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The Complete Plays of Gilbert and Sullivan by William Schwenk Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan

Part 7 out of 16

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parsonified, parsonified,
Conjugally matrimonified, Conjugally matrimonified,
By a doctor of divinity By a doctor of divinity,
Who is located in this Who is located in this
vicinity. vicinity.
By a doctor of divinity, By a doctor of divinity,
Who resides in this vicinity, Who resides in this vicinity,
By a doctor, a doctor, a doctor By a doctor, a doctor, a doctor
of divinity, of divinity. of divinity, of divinity.


RECIT

MABEL: (coming forward) Hold, monsters! Ere your pirate
caravanserai
Proceed, against our will, to wed us all,
Just bear in mind that we are Wards in Chancery,
And father is a Major-General!

SAMUEL: (cowed) We'd better pause, or danger may befall,
Their father is a Major-General.

GIRLS: Yes, yes; he is a Major-General!

(The MAJOR-GENERAL has entered unnoticed, on the rock)

GENERAL: Yes, yes, I am a Major-General!
SAMUEL: For he is a Major-General!
ALL: He is! Hurrah for the Major-General!
GENERAL: And it is, it is a glorious thing
To be a Major-General!
ALL: It is! Hurrah for the Major-General!
Hurrah for the Major-General!

SONG--MAJOR-GENERAL

I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights
historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters
mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and
quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the
hypotenuse.

ALL: With many cheerful facts, etc.

GENERAL: I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

ALL: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General.

GENERAL: I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir
Caradoc's;
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for
paradox,
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and
Zoffanies,
I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of
Aristophanes!
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's
din afore,
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense
Pinafore.

ALL: And whistle all the airs, etc.

GENERAL: Then I can write a washing bill in
Babylonic cuneiform,
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

ALL: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General.

GENERAL: In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and
"ravelin",
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more
wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by
"commissariat",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in
modern gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery-
-
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy,
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.

ALL: You'll say a better Major-General, etc.

GENERAL: For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and
adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the
century;
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

ALL: But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General.

GENERAL: And now that I've introduced myself, I should like to
have some idea of what's going on.
KATE: Oh, Papa-- we---
SAMUEL: Permit me, I'll explain in two words: we propose to
marry your daughters.
GENERAL: Dear me!
GIRLS: Against our wills, Papa--against our wills!
GENERAL: Oh, but you mustn't do that! May I ask-- this is a
picturesque uniform, but I'm not familiar with it.
What are you?
KING: We are all single gentlemen.
GENERAL: Yes, I gathered that. Anything else?
KING: No, nothing else.
EDITH: Papa, don't believe them; they are pirates-- the
famous Pirates of Penzance!
GENERAL: The Pirates of Penzance! I have often heard of them.
MABEL: All except this gentleman (indicating FREDERIC), who
was a pirate once, but who is out of his indentures to-
day, and who means to lead a blameless life evermore.
GENERAL: But wait a bit. I object to pirates as sons-in-law.
KING: We object to major-generals as fathers-in-law. But we
waive that point. We do not press it. We look over it.
GENERAL: (aside) Hah! an idea! (aloud) And do you mean to say
that you would deliberately rob me of these, the sole
remaining props of my old age, and leave me to go
through the remainder of my life unfriended,
unprotected, and alone?
KING: Well, yes, that's the idea.
GENERAL: Tell me, have you ever known what it is to be an
orphan?
PIRATES: (disgusted) Oh, dash it all!
KING: Here we are again!
GENERAL: I ask you, have you ever known what it is to be an
orphan?
KING: Often!
GENERAL: Yes, orphan. Have you ever known what it is to be one?
KING: I say, often.
ALL: (disgusted) Often, often, often. (Turning away)
GENERAL: I don't think we quite understand one another. I ask
you, have you ever known what it is to be an orphan,
and you say "orphan". As I understand you, you are
merely repeating the word "orphan" to show that you
understand me.
KING: I didn't repeat the word often.
GENERAL: Pardon me, you did indeed.
KING: I only repeated it once.
GENERAL: True, but you repeated it.
KING: But not often.
GENERAL: Stop! I think I see where we are getting confused.
When you said "orphan", did you mean "orphan",a person
who has lost his parents, or "often", frequently?
KING: Ah! I beg pardon-- I see what you mean -- frequently.
GENERAL: Ah! you said "often", frequently.
KING: No, only once.
GENERAL: (irritated) Exactly-- you said "often", frequently,
only once.

FINALE OF ACT I

GENERAL: Oh, men of dark and dismal fate,
Forgo your cruel employ,
Have pity on my lonely state,
I am an orphan boy!
KING/SAMUEL: An orphan boy?
GENERAL: An orphan boy!
PIRATES: How sad, an orphan boy.

GENERAL: These children whom you see
Are all that I can call my own!
PIRATES: Poor fellow!
GENERAL: Take them away from me,
And I shall be indeed alone.
PIRATES: Poor fellow!
GENERAL: If pity you can feel,
Leave me my sole remaining joy--
See, at your feet they kneel;
Your hearts you cannot steel
Against the sad, sad tale of the lonely orphan boy!
PIRATES: (sobbing) Poor fellow!
See at our feet they kneel;
Our hearts we cannot steel
Against the sad, sad tale of the lonely orphan boy!
SAMUEL: The orphan boy!
add KING: The orphan boy!
See at our feet they kneel;
Our hearts we cannot steel
Against the tale of the lonely orphan boy!
PIRATES: Poor fellow!

ENSEMBLE

GENERAL (aside) GIRLS (aside) PIRATES
(aside)

I'm telling a terrible He is telling a terrible If he's telling
a
story story, terrible
story
But it doesn't diminish Which will tend to He shall die by
a death
my glory; diminish his that is gory
For they would have glory; Yes, one of the
taken my daughters Though they would have cruellest
Over the billowy waters, taken his slaughters
daughters That ever were
known in
Over the billowy waters, these
waters;
If I hadn't, in elegant It is easy, in elegant It is easy, in
elegant
diction, diction. diction,
Indulged in an innocent To call it an innocent To call it an
innocent
fiction, fiction, fiction
Which is not in the same But it comes in the same But it comes in
the same
category category category
As a regular terrible As telling a regular As telling a
regular
story. terrible story. terrible
story.

KING: Although our dark career
Sometimes involves the crime of stealing,
We rather think that we're
Not altogether void of feeling.
Although we live by strife,
We're always sorry to begin it,
For what, we ask, is life
Without a touch of Poetry in it?
(all kneel)

ALL: Hail, Poetry, thou heav'n-born maid!
Thou gildest e'en the pirate's trade.
Hail, flowing fount of sentiment!
All hail, all hail, divine emollient!
(all rise)

KING: You may go, for you're at liberty, our pirate rules
protect you,
And honorary members of our band we do elect you!
SAMUEL: For he is an orphan boy!
CHORUS: He is! Hurrah for the orphan boy!
GENERAL: And it sometimes is a useful thing
To be an orphan boy.
CHORUS: It is! Hurrah for the orphan boy!
Hurrah for the orphan boy!
ENSEMBLE: Oh, happy day, with joyous glee
They will away and married be!
Should it befall auspiciously,
Her (Our) sisters all will bridesmaids be!

