Part 19 out of 70
asked for M---- M---- in the name of Madame de S----. The small
parlour being closed, the attendant pointed out to me the one in
which I had to go. I went in, took off my mask, and sat down waiting
for my divinity.
My heart was beating furiously; I was waiting with great impatience;
yet that expectation was not without charm, for I dreaded the
beginning of the interview. An hour passed pretty rapidly, but I
began then to find the time rather long, and thinking that, perhaps,
the attendant had not rightly understood me, I rang the bell, and
enquired whether notice of my visit had being given to Sister M----
M----. A voice answered affirmatively. I took my seat again, and a
few minutes afterwards an old, toothless nun came in and informed me
that Sister M---- M---- was engaged for the whole day. Without
giving me time to utter a single word, the woman left the parlour.
This was one of those terrible moments to which the man who worships
at the shrine of the god of love is exposed! They are indeed cruel
moments; they bring fearful sorrow, they may cause death.
Feeling myself disgraced, my first sensation was utter contempt for
myself, an inward despair which was akin to rage; the second was
disdainful indignation against the nun, upon whom I passed the severe
judgment which I thought she deserved, and which was the only way I
had to soothe my grief. Such behaviour proclaimed her to be the most
impudent of women, and entirely wanting in good sense; for the two
letters she had written to me were quite enough to ruin her character
if I had wished to revenge myself, and she evidently could not expect
anything else from me. She must have been mad to set at defiance my
revengeful feelings, and I should certainly have thought that she was
insane if I had not heard her converse with the countess.
Time, they say, brings good counsel; it certainly brings calm, and
cool reflection gives lucidity to the mind. At last I persuaded
myself that what had occurred was after all in no way extraordinary,
and that I would certainly have considered it at first a very common
occurrence if I had not been dazzled by the wonderful beauty of the
nun, and blinded by my own vanity. As a very natural result I felt
that I was at liberty to laugh at my mishap, and that nobody could
possibly guess whether my mirth was genuine or only counterfeit.
Sophism is so officious!
But, in spite of all my fine arguments, I still cherished the thought
of revenge; no debasing element, however, was to form part of it, and
being determined not to leave the person who had been guilty of such
a bad practical joke the slightest cause of triumph, I had the
courage not to shew any vexation. She had sent word to me that she
was engaged; nothing more natural; the part I had to play was to
appear indifferent. "Most likely she will not be engaged another
time," I said to myself, "but I defy her to catch me in the snare
again. I mean to shew her that I only laugh at her uncivil
behaviour." Of course I intended to send back her letters, but not
without the accompaniment of a billet-doux, the gallantry of which
was not likely to please her.
The worse part of the affair for me was to be compelled to go to her
church; because, supposing her not to be aware of my going there for
C---- C----, she might imagine that the only object of my visits was
to give her the opportunity of apologizing for her conduct and of
appointing a new meeting. I wanted her to entertain no doubt of my
utter contempt for her person, and I felt certain that she had
proposed the other meetings in Venice and at the casino of Muran only
to deceive me more easily.
I went to bed with a great thirst for revenge, I fell asleep thinking
of it, and I awoke with the resolution of quenching it. I began to
write, but, as I wished particularly that my letter should not show
the pique of the disappointed lover, I left it on my table with the
intention of reading it again the next day. It proved a useful
precaution, for when I read it over, twenty-four hours afterwards, I
found it unworthy of me, and tore it to pieces. It contained some
sentences which savoured too much of my weakness, my love, and my
spite, and which, far from humiliating her, would only have given her
occasion to laugh at me.
On the Wednesday after I had written to C---- C---- that very serious
reasons compelled me to give up my visits to the church of her
convent, I wrote another letter to the nun, but on Thursday it had
the same fate as the first, because upon a second perusal I found the
same deficiencies. It seemed to me that I had lost the faculty of
writing. Ten days afterwards I found out that I was too deeply in
love to have the power of expressing myself in any other way than
through the feelings of my heart.
'Sincerium est nisi vas, quodcunque infundis acescit.'
The face of M---- M---- had made too deep an impression on me;
nothing could possibly obliterate it except the all-powerful
influence of time.
In my ridiculous position I was sorely tempted to complain to
Countess S----; but I am happy to say I was prudent enough not to
cross the threshold of her door. At last I bethought myself that the
giddy nun was certainly labouring under constant dread, knowing that
I had in my possession her two letters, with which I could ruin her
reputation and cause the greatest injury to the convent, and I sent
them back to her with the following note, after I had kept them ten
"I can assure you, madam, that it was owing only to forgetfulness
that I did not return your two letters which you will find enclosed.
I have never thought of belying my own nature by taking a cowardly
revenge upon you, and I forgive you most willingly the two giddy acts
of which you have been guilty, whether they were committed
thoughtlessly or because you wanted to enjoy a joke at my expense.
Nevertheless, you will allow me to advise you not to treat any other
man in the same way, for you might meet with one endowed with less
delicacy. I know your name, I know who you are, but you need not be
anxious; it is exactly as if I did not know it. You may, perhaps,
care but little for my discretion, but if it should be so I should
greatly pity you.
