wheels, twenty feet. The diameter of the hind wheels
is five feet; of the front wheels three feet nine inches; and of the
pilot-wheels three feet. There is a treble perch, by which the machinery
is supported, and beneath which two propellers, in going up a hill, may
be set in motion, somewhat similar to the action of a horse's legs under
similar circumstances. In descending a hill, there is a break fixed on
the hind wheel to increase the friction; but independent of this, the
guide has the power of lessening the force of the steam to any extent,
by means of the lever to his right hand, which operates upon, what is
called the _throttle valve_, and by which he may stop the action
of the steam altogether, and effect a counter vacuum in the cylinders.
By this means also he regulates the rate of progress on the road, going
at a pace of two miles or ten miles per hour, or even quicker if
necessary. There is another lever also by which he can stop the vehicle
_instanter_, and, in fact, in a moment reverse the motion of the
wheels, so as to prevent accident, as is the practice with the paddles
of steam-vessels. The guide, who sits in front, keeps the vehicle in its
proper course, by means of the pilot-wheels acting upon the pole, like
the handle of a garden-chair.

The weight of the carriage and its apparatus is estimated at 1-1/2 tons,
and its wear and tear of the road, as compared with a carriage drawn by
four horses, is as one to six. When the carriage is in progress the
machinery is not heard, nor is there so much vibration as in an ordinary
vehicle, from the superior solidity of the structure. The engine has a
twelve-horse power, but may be increased to sixteen; while the actual
power in use, except in ascending a hill, is but eight-horse.

The success of the present improved invention is stated to be decided;
but the public will shortly have an opportunity of judging for
themselves, as several experimental journeys are projected. If it should
attain its anticipated perfection, the contrivance will indeed be a
proud triumph of human ingenuity, which, aided by its economy, will
doubtless recommend it to universal patronage. Mr. Gurney has already
secured a patent for his invention; and he has our best wishes for his
permanent success.

* * * * *


(_For the Mirror._)

London, in early times (King Ethelred's reign) consisted only of
scattered buildings from Ludgate to Westminster, and none where the
heart of the city now is; it was afterwards extended more westward and
continued increasing---eastward being neglected until a more later
period. Who can view its present well constructed houses, its numerous
elegant squares and terraces, and its general superior appearance,
without almost doubting that the inhabitants of Britain once dwelt in
the most miserable habitations, regardless in every respect of comfort
and cleanliness. Indeed, at an early period we seem to have been in a
very wretched condition. Without carrying ourselves too far back, we
will look at the state of the English about the year 1520, (Henry the
Eighth's reign.) The houses were built entirely regardless of all that
health and comfort could suggest. The situation of the doors and windows
was never thought of, and the former only opened. The floors were made
either of clay, or sand, covered with rushes, which were very seldom
removed.[1] Some few houses were built of stone, but generally they were
composed of wood, coated over with _mud_, or cement, with straw or
reed roofs. Things seem to have been in no very enviable condition
during this reign. The laws were little obeyed; thefts and robbery were
frequent, for "22,000 criminals are said to have been executed by the
rigid justice of Henry VIII."

It is not surprising that crime should have been great in this reign,
for Henry himself was not only guilty of many crimes, but patronised
vice in the regular system of bull and bear-baiting, particularly on
_Sundays_, about four in the afternoon, which exhibitions were
attended by great crowds of persons of all classes. The accommodations
of a royal establishment at this period are thus described:--"The
apartments at Hampton Court had been furnished on a particular occasion,
each with a candlestick, a basin, goblet and ewer of silver; yet the
furniture of Henry's chamber, independent of the bed and cupboard,
consisted only of a joint-stool, a pair of andirons, and a small mirror.
The halls and chambers of the wealthy were replenished with a cupboard,
long tables, or rather loose boards placed upon tressels, forms, a
chair, and a few joint-stools. Carpets were only employed to garnish
cupboards." The food in this reign appears to be in character with
everything else. From a household book of the Earl of Northumberland,
it appears that his family, during the winter, fed mostly on salt meat
and salt fish, with "an appointment of 160 gallons of mustard." On flesh
days through the year, _breakfast_ for my lord and _lady_ was
a loaf of bread, two manchets, a quart of beer, a quart of wine, half a
chine of mutton, or a chine of beef, boiled. The earl had only two cooks
to dress victuals for more than two hundred people. Hens, chickens, and
partridges, were reckoned delicacies, and were forbidden except at my
lord's table.

This excessive love for eating was not, however, confined to Henry's
time, for about two centuries previous to this, (Edward III.) feasting
was endeavoured to be restrained by a law, though Edward himself did not
follow his own law, for when his "son, Lionel, of Clarence, married
Violentes, of Milant there were thirty courses, and the fragments fed
1,500 persons."

The formation of London was but tardy and very irregular until the reign
of Henry VIII. at which time, some extensive buildings and improvements
were made. On the other hand, building seems at length to have gone on
too rapidly, and caused such alarm, that about a century after Henry's
reign, a proclamation was issued by James I. after mature deliberation,
forbidding all new buildings within ten miles of London; and commanding
if any were built after this they should be pulled down, though no
notice was taken of them for seven years.

It is somewhat singular, that though the population in these early
days were but a handful in comparison to the present number, the
_redundancy_ of population was as bitterly complained of as it ever
has been in modern days. About thirty years after Henry's reign
(Elizabeth) we learn from one Harrison, who wrote in 1577, that "a great
number complain of the increase of povertie, laying the cause upon God,
as though he were in fault for sending such increase of people, or want
of wars that should consume them, affirming that the land was never
so full. Some affirming that youth by marrying too soon do nothing to
profit the countrie; but fill it full of beggars, to the hurte and utter
undooing, they say, of the common wealth. The better minded doo forsake
the realme for altogether, complaining of _no room to be left for them
at home_." If there was no room in Elizabeth's time, what must be our
present situation? Indeed the present crowded state of the metropolis,
and the general closeness of the buildings, has frequently been a
subject for regret, as tending to render it unhealthy and impure; but
on referring to its state, when in comparison it was but a village, the
old writers state that in the city, and all round it were a great number
of pits and ditches, and sloughs, which were made the receptacle of all
kind of filth, dead and putrid horses, and cattle, &c. In the time of
Henry VIII. many parts are described as "exceedingly foul and full of
pits and sloughs, and very noisome," and some years after (1625) in a
tract, the author says, "Let not carkasses of horses, dogs, cats, &c.
lye rotting and poisoning the aire, as they have done in _More_ and
_Finsbury_ Fields, and elsewhere round about the cittie. Let the
ditches towards Islington, Olde-street, and towards Shoreditch and
Whitechapel, be well cleansed." In another tract published in 1665, it
states, that "there are all sorts of unsavoury stenches, proceeding
either from carrion, ditches, rotten dung-hills, vaults, sinks, nasty
kennels, and streets, (strewed with all manner of filth) seldom
cleansed." From these statements it is evident that notwithstanding all
the present inconveniences that the inhabitants of London live in more
healthy situations now that they are surrounded by houses, than when
they were exposed to extensive open fields.


