a view to becoming rich as for a plentiful supply of the comforts of life; the second is a thirst after honors, with a view either of being held in high estimation or of an increase of fortune: besides these, there are various allurements and concupiscences which do not afford an opportunity of ascertaining the agreement of the internal affections. From these few considerations it is manifest, that matrimony is generally contracted in the world according to external affections.
275. IV. BUT IN CASE THEY ARE NOT INFLUENCED BY INTERNAL AFFECTIONS, WHICH CONJOIN MINDS, THE BONDS OF MATRIMONY ARE LOOSED IN THE HOUSE. It is said _in the house_, because it is done privately between the parties; as is the case when the first warmth, excited during courtship and breaking out into a flame as the nuptials approach, successively abates from the discordance of the internal affections, and at length passes off into cold. It is well known that in this case the external affections, which had induced and allured the parties to matrimony, disappear, so that they no longer effect conjunction. That cold arises from various causes, internal, external, and accidental, all which originate in a dissimilitude of internal inclinations, was proved in the foregoing chapter. From these considerations the truth of what was asserted is manifest, that unless the external affections are influenced by internal, which conjoin minds, the bonds of matrimony are loosed in the house.
276. V. NEVERTHELESS THOSE BONDS MUST CONTINUE IN THE WORLD TILL THE DECEASE OF ONE OF THE PARTIES. This proposition is adduced to the intent that to the eye of reason it may more evidently appear how necessary, useful, and true it is, that where there is not genuine conjugial love, it ought still to be assumed, that it may appear as if there were. The case would be otherwise if the marriage contract was not to continue to the end of life, but might be dissolved at pleasure as was the case with the Israelitish nation, who claimed to themselves the liberty of putting away their wives for every cause. This is evident from the following passage in Matthew: “_The pharisees came, and said unto Jesus, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And when Jesus answered, that it is not lawful to put away a wife and to marry another, except on account of whoredom, they replied that nevertheless Moses commanded to give a bill of divorce and to put her away; and the disciples said, If the case of a man with his wife be so it is not expedient to marry_,” xix. 3-10. Since therefore the covenant of marriage is for life, it follows that the appearances of love and friendship between married partners are necessary. That matrimony, when contracted, must continue till the decease of one of the parties, is grounded in the divine law, consequently also in rational law, and thence in civil law: in the divine law, because, as said above, it is not lawful to put away a wife and marry another, except for whoredom; in rational law, because it is founded upon spiritual, for divine law and rational are one law; from both these together, or by the latter from the former, it may be abundantly seen what enormities and destructions of societies would result from the dissolving of marriage, or the putting away of wives, at the good pleasure of the husbands, before death. Those enormities and destructions of societies may in some measure be seen in the MEMORABLE RELATION respecting the origin of conjugial love, discussed by the spirits assembled from the nine kingdoms, n. 103-115; to which there is no need of adding further reasons. But these causes do not operate to prevent the permission of separations grounded in their proper causes, respecting which see above, n. 252-254; and also of concubinage, respecting which see the second part of this work.
277. VI. IN CASE OF MATRIMONY IN WHICH THE INTERNAL AFFECTIONS DO NOT CONJOIN, THERE ARE EXTERNAL AFFECTIONS WHICH ASSUME A SEMBLANCE OF THE INTERNAL AND TEND TO CONSOLIDATE. By internal affections we mean the mutual inclinations which influence the mind of each of the parties from heaven; whereas by external affections we mean the inclinations which influence the mind of each of the parties from the world. The latter affections or inclinations indeed equally belong to the mind, but they occupy its inferior regions, whereas the former occupy the superior: but since both have their allotted seat in the mind, it may possibly be believed that they are alike and agree; yet although they are not alike, still they can appear so: in some cases they exist as agreements, and in some as insinuating semblances. There is a certain communion implanted in each of the parties from the earliest time of the marriage-covenant, which, notwithstanding their disagreement in minds (_animis_) still remains implanted; as a communion of possessions, and in many cases a communion of uses, and of the various necessities of the house, and thence also a communion of thoughts and of certain secrets; there is also a communion of bed, and of the love of children: not to mention several others, which, as they are inscribed on the conjugial covenant, are also inscribed on their minds. Hence originate especially those external affections which resemble the internal; whereas those which only counterfeit them are partly from the same origin and partly from another; but on the subject of each more will be said in what follows.
278. VII. HENCE COME APPARENT LOVE, FRIENDSHIP, AND FAVOR BETWEEN MARRIED PARTNERS. Apparent loves, friendships, and favors between married partners, are a consequence of the conjugial covenant being ratified for the term of life, and of the conjugial communion thence inscribed on those who ratify it; whence spring external affections resembling the internal, as was just now indicated: they are moreover a consequence of their causes, which are usefulness and necessity: from which in part exist conjunctive external affections, or their counterfeit, whereby external love and friendship appear as internal.
279. VIII. THESE APPEARANCES ARE ASSUMED CONJUGIAL SEMBLANCES; AND THEY ARE COMMENDABLE, BECAUSE USEFUL AND NECESSARY. They are called assumed semblances, because they exist with those who disagree in mind, and who from such disagreement are interiorly in cold: in this case, when they still appear to live united, as duty and decency require, their kind offices to each other may be called assumed conjugial semblances; which, as being commendable for the sake of uses, are altogether to be distinguished from hypocritical semblances; for hereby all those good things are provided for, which are commemorated in order below, from article XI-XX. They are commendable for the sake of necessity, because otherwise those good things would be unattained; and yet the parties are enjoined by a covenant and compact to live together, and hence it behoves each of them to consider it a duty to do so.
280. IX. THESE ASSUMED CONJUGIAL SEMBLANCES, IN THE CASE OF A SPIRITUAL MAN (_homo_) CONJOINED TO A NATURAL, ARE FOUNDED IN JUSTICE AND JUDGEMENT. The reason of this is, because the spiritual man, in all he does, acts from justice and judgement; wherefore he does not regard these assumed semblances as alienated from their internal affections, but as connected with them; for he is in earnest, and respects amendment as an end; and if he does not obtain this, he respects accommodation for the sake of domestic order, mutual aid, the care of children, and peace and tranquillity. To these things he is led from a principle of justice; and from a principle of judgement he gives them effect. The reason why a spiritual man so lives with a natural one is, because a spiritual man acts spiritually, even with a natural man.
281. X. FOR VARIOUS REASONS, THESE ASSUMED CONJUGIAL SEMBLANCES WITH NATURAL MEN ARE FOUNDED IN PRUDENCE. In the case of two married partners of whom one is spiritual and the other natural, (by the spiritual we mean the one that loves spiritual things, and thereby is wise from the Lord, and by the natural, the one that loves only natural things, and thereby is wise from himself,) when they are united in marriage, conjugial love with the spiritual partner is heat, and with the natural is cold. It is evident that heat and cold cannot remain together, also that heat cannot inflame him that is in cold, unless the cold be first dispersed, and that cold cannot flow into him that is in heat, unless the heat be first removed: hence it is that inward love cannot exist between married partners, one of whom is spiritual and the other natural; but that a love resembling inward love may exist on the part of the spiritual partner, as was said in the foregoing article; whereas between two natural married partners no inward love can exist, since each is cold; and if they have any heat, it is from something unchaste; nevertheless such persons may live together in the same house, with separate minds (_animis_), and also assume looks of love and friendship towards each other, notwithstanding the disagreement of their minds (_mentes_): in such case, the external affections, which for the most part relate to wealth and possessions, or to honor and dignities, may as it were be kindled into a flame; and as such enkindling induces fear for their loss, therefore assumed conjugial semblances are in such cases necessities, which are principally those adduced below in articles XV.-XVII. The rest of the causes adduced with these may have somewhat in common with those relating to the spiritual man; concerning which see above, n. 280; but only in case the prudence with the natural man is founded in intelligence.
282. XI. THEY ARE FOR THE SAKE OF AMENDMENT AND ACCOMMODATION. The reason why assumed conjugial semblances, which are appearances of love and friendship subsisting between married partners who disagree in mind, are for the sake of amendment, is because a spiritual man (_homo_) connected with a natural one by the matrimonial covenant, intends nothing else but amendment of life; which he effects by judicious and elegant conversation, and by favors which soothe and flatter the temper of the other; but in case these things prove ineffectual, he intends accommodation, for the preservation of order in domestic affairs, for mutual aid, and for the sake of the infants and children, and other similar things; for, as was shown above, n. 280, whatever is said and done by a spiritual man (_homo_) is founded in justice and judgement. But with married partners, neither of whom is spiritual, but both natural, similar conduct may exist, but for other ends; if for the sake of amendment and accommodation, the end is, either that the other party may be reduced to a similitude of manners, and be made subordinate to his desires, or that some service may be made subservient to his own, or for the sake of peace within the house, of reputation out of it, or of favors hoped for by the married partner or his relations; not to mention other ends: but with some these ends are grounded in the prudence of their reason, with some in natural civility, with some in the delights of certain cupidities which have been familiar from the cradle, the loss of which is dreaded; besides several ends, which render the assumed kindnesses as of conjugial love more or less counterfeit. There may also be kindnesses as of conjugial love out of the house, and none within; those however respect as an end the reputation of both parties; and if they do not respect this, they are merely deceptive.
283. XII. THEY ARE FOR THE SAKE OF PRESERVING ORDER IN DOMESTIC AFFAIRS, AND FOR THE SAKE OF MUTUAL AID. Every house in which there are children, their instructors, and other domestics, is a small society resembling a large one. The latter also consists of the former, as a whole consists of its parts, and thereby it exists; and further, as the security of a large society depends on order, so does the security of this small society; wherefore as it behoves public magistrates to see and provide that order may exist and be preserved in a compound society, so it concerns married partners in their single society. But there cannot be this order if the husband and wife disagree in their minds (_animis_); for thereby mutual counsels and aids are drawn different ways, and are divided like their minds, and thus the form of the small society is rent asunder; wherefore to preserve order, and thereby to take care of themselves and at the same time of the house, or of the house and at the same time of themselves, lest they should come to hurt and fall to ruin, necessity requires that the master and mistress agree, and act in unity; and if, from the difference of their minds (_mentium_) this cannot be done so well as it might, both duty and propriety require that it be done by representative conjugial friendship. That hereby concord is established in houses for the sake of necessity and consequent utility, is well known.
284. XIII. THEY ARE FOR THE SAKE OF UNANIMITY IN THE CARE OF INFANTS AND THE EDUCATION OF CHILDREN. It is very well known that assumed conjugial semblances, which are appearances of love and friendship resembling such as are truly conjugial, exist with married partners for the sake of infants and children. The common love of the latter causes each married partner to regard the other with kindness and favor. The love of infants and children with the mother and the father unite as the heart and lungs in the breast. The love of them with the mother is as the heart, and the love towards them with the father is as the lungs. The reason of this comparison is, because the heart corresponds to love, and the lungs to the understanding; and love grounded in the will belongs to the mother, and love grounded in the understanding to the father. With spiritual men (_homines_) there is conjugial conjunction by means of that love grounded in justice and judgement; in justice, because the mother had carried them in her womb, had brought them forth with pain, and afterwards with unwearied care suckles, nourishes, washes, dresses, and educates them, (and in judgement, because the father provides for their instruction in knowledge, intelligence, and wisdom).
285. XIV. THEY ARE FOR THE SAKE OF PEACE IN THE HOUSE. Assumed conjugial semblances, or external friendships for the sake of domestic peace and tranquillity, relate principally to the men, who, from their natural characteristic, act from the understanding in whatever they do; and the understanding, being exercised in thought, is engaged in a variety of objects which disquiet, disturb, and distract the mind; wherefore if there were not tranquillity at home, it would come to pass that the vital spirits of the parties would grow faint, and their interior life would as it were expire, and thereby the health of both mind and body would be destroyed. The dreadful apprehension of these and several other dangers would possess the minds of the men, unless they had an asylum with their wives at home for appeasing the disturbances arising in their understandings. Moreover peace and tranquillity give serenity to their minds, and dispose them to receive agreeably the kind attentions of their wives, who spare no pains to disperse the mental clouds which they are very quick-sighted to observe in their husbands: moreover, the same peace and tranquillity make the presence of their wives agreeable. Hence it is evident, that an assumed semblance of love, as if it was truly conjugial, for the sake of peace and tranquillity at home, is both necessary and useful. It is further to be observed, that with the wives such semblances are not assumed as with the men; but if they appear to resemble them, they are the effect of real love, because wives are born loves of the understanding of the men; wherefore they accept kindly the favors of their husbands, and if they do not confess it with their lips, still they acknowledge it in heart.