(RUTH enters and comes down to FREDERIC)

RUTH: Oh, master, hear one word, I do implore you!
Remember Ruth, your Ruth, who kneels before you!
PIRATES: Yes, yes, remember Ruth, who kneels before you!
FREDERIC: Away, you did deceive me!
PIRATES: (Threatening RUTH) Away, you did deceive him!
RUTH: Oh, do not leave me!
PIRATES: Oh, do not leave her!
FREDERIC: Away, you grieve me!
PIRATES: Away, you grieve him!
FREDERIC: I wish you'd leave me! (FREDERIC casts RUTH from him)
PIRATES: We wish you'd leave him!

ENSEMBLE

MEN WOMEN

Pray observe the magnanimity Pray observe the magnanimity
We display to lace and dimity! They display to lace and
dimity!
Never was such opportunity Never was such opportunity
To get married with impunity, To get married with impunity,
But we give up the felicity But they give up the felicity
Of unbounded domesticity, Of unbounded domesticity,
Though a doctor of divinity Though a doctor of divinity
Is located in this vicinity. Is located in this vicinity.

(GIRLS and MAJOR-GENERAL go up rocks, while PIRATES indulge in a
wild dance of delight on stage. The MAJOR-GENERAL produces
a British flag, and the PIRATE KING, in arched rock,
produces a black flag with skull and crossbones. Enter
RUTH, who makes a final appeal to FREDERIC, who casts her
from him.)

END OF ACT I


ACT II


(Scene.-A ruined chapel by moonlight. Aisles C., R. and L.,
divided by pillars and arches, ruined Gothic windows at
back. MAJOR-GENERAL STANLEY discovered seated R.C.
pensively, surrounded by his daughters.)


CHORUS

Oh, dry the glist'ning tear
That dews that martial cheek,
Thy loving children hear,
In them thy comfort seek.
With sympathetic care
Their arms around thee creep,
For oh, they cannot bear
To see their father weep!

(Enter MABEL)

SOLO--MABEL

Dear father, why leave your bed
At this untimely hour,
When happy daylight is dead,
And darksome dangers low'r?
See, heav'n has lit her lamp,
The midnight hour is past,
And the chilly night-air is damp,
And the dews are falling fast!
Dear father, why leave your bed
When happy daylight is dead?

GIRLS: Oh, dry the glist'ning tear, etc.

(FREDERIC enters)

MABEL: Oh, Frederic, cannot you, in the calm excellence of
your wisdom, reconcile it with your conscience to say
something that will relieve my father's sorrow?
FREDERIC: I will try, dear Mabel. But why does he sit, night
after night, in this draughty old ruin?
GENERAL: Why do I sit here? To escape from the pirates'
clutches, I described myself as an orphan; and, heaven
help me, I am no orphan! I come here to humble myself
before the tombs of my ancestors, and to implore their
pardon for having brought dishonour on the family
escutcheon.
FREDERIC: But you forget, sir, you only bought the property a
year ago, and the stucco on your baronial castle is
scarcely dry.
GENERAL: Frederic, in this chapel are ancestors: you cannot deny
that. With the estate, I bought the chapel and its
contents. I don't know whose ancestors they were, but
I know whose ancestors they are, and I shudder to think
that their descendant by purchase (if I may so describe
myself) should have brought disgrace upon what, I have
no doubt, was an unstained escutcheon.
FREDERIC: Be comforted. Had you not acted as you did, these
reckless men would assuredly have called in the nearest
clergyman, and have married your large family on the
spot.
GENERAL: I thank you for your proffered solace, but it is
unavailing. I assure you, Frederic, that such is the
anguish and remorse I feel at the abominable falsehood
by which I escaped these easily deluded pirates, that I
would go to their simple-minded chief this very night
and confess all, did I not fear that the consequences
would be most disastrous to myself. At what time does
your expedition march against these scoundrels?
FREDERIC: At eleven, and before midnight I hope to have atoned
for my involuntary association with the pestilent
scourges by sweeping them from the face of the earth--
and then, dear Mabel, you will be mine!
GENERAL: Are your devoted followers at hand?
FREDERIC: They are, they only wait my orders.

RECIT--GENERAL

Then, Frederic, let your escort lion-hearted
Be summoned to receive a gen'ral's blessing,
Ere they depart upon their dread adventure.

FREDERIC: Dear, sir, they come.

(Enter POLICE, marching in single file. They form in line, facing
audience.)

SONG--SERGEANT

When the foeman bares his steel,
Tarantara! tarantara!
We uncomfortable feel,
Tarantara!
And we find the wisest thing,
Tarantara! tarantara!
Is to slap our chests and sing,
Tarantara!
For when threatened with -meutes,
Tarantara! tarantara!
And your heart is in your boots,
Tarantara!
There is nothing brings it round
Like the trumpet's martial sound,
Like the trumpet's martial sound
Tarantara! tarantara!, etc.

MABEL: Go, ye heroes, go to glory,
Though you die in combat gory,
Ye shall live in song and story.
Go to immortality!
Go to death, and go to slaughter;
Die, and every Cornish daughter
With her tears your grave shall water.
Go, ye heroes, go and die!

GIRLS: Go, ye heroes, go and die! Go, ye heroes, go and die!

POLICE: Though to us it's evident,
Tarantara! tarantara!
These attentions are well meant,
Tarantara!
Such expressions don't appear,
Tarantara! tarantara!
Calculated men to cheer
Tarantara!
Who are going to meet their fate
In a highly nervous state.
Tarantara! tarantara! tarantara!
Still to us it's evident
These attentions are well meant.
Tarantara! tarantara! tarantara!

EDITH: Go and do your best endeavour,
And before all links we sever,
We will say farewell for-ever.
Go to glory and the grave!

GIRLS: For your foes are fierce and ruthless,
False, unmerciful, and truthless;
Young and tender, old and toothless,
All in vain their mercy crave.

SERGEANT: We observe too great a stress,
On the risks that on us press,
And of reference a lack
To our chance of coming back.
Still, perhaps it would be wise
Not to carp or criticise,
For it's very evident
These attentions are well meant.

POLICE: Yes, it's very evident
These attentions are well meant,
Evident, yes, well meant, evident
Ah, yes, well meant!

ENSEMBLE

Chorus of all but Police Chorus of Police

Go and do your best endeavour, Such expressions don't
appear,
And before all links we sever Tarantara,
tarantara!
We will say farewell for ever. Calculated men to cheer,
Go to glory and the grave! Tarantara!
For your foes and fierce and Who are going to their fate,
ruthless, Tarantara,
tarantara!
False, unmerciful, and In a highly nervous state--
truthless. Tarantara!
Young and tender, old and We observe too great a
stress,
toothless, Tarantara,
tarantara!
All in vain their mercy crave. On the risks that on us
press,
Tarantara!
And of reference a lack,
Tarantara,
tarantara!
To our chance of coming back,
Tarantara!