[1] It was reckoned an extraordinary luxury for Thomas a Becket to
have his parlour strewed every day with clean rushes.

* * * * *


_Sketched in the year of the world,_ 5831; _and, of my bachelorship_, 24.

(_For the Mirror._)

Chaste, as the icicle,
That's curded by the frost from purer snow,
And hangs on Dian's temple; Dear--_old maid_.

SHAKSPEARE'S _Coriolanus_.

Sed mihi vel tellus optem prius ima dehiscat,
Vel Pater omnipotens adigat me fulmine ad umbras,
Pallentes umbras Erebi, noctemque profundum,
Ante, pudor, quam te violem, aut tua jure resolvam.


I have years on my back _forty-eight_,


Four-and-twenty lap-dogs, all of a row,
Four-and-twenty monkeys, kits, and cats, dit-to;
Four-and-twenty colours in her tawdry dress,
(A rainbow she in all--but its loveliness!)
Four-and-twenty tempers, in the four-and-twenty hours;
Four-and-twenty dreams of _suppos'd_ vanquished pow'rs,
To wit of four-and-twenty swains--more or less;
Who have four-and-twenty times, curs'd her ugliness!
Four-and-twenty trials, ere as many hours are o'er,
Of four-and-twenty genera of rival Kalydor;
Four-and-twenty scentings with her dear bergamot,
Four-and-twenty daubs of her dear paint-pot;
Four-and-twenty visitings to four-and-twenty friends,
And four-and-twenty tales of 'em, before the day ends;
Of these said four-and-twenty tales just four-and-twenty versions,
And all of them of all the facts most farcica perversions.
Four-and-twenty false curls, * *

* * * * *

Four-and-twenty false teeth, and quite as false a tongue,
Which tells how virtuous was the world when--_she and it were young_.
Or rather for these thirty years has moralizing told,
How this good deed and that she'll do, _before_ she grows old:
Four-and-twenty sighs a-day, that our rude English sky
Is not _precise_ as _she_--and may wash off the dye
Meretricious of her cheeks, which are then like gold,
(Though _less tempting_;) _sweet_ and yellow as a marigold![2]
Four-and-twenty wailings o'er the wedded state,
Yet twice as many every day 'tis not _her_ fate;
Pretending to the world 'tis mere _choice_ that has led
To singleness--yet choosing all the while to be wed,
If any doting fool could be doting fool enough
To bid for such a breaking down piece of stuff;
For any such a winter, that has shed the flowers of spring,
Whose autumn too is flown; nor left its fruit or any thing!

* * * * *

Yes, _such_ are the marks deep branded on a class
Of busy blanks, non-entities, creation's very farce;
In _these_ scales then be every piece of Eve's flesh weighed,
Find _these_ criteria, and be sure you've found an--Ancient Maid!

W. P----N.

[2] So much for the "heinous crime of _self-painting_;" as Lord
Chesterfield says; in speaking of which, "It is even whispered
about the town, (he observes) of that excellent artist,
Mr. Liobard, that he lately refused a fine woman to draw her
picture, alleging that he never copied any body's works but his
own and God Almighty's!"

* * * * *


(_For the Mirror._)

_James the First._

Robert Cecil, great grandson to the first Earl of Salisbury, told Lord
Dartmouth that his ancestor, inquiring into the character of king James,
Bruce (his majesty's own ambassador) answered, "Ken ye a John Ape? en
I's have him, he'll bite _you_; en you's have him, he'll bite _me_."

_Sir Edward Seymour._

Speaker of the House of Commons, was one day coming to his duty, when
his coach happening to break down, he ordered the beadle to stop the
first gentleman's coach they met, and bring it to him. The owner felt
much surprised to be turned out of his own coach; but Sir Edward told
him it was much more proper for him to walk in the streets than the
speaker of the House of Commons; and accordingly left him to do so
without farther apology.--This arbitrary exercise of authority is
perhaps without a parallel.

_Henry the Fourth._

Of France used to say that a king should have the heart of a child
towards God, but the heart of a father towards his subjects.

_George the Third._

His late majesty was very partial to Mr. Carbonel, the wine-merchant,
and frequently admitted him to the royal hunts. Returning from the chase
one day, the king entered affably into conversation with his
wine-merchant, and rode with him side by side a considerable distance.
Lord Walsingham was in attendance, and watching an opportunity, called
Mr. C. aside, and whispered something to him. "What's that? what has
Walsingham been saying to you?" inquired the good-humoured monarch.
"I find, sire, I have been unintentionally guilty of disrespect by not
taking off my hat when I address your majesty; but you will please to
observe, that whenever I hunt my hat is fastened to my wig, and my wig
to my head; and as I am mounted on a very spirited horse, if any thing
goes off, we must all go off together." The king laughed heartily at
the whimsical apology.

_The Duke of Wellington._

A certain noble lord, who was the duke's aide-de-camp, visited his
grace early on the morning of the battle of Salamanca, and perceiving
him lying on a very small camp bedstead, observed, "that his grace had
not room to turn himself;" who immediately, in his usual characteristic
manner, rejoined, "When you have lived as long and seen so much as
I have, you will know, that when a general thinks of turning _in_ his
bed, it is full time to turn _out_."


An artist named Brendel, possessed with the folly of the "philosopher's
stone," proposed to Rubens to join him in the discovery of that
mystery. He replied, "Your application is too late; for these twenty
years past my pencils and pallet have revealed to me the secret about
which you are so anxious."

_Queen Elizabeth._

When the ambassador of Henry IV. of France was in England, the queen
asked him one birth-night, which was attended by a splendid assembly of
the court, how he liked her ladies. Knowing her majesty was not averse
to flattery, he made the following elegant reply: "It is hard, madam,
to judge of _stars_ in the presence of the _sun_."

_Louis XIII._

Was remarkable in his youth for piety; entering a little village,
the better sort of inhabitants wished to attend him with a canopy.
He answered, "I hear you have no church here. I cannot suffer a canopy
of state to be borne over my head in a place where God hath not a
consecrated roof to dwell under."