286. XV. THEY ARE FOR THE SAKE OF REPUTATION OUT OF THE HOUSE. The fortunes of men in general depend on their reputation for justice, sincerity, and uprightness; and this reputation also depends on the wife, who is acquainted with the most familiar circumstances of her husband’s life; therefore if the disagreements of their minds should break out into open enmity, quarrels, and threats of hatred, and these should be noised abroad by the wife and her friends, and by the domestics, they would easily be turned into tales of scandal, which would bring disgrace and infamy upon the husband’s name. To avoid such mischiefs, he has no other alternative than either to counterfeit affection for his wife, or that they be separated as to house.
287. XVI. THEY ARE FOR THE SAKE OF VARIOUS FAVORS EXPECTED FROM THE MARRIED PARTNER, OR FROM HIS OR HER RELATIONS, AND THUS FROM THE FEAR OF LOSING SUCH FAVORS. This is the case more especially in marriages where the rank and condition of the parties are dissimilar, concerning which, see above, n. 250; as when a man marries a wealthy wife who stores up her money in purses, or her treasures in coffers; and the more so if she boldly insists that the husband is bound to support the house out of his own estate and income: that hence come forced likenesses of conjugial love, is generally known. The case is similar where a man marries a wife, whose parents, relations, and friends, are in offices of dignity, in lucrative business, and in employments with large salaries, who have it in their power to better her condition: that this also is a ground of counterfeit love, as if it were conjugial, is generally known. It is evident that in both cases it is the fear of the loss of the above favors that is operative.
288. XVII. THEY ARE FOR THE SAKE OF HAVING BLEMISHES EXCUSED, AND THEREBY OF AVOIDING DISGRACE. There are several blemishes for which conjugial partners fear disgrace, some criminal, some not. There are blemishes of the mind and of the body slighter than those mentioned in the foregoing chapter n. 252 and 253, which are causes of separation; wherefore those blemishes are here meant, which, to avoid disgrace, are buried in silence by the other married partner. Besides these, in some cases there are contingent crimes, which, if made public, are subject to heavy penalties; not to mention a deficiency of that ability which the men usually boast of. That excuses of such blemishes, in order to avoid disgrace, are the causes of counterfeit love and friendship with a married partner, is too evident to need farther confirmation.
289. XVIII. THEY ARE FOR THE SAKE OF RECONCILIATION. That between married partners who have mental disagreements from various causes, there subsist alternate distrust and confidence, alienation and conjunction, yea, dispute and compromise, thus reconciliation; and also that apparent friendships promote reconciliation, is well known in the world. There are also reconciliations which take place after partings, which are not so alternate and transitory.
290. XIX. IN CASE FAVOR DOES NOT CEASE WITH THE WIFE, WHEN FACULTY CEASES WITH THE MAN, THERE MAY EXIST A FRIENDSHIP RESEMBLING CONJUGIAL FRIENDSHIP WHEN THE PARTIES GROW OLD. The primary cause of the separation of minds (_animorum_) between married partners is a falling off of favor on the wife’s part in consequence of the cessation of ability on the husband’s part, and thence a falling off of love; for just as heats communicate with each other, so also do colds. That from a falling off of love on the part of each, there ensues a cessation of friendship, and also of favor, if not prevented by the fear of domestic ruin, is evident both from reason and experience. In case therefore the man tacitly imputes the causes to himself, and still the wife perseveres in chaste favor towards him, there may thence result a friendship, which, since it subsists between married partners, appears to resemble conjugial love. That a friendship resembling the friendship of that love, may subsist between married partners, when old, experience testifies from the tranquillity, security, loveliness, and abundant courtesy with which they live, communicate, and associate together.
291. XX. THERE ARE VARIOUS KINDS OF APPARENT LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN MARRIED PARTNERS, ONE OF WHOM IS BROUGHT UNDER THE YOKE, AND THEREFORE IS SUBJECT TO THE OTHER. It is no secret in the world at this day, that as the first fervor of marriage begins to abate, there arises a rivalship between the parties respecting right and power; respecting right, in that according to the statutes of the covenant entered into, there is an equality, and each has dignity in the offices of his or her function; and respecting power, in that it is insisted on by the men, that in all things relating to the house, superiority belongs to them, because they are men, and inferiority to the women because they are women. Such rivalships, at this day familiar, arise from no other source than a want of conscience respecting love truly conjugial, and of sensible perception respecting the blessedness of that love; in consequence of which want, lust takes the place of that love, and counterfeits it; and, on the removal of genuine love, there flows from this lust a grasping for power, in which some are influenced by the delight of the love of domineering, which in some is implanted by artful women before marriage, and which to some is unknown. Where such grasping prevails with the men, and the various turns of rivalship terminate in the establishment of their sway, they reduce their wives either to become their rightful property, or to comply with their arbitrary will, or into a state of slavery, every one according to the degree and qualified state of that grasping implanted and concealed in himself; but where such grasping prevails with the wives, and the various turns of rivalship terminate in establishing their sway, they reduce their husbands either into a state of equality of right with themselves, or of compliance with their arbitrary will, or into a state of slavery: but as when the wives have obtained the sceptre of sway, there remains with them a desire which is a counterfeit of conjugial love, and is restrained both by law and by the fear of legitimate separation, in case they extend their power beyond the rule of right into what is contrary thereto, therefore they lead a life in consociation with their husbands. But what is the nature and quality of the love and friendship between a ruling wife and a serving husband, and also between a ruling husband and a serving wife, cannot be briefly described; indeed, if their differences were to be specifically pointed out and enumerated, it would occupy several pages; for they are various and diverse–various according to the nature of the grasping for power prevalent with the men, and in like manner with the wives; and diverse in regard to the differences subsisting in the men and the women; for such men have no friendship of love but what is infatuated, and such wives are in the friendship of spurious love grounded in lust. But by what arts wives procure to themselves power over the men, will be shewn in the following article.
292. XXI. IN THE WORLD THERE ARE INFERNAL MARRIAGES BETWEEN PERSONS WHO INTERIORLY ARE THE MOST INVETERATE ENEMIES, AND EXTERIORLY ARE AS THE CLOSEST FRIENDS. I am indeed forbidden by the wives of this sort, in the spiritual world, to present such marriages to public view; for they are afraid lest their art of obtaining power over the men should at the same time be divulged, which yet they are exceedingly desirous to have concealed: but as I am urged by the men in that world to expose the causes of the intestine hatred and as it were fury excited in their hearts against their wives, in consequence of their clandestine arts, I shall be content with adducing the following particulars. The men said, that unwittingly they contracted a terrible dread of their wives, in consequence of which they were constrained to obey their decisions in the most abject manner, and be at their beck more than the vilest servants, so that they lost all life and spirit; and that this was the case not only with those who were in inferior stations of life, but also with those who were advanced in high dignities, yea with brave and famous generals: they also said, that after they had contracted this dread, they could not help on every occasion expressing themselves to their wives in a friendly manner, and doing what was agreeable to their humors, although they cherished in their hearts a deadly hatred against them; and further, that their wives still behaved courteously to them both in word and deed, and complaisantly attended to some of their requests. Now as the men themselves greatly wondered, whence such an antipathy could arise in their internals, and such an apparent sympathy in their externals, they examined into the causes thereof from some women who were acquainted with the above secret art. From this source of information they learned, that women (_mulieres_) are skilled in a knowledge which they conceal deeply in their own minds, whereby, if they be so disposed, they can subject the men to the yoke of their authority; and that this is effected in the case of ignorant wives, sometimes by alternate quarrel and kindness, sometimes by harsh and unpleasant looks, and sometimes by other means; but in the case of polite wives, by urgent and persevering petitions, and by obstinate resistance to their husbands in case they suffer hardships from them, insisting on their right of equality by law, in consequence of which they are firm and resolute in their purpose; yea, insisting that if they should be turned out of the house, they would return at their pleasure, and would be urgent as before; for they know that the men by their nature cannot resist the positive tempers of their wives but that after compliance they submit themselves to their disposal; and that in this case the wives make a show of all kinds of civility and tenderness to their husbands subjected to their sway. The genuine cause of the dominion which the wives obtain by this cunning is, that the man acts from the understanding and the woman from the will, and that the will can persist, but not so the understanding. I have been told, that the worst of this sort of women, who are altogether a prey to the desire of dominion, can remain firm in their positive humors even to the last struggle for life. I have also heard the excuses pleaded by such women (_mulieres_) for entering upon the exercise of this art; in which they urged that they would not have done so unless they had foreseen supreme contempt and future rejection, and consequent ruin on their part, if they should be subdued by their husbands: and that thus they had taken up these their arms from necessity. To this excuse they add this admonition for the men; to leave their wives their own rights, and while they are in alternations of cold, not to consider them as beneath their maid-servants: they said also that several of their sex, from their natural timidity, are not in a state of exercising the above art; but I added, from their natural modesty. From the above considerations it may now be known what is meant by infernal marriages in the world between persons who interiorly are the most inveterate enemies, and exteriorly are like the most attached friends.
* * * * *
293. To the above I will add TWO MEMORABLE RELATIONS. FIRST. Some time ago as I was looking through a window to the east, I saw seven women sitting in a garden of roses at a certain fountain, and drinking the water. I strained my eye-sight greatly to see what they were doing, and this effort of mine affected them; wherefore one of them beckoned me, and I immediately quitted the house and came to them. When I joined them, I courteously inquired whence they were. They said, “We are wives, and are here conversing respecting the delights of conjugial love, and from much consideration we conclude, that they are also the delights of wisdom.” This answer so delighted my mind (_animum_), that I seemed to be in the spirit, and thence in perception more interior and more enlightened than on any former occasion; wherefore I said to them, “Give me leave to propose a few questions respecting those satisfactions.” On their consenting, I asked, “How do you wives know that the delights of conjugial love are the same as the delights of wisdom?” They replied, “We know it from the correspondence of our husbands’ wisdom with our own delights of conjugial love; for the delights of this love with ourselves are exalted and diminished and altogether qualified, according to the wisdom of our husbands.” On hearing this, I said, “I know that you are affected by the agreeable conversation of your husbands and their cheerfulness of mind, and that you derive thence a bosom delight; but I am surprised to hear you say, that their wisdom produces this effect; but tell me what is wisdom, and what wisdom (produces this effect)?” To this the wives indignantly replied, “Do you suppose that we do not know what wisdom is, and what wisdom (produces that effect), when yet we are continually reflecting upon it as in our husbands, and learn it daily from their mouths? For we wives think of the state of our husbands from morning to evening; there is scarcely an hour in the day, in which our intuitive thought is altogether withdrawn from them, or is absent; on the other hand, our husbands think very little in the day respecting our state; hence we know what wisdom of theirs it is that gives us delight. Our husbands call that wisdom spiritual rational, and spiritual moral. Spiritual rational wisdom, they say, is of the understanding and knowledges, and spiritual moral wisdom of the will and life; but these they join together and make a one, and insist that the satisfactions of this wisdom are transferred from their minds into the delights in our bosoms, and from our bosoms into theirs, and thus return to wisdom their origin.” I then asked, “Do you know anything more respecting the wisdom of your husbands which gives you delight?” They said, “We do. There is spiritual wisdom, and thence rational and moral wisdom. Spiritual wisdom is to acknowledge the Lord the Saviour as the God of heaven and earth, and from Him to procure the truths of the church, which is effected by means of the Word and of preachings derived therefrom, whence comes spiritual rationality; and from Him to live according to those truths, whence comes spiritual morality. These two our husbands call the wisdom which in general operates to produce love truly conjugial. We have heard from them also that the reason of this is, because, by means of that wisdom, the interiors of their minds and thence of their bodies are opened, whence there exists a free passage from first principles even to last for the stream of love; on the flow, sufficiency, and virtue of which conjugial love depends and lives. The spiritual rational and moral wisdom of our husbands, specifically in regard to marriage, has for its end and object to love the wife alone, and to put away all concupiscence for other women; and so far as this is effected, so far that love is exalted as to degree, and perfected as to quality; and also so far we feel more distinctly and exquisitely the delights in ourselves corresponding to the delights of the affections and the satisfactions of the thoughts of our husbands.” I inquired afterwards, whether they knew how communication is effected. They said, “In all conjunction by love there must be action, reception, and reaction. The delicious state of our love is acting or action, the state of the wisdom of our husbands is recipient or reception, and also is reacting or reaction according to perception; and this reaction we perceive with delights in the breast according to the state continually expanded and prepared to receive those things which in any manner agree with the virtue belonging to our husbands, thus also with the extreme state of love belonging to ourselves, and which thence proceed.” They said further, “Take heed lest by the delights which we have mentioned, you understand the ultimated delights of that love: of these we never speak, but of our bosom delights, which always correspond with the state of the wisdom of our husbands.” After this there appeared at a distance as it were a dove flying with the leaf of a tree in its mouth: but as it approached, instead of a dove I saw it was a little boy with a paper in his hand: on coming to us he held it out to me, and said, “Read it before these Maidens of the fountain.” I then read as follows, “Tell the inhabitants of your earth, that there is a love truly conjugial having myriads of delights, scarce any of which are as yet known to the world; but they will be known, when the church betroths herself to her Lord, and is married.” I then asked, “Why did the little boy call you Maidens of the fountain?” They replied, “We are called maidens when we sit at this fountain; because we are affections of the truths of the wisdom of our husbands, and the affection of truth is called a maiden; a fountain also signifies the true of wisdom, and the bed of roses, on which we sir, the delights thereof.” Then one of the seven wove a garland of roses, and sprinkled it with water of the fountain, and placed it on the boy’s cap round his little head, and said, “Receive the delights of intelligence; know that a cap signifies intelligence; and a garland from this rose-bed delights.” The boy thus decorated then departed, and again appeared a distance like a flying dove, but now with a coronet on his head.