GENERAL: Away, away!
POLICE: (without moving) Yes, yes, we go.
GENERAL: These pirates slay.
POLICE: Tarantara!
GENERAL: Then do not stay.
POLICE: Tarantara!
GENERAL: Then why this delay?
POLICE: All right, we go.
ALL: Yes, forward on the foe!
Yes, forward on the foe!
GENERAL: Yes, but you don't go!
POLICE: We go, we go
ALL: Yes, forward on the foe!
Yes, forward on the foe!
GENERAL: Yes, but you don't go!
POLICE: We go, we go
ALL: At last they go!
At last they really go!

(Exeunt POLICE. MABEL tears herself from FREDERIC and exits,
followed by her sisters, consoling her. The MAJOR-GENERAL
and others follow the POLICE off. FREDERIC remains alone.)

RECIT-FREDERIC

Now for the pirates' lair! Oh, joy unbounded!
Oh, sweet relief! Oh, rapture unexampled!
At last I may atone, in some slight measure,
For the repeated acts of theft and pillage
Which, at a sense of duty's stern dictation,
I, circumstance's victim, have been guilty!

(PIRATE KING and RUTH appear at the window, armed.)

KING: Young Frederic! (Covering him with pistol)
FREDERIC: Who calls?
KING: Your late commander!
RUTH: And I, your little Ruth! (Covering him with pistol)
FREDERIC: Oh, mad intruders,
How dare ye face me? Know ye not, oh rash ones,
That I have doomed you to extermination?

(KING and RUTH hold a pistol to each ear)

KING: Have mercy on us! hear us, ere you slaughter!
FREDERIC: I do not think I ought to listen to you.
Yet, mercy should alloy our stern resentment,
And so I will be merciful-- say on!

TRIO--RUTH, KING, and FREDERIC

RUTH: When you had left our pirate fold,
We tried to raise our spirits faint,
According to our custom old,
With quips and quibbles quaint.
But all in vain the quips we heard,
We lay and sobbed upon the rocks,
Until to somebody occurred
A startling paradox.
FREDERIC: A paradox?
KING: (laughing) A paradox!
RUTH: A most ingenious paradox!
We've quips and quibbles heard in flocks,
But none to beat this paradox!
A paradox, a paradox,
A most ingenious paradox!
Ha! ha! ha! ha! Ha! ha! ha! ha!
KING: We knew your taste for curious quips,
For cranks and contradictions queer;
And with the laughter on our lips,
We wished you there to hear.
We said, "If we could tell it him,
How Frederic would the joke enjoy!"
And so we've risked both life and limb
To tell it to our boy.
FREDERIC: (interested). That paradox? That paradox?
KING and RUTH: (laughing) That most ingenious paradox!
We've quips and quibbles heard in flocks,
But none to beat this paradox!
A paradox, a paradox,
A most ingenious paradox!
Ha! ha! ha! ha! Ho! ho! ho! ho!

CHANT--KING

For some ridiculous reason, to which, however, I've no desire to
be disloyal,
Some person in authority, I don't know who, very likely the
Astronomer Royal,
Has decided that, although for such a beastly month as February,
twenty-eight days as a rule are plenty,
One year in every four his days shall be reckoned as nine and-
twenty.
Through some singular coincidence-- I shouldn't be surprised if
it were owing to the agency of an ill-natured fairy--
You are the victim of this clumsy arrangement, having been born
in leap-year, on the twenty-ninth of February;
And so, by a simple arithmetical process, you'll easily discover,
That though you've lived twenty-one years, yet, if we go by
birthdays, you're only five and a little bit over!
RUTH: Ha! ha! ha! ha!
KING: Ho! ho! ho! ho!
FREDERIC: Dear me!
Let's see! (counting on fingers)
Yes, yes; with yours my figures do agree!
ALL: Ha! ha! ha! ho! ho! ho! ho!
FREDERIC: (more amused than any) How quaint the ways of Paradox!
At common sense she gaily mocks!
Though counting in the usual way,
Years twenty-one I've been alive,
Yet, reck'ning by my natal day,
Yet, reck'ning by my natal day,
I am a little boy of five!
RUTH/KING: He is a little boy of five!
Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!
ALL: A paradox, a paradox,
A most ingenious paradox!
Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! , etc.

(RUTH and KING throw themselves back on seats, exhausted with
laughter)

FREDERIC: Upon my word, this is most curious-- most absurdly
whimsical. Five-and-a-quarter! No one would think it
to look at me!
RUTH: You are glad now, I'll be bound, that you spared us.
You would never have forgiven yourself when you
discovered that you had killed two of your comrades.
FREDERIC: My comrades?
KING: (rises) I'm afraid you don't appreciate the delicacy
of your position: You were apprenticed to us--
FREDERIC: Until I reached my twenty-first year.
KING: No, until you reached your twenty-first birthday
(producing document), and, going by birthdays, you are
as yet only five-and-a-quarter.
FREDERIC: You don't mean to say you are going to hold me to that?
KING: No, we merely remind you of the fact, and leave the
rest to your sense of duty.
RUTH: Your sense of duty!
FREDERIC: (wildly) Don't put it on that footing! As I was
merciful to you just now, be merciful to me! I implore
you not to insist on the letter of your bond just as
the cup of happiness is at my lips!
RUTH: We insist on nothing; we content ourselves with
pointing out to you your duty.
KING: Your duty!
FREDERIC: (after a pause) Well, you have appealed to my sense of
duty, and my duty is only too clear. I abhor your
infamous calling; I shudder at the thought that I have
ever been mixed up with it; but duty is before all --
at any price I will do my duty.
KING: Bravely spoken! Come, you are one of us once more.
FREDERIC: Lead on, I follow. (Suddenly) Oh, horror!
KING/RUTH: What is the matter?
FREDERIC: Ought I to tell you? No, no, I cannot do it; and yet,
as one of your band--
KING: Speak out, I charge you by that sense of
conscientiousness to which we have never yet appealed
in vain.
FREDERIC: General Stanley, the father of my Mabel--
KING/RUTH: Yes, yes!
FREDERIC: He escaped from you on the plea that he was an orphan?
KING: He did.
FREDERIC: It breaks my heart to betray the honoured father of the
girl I adore, but as your apprentice I have no
alternative. It is my duty to tell you that General
Stanley is no orphan!
KING/RUTH: What!
FREDERIC: More than that, he never was one!
KING: Am I to understand that, to save his contemptible life,
he dared to practice on our credulous simplicity?
(FREDERIC nods as he weeps) Our revenge shall be swift
and terrible. We will go and collect our band and
attack Tremorden Castle this very night.
FREDERIC: But stay--
KING: Not a word! He is doomed!

TRIO

KING and RUTH: FREDERIC

Away, away! my heart's on fire; Away, away! ere I expire--
I burn, this base deception to I find my duty hard to
do to-
repay. day!
This very night my vengeance dire My heart is filled with
anguish dire,
Shall glut itself in gore. It strikes me to the
core.
Away, away! Away, away!

KING: With falsehood foul
He tricked us of our brides.
Let vengeance howl;
The Pirate so decides.
Our nature stern
He softened with his lies,
And, in return,
To-night the traitor dies.

ALL: Yes, yes! to-night the traitor dies!
Yes, yes! to-night the traitor dies!

RUTH: To-night he dies!
KING: Yes, or early to-morrow.
FREDERIC: His girls likewise?
RUTH: They will welter in sorrow.
KING: The one soft spot
RUTH: In their natures they cherish--
FREDERIC: And all who plot
KING: To abuse it shall perish!
ALL: To-night he dies, etc.