Emperor of Germany, being once asked what was the surest method of
living happy in the world, replied, "By doing in health those good works
you promised to do on the bed of sickness."


* * * * *


* * * * *

_Thunder and Lightning._

Conductors affixed to houses should always be pointed, and the point
should be kept in a state of cleanliness, and the conductors should
terminate in a moist stratum of earth, or in London it might safely be
conveyed into the common sewer. It has been objected to the use of
pointed conductors, that we invite the lightning to the point; and that
is true to a certain extent, and in gunpowder mills the conductor should
be placed at some distance from the building. The conducting rod should
be of copper or iron, and from half to three-fourths of an inch in
diameter, so as not to be readily forced. Its upper end should be
elevated about three or four feet above the highest part of the
building, and all the metallic parts of the roof should be connected
with the rod, which should be continuous throughout. As regards the
question of what is the safest situation in a thunder-storm, we should
be pretty safe in the middle of a large room in bed; we should be pretty
safe among the feathers, which are bad conductors; but as the bell-wires
will conduct the electricity into the room, the bed should be removed
from them. It would be well to stand at a distance from the chimney on
a woollen rug, which is a non-conductor. When out of doors, I scarcely
need to say, that you should never stand under a tree; the tree being
moist, the electric fluid generally passes down between the bark and the
substance of the tree, splitting it in all directions, and the lightning
will pass to the best conductor near it; if any unfortunate animal
should happen to be under the tree, it will be killed. The safest plan
is to go toward the middle of the field, at a distance from any tree,
and to stretch yourself out upon the ground, although this is not a very
pleasant situation, especially in hard rain. During a thunder-storm, the
earth is in a state of electricity as well as the clouds, and the light
and heat which are produced at the explosion indicate the annihilation
of the two electricities. Sometimes the discharge is only from cloud to
cloud, sometimes from the earth to the clouds, and sometimes from the
clouds to the earth, as one or other may be in the positive or negative
state. The clouds are usually more or less electrical when the vapour,
floating about in the atmosphere, is condensed, and the earth being
brought into an opposite state of electricity by induction, a discharge
takes place, when the clouds approach within a certain distance, and
sometimes the electric cloud perches upon a hill, and then discharges
itself. The electricity passes through the clouds in a zig-zag
direction, and the undulation of the air which it produces is the cause
of the noise which we hear, called thunder, which is more or less
intense, and of longer or shorter duration, according to the quantity of
air acted upon, and the distance of the place where the report is heard
from the point of discharge. If the danger be great, we have seldom any
opportunity to count the time which elapses between the appearance of
the lightning and the report: electrical effects take place at no
sensible time; it has been found, that a discharge through a circuit of
four miles is instantaneous, whilst sound moves at the rate of about
twelve miles in a minute. So that, supposing the lightning to pass
through a space of some miles, the explosion will be first heard from
the point of the air agitated nearest to the spectator; it will
gradually come from the more remote parts of the course of the
electricity, and, last of all, will be heard from the very extremity;
and the different degrees of the agitation of the air, and the
difference of the distance, will account for the different intensities
of the sound, and its apparent reverberations and changes. If you can
count from two to three seconds between the appearance of the lightning
and the sound, there is seldom much danger; and when the interval is a
quarter of a minute, you are secure.--_Brande's Lectures.--Lancet._

_New Crane._

A crane for raising weights, on an entirely new principle--that of the
application of the lever, assisted by wedges, instead of the usual
plan of wheel and pinion, for multiplying power--has recently been
constructed at the West India Docks. The power of two men, with the
patent crane, is stated to be capable of lifting from 2-1/2 to 3 times
the weight lifted through the same space in a given time, by the best
constructed cranes on the old principle of wheel machinery.

_Etching on Ivory_.

The usual mode of ornamenting ivory in black, is to engrave the pattern
or design, and to fill up the cavities thus produced with hard black
varnish. Mr. Cathery has much improved and simplified the process, by
covering the ivory with engraver's varnish, and drawing the design with
an etching needle; he then pours on a menstruum, composed of 120 grains
of fine silver, dissolved in an ounce measure of nitric acid, and
diluted with one quart of pure distilled water. After half an hour, more
or less, according to the required depth of tint, the liquor is to be
poured off, and the surface is to be washed with distilled water, and
dried with blotting paper. It is then to be exposed to the light for
an hour, after, which the varnish may be removed by oil of turpentine.
The design will now appear permanently impressed on the ivory, and of
a black or blackish brown colour, which will come to its full tint after
exposure for a day or two to the light. Varieties of colour may be given
by substituting the salt of gold, platina, copper, &c. for the solution
of silver.--_Trans. of the Society of Arts._


Among the fossil bones lately dug from under the lava of the mountain
of Boulade, in the neighbourhood of Issoire, in France, none have been
discovered belonging to the human body. The same is the case in the
other mountains of the vicinity. But, although there are no human bones,
in several places, and especially in the mountain of Boutaresa, (which
is not far from the mountain of Boulade,) pieces of wood have been
discovered, buried under the ancient lava, which observers worthy of
credit declare seem to have been fashioned by the hand of man, and to
have been cut with a hatchet, although rudely, and as might be expected
in the infancy of the arts. Did man exist then, at that remote period
when elephants, lions, and tapirs, lived in Europe, with rein-deer and
bears? This is an exceedingly difficult question, and one which hitherto
does not, by any means, appear to have been satisfactorily
resolved.--_New Monthly Magazine_.

* * * * *


[Illustration: THE MONTHS. DECEMBER.]

The characteristics of November, for the most part, extend through the
present month. Wind, rain, and gloom are its attributes; the sun

Scarce spreads through ether the dejected day,
Faint are his gleams, and ineffectual shoot
His struggling rays, in horizontal lines,
Through the thick air; as clothed in cloudy storm,
Weak, wan, and broad, he skirts the southern sky;
And soon descending, to the long dark night.
Wide-shading all, the prostrate world resigns.

Such is the gloomy picture of December, as drawn by the _poet of the

To the contemplatist, and the man who has

----------No enemy,
But winter and rough weather,

the rural walk at this season is equally inviting with any of its
predecessors; whilst he who can "suck melancholy from a song," will find
melody in its storms and music in its wind. What are more beautiful than
the fretwork frostings of rime and hoar spread on the hedges, glistening
in the broad sun-beam, and in brilliancy and variety of colours vying
with the richest display of oriental splendour--with here and there
berries clustering on evergreens, or pendent in solitary beauty, like
the "rich jewel in the Aethiop's ear." The winter stillness of animal
life is a sublime subject for our meditation. Insects which floated on
the gay sunshine of summer and autumn have now retired to their winter
quarters, there to remain dormant till regenerated in the enlivening
warmth of spring; and even the labours of husbandry are in a state of

Within the circuit of gardens and shrubberies Nature, however, reserves
the evergreen pride of firs and pines; and even flowers are left to
gladden the eye of the winter observer; and the rose, that sweet emblem
of our fragile and transitory state, will live and prosper during this
month. In the forest, the oak, beech, and hornbeam in part retain their
leaves; there, too, is the endless variety of mosses, and lichens, and
ivy, spreading and clinging round aged trunks, as if to protect them
with their fond warmth, or mantling over the neglected labours of human
art, and mocking their proud import.