294. THE SECOND MEMORABLE RELATION. After some days I again saw the seven wives in a garden of roses, but not in the same as before. Its magnificence was such as I had never before seen: it was round, and the roses in it formed as it were a rainbow. The roses or flowers of a purple color formed its outermost circle, others of a yellow golden color formed the next interior circle, within this were others of a bright blue, and the inmost of a shining green; and within this rainbow rose-bed was a small lake of limpid water. These seven wives, who were called the Maidens of the fountain, as they were sitting there seeing me again at the window, called me to them; and when I was come they said, “Did you ever see anything more beautiful upon the earth?” I replied, “Never.” They then said, “Such scenery is created instantaneously by the Lord, and represents something new on the earth; for every thing created by the Lord is representative: but what is this? tell, if you can: we say it is the delights of conjugial love.” On hearing this, I said, “What! the delights of conjugial love, respecting which you before conversed with so much wisdom and eloquence! After I had left you, I related your conversation to some wives in our country, and said, ‘I now know from instruction that you have bosom delights arising from your conjugial love, which you can communicate to your husbands according to their wisdom, and that on this account you look at your husbands with the eyes of your spirit from morning to evening, and study to bend and draw their minds (_animos_) to become wise, to the end that you may secure those delights.’ I mentioned also that by wisdom you understand spiritual rational and moral wisdom, and in regard to marriage, the wisdom to love the wife alone, and to put away all concupiscence for other women: but to these things the wives of our country answered with laughter, saying, ‘What is all this but mere idle talk? We do not know what conjugial love is. If our husbands possess any portion of it, still we do not; whence then come its delights to us? yea, in regard to what you call ultimate delights, we at times refuse them with violence, for they are unpleasant to us, almost like violations: and you will see, if you attend to it, no sign of such love in our faces: wherefore you are trifling or jesting, if you also assert, with those seven wives, that we think of our husbands from morning to evening, and continually attend to their will and pleasure in order to catch from them such delights.’ I have retained thus much of what they said, that I might relate it to you; since it is repugnant, and also in manifest contradiction, to what I heard from you near the fountain, and which I so greedily imbibed and believed.” To this the wives sitting in the rose garden replied, “Friend, you know not the wisdom and prudence of wives; for they totally hide it from the men, and for no other end than that they may be loved: for every man who is not spiritually but only naturally rational and moral, is cold towards his wife; and the cold lies concealed in his inmost principles. This is exquisitely and acutely observed by a wise and prudent wife; who so far conceals her conjugial love, and withdraws it into her bosom, and there hides it so deeply that it does not at all appear in her face, in the tone of her voice, or in her behaviour. The reason of this is, because so far as it appears, so far the conjugial cold of the man diffuses itself from the inmost principles of his mind, where it resides, into its ultimates, and occasions in the body a total coldness, and a consequent endeavour to separate from bed and chamber.” I then asked, “Whence arises that which you call conjugial cold?” They replied, “From the insanity of the men in regard to spiritual things; and every one who is insane in regard to spiritual things; in his inmost principles is cold towards his wife, and warm towards harlots; and since conjugial love and adulterous love are opposite to each other, it follows that conjugial love becomes cold when illicit love is warm; and when cold prevails with the man, he cannot endure any sense of love, and thus not any allusion thereto, from his wife; therefore the wife so wisely and prudently conceals that love; and so far as she conceals it by denying and refusing it, so far the man is cherished and recruited by the influent meretricious sphere. Hence it is, that the wife of such a man has no bosom delights such as we have, but only pleasures, which, on the part of the man, ought to be called the pleasures of insanity, because they are the pleasures of illicit love. Every chaste wife loves her husband, even if he be unchaste; but since wisdom is alone recipient of that love, therefore she exerts all her endeavours to turn his insanity into wisdom, that is, to prevent his lusting after other women besides herself. This she does by a thousand methods, being particularly cautious lest any of them should be discovered by the man; for she is well aware that love cannot be forced, but that it is insinuated in freedom; wherefore it is given to women to know from the sight, the hearing, and the touch, every state of the mind of their husbands; but on the other hand it is not given to the men to know any state of the mind of their wives. A chaste wife can look at her husband with an austere countenance, accost him with a harsh voice, and also be angry and quarrel, and yet in her heart cherish a soft and tender love towards him; but such anger and dissimulation have for their end wisdom, and thereby the reception of love with the husband: as is manifest from the consideration, that she can be reconciled in an instant. Besides, wives use such means of concealing the love implanted in their inmost heart, with a view to prevent conjugial cold bursting forth with the man, and extinguishing the fire of his adulterous heat, and thus converting him from green wood into a dry stick.” When the seven wives had expressed these and many more similar sentiments, their husbands came with clusters of grapes in their hands, some of which were of a delicate, and some of a disagreeable flavor; upon which the wives said, “Why have you also brought bad or wild grapes?” The husbands replied, “Because we perceived in our souls, with which yours are united, that you were conversing with that man respecting love truly conjugial, that its delights are the delights of wisdom, and also respecting adulterous love, that its delights are the pleasures of insanity. The latter are the disagreeable or wild grapes; the former are those of delicate flavor.” They confirmed what their wives had said, and added that, “in externals, the pleasures of insanity appear like the delights of wisdom, but not so in internals; just like the good and bad grapes which we have brought; for both the chaste and the unchaste have similar wisdom in externals, but altogether dissimilar in internals.” After this the little boy came again with a piece of paper in his hand, and held it out to me, saying, “Read this;” and I read as follows: “Know that the delights of conjugial love ascend to the highest heaven, and both in the way thither and also there, unite with the delights of all heavenly loves, and thereby enter into their happiness, which endures for ever; because the delights of that love are also the delights of wisdom: and know also, that the pleasures of illicit love descend even to the lowest hell, and, both in the way thither and also there, unite with the pleasures of all infernal loves, and thereby enter into their unhappiness, which consists in the wretchedness of all heart-delights; because the pleasures of that love are the pleasures of insanity.” After this the husbands departed with their wives, and accompanied the little boy as far as to the way of his ascent into heaven; and they knew that the society from which he was sent was a society of the new heaven, with which the new church in the world will be conjoined.
* * * * *
ON BETROTHINGS AND NUPTIALS.
295. The subject of betrothings and nuptials, and also of the rites and ceremonies attending them, is here treated of principally from the reason of the understanding; for the object of this book is that the reader may see truths rationally, and thereby give his consent, for thus his spirit is convinced; and those things in which the spirit is convinced, obtain a place above those which, without consulting reason, enter from authority and the faith of authority; for the latter enter the head no further than into the memory, and there mix themselves with fallacies and falses; thus they are beneath the rational things of the understanding. From these any one may seem to converse rationally, but he will converse preposterously; for in such case he thinks as a crab walks, the sight following the tail: it is otherwise if he thinks from the understanding; for then the rational sight selects from the memory whatever is suitable, whereby it confirms truth viewed in itself. This is the reason why in this chapter several particulars are adduced which are established customs, as that the right of choice belongs to the men, that parents ought to be consulted, that pledges are to be given, that the conjugial covenant is to be settled previous to the nuptials, that it ought to be performed by a priest, also that the nuptials ought to be celebrated; besides several other particulars, which are here mentioned in order that every one may rationally see that such things are assigned to conjugial love, as requisite to promote and complete it. The articles into which this section is divided are the following; I. _The right of choice belongs to the man, and not to the woman._ II. _The man ought to court and intreat the woman respecting marriage with him, and not the woman the man._ III. _The woman ought to consult her parents, or those who are in the place of parents, and then deliberate with herself, before she consents._ IV. _After a declaration of consent, pledges are to be given._ V. _Consent is to be secure and established by solemn betrothing._ VI. _By betrothing, each party is prepared for conjugial love._ VII. _By betrothing, the mind of the one is united to the mind of the other, so as to effect a marriage of the spirit previous to a marriage of the body._ VIII. _This is the case with those who think chastely of marriages: but it is otherwise with those who think unchastely of them._ IX. _Within the time of betrothing, it is not allowable to be connected corporeally._ X. _When the time of betrothing is completed, the nuptials ought to take place._ XI. _Previous to the celebration of the nuptials, the conjugial covenant is to be ratified in the presence of witnesses._ XII. _The marriage is to be consecrated by a priest._ XIII. _The nuptials are to be celebrated with festivity._ XIV. _After the nuptials, the marriage of the spirit is made also the marriage of the body, and thereby a full marriage._ XV. _Such is the order of conjugial love with its modes from its first heat to its first torch._ XVI. _Conjugial love precipitated without order and the modes thereof, burns up the marrows and is consumed._ XVII. _The states of the minds of each of the parties proceeding in successive order, flow into the state of marriage; nevertheless in one manner with the spiritual and in another with the natural._ XVIII. _There are successive and simultaneous orders, and the latter is from the former and according to it._ We proceed to an explanation of each article.
296. I. THE RIGHT OF CHOICE BELONGS TO THE MAN, AND NOT TO THE WOMAN. This is because the man is born to be understanding, but the woman to be love; also because with the men there generally prevails a love of the sex, but with the women a love of one of the sex; and likewise because it is not unbecoming for men to speak openly about love, as it is for women; nevertheless women have the right of selecting one of their suitors. In regard to the first reason, that the right of choice belongs to the men, because they are born to understanding, it is grounded in the consideration that the understanding can examine agreements and disagreements, and distinguish them, and from judgement choose that which is suitable: it is otherwise with the women, because they are born to love, and therefore have no such discrimination; and consequently their determinations to marriage would proceed only from the inclinations of their love; if they have the skill of distinguishing between men and men, still their love is influenced by appearances. In regard to the other reason, that the right of choice belongs to the men, and not to the women, because with men there generally prevails a love of the sex, and with women a love of one of the sex, it is grounded in the consideration, that those in whom a love of the sex prevails, can freely look around and also determine: it is otherwise with women, in whom is implanted a love for one of the sex. If you wish for a proof of this, ask, if you please, the men you meet, what their sentiments are respecting monogamical and polygamical unions; and you will seldom meet one who will not reply in favor of the polygamical; and this also is a love of the sex: but ask the women their sentiments on the subject, and almost all, except the vilest of the sex, will reject polygamical unions; from which consideration it follows, that with the women there prevails a love of one of the sex, thus conjugial love. In regard to the third reason, that it is not unbecoming for men to speak openly about love, whereas it is for women, it is self-evident; hence also it follows, that declaration belongs to the men, and therefore so does choice. That women have the right of selecting in regard to their suitors, is well known; but this species of selection is confined and limited, whereas that of the men is extended and unlimited.
297. II. THE MAN OUGHT TO COURT AND INTREAT THE WOMAN RESPECTING MARRIAGE WITH HIM, AND NOT THE WOMAN THE MAN. This naturally follows the right of choice; and besides, to court and intreat women respecting marriage is in itself honorable and becoming for men, but not for women. If women were to court and entreat the men, they would not only be blamed, but, after intreaty, they would be reputed as vile, or after marriage as libidinous, with whom there would be no association but what was cold and fastidious; wherefore marriages would thereby be converted into tragic scenes. Wives also take it as a compliment to have it said of them, that being conquered as it were, they yielded to the pressing intreaties of the men. Who does not foresee, that if the women courted the men, they would seldom be accepted? They would either be indignantly rejected, or be enticed to lasciviousness, and also would dishonor their modesty. Moreover, as was shewn above, the men have not any innate love of the sex; and without love there is no interior pleasantness of life: wherefore to exalt their life by that love, it is incumbent on the men to compliment the women; courting and intreating them with civility, courtesy, and humility, respecting this sweet addition to their life. The superior comeliness of the female countenance, person, and manners, above that of the men, adds itself as a proper object of desire.
298. III. THE WOMAN OUGHT TO CONSULT HER PARENTS, OR THOSE WHO ARE IN THE PLACE OF PARENTS, AND THEN DELIBERATE WITH HERSELF, BEFORE SHE CONSENTS. The reason why parents are to be consulted is, because they deliberate from judgement, knowledge, and love; from _judgement_, because they are in an advanced age, which excels in judgement, and discerns what is suitable and unsuitable: from _knowledge_, in respect to both the suitor and their daughter; in respect to the suitor they procure information, and in respect to their daughter they already know; wherefore they conclude respecting both with united discernment: from _love_, because to consult the good of their daughter, and to provide for her establishment, is also to consult and provide for their own and for themselves.