(Exeunt KING and RUTH. FREDERIC throws himself on a stone in
blank despair. Enter MABEL.)

RECIT--MABEL

All is prepared, your gallant crew await you.
My Frederic in tears? It cannot be
That lion-heart quails at the coming conflict?

FREDERIC: No, Mabel, no.
A terrible disclosure
Has just been made.
Mabel, my dearly-loved one,
I bound myself to serve the pirate captain
Until I reached my one-and-twentieth birthday--
MABEL: But you are twenty-one?
FREDERIC: I've just discovered
That I was born in leap-year, and that birthday
Will not be reached by me till nineteen forty!
MABEL: Oh, horrible! catastrophe appalling!
FREDERIC: And so, farewell!
MABEL: No, no!
Ah, Frederic, hear me.

DUET--MABEL and FREDERIC

MABEL: Stay, Fred'ric, stay!
They have no legal claim,
No shadow of a shame
Will fall upon thy name.
Stay, Frederic, stay!

FREDERIC: Nay, Mabel, nay!
To-night I quit these walls,
The thought my soul appalls,
But when stern Duty calls,
I must obey.

MABEL: Stay, Fred'ric, stay!
FREDERIC: Nay, Mabel, nay!
MABEL: They have no claim--
FREDERIC: But Duty's name.
The thought my soul appalls,
But when stern Duty calls,
MABEL: Stay, Fred'ric, stay!
FREDERIC: I must obey.

BALLAD--MABEL

Ah, leave me not to pine
Alone and desolate;
No fate seemed fair as mine,
No happiness so great!
And Nature, day by day,
Has sung in accents clear
This joyous roundelay,
"He loves thee-- he is here.
Fa-la, la-la,
Fa-la, la-la.
He loves thee-- he is here.
Fa-la, la-la, Fa-la."

FREDERIC: Ah, must I leave thee here
In endless night to dream,
Where joy is dark and drear,
And sorrow all supreme--
Where nature, day by day,
Will sing, in altered tone,
This weary roundelay,
"He loves thee-- he is gone.
Fa-la, la-la,
Fa-la, la-la.
He loves thee-- he is gone.
Fa-la, la-la, Fa-la."

FREDERIC: In 1940 I of age shall be,
I'll then return, and claim you--I declare it!
MABEL: It seems so long!
FREDERIC: Swear that, till then, you will be true to me.
MABEL: Yes, I'll be strong!
By all the Stanleys dead and gone, I swear it!

ENSEMBLE

Oh, here is love, and here is truth,
And here is food for joyous laughter:
He (she) will be faithful to his (her) sooth
Till we are wed, and even after.
Oh, here is love, etc.

(FREDERIC rushes to window and leaps out)

MABEL: (almost fainting) No, I am brave! Oh, family descent,
How great thy charm, thy sway how excellent!
Come one and all, undaunted men in blue,
A crisis, now, affairs are coming to!

(Enter POLICE, marching in single file)

SERGEANT: Though in body and in mind
POLICE: Tarantara! tarantara!
SERGEANT: We are timidly inclined,
POLICE: Tarantara!
SERGEANT: And anything but blind
POLICE: Tarantara! tarantara!
SERGEANT: To the danger that's behind,
POLICE: Tarantara!
SERGEANT: Yet, when the danger's near,
POLICE: Tarantara! tarantara!
SERGEANT: We manage to appear
POLICE: Tarantara!
SERGEANT: As insensible to fear
As anybody here,
As anybody here.
POLICE: Tarantara! tarantara!, etc.

MABEL: Sergeant, approach! Young Frederic was to have led you
to death and glory.
POLICE: That is not a pleasant way of putting it.
MABEL: No matter; he will not so lead you, for he has allied
himself once more with his old associates.
POLICE: He has acted shamefully!
MABEL: You speak falsely. You know nothing about it. He has
acted nobly.
POLICE: He has acted nobly!
MABEL: Dearly as I loved him before, his heroic sacrifice to
his sense of duty has endeared him to me tenfold; but
if it was his duty to constitute himself my foe, it is
likewise my duty to regard him in that light. He has
done his duty. I will do mine. Go ye and do yours.
(Exit MABEL)
POLICE: Right oh!
SERGEANT: This is perplexing.
POLICE: We cannot understand it at all.
SERGEANT: Still, as he is actuated by a sense of duty--
POLICE: That makes a difference, of course. At the same time,
we repeat, we cannot understand it at all.
SERGEANT: No matter. Our course is clear: we must do our best
to capture these pirates alone. It is most distressing
to us to be the agents whereby our erring fellow-
creatures are deprived of that liberty which is so dear
to us all-- but we should have thought of that before
we joined the force.
POLICE: We should!
SERGEANT: It is too late now!
POLICE: It is!

SOLO AND CHORUS

SERGEANT: When a felon's not engaged in his employment
POLICE: His employment
SERGEANT: Or maturing his felonious little plans,
POLICE: Little plans,
SERGEANT: His capacity for innocent enjoyment
POLICE: 'Cent enjoyment
SERGEANT: Is just as great as any honest man's.
POLICE: Honest man's.
SERGEANT: Our feelings we with difficulty smother
POLICE: 'Culty smother
SERGEANT: When constabulary duty's to be done.
POLICE: To be done.
SERGEANT: Ah, take one consideration with another,
POLICE: With another,
SERGEANT: A policeman's lot is not a happy one.
ALL: Ah, when constabulary duty's to be done, to be
done,
A policeman's lot is not a happy one, happy one.
SERGEANT: When the enterprising burglar's not a-burgling
POLICE: Not a-burgling
SERGEANT: When the cut-throat isn't occupied in crime,
POLICE: 'Pied in crime,
SERGEANT: He loves to hear the little brook a-gurgling
POLICE: Brook a-gurgling
SERGEANT: And listen to the merry village chime.
POLICE: Village chime.
SERGEANT: When the coster's finished jumping on his mother,
POLICE: On his mother,
SERGEANT: He loves to lie a-basking in the sun.
POLICE: In the sun.
SERGEANT: Ah, take one consideration with another,
POLICE: With another,
SERGEANT: A policeman's lot is not a happy one.
ALL: Ah, when constabulary duty's to be done, to be
done,
A policeman's lot is not a happy one, happy one.

(Chorus of Pirates without, in the distance)

A rollicking band of pirates we,
Who, tired of tossing on the sea,
Are trying their hand at a burglaree,
With weapons grim and gory.

SERGEANT: Hush, hush! I hear them on the manor poaching,
With stealthy step the pirates are approaching.

(Chorus of Pirates, resumed nearer.)

We are not coming for plate or gold;
A story General Stanley's told;
We seek a penalty fifty-fold,
For General Stanley's story.

POLICE: They seek a penalty
PIRATES: Fifty-fold!
We seek a penalty
POLICE: Fifty-fold!
ALL: They (We) seek a penalty fifty-fold,
For General Stanley's story.
SERGEANT: They come in force, with stealthy stride,
Our obvious course is now--to hide.
POLICE: Tarantara! Tarantara! etc.