At this season, too, the social economy of man is wont to ripen into
mirth; and in olden time, winter was the summer of hospitality, when the
sunshine of Christmas shed its holy light on the hearts and faces of
young and old. What the present generation have gained in head, they
have lost in heart, and Christmas is almost the only surviving holiday
of the calendar. But now, alas! "we live too late in time."

If knowledge be valuable only in the proportion in which it conduces
to our happiness, then we have cause to deplore the loss of the
wassail-bowl, the sports and wrestlings of the town green, the evening
tales, and the elegant pastimes of masque, song, and dance, of our
ancestors, which the taste of our times has narrowed into a commercial
channel, or pared down to a few formal visits and their insipid returns;
and friends, families, and fortunes are often sacrificed in this

But there are minds so attuned as not to be shut out from

"The gayest, happiest attitudes of things,"

nor to allow their social blaze to be darkened by such narrow conceits;
and for a picture of this portion of mankind, we quote Mr. Bucke's

"Awed by the progress of time, winter, ushered into existence by
the howling of storms, and the rushing of impetuous torrents, and
contemplating, with the satisfaction of a giant, the ruins of the year,
still affords ample food for enjoyments, which the vulgar never dream
of, if sympathy and association diffuse their attractive spells around
us! In the bosom of retirement, how delightful is it to feel exempt from
the mean intrigues, the endless difficulties and tumults, which active
life ensures, and which retirement enables us so well to contemplate
through the telescope of recollection. When seated by the cheerful
fire among friends, loving and beloved, our hopes, our wishes, and our
pleasures are concentrated; the soul seems imparadised in an enchanted
circle; and the world, vain, idle, and offensive as it is, presents
nothing to the judgment, and little to the imagination, that can induce
the enlightened or the good to regret, that the knowledge they possess
of it is chiefly from the report of others, or from the tumultuous
murmur, which from a distance invades the tranquillity of their retreat,
and operates as a discord in a soft sonata. These are the moments which
affect us more than all the harmony of Italy, or all the melody of
Scotland--moments, in which we appear almost to emulate the gods
in happiness."

"Change," in the quaint language of Feltham, "is the great lord of
the universe, and Time is the agent which brings all things under his
dominion." This has been demonstrated through our past calendar of
monthly characteristics; to which are subjoined, from a still more
quaint authority than Feltham, said to be printed in the reign of
Henry VII., in a Sarum black-letter missal:


(_From our Correspondent, M.L.B._)


The fyrst six yeres of mannesbyrth and aege
May well be compared to Janyere,
For in this moneth, is no strengeth nor courage
More than in a chylde of the aege of six yere.


The other six yeres is like February,
In the end thereof beguyneth (1) the Sprynge,
That tyme chyldren is moost asst and redy
To receyve chastysement, nurture and lernynge.


March betokeneth the six yeres followynge,
Arayeng the erthe with pleasaunt verdure;
That season youth thought for nothynge,
And wothout thought dooth his sporte and pleasure.


The next six yere maketh four-and-twenty,
And figured is to jolly Aprill
That tyme of pleasures man hath most plenty
Fresh, and louying (2) his lustes tofulfyll.


As in the moneth of Maye all thing in mygth (3)
So at thirty yeres man is in chief lyking,
Pleasaunt and lustie to every mannes sygth, (4)
In beauti and strengthe to women pleasynge.


In June, all thyns falleth to rypenesse,
And so dooth man at Ihirty-six yere old,
And studyetli for to acquyre rychesse.
And taketh a wyfe, to keepe his householde.


At forty yere of aege, or elles never
Is ony man endewed with wysdome
For than forgth (5) his mygth fayleth ever
As in July doth every blossome.


The goodes of the erthe is gadered evermore
In August, so at forty-eight yere
Man ought to gather some goodes in store
To susteyne aege that then draweth nere.


Let no man thynke, for to gather plenty
Yf, at fifty-four yere he have none
No more than yf his barne were empty
In September when all the come is gone.


By Octobre betokenyth sixty yere
That aege hastely dooth man assayle,
Yf he have outgh (6) than (7) it dooth appere
To lyve quyetly after his travayle.


When man is at sixty-six yere olde
Which lykened is to bareyne Novembre
He waxeth unweldy, (8) sekely (9) and cold
Than (7) his soule helth is time to remember.


The yere by Decembre takelh his ende,
And so dooth man at three-score and twelve,
Nature with aege wyll hym on message sende
Tho tyme is come that he must go hymselve.


1. Beginneth. 3. Loving. 3. Might 4. Sight. 5. Waste or barren, applied
to mind. 6. Aught, anything. 7. Then. 8. Unwieldy. 9. Sickly.

A few words at parting, or rather in closing our calendar. Whilst we
have endeavoured to attract by the little emblematic display of art
at the head of each month, we have not neglected to direct the attention
of our readers to "the good in every thing" which is scattered through
each season of the year, by constantly recurring to the beneficence of
the OMNIPOTENT BEING--thus enabling them to look

"Through Nature up to Nature's God."

Her study will moderate our joys and griefs, and enable us to carry the
principle of "good in every thing" into every relation of social life.
Let us learn to cherish in our remembrance that (in the language of the
sublime Sterne) "God tempers the wind to the shorn lamb;" and that the
storms of the world, like those of nature, will at length clear off, and
open to us a prospect unclouded and eternal.

* * * * *


No. LII.