299. The case would be altogether different, if the daughter consents of herself to her urgent suitor, without consulting her parents, or those who are in their place; for she cannot from judgement, knowledge, and love, make a right estimate of the matter which so deeply concerns her future welfare: she cannot from _judgement_, because she is as yet in ignorance as to conjugial life, and not in a state of comparing reasons, and discovering the morals of men from their particular tempers; nor from _knowledge_, because she knows few things beyond the domestic concerns of her parents and of some of her companions; and is unqualified to examine into such things as relate to the family and property of her suitor: nor from _love_, because with daughters in their first marriageable age, and also afterwards, this is led by the concupiscences originating in the senses, and not as yet by the desires originating in a refined mind. The daughter ought nevertheless to deliberate on the matter with herself, before she consents, lest she should be led against her will to form a connection with a man whom she does not love; for by so doing, consent on her part would be wanting; and yet it is consent that constitutes marriage, and initiates the spirit into conjugial love; and consent against the will, or extorted, does not initiate the spirit, although it may the body; and thus it converts chastity, which resides in the spirit, into lust; whereby conjugial love in its first warmth is vitiated.
300. IV. AFTER A DECLARATION OF CONSENT, PLEDGES ARE TO BE GIVEN. By pledges we mean presents, which, after consent, are confirmations, testifications, first favors, and gladnesses. Those presents are _confirmations_, because they are certificates of consent on each side; wherefore, when two parties consent to anything, it is customary to say, “Give me a token;” and of two, who have entered into a marriage engagement, and have secured it by presents, that they are pledged, thus confirmed. They are _testifications_, because those pledges are continual visible witnesses of mutual love; hence also they are memorials thereof; especially if they be rings, perfume-bottles or boxes, and ribbons, which are worn in sight. In such things there is a sort of representative image of the minds (_animorum_) of the bridegroom and the bride. Those pledges are _first favors_, because conjugial love engages for itself everlasting favor; whereof those gifts are the first fruits. That they are the _gladnesses_ of love, is well known, for the mind is exhilarated at the sight of them; and because love is in them, those favors are dearer and more precious than any other gifts, it being as if their hearts were in them. As those pledges are securities of conjugial love, therefore presents after consent were in use with the ancients; and after accepting such presents the parties were declared to be bridegroom and bride. But it is to be observed that it is at the pleasure of the parties to bestow those presents either before or after the act of betrothing; if before, they are confirmations and testifications of consent to betrothing; if after it, they are also confirmations and testifications of consent to the nuptial tie.
301. V. CONSENT IS TO BE SECURED AND ESTABLISHED BY SOLEMN BETROTHING. The reasons for betrothings are these: 1. That after betrothing the souls of the two parties may mutually incline towards each other. 2. That the universal love for the sex may be determined to one of the sex. 3. That the interior affections may be mutually known, and by applications in the internal cheerfulness of love, may be conjoined. 4. That the spirits of both parties may enter into marriage, and be more and more consociated. 5. That thereby conjugial love may advance regularly from its first warmth even to the nuptial flame. Consequently: 6. That conjugial love may advance and grow up in just order from its spiritual origin. The state of betrothing may be compared to the state of spring before summer; and the internal pleasantness of that state to the flowering of trees before fructification. As the beginning and progressions of conjugial love proceed in order for the sake of their influx into the effective love, which commences at the nuptials, therefore, there are also betrothings in the heavens.
302. VI. BY BETROTHING EACH PARTY IS PREPARED FOR CONJUGIAL LOVE. That the mind or spirit of one of the parties is by betrothing prepared for union with the mind or spirit of the other, or what is the same, that the love of the one is prepared for union with the love of the other, appears from the arguments just adduced. Besides which it is to be noted, that on love truly conjugial is inscribed this order, that it ascends and descends; it ascends from its first heat progressively upwards towards the souls of the parties, with an endeavour to effect their conjunction, and this by continual interior openings of their minds; and there is no love which strives more intensely to effect such openings, or which is more powerful and expert in opening the interiors of minds, than conjugial love; for the soul of each of the parties intends this: but at the same moments in which that love ascends towards the soul, it descends also towards the body, and thereby clothes itself. It is however to be observed, that conjugial love is such in its descent as it is in the height to which it ascends: if it ascends high, it descends chaste; but if not, it descends unchaste: the reason of this is, because the lower principles of the mind are unchaste, but its higher are chaste; for the lower principles of the mind adhere to the body, but the higher separate themselves from them: but on this subject see further particulars below, n. 305. From these few considerations it may appear, that, by betrothing, the mind of each of the parties is prepared for conjugial love, although in a different manner according to the affections.
303. VII. BY BETROTHING THE MIND OF ONE IS UNITED TO THE MIND OF THE OTHER, SO AS TO EFFECT A MARRIAGE OF THE SPIRIT, PREVIOUS TO A MARRIAGE OF THE BODY. As this follows of consequence from what was said above, n. 301, 302, we shall pass it by, without adducing any further confirmations from reason.
304. VIII. THIS IS THE CASE WITH THOSE WHO THINK CHASTELY OF MARRIAGES; BUT IT IS OTHERWISE WITH THOSE WHO THINK UNCHASTELY OF THEM. With the chaste, that is, with those who think religiously of marriages, the marriage of the spirit precedes, and that of the body is subsequent; and these are those with whom love ascends towards the soul, and from its height thence descends; concerning whom see above, n. 302. The souls of such separate themselves from the unlimited love for the sex, and devote themselves to one, with whom they look for an everlasting and eternal union and its increasing blessednesses, as the cherishers of the hope which continually recreates their mind; but it is quite otherwise with the unchaste, that is, with those who do not think religiously of marriages and their holiness. With these there is a marriage of the body, but not of the spirit: if, during the state of betrothment, there be any appearance of a marriage of the spirit, still, if it ascends by an elevation of the thoughts concerning it, it nevertheless falls back again to the concupiscences which arise from the flesh in the will; and thus from the unchaste principles therein it precipitates itself into the body, and defiles the ultimates of its love with an alluring ardor; and as, in consequence of this ardor, it was in the beginning all on fire, so its fire suddenly goes out, and passes off into the cold of winter; whence the failing (of power) is accelerated. The state of betrothing with such scarcely answers any other purpose, than that they may fill their concupiscences with lasciviousness, and thereby contaminate the conjugial principle of love.
305. IX. WITHIN THE TIME OF BETROTHING IT IS NOT ALLOWABLE TO BE CONNECTED CORPOREALLY. For thus the order which is inscribed on conjugial love, perishes. For in human minds there are three regions, of which the highest is called the celestial, the middle the spiritual, and the lowest the natural. In this lowest man is born; but he ascends into the next above it, the spiritual, by a life according to the truths of religion, and into the highest by the marriage of love and wisdom. In the lowest or natural region, reside all the concupiscences of evil and lasciviousness; but in the superior or spiritual region, there are no concupiscences of evil and lasciviousness; for man is introduced into this region by the Lord, when he is re-born; but in the supreme or celestial region, there is conjugial chastity in its love: into this region a man is elevated by the love of uses; and as the most excellent uses are from marriages, he is elevated into it by love truly conjugial. From these few considerations, it may be seen that conjugial love, from the first beginnings of its warmth, is to be elevated out of the lowest region into a superior region, that it may become chaste, and that thereby from a chaste principle it may be let down through the middle and lowest regions into the body; and when this is the case, this lowest region is purified from all that is unchaste by this descending chaste principle: hence the ultimate of that love becomes also chaste. Now if the successive order of this love is precipitated by connections of the body before their time, it follows, that the man acts from the lowest region, which is by birth unchaste; and it is well known, that hence commences and arises cold in regard to marriage, and disdainful neglect in regard to a married partner. Nevertheless events of various kinds take place in consequence of hasty connections; also in consequence of too long a delay, and too quick a hastening, of the time of betrothing; but these, from their number and variety, can hardly be adduced.
306. X. WHEN THE TIME OF BETROTHING IS COMPLETED, THE NUPTIALS OUGHT TO TAKE PLACE. There are some customary rites which are merely formal, and others which at the same time are also essential: among the latter are nuptials; and that they are to be reckoned among essentials, which are to be manifested in the customary way, and to be formally celebrated, is confirmed by the following reasons: 1. That nuptials constitute the end of the foregoing state, into which the parties were introduced by betrothing, which principally was a state of the spirit, and the beginning of the following state, into which they are to be introduced by marriage, which is a state of the spirit and body together; for the spirit then enters into the body, and there becomes active: wherefore on that day the parties put off the state and also the name of bridegroom and bride, and put on the state and name of married partners and consorts. 2. That nuptials are an introduction and entrance into a new state, which is that a maiden becomes a wife, and a young man a husband, and both one flesh; and this is effected while love by ultimates unites them. That marriage actually changes a maiden into a wife, and a young man into a husband, was proved in the former part of this work; also that marriage unites two into one human form, so that they are no longer two but one flesh. 3. That nuptials are the commencement of an entire separation of the love of the sex from conjugial love, which is effected while, by a full liberty of connection, the knot is tied by which the love of the one is devoted to the love of the other. 4. It appears as if nuptials were merely an interval between those two states, and thus that they are mere formalities which may be omitted: but still there is also in them this essential, that the new state above-mentioned is then to be entered upon from covenant, and that the consent of the parties is to be declared in the presence of witnesses, and also to be consecrated by a priest; besides other particulars which establish it. As nuptials contain in them essentials, and as marriage is not legitimate till after their celebration, therefore also nuptials are celebrated in the heavens; see above, n. 21, and also, n. 27-41.
307. XI. PREVIOUS TO THE CELEBRATION OF THE NUPTIALS, THE CONJUGIAL COVENANT IS TO BE RATIFIED IN THE PRESENCE OF WITNESSES. It is expedient that the conjugial covenant be ratified before the nuptials are celebrated, in order that the statutes and laws of love truly conjugial may be known, and that they may be remembered after the nuptials; also that the minds of the parties may be bound to just marriage: for after some introductory circumstances of marriage, the state which preceded betrothing returns at times, in which state remembrance fails and forgetfulness of the ratified covenant ensues; yea, it may be altogether effaced by the allurements of the unchaste to criminality; and if it is then recalled into the memory, it is reviled: but to prevent these transgressions, society has taken upon itself the protection of that covenant, and has denounced penalties on the breakers of it. In a word, the ante-nuptial covenant manifests and establishes the sacred decrees of love truly conjugial, and binds libertines to the observance of them. Moreover, by this covenant, the right of propagating children, and also the right of the children to inherit the goods of their parents, become legitimate.
308. XII. MARRIAGE IS TO BE CONSECRATED BY A PRIEST. The reason of this is, because marriages, considered in themselves, are spiritual, and thence holy; for they descend from the heavenly marriage of good and truth, and things conjugial correspond to the divine marriage of the Lord and the church; and hence they are from the Lord himself, and according to the state of the church with the contracting parties. Now, as the ecclesiastical order on the earth administer the things which relate to the Lord’s priestly character, that is, to his love, and thus also those which relate to blessing, it is expedient that marriages be consecrated by his ministers; and as they are then the chief witnesses, it is expedient that the consent of the parties to the covenant be also heard, accepted, confirmed, and thereby established by them.
309. XIII. THE NUPTIALS ARE TO BE CELBRATED WITH FESTIVITY. The reasons are, because ante-nuptial love, which was that of the bridegroom and the bride, on this occasion descends into their hearts, and spreading itself thence in every direction into all parts of the body, the delights of marriage are made sensible, whereby the minds of the parties are led to festive thoughts and also let loose to festivities so far as is allowable and becoming; to favor which, it is expedient that the festivities of their minds be indulged in company, and they themselves be thereby introduced into the joys of conjugial love.