"You may be aware that I shall not shew myself again at your church;
but let me assure you that it is not a sacrifice on my part, and that
I can attend mass anywhere else. Yet I must tell you why I shall
abstain from frequenting the church of your convent. It is very
natural for me to suppose that to the two thoughtless acts of which
you have been guilty, you have added another not less serious,
namely, that of having boasted of your exploits with the other nuns,
and I do not want to be the butt of your jokes in cell or parlour.
Do not think me too ridiculous if, in spite of being five or six
years older than you, I have not thrown off all feelings of
self-respect, or trodden under, my feet all reserve and propriety; in
one word, if I have kept some prejudices, there are a few which in my
opinion ought never to be forgotten. Do not disdain, madam, the
lesson which I take the liberty to teach you, as I receive in the
kindest spirit the one which you have given me, most likely only for
the sake of fun, but by which I promise you to profit as long as I
I thought that, considering all circumstances, my letter was a very
genial one; I made up my parcel, put on my mask, and looked out for a
porter who could have no knowledge of me; I gave him half a sequin,
and I promised him as much more when he could assure me that he had
faithfully delivered my letter at the convent of Muran. I gave him
all the necessary instructions, and cautioned him to go away the very
moment he had delivered the letter at the gate of the convent, even
if he were told to wait. I must say here that my messenger was a man
from Forli, and that the Forlanese were then the most trustworthy men
in Venice; for one of them to be guilty of a breach of trust was an
unheard-of thing. Such men were formerly the Savoyards, in Paris;
but everything is getting worse in this world.
I was beginning to forget the adventure, probably because I thought,
rightly or wrongly, that I had put an insurmountable barrier between
the nun and myself, when, ten days after I had sent my letter, as I
was coming out of the opera, I met my messenger, lantern in hand.
I called him, and without taking off my mask I asked him whether he
knew me. He looked at me, eyed me from head to foot, and finally
answered that he did not.
"Did you faithfully carry the message to Muran?"
"Ah, sir! God be praised! I am very happy to see you again, for I
have an important communication to make to you. I took your letter,
delivered it according to your instructions, and I went away as soon
as it was in the hands of the attendant, although she requested me to
wait. When I returned from Muran I did not see you, but that did not
matter. On the following day, one of my companions, who happened to
be at the gate of the convent when I delivered your letter, came
early in the morning to tell me to go to Muran, because the attendant
wanted particularly to speak to me. I went there, and after waiting
for a few minutes I was shewn into the parlour, where I was kept for
more than an hour by a nun as beautiful as the light of day, who
asked me a thousand questions for the purpose of ascertaining, if not
who you are, at least where I should be likely to find you. You know
that I could not give her any satisfactory information. She then
left the parlour, ordering me to wait, and at the end of two hours
she came back with a letter which she entrusted to my hands, telling
me that, if I succeeded in finding you out and in bringing her an
answer, she would give me two sequins. In the mean time I was to
call at the convent every day, shew her the letter, and receive forty
sons every time. Until now I have earned twenty crowns, but I am
afraid the lady will get tired of it, and you can make me earn two
sequins by answering a line."
"Where is the letter?"
"In my room under lock and key, for I am always afraid of losing it."
"Then how can I answer?"
"If you will wait for me here, you shall have the letter in less than
a quarter of an hour."
"I will not wait, because I do not care about the letter. But tell
me how you could flatter the nun with the hope of finding me out?
You are a rogue, for it is not likely that she would have trusted you
with the letter if you had not promised her to find me."
"I am not a rogue, for I have done faithfully what you told me; but
it is true that I gave her a description of your coat, your buckles,
and your figure, and I can assure you that for the last ten days I
have examined all the masks who are about your size, but in vain.
Now I recognize your buckles, but I do not think you have the same
coat. Alas, sir! it will not cost you much to write only one line.
Be kind enough to wait for me in the coffee-house close by."
I could not resist my curiosity any longer, and I made up my mind not
to wait for him but to accompany him as far as his house. I had only
to write, "I have received the letter," and my curiosity was
gratified and the Forlanese earned his two sequins. I could
afterwards change my buckles and my mask, and thus set all enquiries
I therefore followed him to his door; he went in and brought me the
letter. I took him to an inn, where I asked for a room with a good
fire, and I told my man to wait. I broke the seal of the parcel--a
rather large one, and the first papers that I saw were the two
letters which I had sent back to her in order to allay her anxiety as
to the possible consequences of her giddiness.
The sight of these letters caused me such a palpitation of the heart
that I was compelled to sit down: it was a most evident sign of my
defeat. Besides these two letters I found a third one signed "S."
and addressed to M---- M----. I read the following lines:
"The mask who accompanied me back to my house would not, I believe,
have uttered a single word, if I had not told him that the charms of
your witty mind were even more bewitching than those of your person;
and his answer was, 'I have seen the one, and I believe in the
other.' I added that I did not understand why you had not spoken to
him, and he said, with a smile, 'I refused to be presented to her,
and she punished me for it by not appearing to know that I was
present.' These few words were all our dialogue. I intended to send
you this note this morning, but found it impossible. Adieu."