* * * * *


[For the following _Gulliverian_ sketch we are indebted to a lively
volume of whim, humour, and pleasant sentiment, entitled _Snatches
from Oblivion_: the work likewise contains some springy

An honourable member of a certain enlightened assembly, who had greatly
distinguished himself by his topographical ingenuity and taste for good
society, had, in the course of some statistical researches, discovered
a part of the globe hitherto unknown, called by the natives Russell
Square, and which was considered would be an important acquisition to
the English dominions. A council of state was called upon this occasion,
who, after six successive meetings, determined upon sending out an
expedition, at the head of which was the original discoverer, to
reconnoitre, and, if eligible, to take possession of the _terra
incognita_ in the name and behalf of the British crown. Unfortunately
I was myself at that time engaged in oddity-hunting in another part of
the world, and was consequently unable to join the adventurous party,
but have learned the whole particulars from the mouth of an intimate
friend, who formed a portion of it, and who obliged me with the tie of a
cravat of one of the extraordinary inhabitants of the soil. His relation
is to the following effect:--

"The conditions of our enterprise having been finally arranged, and
our instructions delivered, sealed by the Lords of the Admiralty, after
a few months' preparation we were enabled to commence our adventurous
career. Prayers having been put up for our safe return, our, wills
having been made, and, in case of our never returning from

"'That undiscovered country (Russell Square),
From whence (it was dreaded) no traveller returns,'

"our property secured, as well as handsome annuities to our wives and
children, we embarked on board the Admiralty yacht from Whitehall
Stairs. Here a scene that would have melted the heart of a stoic took
place. The difficulties and horrors of our campaign, the melancholy
fates of Mungo Park, and Captains Cook and Bowditch, the agonizing
consequences of starvation, cannibalism, and vulgarity, which we were
likely to encounter in these unknown regions, were depicted in their
most vivid and powerful colours. But each of us was a Roman, a Columbus,
prepared to stand or fall in the service of his country.

"The vessel left the shores amidst the tears, groans, and perfumed
handkerchiefs of the surrounding multitude; so heart-rending were
our _adieux_, that three officers of the guards, overcome by the
afflicting crisis, went into strong hysterics, and were obliged to have
their stay-laces cut. Standing on the poop of the vessel with a white
handkerchief in one glove, and a bottle of _Eau de Cologne_ in the
other, we waved farewell to our friends, and, as the last vestige of
their whiskers disappeared from our sight, a sad presentiment filled
our minds that it was for ever. Groups of beings, wearing the form and
countenances of men, though most barbarously disguised, occasionally
passed us in what we supposed to be canoes, saluting us in an unknown
and discordant tone. Our voyage concluded at a point which, we have
since been informed, was discovered by a noble lord in a sailing
expedition, where he was driven by adverse winds and tides, and baptized
by him 'Waterloo Bridge,' after a certain victory supposed to have been
obtained by the ancient Britons some time previous to the flood. Having
landed, we were immediately surrounded by a native tribe of a warlike
and barbarous aspect, being in almost a primitive dress, having only the
lower part of their persons covered. The appearance of their skin was
most remarkable; it was intersected by blue seams, as if nature had
supplied them with a shirt of her own formation--for not the slightest
appearance of muslin or cambric was visible. The name of this horde of
barbarism is, as we were afterwards informed, in their native
_patois_, Scullers, and from the circumstance of their appearing
peculiar to the river and its banks, the Professor of Natural History,
whom we carried with us, after an elaborate investigation, declared them
to be, peculiar to the soil, members of the animal kingdom, of a species
between the alligator and crocodile.

"After reference to our geographical charts, we took our seats in
our stanhopes, being preceded by our travelling chariots, a detachment
of the Lancers, by way of security, two interpreters, a guide, and a
surgeon, in case of casualties. By the instructions of the guide we
steered in a direction N.E.E., and as we proceeded farther into the
country, the barbarity and uncivilization became more apparent. Crossing
a swamp called the _Strand_, we arrived at a native settlement called
Drury Lane, inhabited by a horde infinitely more barbarous and rude than
the tribe by which we were accosted on landing. The _indigites_ of
this soil, in ferocity of appearance, exceeded all our previous idea of
savage life. They are generally _tattooed_, but the crevices in
their skin, instead of variegated colours as the savages of the South
Seas, seemed to be filled up by a composition much resembling dirt. They
had, however, no tomahawks, nor implements of a warlike description, nor
were any of them dressed in skins; although some of them had the hide of
a beast hanging from their waist downwards, which appeared their only
covering, and we understand is called by them--_leathern apron_.

"Passing by a native wigwam, which we found in our maps defined as
_Vinegar Yard_, we were surrounded by a motley and terrific group
of the inhabitants, both male and female. Of their sex we were in great
doubt, especially of those who carried on their heads a kind of wicker
basket, in which were a quantity of fish, of whose _genus_ our
naturalist declared himself perfectly ignorant. As we had often heard of
the simplicity of man when undefiled by a knowledge of the world, of his
hospitality, and his overflowing milk of human kindness, and feeling
besides exhausted from the length and difficulties of our journey, we
determined upon putting these fabled attributes to the proof. Holding
up his stick, as an emblem of peaceable intentions, and backed by the
Lancers, our interpreter advanced, and inquired for the hut of their
chief, and requested, as we were much exhausted, they would oblige us
with a small quantity of their ava, and a few of their native yams. As
they seemed unable to detect his meaning, which we endeavoured to make
more palpable, by all of us at the same time advancing, simultaneously
putting our fingers down our mouths, and rubbing our stomachs, in order
to have our urgent necessities immediately gratified.

"Instead of our wants having been anticipated, as we had naturally
supposed, the whole tribe immediately set up a discordant yell.
Believing that we were still misunderstood, we resolved on asking for
food, and assuring them of our peaceable intentions in all the languages
we were masters of. One of the Lancers who had, during foreign service,
picked up a few expressions of the Cherokee Indians, and also a
knowledge of their habits, proposed addressing them. A consultation
being held, and the result being favourable, he advanced; and, in the
Cherokian language, asked for food, invoked at the same time the great
spirit, which he did by spitting on his hands (an Indian custom), and
holding up his right foot for the purpose of his auditor kissing it, as
a token of conciliation. The person whom he addressed, in an uncouth,
but certainly melodious language, answered in these words:

"'Dom hew-er hies, gie us none o' hew-er-jaw.'

"Another, whom I had willingly entreated in my native tongue for a place
of shelter, answered in the following couplet, which convinced me of the
truth of the supposition of Mr. Thomas Campbell, the intended lecturer
of poetry to the London University, that mankind in an aboriginal state
is essentially poetical, and express their ideas either in rhythmical or
figurative language--

"'Hax hay-bout,
An find it hout.'

"Others shouted with a peculiar strength of lungs, _Bedlam! Bedlam!
ha! ha!_ These words appeared to be instantly caught up by the
surrounding groups, and communicated like wild-fire, amongst the
different tribes, which by this time had increased to an alarming
magnitude. * * *

"Arriving at a settlement, marked out in the maps as Great Russell
Street, the marks of civilization became more apparent, particularly
when we saw a native approaching in shoes, stockings, and a _bona
fide_ pair of breeches; but our surprise was increased on reaching
the place of our destination, 'Russell Square,' to find very few traces
of savage life, and a wigwam of considerable extent erected in close
imitation of our beloved and long-lost homes!