310. XIV. AFTER THE NUPTIALS, THE MARRIAGE OF THE SPIRIT IS MADE ALSO THE MARRIAGE OF THE BODY, AND THEREBY A FULL MARRIAGE. All things which a man does in the body, flow in from his spirit; for it is well known that the mouth does not speak of itself, but that it is the thinking principle of the mind which speaks by it; also that the hands do not act and the feet walk of themselves, but that it is the will of the mind which performs those operations by them; consequently, that the mind speaks and acts by its organs in the body: hence it is evident, that such as the mind is, such are the speech of the mouth and the actions of the body. From these premises it follows as a conclusion that the mind, by a continual influx, arranges the body so that it may act similarly and simultaneously with itself; wherefore the bodies of men viewed interiorly are merely forms of their minds exteriorly organized to effect the purposes of the soul. These things are premised, in order that it may be perceived why the minds or spirits are first to be united as by marriage, before they are also further united in the body; namely, that while the marriages become of the body, they may also be marriages of the spirit; consequently, that married partners may mutually love each other from the spirit, and thence from the body. From this ground let us now take a view of marriage. When conjugial love unites the minds of two persons, and forms them into a marriage, in such case it also unites and forms their bodies into a marriage; for, as we have said, the form of the mind is also interiorly the form of the body; only with this difference, that the latter form is outwardly organized to effect that to which the interior form of the body is determined by the mind. But the mind formed from conjugial love is not only interiorly in the whole body, round about in every part, but moreover is interiorly in the organs appropriated to generation, which in their region are situated beneath the other regions of the body, and in which are terminated the forms of the mind with those who are united in conjugial love: consequently the affections and thoughts of their minds are determined thither; and the activities of such minds differ in this respect from the activities of minds arising from other loves, that the latter loves do not reach thither. The conclusion resulting from these considerations is, that such as conjugial love is in the minds or spirits of two persons, such is it interiorly in those its organs. But it is self-evident that a marriage of the spirit after the nuptials becomes also a marriage of the body, thus a full marriage, consequently, if a marriage in the spirit is chaste, and partakes of the sanctity of marriage, it is chaste also, and partakes of its sanctity, when it is in its fulness in the body; and the case is reversed if a marriage in the spirit is unchaste.
311. XV. SUCH IS THE ORDER OF CONJUGIAL LOVE WITH ITS MODES FROM ITS FIRST HEAT TO ITS FIRST TORCH. It is said from its first heat to its first torch, because vital heat is love, and conjugial heat or love successively increases, and at length as it were into a flame or torch. We have said “to its first torch,” because we mean the first state after the nuptials, when that love burns; but what its quality becomes after this torch, in the marriage itself, has been described in the preceding chapters; but in this part we are explaining its order from the beginning of its career to this its first goal. That all order proceeds from first principles to last, and that the last become the first of some following order, also that all things of the middle order are the last of a prior and the first of a following order, and that thus ends proceed continually through causes into effects, may be sufficiently confirmed and illustrated to the eye of reason from what is known and visible in the world; but as at present we are treating only of the order in which love proceeds from its first starting-place to its goal, we shall pass by such confirmation and illustration, and only observe on this subject, that such as the order of this love is from its first heat to its first torch, such it is in general, and such is its influence in its progression afterwards; for in this progression it unfolds itself, according to the quality of its first heat: if this heat was chaste, its chasteness is strengthened as it proceeds; but if it was unchaste, its unchasteness increases as it advances, until it is deprived of all that chasteness which, from the time of betrothing, belonged to it from without, but not from within.
312. XVI. CONJUGIAL LOVE PRECIPITATED WITHOUT ORDER AND THE MODES THEREOF, BURNS UP THE MARROWS AND IS CONSUMED. So it is said by some in the heavens; and by the marrows they mean the interiors of the mind and body. The reason why these are burnt up, that is, consumed, by precipitated conjugial love is, because that love in such case begins from a flame which eats up and corrupts those interiors, in which as in its principles conjugial love should reside, and from which it should commence. This comes to pass if the man and woman without regard to order precipitate marriage, and do not look to the Lord, and consult their reason, but reject betrothing and comply merely with the flesh: from the ardor of which, if that love commences, it becomes external and not internal, thus not conjugial; and such love may be said to partake of the shell, not of the kernel; or may be called fleshly, lean, and dry, because emptied of its genuine essence. See more on this subject above n. 305.
313. XVII. THE STATES OF THE MINDS OF EACH OF THE PARTIES PROCEEDING IN SUCCESSIVE ORDER, FLOW INTO THE STATE OF MARRIAGE; NEVERTHELESS IN ONE MANNER WITH THE SPIRITUAL AND IN ANOTHER WITH THE NATURAL. That the last state is such as that of the successive order from which it is formed and exists, is a rule, which from its truth must be acknowledged by the learned; for thereby we discover what influx is, and what it effects. By influx we mean all that which precedes, and constitutes what follows, and by things following in order constitutes what is last; as all that which precedes with a man, and constitutes his wisdom; or all that which precedes with a statesman, and constitutes his political skill; or all that which precedes with a theologian, and constitutes his erudition; in like manner all that which proceeds from infancy, and constitutes a man; also what proceeds in order from a seed and a twig, and makes a tree, and afterwards what proceeds from a blossom, and makes its fruit; in like manner all that which precedes and proceeds with a bridegroom and bride, and constitutes their marriage: this is the meaning of influx. That all those things which precede in minds form series, which collect together, one next to another, and one after another, and that these together compose a last or ultimate, is as yet unknown in the world; but as it is a truth from heaven, it is here adduced for it explains what influx effects, and what is the quality of the last or ultimate, in which the above-mentioned series successively formed co-exist. From these considerations it may be seen that the states of the minds of each of the parties proceeding in successive order flow into the state of marriage. But married partners after marriage are altogether ignorant of the successive things which are insinuated into, and exist in their minds (_animis_) from things antecedent; nevertheless it is those things which give form to conjugial love, and constitute the state of their minds; from which state they act the one with the other. The reason why one state is formed from one order with such as are spiritual, and from another with such as are natural, is, because the spiritual proceed in a just order, and the natural in an unjust order; for the spiritual look to the Lord, and the Lord provides and leads the order; whereas the natural look to themselves, and thence proceed in an inverted order; wherefore with the latter the state of marriage is inwardly full of unchasteness; and as that unchasteness abounds, so does cold; and as cold abounds so do the obstructions of the inmost life, whereby its vein is closed and its fountain dried.
314. XVIII. THERE ARE SUCCESSIVE AND SIMULTANEOUS ORDER, AND THE LATTER IS FROM THE FORMER AND ACCORDING TO IT. This is adduced as a reason tending to confirm what goes before. It is well known that there exist what is successive and what is simultaneous; but it is unknown that simultaneous order is grounded in successive, and is according to it; yet how things successive enter into things simultaneous, and what order they form therein, it is very difficult to present to the perception, since the learned are not in possession of any ideas that can elucidate the subject; and as the first idea respecting this arcanum cannot be suggested in few words, and to treat this subject at large would withdraw the mind from a more comprehensive view of the subject of conjugial love, it may suffice for illustration to quote what we have adduced in a compendium respecting those two orders, the successive and the simultaneous, and respecting the influx of the former into the latter, in THE DOCTRINE OF THE NEW JERUSALEM RESPECTING THE SACRED SCRIPTURE, where are these words: “There are in heaven and in the world successive order and simultaneous order. In successive order one thing follows after another from the highest to the lowest; but in simultaneous order one thing is next to another from the inmost to the outermost. Successive order is like a column with steps from the highest to the lowest; but simultaneous order is like a work cohering from the centre to the surface. Successive order becomes in the ultimate simultaneous in this manner; the highest things of successive order become the inmost of simultaneous, and the lowest things of successive order become the outermost of simultaneous; comparatively as when a column of steps subsides, it becomes a body cohering in a plane. Thus what is simultaneous is formed from what is successive; and this in all things both of the spiritual and of the natural world.” See n. 38, 65, of that work; and several further observations on this subject in the ANGELIC WISDOM RESPECTING THE DIVINE LOVE AND DIVINE WISDOM, n. 205-229. The case is similar with successive order leading to marriage, and with simultaneous order in marriage; namely, that the latter is from the former, and according to it. He that is acquainted with the influx of successive order into simultaneous, may comprehend the reason why the angels can see in a man’s hand all the thoughts and intentions of his mind, and also why wives, from their husbands’ hands on their bosoms, are made sensible of their affections; which circumstance has been occasionally mentioned in the MEMORABLE RELATIONS. The reason of this is, because the hands are the ultimates of man, wherein the deliberations and conclusions of his mind terminate, and there constitute what is simultaneous: therefore also in the Word, mention is made of a thing’s being inscribed on the hands.
* * * * *
315. To the above I shall add TWO MEMORABLE RELATIONS. FIRST. On a certain time I saw not far from me a meteor–a cloud divided into smaller clouds, some of which were of an azure color, some opaque, and as it were in collision together. They were streaked with translucent irradiations of light, which at one time appeared sharp like the points of swords, at another, blunt like broken swords. The streaks sometimes darted out forwards, at others they drew themselves in again, exactly like combatants; thus those different colored lesser clouds appeared to be at war together; but it was only their manner of sporting with each other. And as this meteor appeared at no great distance from me, I raised my eyes, and looking attentively, I saw boys, youths, and old men, entering a house which was built of marble, on a foundation of porphyry; and it was over this house that the phenomenon appeared. Then addressing myself to one that was entering, I asked, “What house is this?” He answered, “It is a gymnasium, where young persons are initiated into various things relating to wisdom.” On hearing this, I went in with them, being then in the spirit, that is, in a similar state with men of the spiritual world, who are called spirits and angels; and lo! in the gymnasium there were in front a desk, in the middle, benches, at the sides round about, chairs, and over the entrance, an orchestra. The desk was for the young men that were to give answers to the problem at that time to be proposed, the benches were for the audience, the chairs at the sides were for those who on former occasions had given wise answers, and the orchestra was for the seniors, who were arbitrators and judges: in the middle of the orchestra was a pulpit, where there sat a wise man, whom they called the head master, who proposed the problems to which the young men gave their answers from the desk. When all were assembled, this man arose from the pulpit and said, “Give an answer now to this problem, and solve it if you can, WHAT IS THE SOUL, AND WHAT IS ITS QUALITY?” On hearing this problem all were amazed, and made a muttering noise; and some of the company on the benches exclaimed, “What mortal man, from the age of Saturn to the present time, has been able by any rational thought to see and ascertain what the soul is, still less what is its quality? Is not this subject above the sphere of all human understanding?” But it was replied from the orchestra, “It is not above the understanding, but within it and in its view; only let the problem be answered.” Then the young men, who were chosen on that day to ascend the desk, and give an answer to the problem, arose. They were five in number, who had been examined by the seniors, and found to excel in sagacity, and were then sitting on couches at the sides of the desk. They afterwards ascended in the order in which they were seated; and every one, when he ascended, put on a silken tunic of an opaline color, and over it a robe of soft wool interwoven with flowers, and on his head a cap, on the crown of which was a bunch of roses encircled with small sapphires. The first youth thus clad ascended the desk, and thus began: “What the soul is, and what is its quality, has never been revealed to any one since the day of creation, being an arcanum in the treasuries of God alone; but this has been discovered, that the soul resides in a man as a queen; yet where her palace is, has been a matter of conjecture among the learned. Some have supposed it to be in a small tubercle between the cerebrum and the cerebellum, which is called the pineal gland: in this they have fixed the soul’s habitation, because the whole man is ruled from those two brains, and they are regulated by that tubercle; therefore whatever regulates the brains, regulates also the whole man from the head to the heel.” He also added, “Hence this conjecture appeared as true or probable to many in the world; but in the succeeding age it was rejected as groundless.” When he had thus spoken, he put off the robe, the tunic, and the cap, which the second of the selected speakers put on, and ascended the desk. His sentiments concerning the soul are as follows: “In the whole heaven and the whole world it is unknown what the soul is, and what is its quality; it is however known that there is a soul, and that it is in man; but in what part of him is a matter of conjecture. This is certain, that it is in the head, since the head is the seat where the understanding thinks, and the will intends; and in front in the face of the head are man’s five sensories, receiving life from the soul alone which resides in the head; but in what particular part of the head the soul has its more immediate residence, I dare not take upon me to say; yet I agree with those who fix its abode in the three ventricles of the brain, sometimes inclining to the opinion of those who fix it in the _corpora striata_ therein, sometimes to theirs who fix it in the medullary substance of each brain, sometimes to theirs who fix it in the cortical substance, and sometimes to theirs who fix it in the _dura mater_; for arguments, and those too of weight, have not been wanting in the support of each of these opinions. The arguments in favor of the three ventricles of the brain have been, that those ventricles are the recipients of the animal spirits and of all the lymphs of the brain: the arguments in favor of the _corpora striata_ have been, that these bodies constitute the marrow, through which the nerves are emitted, and by which each brain is continued into the spine; and from the spine and the marrow there is an emanation of fibres serving for the contexture of the whole body: the arguments in favor of the medullary substance of each brain have been, that this substance is a collection and congeries of all the fibres, which are the rudiments or beginnings of the whole man: the arguments in favor of the cortical substance have been, that in that substance are contained the prime and ultimate ends, and consequently the principles of all the fibres, and thereby of all the senses and motions: the arguments in favor of the _dura mater_ have been, that it is the common covering of each brain, and hence by some kind of continuous principle extends itself over the heart and the viscera of the body. As to myself, I am undetermined which of these opinions is the most probable, and therefore I leave the matter to your determination and decision.” Having thus concluded he descended from the desk, and delivered the tunic, the robe, and the cap, to the third, who mounting into the desk began as follows: “How little qualified is a youth like myself for the investigation of so sublime a theorem! I appeal to the learned who are here seated at the sides of the gymnasium; I appeal to you wise ones in the orchestra; yea, I appeal to the angels of the highest heaven, whether any person, from his own rational light, is able to form any idea concerning the soul; nevertheless I, like others, can guess about the place of its abode in man; and my conjecture is, that it is in the heart and thence in the blood; and I ground my conjecture on this circumstance, that the heart by its blood rules both the body and the head; for it sends forth a large vessel called the _aorta_ into the whole body, and vessels called the carotids into the whole head; hence it is universally agreed, that the soul from the heart by means of the blood supports, nourishes, and vivifies the universal organical system both of the body and the head. As a further proof of this position it may be urged, that in the Sacred Scripture frequent mention is made of the soul and the heart; as where it is said, Thou shalt love God from the whole soul and the whole heart; and that God creates in man a new soul and a new heart, Deut. vi. 5; chap. x. 12; chap. xi. 13; chap. xxvi. 16; Jerem. xxxii. 