(Police conceal themselves in aisle. As they do so, the Pirates,
with RUTH and FREDERIC, are seen appearing at ruined window.
They enter cautiously, and come down stage on tiptoe.
SAMUEL is laden with burglarious tools and pistols, etc.)

CHORUS--PIRATES (very loud)

With cat-like tread,
Upon our prey we steal;
In silence dread,
Our cautious way we feel.
No sound at all!
We never speak a word;
A fly's foot-fall
Would be distinctly heard--
POLICE: (softly) Tarantara, tarantara!
PIRATES: So stealthily the pirate creeps,
While all the household soundly sleeps.
Come, friends, who plough the sea,
Truce to navigation;
Take another station;
Let's vary piracee
With a little burglaree!
POLICE: (softly) Tarantara, tarantara!
SAMUEL: (distributing implements to various members of the
gang)
Here's your crowbar and your centrebit,
Your life-preserver--you may want to hit!
Your silent matches, your dark lantern seize,
Take your file and your skeletonic keys.
POLICE: Tarantara!
PIRATES: With cat-like tread
POLICE: Tarantara!
PIRATES: in silence dread,

(Enter KING, FREDERIC and RUTH)

ALL (fortissimo). With cat-like tread, etc.

RECIT

FREDERIC: Hush, hush! not a word; I see a light inside!
The Major-Gen'ral comes, so quickly hide!
PIRATES: Yes, yes, the Major-General comes!

(Exeunt KING, FREDERIC, SAMUEL, and RUTH)

POLICE: Yes, yes, the Major-General comes!
GENERAL: (entering in dressing-gown, carrying a light)
Yes, yes, the Major-General comes!

SOLO--GENERAL

Tormented with the anguish dread
Of falsehood unatoned,
I lay upon my sleepless bed,
And tossed and turned and groaned.
The man who finds his conscience ache
No peace at all enjoys;
And as I lay in bed awake,
I thought I heard a noise.
MEN: He thought he heard a noise-- ha! ha!
GENERAL: No, all is still
In dale, on hill;
My mind is set at ease--
So still the scene,
It must have been
The sighing of the breeze.

BALLAD--GENERAL

Sighing softly to the river
Comes the loving breeze,
Setting nature all a-quiver,
Rustling through the trees.
MEN: Through the trees.
GENERAL: And the brook, in rippling measure,
Laughs for very love,
While the poplars, in their pleasure,
Wave their arms above.
MEN: Yes, the trees, for very love,
Wave their leafy arms above.
ALL: River, river, little river,
May thy loving prosper ever!
Heaven speed thee, poplar tree,
May thy wooing happy be.
GENERAL: Yet, the breeze is but a rover,
When he wings away,
Brook and poplar mourn a lover
Sighing ,"Well-a-day!"
MEN: Well-a-day!
GENERAL: Ah! the doing and undoing,
That the rogue could tell!
When the breeze is out a-wooing,
Who can woo so well?

MEN: Shocking tales the rogue could tell,
Nobody can woo so well.
ALL: Pretty brook, thy dream is over,
For thy love is but a rover;
Sad the lot of poplar trees,
Courted by a fickle breeze!

(Enter the MAJOR-GENERAL's daughters, led by MABEL, all in white
peignoirs and night-caps, and carrying lighted candles.)

GIRLS: Now what is this, and what is that, and why does father
leave his rest
At such a time of night as this, so very incompletely
dressed?
Dear father is, and always was, the most methodical of
men!
It's his invariable rule to go to bed at half-past ten.
What strange occurrence can it be that calls dear
father from his rest
At such a time of night as this, so very incompletely
dressed?

(Enter KING, SAMUEL, and FREDERIC)

KING: Forward, my men, and seize that General there! His
life is over. (They seize the GENERAL)
GIRLS: The pirates! the pirates! Oh, despair!
PIRATES: (springing up) Yes, we're the pirates, so despair!
GENERAL: Frederic here! Oh, joy! Oh. rapture!
Summon your men and effect their capture!
MABEL: Frederic, save us!
FREDERIC: Beautiful Mabel,
I would if I could, but I am not able.
PIRATES: He's telling the truth, he is not able.
KING: With base deceit
You worked upon our feelings!
Revenge is sweet,
And flavours all our dealings!
With courage rare
And resolution manly,
For death prepare,
Unhappy Gen'ral Stanley.

MABEL: (wildly) Is he to die, unshriven, unannealed?
GIRLS: Oh, spare him!
MABEL: Will no one in his cause a weapon wield?
GIRLS: Oh, spare him!
POLICE: (springing up) Yes, we are here, though hitherto
concealed!
GIRLS: Oh, rapture!
POLICE: So to Constabulary, pirates yield!
GIRLS: Oh, rapture!

(A struggle ensues between Pirates and Police, RUTH tackling the
SERGEANT. Eventually the Police are overcome and fall
prostrate, the Pirates standing over them with drawn
swords.)

CHORUS OF PIRATES AND POLICE

PIRATES POLICE

We triumph now, for well we You triumph now, for well we
trow trow
Your mortal career's cut short; Our mortal career's cut
short;
No pirate band will take its No pirate band will take its
stand stand
At the Central Criminal Court. At the Central Criminal
Court.

SERGEANT: To gain a brief advantage you've contrived,
But your proud triumph will not be long-lived
KING: Don't say you are orphans, for we know that game.
SERGEANT: On your allegiance we've a stronger claim.
We charge you yield, we charge you yield,
In Queen Victoria's name!
KING: (baffled) You do?
POLICE: We do!
We charge you yield,
In Queen Victoria's name!

(PIRATES kneel, POLICE stand over them triumphantly.)

KING: We yield at once, with humbled mien,
Because, with all our faults, we love our Queen.
POLICE: Yes, yes, with all their faults, they love their Queen.
ALL: Yes, yes, with all their faults, they love their Queen.

(POLICE, holding PIRATES by the collar, take out handkerchiefs
and weep.)

GENERAL: Away with them, and place them at the bar!

(Enter RUTH)

RUTH: One moment! let me tell you who they are.
They are no members of the common throng;
They are all noblemen who have gone wrong.
ALL: They are all noblemen who have gone wrong.
GENERAL: No Englishman unmoved that statement hears,
Because, with all our faults, we love our House of
Peers. (All kneel)
I pray you, pardon me, ex-Pirate King!
Peers will be peers, and youth will have its fling.
Resume your ranks and legislative duties,
And take my daughters, all of whom are beauties.

FINALE--MABEL, EDITH and ENSEMBLE

Poor wandering ones!
Though ye have surely strayed,
Take heart of grace,
Your steps retrace,
Poor wandering ones!
Poor wandering ones!
If such poor love as ours
Can help you find
True peace of mind,
Why, take it, it is yours!

ALL: Poor wandering ones! etc.


END OF OPERA

PRINCESS IDA

OR

CASTLE ADAMANT

libretto by William S. Gilbert
music by Arthur S. Sullivan

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

King Hildebrand
Hilarion (His son)

Hilarion's friends:
Cyril
Florian

King Gama

His sons:
Arac
Guron
Scynthius

Princess Ida (Gama's daughter)
Lady Blanche (Professor of Abstract Science)
Lady Psyche (Professor of Humanities)
Melissa (Lady Blanche's Daughter)

Girl Graduates:
Sacharissa
Chloe
Ada

Soldiers, Courtiers, "Girl Graduates," "Daughters of the Plough,"
etc.