"Having stopped at a house which had the appearance of being inhabited
by a civilized being, our interpreter, in the _patois_ of the country,
requested we might be admitted inside, for tire sole purpose of judging
of the manners and customs of foreign nations. The creature who received
our request was habited much after the same fashion as our footmen,
only the wretch, as if to put his uncivilization beyond a doubt,
actually wore white cotton stockings, and his hair without powder.
Being shown up stairs, we entered a room of considerable dimensions,
and our astonishment may be more easily conceived than expressed, on our
finding, instead of naked beings, squatted cross-legged on mats on the
floor, we found them decently attired, and sitting upright in most
Christian-like and indubitable chairs. The master of the house, a short,
fat, and, for a savage, an apparently inoffensive man, having by no
means a blood-thirsty appearance, made us welcome according to the
fashion of the country, which he did by the following ceremony:--Placing
himself about half a yard before us, with both sets of his toes so
drawn in as to nearly meet, one of his his hands being stuck where his
breeches pocket should be placed, he ducked his head and shoulders (as
if he would make a bow), at the same time drawing one of his feet from
the other, and scraping it on the floor; this accomplished, he resumed
his former position, muttered some unintelligible words, which sounded
like 'perdigiously happy,' tucked up the collar of his shirt (for the
wretch actually wore one), and stalked away.

"It is needless to say that we were regarded with symptoms of infinite
astonishment by the natives, with whom the room was filled, and who
appeared to be mimicking the manners of civilized life, and often
calling out words, which we have since understood to be names of liquids
peculiar to the country, viz--'port,' 'sherry,' and 'lemonade.' Our
curiosity being amply gratified, the short fat native, who had first
addressed us, marched up to me, and to my indescribable alarm offered to
introduce me to his daughter, a young savage of about seventeen, who he
pointed out sitting in a nearly civilized attitude on a legitimate sofa.
Perceiving me shudder at the proposal, for I had heard that the New
Zealanders, and other barbarous tribes, sometimes eat their friends, as
well as their enemies, he inquired of me the cause, and fearful of the
consequence of exciting the anger of these savages while in their power,
I expressed my total willingness to the introduction, and declared that
my only objection was, lest she should scratch; upon his assuring me she
was perfectly tame. I consented to be led (though like a lamb to the
slaughter) to the couch, praying most fervently, though silently, she
would not make a meal of me. What was my horror when the short fat
gentleman addressed her with a horrid wink of the eye--'Poppett, as
I know you to be partial to these smart young fellows (Heavens! she was
then addicted to cannibalism), I have brought you one.' I heard no more,
but making up my mind I was to be served up for supper, flew with the
utmost' rapidity my stays would permit me, when my ears were electrified
at the sounds of Stultz and Nugee. I knew not how it was, but the hearing
of these words, surrounded as I was by doubt and danger, calmed at once
my agitated spirits, like some well-remembered air which we have heard
in our infancy, stealing over the waste of years and distance, I felt
completely overcome by my feelings. Home, and my native land, with a
thousand sweet associations of relatives, and all the charms of
friendship and love, seemed to accompany the sounds, and I gazed with
unqualified mildness on the innocent source of my happiness, who stood
gazing in simple wonder at my ill-suppressed surprise. I was nearly
fainting, and should have fallen, had it not been for a kind-hearted
squaw in a satin slip, and blond trimmings, bathing my temples with
a grateful distillation of otto of roses. The natural reserve of my
disposition having been overcome by the force of nature, I proposed to
our entertainer, if he would part with his daughter to take her back
with us, and make her a member of the civilized world. He shook his
head, and declared his inability to relinquish her; so great do we
find the force of parental affection even in savage life; but upon the
approach of his son, an eligible and ductile youth, with a promising
pair of whiskers, and irreproachable pantaloons, he consented to part
with him, declaring that next to his daughter he was the only solace of
his life. As the youth bore the name of his tribe, the semi-barbarous
cognomen of Simpson, he agreed to accept that of _Lee boo_, not
only as being more civilized, but expressive of his situation. As he
was of an ambitious nature, he had made, unknown to his parent, many
excursions towards the west; we therefore agreed to accept of him as our
guide; and we left our simple and promising friends with the assurance
of a speedy return: as a pledge, we exchanged one of our cravats, well
stiffened, and with the Petersham tie, for one of the collars worn by
the male, and a flounce of the she-savage's petticoats; promising also
to send them, on our arrival, a pattern of Lord H------h's beard, which
approached nearer to savage life than any other object we could think
of in the civilized world.

"We reached Connaught Place without any accident, with the young
savage as a trophy, and received the most affectionate welcome on our
unexpected and safe return. Prayers were put up the following day at
most of the fashionable churches, and a solemn _te deum_ was
composed expressly for the occasion. The young savage has already
realized the expectation we formed of his docility and capacity;
already he speaks our language equal to a native--has run through the
whole of his property--keeps race-horses--and has an opera singer under
his protection--never pays a bill, and is admitted without a voucher
at every hell in the metropolis; has forgot his father's name, and
never hears the unknown region of 'Russell Square' mentioned, but he
in-quires--'if that is not the place where the people drink porter,
and don't wear shoes and stockings?'"

* * * * *


* * * * *


Dust, than which nothing can, upon a superficial view, be considered
more insignificant, was, a few years back, of very considerable value,
far surpassing the value of many things acquired by difficulty and
danger, and for which the breadth of oceans are traversed, through
storms and tempests. Perhaps a cruise to the Gold Coast, with all its
drawbacks and contingencies, is scarcely so profitable as the returns on
the quantity of dust collected in the City of London, during the time
necessary for the voyage, and its accomplished return. About the period
I allude to, the parish of St. Luke received no less a sum than between
one and two thousand pounds a-year for dust collected, which, being
placed to the parish account, tended in a _great measure_ to keep
down the poor'-rates. In addition to its value, no kind of property is
better secured; as will be evinced, when the reader is informed that his
present Majesty, George IV., when he was Prince Regent, lost an action
for the recovery of the value of dust, carried away from the palace, by
his servants, to be used as manure. In order to a further illustration
of the subject, it is necessary to inform the reader, that what has
hitherto been considered is but a part of that incongruous combination,
the contents of a dust-cart--the very last residuum--the matter called
"brize;" previous to which, by the result of much labour, of picking,
raking, sorting, and sifting, a very pretty property is collected by the
various shareholders of this joint, stock company, as a recent case that
was brought forward at the Bow-street office will suffice to convince