41; Matt, xxii. 37; Mark xii. 30, 33; Luke x. 27; and in other places: it is also expressly said, that the blood is the soul of the flesh, Levit. xvii. 11, 14.” At these words, the cry of “Learned! learned!” was heard in the assembly, and was found to proceed from some of the canons. After this a fourth, clad in the garments of the former speaker, ascended the desk, and thus began: “I also am inclined to suspect that not a single person can be found of so subtle and refined a genius as to be able to discover what the soul is, and what is its quality; therefore I am of opinion, that in attempting to make the discovery, subtlety will be spent in fruitless labor; nevertheless from my childhood I have continued firm in the opinion of the ancients, that the soul of man is in the whole of him, and in every part of the whole, and thus that it is in the head and in all its parts, as well as in the body and in all its parts; and that it is an idle conceit of the moderns to fix its habitation in any particular part, and not in the body throughout; besides, the soul is a spiritual substance, of which there cannot be predicated either extension or place, but habitation and impletion; moreover, when mention is made of the soul, who does not conceive life to be meant? and is not life in the whole and in every part?” These sentiments were favorably received by a great part of the audience. After him the fifth rose, and, being adorned with the same insignia, thus delivered himself from the desk: “I will not waste your time and my own in determining the place of the soul’s residence, whether it be in some particular part of the body, or in the whole; but from my mind’s storehouse I will communicate to you my sentiments on the subject, What is the soul, and what is its quality? No one conceives of the soul but as of a pure somewhat, which may be likened to ether, or air, or wind, containing a vital principle, from the rationality which man enjoys above the beasts. This opinion I conceive to be founded on the circumstance, that when a man expires, he is said to breathe forth or emit his soul or spirit; hence also the soul which lives after death is believed to be such a breath or vapor animated by some principle of thinking life, which is called the soul; and what else can the soul be? But as I heard it declared from the orchestra, that this problem concerning the soul, its nature and quality, is not above the understanding, but is within it and in its view, I intreat and beseech you, who have made this declaration, to unfold this eternal arcanum yourselves.” Then the elders in the orchestra turned their eyes towards the head master, who had proposed the problem, and who understood by their signs that they wished him to descend and teach the audience: so he instantly quitted the pulpit, passed through the auditory, and entered the desk, and there, stretching out his hand, he thus began: “Let me bespeak your attention: who does not believe the soul to be the inmost and most subtle essence of man? and what is an essence without a form, but an imaginary entity? wherefore the soul is a form, and a form whose qualities and properties I will now describe. It is a form of all things relating to love, and of all things relating to wisdom. All things relating to love are called affections, and those relating to wisdom are called perceptions. The latter derived from the former and thereby united with them constitute one form, in which are contained innumerable things in such an order, series, and coherence, that they may be called a one; and they may be called a one also for this reason, because nothing can be taken away from it, or added to it, but the quality of the form is changed. What is the human soul but such a form? are not all things relating to love and all things relating to wisdom essentials of that form? and are not these things appertaining to a man in his soul, and by derivation from the soul in his head and body? You are called spirits and angels; and in the world you believed that spirits and angels are like mere wind or ether, and thus mere mind and animation; and now you see clearly that you are truly, really, and actually men, who, during your abode in the world, lived and thought in a material body, and knew that a material body does not live and think, but a spiritual substance in that body; and this substance you called the soul, whose form you then were ignorant of, but now have seen and continue to see. You all are souls, of whose immortality you have heard, thought, said, and written so much; and because you are forms of love and wisdom from God, you can never die. The soul therefore is a human form, from which the smallest thing cannot be taken away, and to which the smallest thing cannot be added; and it is the inmost of all the forms of the whole body: and since the forms which are without receive from the inmost both essence and form, therefore you are souls, as you appear to yourselves and to us: in a word, the soul is the very man himself, because it is the inmost man; therefore its form is fully and perfectly the human form: nevertheless it is not life, but the proximate receptacle of life from God, and thereby the habitation of God.” When he had thus spoken, many expressed their approbation; but some said, “We will weigh the matter.” I immediately went home, and lo! over the gymnasium, instead of the foregoing meteor, there appeared a bright cloud, without streaks or rays that seemed to combat with each other, and which, penetrating through the roof, entered, and illuminated the walls; and I was informed, that they saw some pieces of writing, and among others this, “_Jehovah God breathed into the man’s nostrils the SOUL OF LIVES, and the man became a LIVING SOUL_,” Gen. ii. 7.
316. THE SECOND MEMORABLE RELATION. Some time ago, as I was walking with my mind (_animus_) at rest, and in a state of delightful mental peace, I saw at a distance a grove, in the midst of which was an avenue leading to a small palace, into which maidens and youths, husbands and wives were entering. I also went thither in spirit, and asked the keeper who was standing at the entrance, whether I also might enter? He looked at me; upon which I said, “Why do you look at me?” He replied, “I look at you that I may see whether the delight of peace, which appears in your face, partakes at all of the delight of conjugial love. Beyond this avenue there is a little garden, and in the midst of it a house, where there are two novitiate conjugial partners, who to-day are visited by their friends of both sexes, coming to pay their congratulations. I do not know those whom I admit; but I was told that I should know them by their faces: those in whom I saw the delights of conjugial love, I was to admit, and none else.” All the angels can see from the faces of others the delights of their hearts; and he saw the delight of that love in my face, because I was then meditating on conjugial love. This meditation beamed forth from my eyes, and thence entered into the interiors of my face: he therefore told me that I might enter. The avenue through which I entered was formed of fruit trees connected together by their branches, which made on each side a continued espalier. Through the avenue I entered the little garden, which breathed a pleasant fragrance from its shrubs and flowers. The shrubs and flowers were in pairs; and I was informed that such little gardens appear about the houses where there are and have been nuptials, and hence they are called nuptial gardens. I afterwards entered the house, where I saw the two conjugial partners holding each other by the hands, and conversing together from love truly conjugial; and as I looked, it was given me to see from their faces the image of conjugial love, and from their conversation the vital principle thereof. After I, with the rest of the company, had paid them my respects, and wished them all happiness, I went into the nuptial garden, and saw on the right side of it a company of youths, to whom all who came out of the house resorted. The reason of their resorting to them was, because they were conversing respecting conjugial love, and conversation on this subject attracts to it the minds (_animos_) of all by a certain occult power. I then listened to a wise one who was speaking on the subject; and the sum of what I heard is as follows: That the divine providence of the Lord is most particular and thence most universal in respect to marriages in the heavens: because all the felicities of heaven issue from the delights of conjugial love, like sweet waters from the sweet source of a fountain; and that on this account it is provided by the Lord that conjugial pairs be born, and that these pairs be continually educated for marriage, neither the maiden nor the youth knowing anything of the matter; and after a stated time, when they both become marriageable, they meet as by chance, and see each other; and that in this case they instantly know, as by a kind of instinct, that they are pairs, and by a kind of inward dictate think within themselves, the youth, that she is mine, and the maiden, that he is mine; and when this thought has existed for some time in the mind of each, they deliberately accost each other, and betroth themselves. It is said, “as by chance,” and “as by instinct,” and the meaning is, by the divine providence; since, while the divine providence is unknown, it has such an appearance. That conjugial pairs are born and educated to marriage, while each party is ignorant of it, he proved by the conjugial likeness visible in the faces of each; also by the intimate and eternal union of minds (_animorum_) and minds (_mentium_), which could not possibly exist, as it does in heaven, without being foreseen and provided by the Lord. When the wise one had proceeded thus far with his discourse, and had received the applauses of the company, he further added, that in the minutest things with man, both male and female, there is a conjugial principle; but still the conjugial principle with the male is different from what it is with the female; also that in the male conjugial principle there is what is conjunctive with the female conjugial principle, and _vice versa_, even in the minutest things. This he confirmed by the marriage of the will and the understanding in every individual, which two principles act together upon the minutest things of the mind and of the body; from which considerations it may be seen, that in every substance, even the smallest, there is a conjugial principle; and that this is evident from the compound substances which are made up of simple substances; as that there are two eyes, two ears, two nostrils, two cheeks, two lips, two arms with hands, two loins, two feet, and within in man two hemispheres of the brain, two ventricles of the heart, two lobes of the lungs, two kidneys, two testicles; and where there are not two, still they are divided into two. The reason why there are two is, because the one is of the will and the other of the understanding, which act wonderfully in each other to present a one; wherefore the two eyes make one sight, the two ears one hearing, the two nostrils one smell, the two lips one speech, the two hands one labor, the two feet one pace, the two hemispheres of the brain one habitation of the mind, the two chambers of the heart one life of the body by the blood, the two lobes of the lungs one respiration, and so forth; but the male and female principles, united by love truly conjugial, constitute one life fully human. While he was saying these things, there appeared red lightning on the right, and white lightning on the left; each was mild, and they entered through the eyes into the mind, and also enlightened it. After the lightning it also thundered; which was a gentle murmur from the angelic heaven flowing down and increasing. On hearing and seeing these things, the wise one said, “These are to remind me to add the following observations: that of the above pairs, the right one signifies their good, and the left their truth; and that this is from the marriage of good and truth, which is inscribed on man in general and in every one of his principles; and good has reference to the will, and truth to the understanding, and both together to a one. Hence, in heaven the right eye is the good of vision, and the left the truth thereof; also the right ear is the good of hearing, and the left the truth thereof; and likewise the right hand is the good of a man’s ability, and the left the truth thereof; and in like manner in the rest of the above pairs; and since the right and left have such significations, therefore the Lord said, ‘If thy right eye scandalize thee, pluck it out; and if thy right hand scandalize thee, cut it off;’ whereby he meant, if good becomes evil, the evil must be cast out. This is the reason also why he said to his disciples that they should cast the net on the right side of the ship; and that when they did so, they took a great multitude of fishes; whereby he meant that they should teach the good of charity, and that thus they would collect men.” When he had said these things, the two lightnings again appeared, but milder than before; and then it was seen, that the lightning on the left derived its whiteness from the red-shining fire of the lightning on the right; on seeing which he said, “This is a sign from heaven tending to confirm what I have said; because what is firy in heaven is good, and what is white in heaven is truth; and its being seen that the lightning on the left derived its whiteness from the red-shining fire of the lightning on the right, is a demonstrative sign that the whiteness of light, or light, is merely the splendor of fire.” On hearing this all went home, inflamed with the good and truth of gladness, in consequence of the above lightnings, and of the conversation respecting them.
* * * * *
ON REPEATED MARRIAGES.
317. It may come to be a matter of question, whether conjugial love, which is that of one man with one wife, after the death of one of the parties, can be separated, or transferred, or superinduced; also whether repeated marriages have any thing in common with polygamy, and thereby whether they may be called successive polygamies; with several other inquiries which often add scruples to scruples with men of a reasoning spirit. In order therefore that those who are curious in such researches, and who only grope in the shade respecting these marriages, may see some light, I have conceived it would be worth while to present for their consideration the following articles on the subject: I. _After the death of a married partner, again to contract wedlock, depends on the preceding conjugial love._ II. _It depends also on the state of marriage, in which the parties had lived._ III. _With those who have not been in love truly conjugial there is no obstacle or hindrance to their again contracting wedlock._ IV. _Those who had lived together in love truly conjugial are unwilling to marry again, except for reasons separate from conjugial love._ V. _The state of the marriage of a youth with a maiden differs from that of a youth with a widow._ VI. _The state of the marriage of a widower with a maiden differs also from that of a widower with a widow._ VII. _The varieties and diversities of these marriages as to love and its attributes are innumerable._ VIII. _The state of a widow is more grievous than that of a widower._ We proceed to the explanation of each article.