ACT I

Pavilion in King Hildebrand's Palace

ACT II

Gardens of Castle Adamant

ACT III

Courtyard of Castle Adamant
ACT I.

SCENE. Pavilion attached to King Hildebrand's Palace.
Soldiers and courtiers discovered looking out through
opera-glasses, telescopes, etc., Florian leading.

CHORUS AND SOLO (Florian)
"Search throughout the panorama"

Chorus: Search throughout the panorama
For a sign of royal Gama,
Who to-day should cross the water
With his fascinating daughter--
Ida is her name.

Some misfortune evidently
Has detained them -- consequently
Search throughout the panorama
For the daughter of King Gama,
Prince Hilarion's flame!
Prince Hilarion's flame!

SOLO - Florian

Florian: Will Prince Hilarion's hopes be sadly blighted?

Chorus: Who can tell? Who can tell?

Florian: Will Ida break the vows that she has plighted?

Chorus: Who can tell? Who can tell?

Florian: Will she back out, and say she did not mean them?

Chorus: Who can tell?

Florian: If so, there'll be the deuce to pay between them!

Chorus: No, no -- we'll not despair, we'll not despair,
For Gama would not dare
To make a deadly foe
Of Hildebrand, and so,
Search through the panorama
For a sign of royal Gama,
Who today should cross the water
With his fascinating daughter--
Ida, Ida is her name.

(Enter King Hildebrand
with Cyril)

Hildebd: See you no sign of Gama?

Florian: None, my liege!

Hildebd: It's very odd indeed. If Gama fail
To put in an appearance at our Court
Before the sun has set in yonder west,
And fail to bring the Princess Ida here
To whom our son Hilarion was betrothed
At the extremely early age of one,
There's war between King Gama and ourselves!
(aside to Cyril)
Oh, Cyril, how I dread this interview!
It's twenty years since he and I have met.
He was a twisted monster -- all awry----
As though Dame Nature, angry with her work,
Had crumpled it in fitful petulance!

Cyril: But, sir, a twisted and ungainly trunk
Often bears goodly fruit. Perhaps he was
A kind, well-spoken gentleman?

Hildebd: Oh, no!
For, adder-like, his sting lay in his tongue.
(His "sting" is present, though his "stung" is past.)

Florian: (looking through glass)
But stay, my liege; o'er yonder mountain's brow
Comes a small body, bearing Gama's arms;
And now I look more closely at it, sir,
I see attached to it King Gama's legs;
From which I gather this corollary
That that small body must be Gama's own!

Hildebd: Ha! Is the Princess with him?

Florian: Well, my liege,
Unless her highness is full six feet high,
And wears mustachios too -- and smokes cigars----
And rides en cavalier in coat of steel----
I do not think she is.

Hildebd: One never knows.
She's a strange girl, I've heard, and does odd
things!
Come, bustle there!
For Gama place the richest robes we own----
For Gama place the coarsest prison dress----
For Gama let our best spare bed be aired----
For Gama let our deepest dungeon yawn----
For Gama lay the costliest banquet out----
For Gama place cold water and dry bread!
For as King Gama brings the Princess here,
Or brings her not, so shall King Gama have
Much more than everything -- much less than nothing!

SONG (Hildebrand and Chorus)
"Now Hearken to my Strict Command"

Hildebd: Now hearken to my strict command
On every hand, on every hand----

Chorus: To your command,
On every hand,
We dutifully bow.

Hildebd: If Gama bring the Princess here,
Give him good cheer, give him good cheer.

Chorus: If she come here
We'll give him a cheer,
And we will show you how.
Hip, hip, hurrah! hip, hip, hurrah!
Hip, hip, hurrah! hurrah! hurrah!
We'll shout and sing
Long live the King,
And his daughter, too, I trow!
Then shout ha! ha! hip, hip, hurrah!
Hip, hip, hip, hip, hurrah!
For the fair Princess and her good papa,
Hurrah, hurrah!

Hildebd: But if he fail to keep his troth,
Upon our oath, we'll trounce them both!

Chorus: He'll trounce them both,
Upon his oath,
As sure as quarter-day!

Hildebd: We'll shut him up in a dungeon cell,
And toll his knell on a funeral bell.

Chorus: From his dungeon cell,
His funeral knell
Shall strike him with dismay!
Hip, hip, hurrah! hip, hip, hurrah!
Hip, hip, hurrah! hurrah! hurrah!
As up we string
The faithless King,
In the old familiar way!
We'll shout ha! ha! hip, hip, hurrah!
Hip, hip, hip, hip, hurrah!
As we make an end of her false papa,
Hurrah, hurrah!

(Exeunt all)

(Enter Hilarion)

RECITATIVE AND SONG (Hilarion)
"Today we meet"

RECITATIVE - Hilarion

To-day we meet, my baby bride and I--
But ah, my hopes are balanc'd by my fears!
What transmutations have been conjur'd by
The silent alchemy of twenty years!

BALLAD - Hilarion

Ida was a twelve-month old,
Twenty years ago!
I was twice her age, I'm told,
Twenty years ago!
Husband twice as old as wife
Argues ill for married life
Baleful prophecies were rife,
Twenty years ago,
Twenty years ago!

Still, I was a tiny prince
Twenty years ago.
She has gained upon me, since
Twenty years ago.
Though she's twenty-one, it's true,
I am barely twenty-two--
False and foolish prophets you
Twenty years ago,
Twenty years ago!

(Enter Hildebrand)

Hilarion: Well, father, is there news for me at last?

Hildebd: King Gama is in sight, but much I fear
With no Princess!

Hilarion: Alas, my liege, I've heard,
That Princess Ida has forsworn the world,
And, with a band of women, shut herself
Within a lonely country house, and there
Devotes herself to stern philosophies!

Hildebd: Then I should say the loss of such a wife
Is one to which a reasonable man
Would easily be reconciled.

Hilarion: Oh, no!
Or I am not a reasonable man.
She is my wife -- has been for twenty years!
(Holding glass) I think I see her now.

Hildebd: Ha! Let me look!

Hilarion: In my mind's eye, I mean -- a blushing bride
All bib and tucker, frill and furbelow!
How exquisite she looked as she was borne,
Recumbent, in her foster-mother's arms!
How the bride wept -- nor would be comforted
Until the hireling mother-for-the-nonce
Administered refreshment in the vestry.
And I remember feeling much annoyed
That she should weep at marrying with me.
But then I thought, "These brides are all alike.
You cry at marrying me? How much more cause
You'd have to cry if it were broken off!"
These were my thoughts; I kept them to myself,
For at that age I had not learnt to speak.

(Exeunt Hildebrand
and Hilarion)

(Enter Courtiers)

CHORUS
"From the distant panorama"

Chorus: From the distant panorama
Come the sons of royal Gama.
They are heralds evidently,
And are sacred consequently,
Sons of Gama, hail! oh, hail!

(Enter Arac, Guron, and Scynthius)

TRIO (Arac, Guron, Scynthius and Chorus)
"We are Warriors Three"

SONG - Arac

Arac: We are warriors three,
Sons of Gama, Rex,
Like most sons are we,
Masculine in sex.