Perhaps the reader may have never witnessed the ejection of a
dust-cart: presuming he has not, I will endeavour to give him a general
outline of the ceremony; together with all the circumstances attending
it, and a sketch of the group and foreground. Suppose an eminence of
about five or six feet already collected, in a circular form; on the
heap is a man raking about, and a little child playing with a small
brown shaggy mongrel of a dog, with a community of pigs battening on
the acclivity; a youth below, with spade and axe, is supplying three
women with stuff--if women they may be called, who, of all the progeny
of old Mother Nox, seemed most the resemblances of age, misery, and
want; I say _seemed_, for when one was called--one of three--I
beheld, as she raised her dilapidated Dunstable, a face, where beams of
pensive beauty struggled through dusty darkness, and which mantled to a
smile at the sound of notes whistled to the tune of--"In Bunhill-row
there liv'd a Maid"--indicating the approach of Joe--for it was _his
cart:_--the dying cadence now gave way to the gee-up! uttered in deep
bass, accompanied with a smart smack of the whip, to urge the horse up
the ascent. Joe was a decent sort of boy enough for his avocation, not
to be ranked among those who "troop under the sooty flag of Acheron;"
but a clean, square-built fellow, with a broadish face and forehead,
blue eyes, nose rather short, expanded, and inclined upwards, and tinted
with that imperial hue that indicated his knowledge was not confined
to dry measure; this, with a mouth a little elongated, formed a
countenance, upon the whole, full of mirth and good-humour. This piece
of device was surmounted by a hat of the usual professional form--a
domed piece of felt, with a most prodigious margin: he wore a good stout
flannel jacket, and waistcoat; his shirt collar fastened by a leaden
brooch, in the shape of a heart, deviating from the general costume.
His continuations were of white drill; but, mark the vanity! short
enough to display a pair of hoppers, otherwise gaiters, of the same
material; these, with a stout pair of ancle-Johns, completed his
outward man of an order "simply Doric."

At Joe's approach, all was stir and bustle; the pigs, to the third and
fourth generation, moved "in perfect phalanx," not "to the Dorian mood
of flutes and soft recorders," but to their own equally inspiring grunt;
varying from the shrill treble to the deep-toned bass. Jewler, too, ran
barking; but with less interested feelings; and his little patron ran
to take the whip.

A few interrogatories on each side, a joke, and its accompanying laugh,
occupy brief space; when, suddenly, a general rush proclaims the load is
strewed upon the ground! a chaotic mass--"old hats, old wigs, old boots,
old shoes, and all the tribe of leather," remnants of all things, the
ends and the beginnings, horticultural fragments and broken crockery,
the hunter's bone and the beggar's rags, pilfered lace suspected, and
the stolen jewel, the lost gold, and the mislaid spoon: and, for a
climax, rejoice! gentle reader--for when the designs of the crafty are
defeated by inadvertence, or otherwise, with the weird sisters, "we
should rejoice! we should rejoice!"--a bill for fifteen pounds, drawn
by a lawyer for expenses, and which was taken to the acceptor by the
dustman, for which he received a considerate remuneration. Complicated
as this mass appears, it is all reduced to the most perfect order, and
each portion arranged according to the purposes intended for. Thus, the
vegetable matter, so eagerly seized upon by the pigs, contributes to
keep up a supply of _dairy-fed_ pork and _Epping sausages:_
the bones are laid aside for the purposes of making hartshorn and
phosphorus, dominoes, and apple-scoops, &c. The old boots and shoes,
with the tribe of leather, after a slight examination of their utter
inefficiency, find their way, through divers passages to the glue-pot.
How fractured bottles, and broken glass of every description, is
disposed of, is easily _seen through_--to the furnace; and how the
old iron is appropriated, is not hard to guess. The old woollen, if
perchance any should exist in the shape of a pair of innominables,
after exploring the pockets, and a sigh for their insolvency, are
unceremoniously cast aside along with the worthless remains of rags of
every description, string, paper, &c. &c., to pass through the operation
necessary for making brown paper. What still remains, of coals, and
cinders unconsumed, the dustman's perquisite, are measured first,
"thence hurried back to fire:" the wood, the sifters take. Broken tiles,
bricks, delf, crockery, with a variety of substances and etceteras, go
towards the formation of roads. I had almost forgotten the crowning
item, viz. old wigs! Towards the close of the last century, so much were
they in request, that the supply was scarcely equal to the demand. Yes,
in the days of Beau Tibbs, every street had its corner and every corner
its shoe-black, and to every shoe-black might be traced an old wig,
sometimes _two_. In those days of ruffles and etiquette, when
a well-formed leg was advantageously displayed in _whole_ silk
stockings, shoes, and buckles, it was the custom with pedestrians, when
making a call, to have their shoes wiped and touched up at the corner
of the street nearest the place they were going to visit: and what so
efficient for the purpose as an old wig? nothing. But, alas! those days
are gone! and Beau Tibbs is gone! and, if we question where? only Echo
answers. But what becomes of the old wigs? is the question at issue.
Alas! again, such is the degeneracy of modern days, that, instead of
being used as an appendage to the toilet, though humble, I fear they
will be traced to the vulgar bricklayer and plasterer, to be mingled
with mortar, and "patch a wall, to expel the winter's flaw." Now, I
believe, every particle is accounted for; and any little article, in the
shape of a bijou, is the perquisite of those pickers-up of unconsidered
trifles, the sifters.

_Monthly Magazine._

[3] It was a dispute between a dustman and a sifter, as to which had
the most rightful claim to a five-pound note, found in the ashes;
and certainly nothing could be more impartially decided; for
as their claims, or rather their non-claims, turned out to be
equal--that is, in point of law--it was retained by the presiding
magistrate in trust. In the course of the inquiry, it appeared
that the sifter had realized sufficient property to enable her to
be proprietress of three houses.

* * * * *


* * * * *


_Communication of his Intention to Josephine._

I was on duty at the Tuilleries from Monday, November 27; on that day,
the Tuesday and Wednesday following, it was easy for me to observe a
great alteration in the features of the empress, and a silent constraint
in Napoleon. If in the course of dinner he broke the silence, it was
to ask me some brief questions, to which he did not hear the reply.
On those days the dinner did not last for more than ten minutes.
The storm burst on Thursday the 30th.