318. I. AFTER THE DEATH OF A MARRIED PARTNER, AGAIN TO CONTRACT WEDLOCK, DEPENDS ON THE PRECEDING CONJUGIAL LOVE. Love truly conjugial is like a balance, in which the inclinations for repeated marriages are weighed: so far as the preceding conjugial love had been genuine, so far the inclination for another marriage is weak; but so far as the preceding love had not been genuine, so far the inclination to another marriage is usually strong. The reason of this is obvious; because conjugial love is in a similar degree a conjunction of minds, which remains in the life of the body of the one party after the decease of the other; and this holds the inclination as a scale in a balance, and causes a preponderance according to the appropriation of true love. But since the approach to this love is seldom made at this day except for a few paces, therefore the scale of the preponderance of the inclination generally rises to a state of equilibrium, and from thence inclines and tends to the other side, that is, to marriage. The contrary is the case with those, whose preceding-love in the former marriage has not been truly conjugial, because in proportion as that love is not genuine, there is in a like degree a disjunction of minds, which also remains in the life of the body of the one party after the decease of the other; and this enters the will disjoined from that of the other, and causes an inclination for a new connection; in favor of which the thought arising from the inclination of the will induces the hope of a more united, and thereby a more delightful connection. That inclinations to repeated marriages arise from the state of the preceding love, is well known, and is also obvious to reason: for love truly conjugial is influenced by a fear of loss, and loss is followed by grief; and this grief and fear reside in the very inmost principles of the mind. Hence, so far as that love prevails, so far the soul inclines both in will and in thought, that is, in intention, to be in the subject with and in which it was: from these considerations it follows, that the mind is kept balancing towards another marriage according to the degree of love in which it was in the former marriage. Hence it is that after death the same parties are re-united, and mutually love each other as they did in the world: but as we said above, such love at this day is rare, and there are few who make the slightest approach to it; and those who do not approach it, and still more those who keep at a distance from it, as they were desirous of separation in the matrimonial life heretofore passed, so after death they are desirous of being united to another. But respecting both these sorts of persons more will be said in what follows.
319. II. AFTER THE DEATH OF A MARRIED PARTNER, AGAIN TO CONTRACT WEDLOOK, DEPENDS ALSO ON THE STATE OF MARRIAGE IN WHICH THE PARTIES HAD LIVED. By the State of marriage here we do not mean the state of love treated of in the foregoing article, because the latter causes an internal inclination to marriage or from it; but we mean the state of marriage which causes an external inclination to it or from it; and this state with its inclinations is manifold: as, 1. If there are children in the house, and a new mother is to be provided for them. 2. If there is a wish for a further increase of children. 3. If the house is large and full of servants of both sexes. 4. If the calls of business abroad divert the mind from domestic concerns, and without a new mistress there is reason to fear misery and misfortune. 5. If mutual aids and offices require that married partners be engaged in various occupations and employments. 6. Moreover it depends on the temper and disposition of the separated partner, whether after the first marriage the other partner can or cannot live alone, or without a consort. 7. The preceding marriage also disposes the mind either to be afraid of married life, or in favor of it. 8. I have been informed that polygamical love and the love of the sex, also the lust of deflowering and the lust of variety, have induced the minds (_animos_) of some to desire repeated marriages; and that the minds of some have also been induced thereto by a fear of the law and of the loss of reputation, in case they commit whoredom: besides several other circumstances which promote external inclinations to matrimony.
320. III. WITH THOSE WHO HAVE NOT BEEN IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, THERE IS NO OBSTACLE OR HINDRANCE TO THEIR AGAIN CONTRACTING WEDLOCK. With those who have not been principled in conjugial love, there is no spiritual or internal, but only a natural or external bond; and if an internal bond does not keep the external in its order and tenor, the latter is but like a bundle when the bandage is removed, which flows every way according as it is tossed or driven by the wind. The reason of this is, because what is natural derives its origin from what is spiritual, and in its existence is merely a mass collected from spiritual principles; wherefore if the natural be separated from the spiritual, which produced and as it were begot it, it is no longer kept together interiorly, but only exteriorly by the spiritual, which encompasses and binds it in general, and does not tie it and keep it tied together in particular. Hence it is, that the natural principle separated from the spiritual, in the case of two married partners, does not cause any conjunction of minds, and consequently of wills, but only a conjunction of some external affections, which are connected with the bodily senses. The reason why nothing opposes and hinders such persons from again contracting wedlock, is, because they have not been the essentials of marriage; and hence those essentials do not at all influence them after separation by death: therefore they are then absolutely at their own disposal, whether they be widowers or widows, to bind their sensual affections with whomsoever they please, provided there be no legal impediment. Neither do they themselves think of marriages in any other than a natural view, and from a regard to convenience in supplying various necessities and external advantages, which after the death of one of the parties may again be supplied by another; and possibly, if their interior thoughts were viewed, as in the spiritual world, there would not be found in them any distinction between conjugial unions and extra-conjugial connections. The reason why it is allowable for these to contract repeated marriages, is, as above-mentioned, because merely natural connections are after death of themselves dissolved and fall asunder; for by death the external affections follow the body, and are entombed with it; those only remaining which are connected with internal principles. But it is to be observed, that marriages interiorly conjunctive can scarcely be entered into in the world, because elections of internal likenesses cannot there be provided by the Lord as in the heavens; for they are limited in many ways, as to equals in rank and condition, within the country, city, and village where they live; and in the world for the most part married partners are held together merely by externals, and thus not by internals, which internals do not shew themselves till some time after marriage, and are only known when they influence the externals.
321. IV. THOSE WHO HAD LIVED TOGETHER IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL ARE UNWILLING TO MARRY AGAIN, EXCEPT FOR REASONS SEPARATE FROM CONJUGIAL LOVE. The reasons why those who had lived in love truly conjugial, after the death of their married partners are unwilling to marry again, are as follow. 1. Because they were united as to their souls, and thence as to their minds; and this union, being spiritual, is an actual junction of the soul and mind of one of the parties to those of the other, which cannot possibly be dissolved; that such is the nature of spiritual conjunction, has been constantly shewn above. 2. Because they were also united as to their bodies by the receptions of the propagation of the soul of the husband by the wife, and thus by the insertion of his life into hers, whereby a maiden becomes a wife; and on the other hand by the reception of the conjugial love of the wife by the husband, which disposes the interiors of his mind, and at the same time the interiors and exteriors of his body, into a state receptible of love and perceptible of wisdom, which makes him from a youth become a husband; see above, n. 198. 3. Because a sphere of love from the wife, and a sphere of understanding from the man, is continually flowing forth, and because it perfects conjunctions, and encompasses them with its pleasant influence, and unites them; see also above, n. 223. 4. Because married partners thus united think of, and desire what is eternal, and because on this idea their eternal happiness is founded; see n. 216. 5. From these several considerations it is, that they are no longer two, but one man, that is, one flesh. 6. That such a union cannot be destroyed by the death of one of the parties, is manifest to the sight of a spirit. 7. To the above considerations shall be added this new information, that two such conjugial partners, after the death of one, are still not separated; since the spirit of the deceased dwells continually with that of the survivor, and this even to the death of the latter, when they again meet and are reunited, and love each other more tenderly than before, because they are then in the spiritual world. Hence flows this undeniable consequence, that those who had lived in love truly conjugial, are unwilling to marry again. But if they afterwards contract something like marriage, it is for reasons separate from conjugial love, which are all external; as in case there are young children in the house, and the care of them requires attention; if the house is large and full of servants of both sexes; if the calls of business abroad divert the mind from domestic concerns; if mutual aids and offices are necessary; with other cases of a like nature.
322. V. THE STATE OF THE MARRIAGE OF A YOUTH WITH A MAIDEN DIFFERS FROM THAT OF A YOUTH WITH A WIDOW. By states of marriage we mean the states of the life of each party, the husband and the wife, after the nuptials, thus in the marriage, as to the quality of the intercourse at that time, whether it be internal, that is of souls and minds, which is intercourse in the principle idea, or whether it be only external, that is of minds (_animorum_), of the senses, and of the body. The state of marriage of a youth with a maiden is essentially itself initiatory to genuine marriage; for between these conjugial love can proceed in its just order, which is from its first heat to its first torch, and afterwards from its first seed with the youth-husband, and from its first flower with the maiden-wife, and thus generate, grow, and fructify, and introduce itself into those successive states with both parties mutually; but if otherwise, the youth or the maiden was not really such, but only in external form. But between a youth and a widow there is not such an initiation to marriage from first principles, nor a like progression in marriage, since a widow is more at her own disposal, and under her own jurisdiction, than a maiden; wherefore a youth addresses himself differently to his wife if she were a widow, from what he does if she were a maiden. But herein there is much variety and diversity; therefore the subject is here mentioned only in a general way.
323. VI. THE STATE OF THE MARRIAGE OF A WIDOWER WITH A MAIDEN DIFFERS ALSO FROM THAT OF A WIDOWER WITH A WIDOW. For a widower has already been initiated into married life which a maiden has to be; and yet conjugial love perceives and is sensible of its pleasantness and delight in mutual initiation; a youth-husband and a maiden-wife perceive and are sensible of things ever new in whatever occurs, whereby they are in a kind of continual initiation and consequent amiable progression. The case is otherwise in the state of the marriage of a widower with a maiden: the maiden-wife has an internal inclination, whereas with the man that inclination has passed away; but herein there is much variety and diversity: the case is similar in a marriage between a widower and a widow; however, except this general notion, it is not allowable to add anything specifically.
324. VII. THE VARIETIES AND DIVERSITIES OF THESE MARRIAGES AS TO LOVE AND ITS ATTRIBUTES ARE INNUMERABLE. There is an infinite variety of all things, and also an infinite diversity. By varieties we here mean the varieties between those things which are of one genus or species, also between the genera and species; but by diversities we here mean the diversities between those things which are opposite. Our idea of the distinction of varieties and diversities may be illustrated as follows: The angelic heaven, which is connected as a one, in an infinite variety, no one there being absolutely like another, either as to souls and minds, or as to affections, perceptions, and consequent thoughts, or as to inclinations and consequent intentions, or as to tone of voice, face, body, gesture, and gait, and several other particulars, and yet, notwithstanding there are myriads of myriads, they have been and are arranged by the Lord into one form, in which there is full unanimity and concord; and this could not possibly be, unless they were all, with their innumerable varieties, universally and individually under the guidance of one: these are what we here mean by varieties. But by diversities we mean the opposites of those varieties, which exist in hell; for the inhabitants there are diametrically opposite to those in heaven; and hell, which consists of such, is kept together as a one by varieties in themselves altogether contrary to the varieties in heaven, thus by perpetual diversities. From these considerations it is evident what is perceived by infinite variety and infinite diversity. The case is the same in marriages, namely, that there are infinite varieties with those who are in conjugial love, and infinite varieties with those who are in adulterous love; and hence, that there are infinite diversities between the latter and the former. From these premises it follows, that the varieties and diversities in marriages of every genus and species, whether of a youth with a maiden, or of a youth with a widow, or of a widower with a maiden, or of a widower with a widow exceed all number: who can divide infinity into numbers?
325. VIII. THE STATE OF A WIDOW IS MORE GRIEVOUS THAN THAT OF A WIDOWER. The reasons for this are both external and internal; the external are such as all can comprehend; as: 1. That a widow cannot provide for herself and her family the necessaries of life, nor dispose of them when acquired, as a man can and as she previously did by and with her husband. 2. That neither can she defend herself and her family as is expedient; for, while she was a wife, her husband was her defence, and as it were her arm; and while she herself was her own (defence and arm), she still trusted to her husband. 3. That of herself she is deficient of counsel in such things as relate to interior wisdom and the prudence thence derived. 4. That a widow is without the reception of love, in which as a woman she is principled; thus she is in a state contrary to that which was innate and induced by marriage. These external reasons, which are natural, have their origin from internal reasons also, which are spiritual, like all other things in the world and in the body; respecting which see above, n. 220. Those external natural reasons are perceived from the internal spiritual reasons which proceed from the marriage of good and truth, and principally from the following: that good cannot provide or arrange anything but by truth; that neither can good defend itself but by truth; consequently that truth is the defence and as it were the arm of good; that good without truth is deficient of counsel, because it has counsel, wisdom, and prudence by means of truth. Now since by creation the husband is truth, and the wife the good thereof; or, what is the same thing, since by creation the husband is understanding, and the wife the love thereof, it is evident that the external or natural reasons, which aggravate the widowhood of a woman, have their origin from internal or spiritual reasons. These spiritual reasons, together with natural, are meant by what is said of widows in several passages in the Word; as may be seen in the APOCALYPSE REVEALED, n. 764.