All Three: Yes, yes, yes,
Masculine in sex.

Arac: Politics we bar,
They are not our bent;
On the whole we are
Not intelligent.

All Three: No, no, no,
Not intelligent.

Arac: But with doughty heart,
And with trusty blade
We can play our part--
Fighting is our trade.

All Three: Yes, yes, yes,
Fighting is our trade.

Bold and fierce, and strong, ha! ha!
For a war we burn,
With its right or wrong, ha! ha!
We have no concern.
Order comes to fight, ha! ha!
Order is obey'd,
We are men of might, ha! ha!
Fighting is our trade.
Yes -- yes, yes,
Fighting is our trade, ha! ha!

THE THREE PRINCIPALS CHORUS
Fighting is our trade, ha
ha! They are men of might, ha! ha!
Fighting is their trade.
Order comes to fight, ha! ha!
Order is obey'd!
Order comes to fight!
Ha, Ha!
Order is obey'd!
Fighting Fighting
is. Yes, yes, yes, is
Fighting is our trade, ha their
Ha! trade!

(Enter King Gama)

SONG (Gama)
"If you give me your Attention"

Gama: If you give me your attention, I will tell you what I
am:
I'm a genuine philanthropist -- all other kinds are
sham.
Each little fault of temper and each social defect
In my erring fellow-creatures, I endeavour to correct.
To all their little weaknesses I open people's eyes;
And little plans to snub the self-sufficient I devise;
I love my fellow creatures -- I do all the good I
can--
Yet ev'rybody says I'm such a disagreeable man!
And I can't think why!

To compliments inflated I've a withering reply;
And vanity I always do my best to mortify;
A charitable action I can skillfully dissect;
And interested motives I'm delighted to detect;
I know ev'rybody's income and what ev'rybody earns;
And I carefully compare it with the income-tax
returns;
But to benefit humanity however much I plan,
Yet ev'rybody says I'm such a disagreeable man!
And I can't think why!

I'm sure I'm no ascetic; I'm as pleasant as can be;
You'll always find me ready with a crushing repartee,
I've an irritating chuckle, I've a celebrated sneer,
I've an entertaining snigger, I've a fascinating leer.
To ev'rybody's prejudice I know a thing or two;
I can tell a woman's age in half a minute -- and I do.
But although I try to make myself as pleasant as I
can,
Yet ev'rybody says I'm such a disagreeable man!
And I can't think why!

Chorus: He can't think why!
He can't think why!

(Enter Hildebrand, Hilarion, Cyril and Florian)

Gama: So this is Castle Hildebrand? Well, well!
Dame Rumour whispered that the place was grand;
She told me that your taste was exquisite,
Superb, unparalleled!

Hildebnd: (Gratified) Oh, really, King!

Gama: But she's a liar! Why, how old you've grown!
Is this Hilarion? Why, you've changed too--
You were a singularly handsome child!
(To Florian) Are you a courtier? Come, then ply your trade,
Tell me some lies. How do you like your King?
Vile rumour says he's all but imbecile.
Now, that's not true?

Florian: My lord, we love our King.
His wise remarks are valued by his court
As precious stones.

Gama: And for the self-same cause.
Like precious stones, his sensible remarks
Derive their value from their scarcity!
Come now, be honest, tell the truth for once!
Tell it of me. Come, come, I'll harm you not.
This leg is crooked -- this foot is ill-designed--
This shoulder wears a hump! Come, out with it!
Look, here's my face! Now, am I not the worst
Of Nature's blunders?

Cyril: Nature never errs.
To those who know the workings of your mind,
Your face and figure, sir, suggest a book
Appropriately bound.

Gama: (Enraged) Why, harkye, sir,
How dare you bandy words with me?

Cyril: No need
To bandy aught that appertains to you.

Gama: (Furiously) Do you permit this, King?

Hildebd: We are in doubt
Whether to treat you as an honoured guest
Or as a traitor knave who plights his word
And breaks it.

Gama: (Quickly) If the casting vote's with me,
I give it for the former!

Hildebd: We shall see.
By the terms of our contract, signed and sealed,
You're bound to bring the Princess here to-day:
Why is she not with you?

Gama: Answer me this:
What think you of a wealthy purse-proud man,
Who, when he calls upon a starving friend,
Pulls out his gold and flourishes his notes,
And flashes diamonds in the pauper's eyes?
What name have you for such an one?

Hildebd: A snob.

Gama: Just so. The girl has beauty, virtue, wit,
Grace, humour, wisdom, charity and pluck.
Would it be kindly, think you, to parade
These brilliant qualities before your eyes?
Oh no, King Hildebrand, I am no snob!

Hildebd: (Furiously) Stop that tongue,
Or you shall lose the monkey head that holds it!

Gama: Bravo! Your King deprives me of my head,
That he and I may meet on equal terms!

Hildebd: Where is she now? (Threatening)

Gama: In Castle Adamant,
One of my many country houses. There
She rules a woman's University,
With full a hundred girls, who learn of her.

Cyril: A hundred girls! A hundred ecstasies!

Gama: But no mere girls, my good young gentleman;
With all the college learning that you boast,
The youngest there will prove a match for you.

Cyril: With all my heart, if she's the prettiest!
(To Florian) Fancy, a hundred matches -- all alight!--
That's if I strike them as I hope to do!

Gama: Despair your hope; their hearts are dead to men.
He who desires to gain their favour must
Be qualified to strike their teeming brains,
And not their hearts. They're safety matches, sir,
And they light only on the knowledge box--
So you've no chance!

Florian: And there are no males whatever in those walls?

Gama: None, gentlemen, excepting letter mails--
And they are driven (as males often are
In other large communities) by women.
Why, bless my heart, she's so particular
She'll hardly suffer Dr. Watts's hymns--
And all the animals she owns are "hers"!
The ladies rise at cockcrow every morn--

Cyril: Ah, then they have male poultry?

Gama: Not at all,
(Confidentially) The crowing's done by an accomplished hen!

FINALE
(Gama, Hildebrand, Cyril, Hilarion, Florian
and Chorus of Girls and Men)

DUET (Gama and Hildebrand)
"P'raps if you Address the Lady"

Gama: P'raps if you address the lady
Most politely, most politely--
Flatter and impress the lady,
Most politely, most politely,--
Humbly beg and humbly sue--
She may deign to look on you,
But your doing you must do
Most politely, most politely, most
politely!

All: Humbly beg and humbly sue,
She may deign to look on you,
But your doing you must do
Most politely, most politely, most
politely!

Hildebd: Go you and inform the lady,
Most politely, most politely,
If she don't, we'll storm the lady
Most politely, most politely!

(To Gama) You'll remain as hostage here;
Should Hillarion disappear,
We will hang you, never fear,
Most politely, most politely, most
politely!

All: He'll [I'll] [You'll] remain as hostage here.
Should Hilarion disappear,
They [We] will hang me [you] never fear,
Most politely, most politely, most
politely!

(Gama, Arac, Guron and Scynthius are marched off in custody,
Hildebrand following)

RECITATIVE -- Hilarion

Come, Cyril, Florian, our course is plain,
To-morrow morn fair Ida we'll engage;
But we will use no force her love to gain,
Nature, nature has arm'd us for the war we
wage!