Their majesties went to table. Josephine wore a large white hat, tied
under her chin, and which concealed part of her face. I thought,
however, that I perceived she had been weeping, and that she then
restrained her tears with difficulty. She appeared to me the image of
grief and of despair. The most profound silence reigned throughout the
dinner; and they only touched the dishes which were presented to them
out of mere form. The only words uttered were those addressed to me by
Napoleon: "What o'clock is it?" In pronouncing them, he rose from table.
Josephine followed slowly. Coffee was served, and Napoleon took himself
the cup which was held by the page on duty, and gave the sign that he
wished to be alone. I immediately retired, but restless, and a prey to
my sad thoughts, I sat down in the attendance-room, which was commonly
used for their majesties to dine in, in an armchair, on the side of
which was the door to the emperor's room. I was mechanically watching
the servants who were clearing the table, when on a sudden I heard
violent cries from the empress Josephine issue from the emperor's
chamber. The usher of the chamber, thinking she was taken ill, was on
the point of opening the door, when I prevented him, observing, that
the emperor would call for assistance if he thought it necessary. I was
standing close to the door, when the emperor himself opened it, and
perceiving me, said quickly "Come in, Bausset, and shut the door."
I entered the chamber, and saw the empress Josephine stretched on the
carpet, uttering piercing cries and complaints. "No, I will never
survive it," said she. Napoleon said to me, "Are you sufficiently strong
to raise Josephine, and to carry her to her apartments by the private
staircase, in order that she may receive the care and assistance which
she requires?" I obeyed, and raised the princess, who, I thought, was
seized with a nervous affection. With the aid of Napoleon, I raised her
into my arms, and he himself taking a light from the table, opened the
door, which, by an obscure passage, led to the little staircase of
which he had spoken. When we reached the first step of the staircase,
I observed to Napoleon, that it was too narrow for it to be possible
for me to descend without the danger of falling. He forthwith called the
keeper of the portfolio, who day and night was in attendance at one of
the doors of his closet, the entrance to which was on the landing-place
of this little staircase. Napoleon gave him the light, of which we had
little need, for the passages had become light. He commanded the keeper
to go on before, and took himself the legs of Josephine in order to
assist me in descending with less difficulty. At one moment, however,
I was embarrassed by my sword, and I thought we must have fallen, but
fortunately we descended without any accident, and deposited the
precious burden on an ottoman in the sleeping-chamber. Napoleon
immediately pulled the little bell, and summoned the empress's women.
When I raised the empress in the chamber she ceased to moan, and I
thought that she had fainted; but at the time I was embarrassed by my
sword in the middle of the little staircase, of which I have already
spoken, I was obliged to hold her firmly to prevent a fall which would
have been dreadful to the actors in this melancholy scene. I held the
empress in my arms, which encircled her waist, her back rested against
my chest, and her hand leaned upon my right shoulder. When she felt the
efforts which I made to prevent falling, she said to me in a very low
tone, "You press me too hard." I then saw that I had nothing to fear for
her health, and that she had not for an instant lost her senses. During
the whole of this scene I was wholly occupied with Josephine, whose
situation afflicted me; I had not power to observe Napoleon; but when
the empress's women had come, he retired into a little room which
preceded the sleeping-chamber, and I followed him. His agitation, his
inquietude were extreme. In the distress which he felt he made me
acquainted with the cause of every thing that had happened, and said to
me these words:--"The interest of France and of my dynasty does violence
to my heart--the divorce has become a rigorous duty to me--I am the more
afflicted by what has happened to Josephine, because three days ago she
must have learned it from Hortensia--the unhappy obligation which
condemns me to separate myself from her--I deplore it with all my heart,
but I thought she possessed more strength of character, and I was not
prepared for the bursts of her grief." In fact, the emotion which
oppressed him, compelled him to make a long pause between each phrase he
uttered, in order to breathe. His words came from him with labour and
without connexion; his voice was tremulous and oppressed, and tears
moistened his eyes. It really seemed as if he were beside himself to
give so many details to me, who was so far removed from his councils and
his confidence. The whole of this transaction did not occupy more than
seven or eight minutes. Napoleon immediately went to seek for Corvisart,
queen Hortensia, Cambaceres, and Fouche; and before he returned to his
apartment, he assured himself of the condition of Josephine, whom he
found more calm and more resigned. I followed him, and after having
recovered my hat, which I had thrown on the carpet that my motions might
be more free, I retired to the attendance-chamber. To avoid all kinds of
commentaries, I said before the pages and the ushers that the empress
had been seized with a violent affection of the nerves.

_Private Anecdotes of Foreign Courts._

* * * * *


"I am but a _Gatherer_ and disposer of other men's

* * * * *


The origin of this nursery tale is sufficiently curious. About the year
1730, a French actor of equal talent and wealth, named Thevenard, in
passing through the streets of Paris, observed upon a cobbler's stall,
the shoe of a female, which struck him by the remarkable smallness of
its size. After admiring it for some time, he returned to his house;
but his thoughts reverted to the shoe with such intensity, that he
reappeared at the stall the next day; but the cobbler could give him no
other clue to the owner, than that it had been left in his absence, for
the purpose of being repaired. Day after day did Thevenard return to his
post to watch the re-integration of the slipper, which proceeded slowly;
nor did the proprietor appear to claim it. Although he had completed
the sixtieth year of his age, so extravagant became his passion for the
unknown fair one, that he became (were it possible for a Frenchman of
that day to be so) melancholy and miserable. His pain was, however,
somewhat appeased by the avatar of the little foot itself, appertaining
to a pretty and youthful girl in the very humblest class of life. All
distinctions were levelled at once by love: the actor sought the parents
of the female, procured their consent to the match, and actually made
her his wife.

* * * * *


When Archbishop Fenelon was Almoner to Louis XIV. his majesty
was astonished one Sunday to find, instead of the usual crowded
congregation, only himself and his attendants, the priest, and the
other officers of the chapel. "What is the meaning of this?" said the
king; the prelate answered, "I caused it to be given out, that your
majesty did not attend chapel to-day, in order that you might see, who
came here to worship God, and who to flatter the king."

* * * * *


A poor man, having disposed of the letters of his name, according to
his own fancy, upon his tax-cart, was summoned for the offence, and for
turning the act of parliament into ridicule, by having the following
letters on his tax-cart:--


The poor fellow observed he was no scholar, but his name was Amos Todd,
he lived at Acton, and he understood he was obliged to paint the
letters, "A Tax-Cart."

* * * * *


A young fellow of the _Surface_ school was one day heard to boast
that from his continually breaking his promises made to his creditors,
they must imagine him to have been brought up in a court:--"Yes,"
replied a byestander, "the Insolvent's Court."


* * * * *


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