* * * * *
326. To the above I shall add TWO MEMORABLE RELATIONS. FIRST. After the problem concerning the soul had been discussed and solved in the gymnasium, I saw them coming out in order: first came the chief teacher, then the elders, in the midst of whom were the five youths who had given the answers, and after these the rest. When they were come out they went apart to the environs of the house, where there were piazzas surrounded by shrubs; and being assembled, they divided themselves into small companies, which were so many groups of youths conversing together on subjects of wisdom, in each of which was one of the wise persons from the orchestra. As I saw these from my apartment, I became in the spirit, and in that state I went out to them, and approached the chief teacher, who had lately proposed the problem concerning the soul. On seeing me, he said. “Who are you? I was surprised as I saw you approaching in the way, that at one instant you came into my sight, and the next instant went out of it; or that at one time I saw you, and suddenly I did not see you: assuredly you are not in the same state of life that we are.” To this I replied, smiling, “I am neither a player nor a _vertumnus_; but I am alternate, at one time in your light, and at another in your shade; thus both a foreigner and a native.” Hereupon the chief teacher looked at me, and said, “You speak things strange and wonderful: tell me who you are.” I said, “I am in the world in which you have been, and from which you have departed, and which is called the natural world; and I am also in the world into which you have come, and in which you are, which is called the spiritual world. Hence I am in a natural state, and at the same time in a spiritual state; in a natural state with men of the earth and in a spiritual state with you; and when I am in the natural state, you do not see me, but when I am in the spiritual state, you do; that such should be my condition, has been granted me by the Lord. It is known to you, illustrious sir, that a man of the natural world does not see a man of the spiritual world, nor _vice versa_; therefore when I let my spirit into the body, you did not see me; but when I let it out of the body, you did see me. You have been teaching in the gymnasium, that you are souls, and that souls see souls, because they are human forms; and you know, that when you were in the natural world, you did not see yourself or your souls in your bodies; and this is a consequence of the difference between what is spiritual and what is natural.” When he heard of the difference between what is spiritual and what is natural, he said, “What do you mean by that difference? is it not like the difference between what is more or less pure? for what is spiritual but that which is natural in a higher state of purity?” I replied, “The difference is of another kind; it is like that between prior and posterior, which bear no determinate proportion to each other: for the prior is in the posterior as the cause is in the effect; and the posterior is derived from the prior as the effect from its cause: hence, the one does not appear to the other.” To this the chief teacher replied, “I have meditated and ruminated upon this difference, but heretofore in vain; I wish I could perceive it.” I said, “You shall not only perceive the difference between what is spiritual and what is natural, but shall also see it.” I then proceeded as follows: “You yourself are in a spiritual state with your associate spirits, but in a natural state with me; for you converse with your associates in the spiritual language, which is common to every spirit and angel, but with me in my mother tongue; for every spirit and angel, when conversing with a man, speaks his peculiar language; thus French with a Frenchman, English with an Englishman, Greek with a Greek, Arabic with an Arabian, and so forth. That you may know therefore the difference between what is spiritual and what is natural in respect to languages, make this experiment; withdraw to your associates, and say something there: then retain the expressions, and return with them in your memory, and utter them before me.” He did so, and returned to me with those expressions in his mouth, and uttered them; and they were altogether strange and foreign, such as do not occur in any language of the natural world. By this experiment several times repeated, it was made very evident that all the spiritual world have the spiritual language, which has in it nothing that is common to any natural language, and that every man comes of himself into the use of that language after his decease. At the same time also he experienced, that the sound of the spiritual language differs so far from the sound of natural language, that a spiritual sound, though loud, could not at all be heard by a natural man, nor a natural sound by a spirit. Afterwards I requested the chief teacher and the bystanders to withdraw to their associates, and write some sentence or other on a piece of paper, and then return with it to me, and read it. They did so, and returned with the paper in their hand; but when they read it, they could not understand any part of it, as the writing consisted only of some letters of the alphabet, with turns over them, each of which was significative of some particular sense and meaning: because each letter of the alphabet is thus significative, it is evident why the Lord is called Alpha and Omega. On their repeatedly withdrawing, and writing in the same manner, and returning to me, they found that their writing involved and comprehended innumerable things which no natural writing could possibly express; and they were given to understand, that this was in consequence of the spiritual man’s thoughts being incomprehensible and ineffable to the natural man, and such as cannot flow and be brought into any other writing or language. Then as some present were unwilling to comprehend that spiritual thought so far exceeds natural thought, as to be respectively ineffable, I said to them, “Make the experiment; withdraw into your spiritual society, and think on some subject, and retain your thoughts, and return, and express them before me.” They did so; but when they wanted to express the subject thought of, they were unable; for they did not find any idea of natural thought adequate to any idea of spiritual thought, consequently no words expressive of it; for ideas of thought are constituent of the words of language. This experiment they repeated again and again; whereby they were convinced that spiritual ideas are supernatural, inexpressible, ineffable, and incomprehensible to the natural man; and on account of this their super-eminence, they said, that spiritual ideas, or thoughts, as compared with natural, were ideas of ideas, and thoughts of thoughts; and that therefore they were expressive of qualities of qualities, and affections of affections; consequently that spiritual thoughts were the beginnings and origins of natural thoughts: hence also it was made evident that spiritual wisdom was the wisdom of wisdom, consequently that it was imperceptible to any wise man in the natural world. It was then told them from the third heaven, that there is a wisdom still interior and superior, which is called celestial, bearing a proportion to spiritual wisdom like that which spiritual wisdom bears to natural, and that these descend by an orderly influx according to the heavens from the divine wisdom of the Lord, which is infinite.
327. After this I said to the by-standers, “You have seen from these three experimental proofs what is the difference between spiritual and natural, and also the reason why the natural man does not appear to the spiritual, nor the spiritual to the natural, although they are consociated as to affections and thoughts, and thence as to presence. Hence it is that, as I approached, at one time you, Sir, (addressing the chief teacher), saw me, and at another you did not.” After this, a voice was heard from the superior heaven to the chief teacher, saying, “Come up hither;” and he went up: and on his return, he said, that the angels, as well as himself, did not before know the differences between spiritual and natural, because there had never before been an opportunity of comparing them together, by any person’s existing at the same time in both worlds; and without such comparison and reference those differences were not ascertainable.
328. After this we retired, and conversing again on this subject, I said, “Those differences originate solely in this circumstance of your existence in the spiritual world, that you are in substantials and not in materials: and substantials are the beginning of materials. You are in principles and thereby in singulars; but we are in principiates and composites; you are in particulars, but we are in generals; and as generals cannot enter into particulars, so neither can natural things, which are material, enter into spiritual things which are substantial, any more than a ship’s cable can enter into, or be drawn though, the eye of a fine needle; or than a nerve can enter or be let into one of the fibres of which it is composed, or a fibre into one of the fibrils of which it is composed: this also is known in the world: therefore herein the learned are agreed, that there is no such thing as an influx of what is natural into what is spiritual, but of what is spiritual into what is natural. This now is the reason why the natural man cannot conceive that which the spiritual man conceives, nor consequently express such conceptions; wherefore Paul calls what he heard from the third heaven ineffable. Moreover, to think spiritually is to think abstractedly from space and time, and to think naturally is to think in conjunction with space and time; for in every idea of natural thought there is something derived from space and time, which is not the case with any spiritual idea; because the spiritual world is not in space and time, like the natural world, but in the appearances of space and time. In this respect also spiritual thoughts and perceptions differ from natural; therefore you can think of the essence and omnipresence of God from eternity, that is, of God before the creation of the world, since you think of the essence of God from eternity abstracted from time, and of his omnipresence abstracted from space, and thus comprehend such things as transcend the ideas of the natural man.” I then related to them, how I once thought of the essence and omnipresence of God from eternity, that is of God before the creation of the world; and that because I could not yet remove spaces and times from the ideas of my thought, I was brought into anxiety; for the idea of nature entered instead of God: but it was said to me, “Remove the ideas of space and time, and you will see.” I did so and then I saw; and from that time I was enabled to think of God from eternity, and not of nature from eternity; because God is in all time without time, and in all space without space, whereas nature in all time is in time, and in all space in space; and nature with her time and space, must of necessity have a beginning and a birth, but not God who is without time, and space; therefore nature is from God, not from eternity, but in time, that is, together with her time and space.
329. After the chief teacher and the rest of the assembly had left me, some boys who were also engaged in the gymnasian exercise, followed me home, and stood near me for a little while as I was writing: and lo! at that instant they saw a moth running upon my paper, and asked in surprise what was the name of that nimble little creature? I said, “It is called a moth; and I will tell you some wonderful things respecting it. This little animal contains in itself as many members and viscera as there are in a camel, such as brains, hearts, pulmonary pipes, organs of sense, motion, and generation, a stomach, intestines, and several others; and each of these organs consists of fibres, nerves, blood-vessels, muscles, tendons, membranes; and each of these of still purer parts, which escape the observation of the keenest eye.” They then said that this little animal appeared to them just like a simple substance; upon which I said, “There are nevertheless innumerable things within it. I mention these things that you may know, that the case is similar in regard to every object which appears before you as one, simple and least, as well in your actions as in your affections and thoughts. I can assure you that every grain of thought, that every drop of your affection, is divisible _ad infinitum_: and that in proportion as your ideas are divisible, so you are wise. Know then, that every thing divided is more and more multiple, and not more and more simple; because what is continually divided approaches nearer and nearer to the infinite, in which all things are infinitely. What I am now observing to you is new and heretofore unheard of.” When I concluded, the boys took their leave of me, and went to the chief teacher, and intreated him to take an opportunity to propose in the gymnasium somewhat new and unheard of as a problem. He inquired, “What?” they said, “That every thing divided is more and more multiple, and not more and more simple; because it approaches nearer and nearer to the infinite, in which all things are infinitely:” and he pledged himself to propose it, and said, “I see this, because I have perceived that one natural idea contains innumerable spiritual ideas; yea, that one spiritual idea contains innumerable celestial ideas. Herein is grounded the difference between the celestial wisdom of the angels of the third heaven, and the spiritual wisdom of the angels of the second heaven, and also the natural wisdom of the angels of the last heaven and likewise of men.”
330. THE SECOND MEMORABLE RELATION. I once heard a pleasant discussion between some men respecting the female sex, whether it be possible for a woman to love her husband, who constantly loves her own beauty, that is, who loves herself from her form. They agreed among themselves first, that women have two-fold beauty; one natural, which is that of the face and body, and the other spiritual which is that of the love and manners; they agreed also, that these two kinds of beauty are often divided in the natural world, and are always united in the spiritual world; for in the latter world beauty is the form of the love and manners; therefore after death it frequently happens that deformed women become beauties, and beautiful women become deformities. While the men were discussing this point, there came some wives, and said, “Admit of our presence; because what you are discussing, you have learned by science, but we are taught it by experience; and you likewise know so little of the love of wives, that it scarcely amounts to any knowledge. Do you know that the prudence of the wives’ wisdom consists in hiding their love from their husbands in the inmost recess of their bosoms, or in the midst of their hearts?” The discussion then proceeded; and the FIRST CONCLUSION made by the men was, That every woman is willing to appear beautiful as to face and manners, because she is born an affection of love, and the form of this affection is beauty; therefore a woman that is not desirous to be beautiful, is not desirous to love and to be loved, and consequently is not truly a woman. Hereupon the wives observed, “The beauty of a woman resides in soft tenderness, and consequently in exquisite sensibility; hence comes the woman’s love for the man, and the man’s for the woman. This possibly you do not understand.” The SECOND CONCLUSION of the men was, That a woman before marriage is desirous to be beautiful for the men, but after marriage, if she be chaste, for one man only, and not for the men. Hereupon the wives observed. “When the husband has sipped the natural beauty of the wife, he sees it no longer, but sees her spiritual beauty; and from this he re-loves, and recalls the natural beauty, but under another aspect.” The THIRD CONCLUSION of their discussion was, That if a woman after marriage is desirous to appear beautiful in like manner as before marriage, she loves the men, and not a man: because a woman loving herself from her beauty is continually desirous that her beauty should be sipped; and as this no longer appears to her husband, as you observed, she is desirous that it may be sipped by the men to whom it appears. It is evident that such a one has a love of the sex, and not a love of one of the sex. Hereupon the wives were silent; yet they murmured, “What woman is so void of vanity, as not to desire to seem beautiful to the men also, at the same time that she seems beautiful to one man only?” These things were heard by some wives from heaven, who were beautiful, because they were heavenly affections. They confirmed the conclusions of the men; but they added, “Let them only love their beauty and its ornaments for the sake of their husbands, and from them.”
331. Those three wives being indignant that the three conclusions of the men were confirmed by the wives from heaven, said to the men, “You have inquired whether a woman that loves herself from her beauty, loves her husband; we in our turn will therefore inquire whether a man who loves himself from his intelligence, can love his wife. Be present and hear.” This was their FIRST CONCLUSION; No wife loves her husband on account of his face, but on account of his intelligence in his business and manners: know therefore, that a wife unites herself with a man’s intelligence and thereby with the man: therefore if a man loves himself on account of his intelligence, he withdraws it from the wife into himself, whence comes disunion and not union: moreover to love his own intelligence is to be wise from himself, and this is to be insane;