TRIO -- Hilarion, Cyril, and Florian

Hilarion: Expressive glances
Shall be our lances,
And pops of Sillery
Our light artillery.
We'll storm their bowers
With scented showers
Of fairest flowers
That we can buy!

Chorus: Oh, dainty triolet!
Oh, fragrant violet!
Oh, gentle heigho-let!
(Or little sigh).
On sweet urbanity,
Through mere inanity,
To touch their vanity
We will rely!

Cyril: When day is fading,
With serenading
And such frivolity
We'll prove our quality.
A sweet profusion
Of soft allusion
This bold intrusion
Shall justify,
This bold intrusion
Shall justify.

Chorus: Oh, dainty triolet!
Oh, fragrant violet!
Oh, gentle heigho-let!
(Or little sigh).
On sweet urbanity,
Through mere inanity,
To touch their vanity
We will rely!

Florian: We'll charm their senses
With verbal fences,
With ballads amatory
And declamatory.
Little heeding
Their pretty pleading,
Our love exceeding
We'll justify!
Our love exceeding
We'll justify!

Chorus: Oh, dainty triolet!
Oh, fragrant violet!
Oh, gentle heigho-let!
(Or little sigh).
On sweet urbanity,
Through mere inanity,
To touch their vanity
We will rely!

Sops: Oh dainty Altos, Tenors, and
Basses:
triolet! Oh fragrant Oh
violet! Oh dain-
gentle ty
heigh-o-let! (Or tri-
little o-
sigh). let!

Hilarion & Cyril:
Oh dainty Chorus:
triolet! Oh fragrant Oh
violet (Add Florian) Oh fra-
gentle grant
heigh-o-let! (Or vi-
little o-
sigh). let!

Sops & Altos: Tenors & Basses:
Oh dainty Oh dainty
triolet! Oh tri-
fragrant o-
violet let!

All: Oh dainty triolet!
Oh fragrant violet!

(Re-enter Gama, Arac, Guron, and Scynthius heavily ironed, followed
by Hildebrand)

RECITATIVE

Gama: Must we, till then, in prison cell be thrust?

Hildebd: You must!

Gama: This seems unnecessarily severe!
Arac, Guron
& Scyn: Hear, hear!

TRIO - Arac, Guron and Scynthius

For a month to dwell
In a dungeon cell:
Growing thin and wizen
In a solitary prison,
Is a poor look out
For a soldier stout,
Who is longing for the rattle
Of a complicated battle--
For the rum - tum - tum
Of the military drum
And the guns that go boom!
boom!

All: The rum -- tum -- tum
Of the military drum,
Rum -- tum -- tum -- tummy tummy tummy tummy tum
Who is longing for the rattle of a complicated
battle--
For the rum tum tum
Of the military drum!
Prr, prr, prr, ra -- pum -- pum!

Hildebd: When Hilarion's bride
Has at length complied
With the just conditions
Of our requisitions,
You may go in haste
And indulge your taste
For the fascinating rattle
Of a complicated battle--
For the rum - tum - tum,
Of the military drum,
And the guns that go boom! boom!

All: The rum -- tum -- tum
Of the military drum,
Rum -- tum -- tum -- tummy tummy tummy tummy tum!
Who is longing for the rattle
Of a complicated battle
For the rum -- tum -- tum
Of the military drum!
Tum, prr -- prr -- prr ra -- pum, pum!

But til that time you'll [we'll] here remain,
And bail we [they] will not entertain,
Should she our [his] mandate disobey,
Your [Our] lives the penalty will pay!
But till that time you'll [we'll] here remain,
And bail we [they] will not entertain.
Should she our [his] mandate disobey,
Your [Our] lives the penalty will pay!
Should she our [his] mandate disobey,
Your [Our] lives the penalty will pay!

(Gama, Arac, Guron, and Synthius are
marched off.)

END OF ACT I

ACT II

SCENE Gardens in Castle Adamant. A river runs across the
back of the stage, crossed by a rustic bridge. Castle
Adamant in the distance.

Girl Graduates discovered seated at the feet of Lady
Psyche

CHORUS OF GIRLS & SOLOS (Lady Psyche, Melissa and
Sacharissa)
"Towards the empyrean heights"

Chorus: Towards the empyrean heights
Of ev'ry kind of lore,
We've taken several easy flights,
And mean to take some more.
In trying to achieve success
No envy racks our heart,
And all the knowledge we possess,
We mutually impart.

SOLO -- Melissa

Pray, what authors should she read
Who in Classics would succeed?

SOLO -- Psyche

If you'd climb the Helicon,
You should read Anacreon,
Ovid's Metamorphoses,
Likewise Aristophanes,
And the works of Juvenal:
These are worth attention, all;
But, if you will be advised,
You will get them Bowdlerized!

Chorus: Ah! we will get them Bowdlerized!

SOLO -- Sacharissa

Pray you, tell us, if you can,
What's the thing that's known as Man?

SOLO -- Psyche

Man will swear and man will storm--
Man is not at all good form--
Is of no kind of use--
Man's a donkey -- Man's a goose--
Man is coarse and Man is plain--
Man is more or less insane--
Man's a ribald -- Man's a rake,
Man is Nature's sole mistake!

Chorus: We'll a memorandum make--
Man is Nature's sole mistake!

And thus to empyrean height
Of ev'ry kind of lore,
In search of wisdom's pure delight,
Ambitiously we soar.
In trying to achieve success
No envy racks our heart,
For all we know and all we guess
We mutually impart!
And all the knowledge we possess,
We mutually impart,
We mutually impart, impart.

(Enter Lady Blanche. All stand up demurely)

Blanche: Attention, ladies, while I read to you
The Princess Ida's list of punishments.
The first is Sacharissa. She's expelled!

All: Expelled!

Blan.: Expelled, because although she knew
No man of any kind may pass our walls,
She dared to bring a set of chessmen here!

Sach.: (Crying) I meant no harm; they're only men of wood!

Blan.: They're men with whom you give each other mate,
And that's enough! The next is Chloe.

Chloe: Ah!

Blan.: Chloe will lose three terms, for yesterday,
When looking through her drawing-book, I found
A sketch of a perambulator!

All: (Horrified) Oh!

Blan.: Double perambulator ...

All: Oh, oh!

Blan.: ...shameless girl!
That's all at present. Now, attention, pray;
Your Principal the Princess comes to give
Her usual inaugural address
To those young ladies who joined yesterday.

CHORUS OF GIRLS
"Mighty maiden with a mission"

Girls: Mighty maiden with a mission,
Paragon of common sense,
Running fount of erudition,
Miracle of eloquence,
Altos: We are blind and we
would see;
Sops: We are bound, and would be free;

Girls: We are dumb, and we would talk;
We are lame, and we would walk.
(Enter
the Princess)
Mighty maiden with a mission--
Paragon of common sense;
Running found of erudition--
Miracle of eloquence, of eloquence!

RECITATIVE & ARIA (Princess)
"Minerva! Oh, hear Me"

Princess: Minerva! Minerva!
Oh, hear me:
Oh, goddess wise
That lovest light
Endow with sight
Their unillumin'd eyes.

At this my call,

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