After reading this note, which stated the exact truth, and which
could be considered as proof, my heart began to beat less quickly.
Delighted at seeing myself on the point of being convicted of
injustice, I took courage, and I read the following letter:
"Owing to an excusable weakness, feeling curious to know what you
would say about me to the countess after you had seen me, I took an
opportunity of asking her to let me know all you said to her on the
following day at latest, for I foresaw that you would pay me a visit
in the afternoon. Her letter, which I enclose, and which I beg you
to read, did not reach me till half an hour after you had left the
"This was the first fatality.
"Not having received that letter when you called, I had not the
courage to see you. This absurd weakness on my part was the second
fatality, but the weakness you will; I hope; forgive. I gave orders
to the lay-sister to tell you that I was ill for the whole day; a
very legitimate excuse; whether true or false, for it was an
officious untruth, the correction of which, was to be found in the
words: for the whole day. You had already left the convent, and I
could not possibly send anyone to run after you, when the old fool
informed me of her having told you that I was engaged.
"This was the third fatality.
"You cannot imagine what I had a mind to do and to say to that
foolish sister; but here one must say or do nothing; one must be
patient and dissemble, thanking God when mistakes are the result of
ignorance and not of wickedness--a very common thing in convents.
I foresaw at once, at least partly; what would happen; and what has
actually, happened; for no reasonable being could, I believe, have
foreseen it all. I guessed that, thinking yourself the victim of a
joke, you would be incensed, and I felt miserable, for I did not see
any way of letting you know the truth before the following Sunday.
My heart longed ardently for that day. Could I possibly imagine
that you, would take a resolution not to come again to our church!
I tried to be patient until that Sunday; but when I found myself
disappointed in my hope, my misery became unbearable, and it will
cause my death if you refuse to listen to my justification. Your
letter has made me completely unhappy, and I shall not resist my
despair if you persist in the cruel resolve expressed by your
unfeeling letter. You have considered yourself trifled with; that is
all you can say; but will this letter convince you of your error?
And even believing yourself deceived in the most scandalous manner,
you must admit that to write such an awful letter you must have
supposed me an abominable wretch--a monster, such as a woman of noble
birth and of refined education cannot possibly be. I enclose the two
letters you sent back to me, with the idea of allaying my fears which
you cruelly supposed very different to what they are in reality.
I am a better physiognomist than you, and you must be quite certain
that I have not acted thoughtlessly, for I never thought you capable,
I will not say of crime, but even of an indelicate action. You must
have read on my features the signs only of giddy impudence, and that
is not my nature. You may be the cause of my death, you will
certainly make me miserable for the remainder of my life, if you do
not justify yourself; on my side I think the justification is
"I hope that, even if you feel no interest in my life, you will think
that you are bound in honour to come and speak to me. Come yourself
to recall all you have written; it is your duty, and I deserve it.
If you do not realize the fatal effect produced upon me by your
letter, I must indeed pity you, in spite of my misery, for it proves
that you have not the slightest knowledge of the human heart. But I
feel certain that you will come back, provided the man to whom I
trust this letter contrives to find you. Adieu! I expect life or
death from you."
I did not require to read that letter twice; I was ashamed and in
despair. M---- M---- was right. I called the Forlanese, enquired
from him whether he had spoken to her in the morning, and whether she
looked ill. He answered that he had found her looking more unhappy
every day, and that her eyes were red from weeping.
"Go down again and wait," I said to him.
I began to write, and I had not concluded my long screed before the
dawn of day; here are, word by word, the contents of the letter which
I wrote to the noblest of women, whom in my unreasonable spite I had
judged so wrongly.
"I plead guilty, madam; I cannot possibly justify myself, and I am
perfectly convinced of your innocence. I should be disconsolate if I
did not hope to obtain pardon, and you will not refuse to forgive me
if you are kind enough to recollect the cause of my guilt. I saw
you; I was dazzled, and I could not realize a happiness which seemed
to me a dream; I thought myself the prey of one of those delightful
illusions which vanish when we wake up. The doubt under which I was
labouring could not be cleared up for twenty-four hours, and how
could I express my feverish impatience as I was longing for that
happy moment! It came at last! and my heart, throbbing with desire
and hope, was flying towards you while I was in the parlour counting
the minutes! Yet an hour passed almost rapidly, and not unnaturally,
considering my impatience and the deep impression I felt at the idea
of seeing you. But then, precisely at the very moment when I
believed myself certain that I was going to gaze upon the beloved
features which had been in one interview indelibly engraved upon my
heart, I saw the most disagreeable face appear, and a creature
announced that you were engaged for the whole day, and without giving
me time to utter one word she disappeared! You may imagine my
astonishment and... the rest. The lightning would not have produced
upon me a more rapid, a more terrible effect! If you had sent me a
line by that sister--a line from your hand--I would have gone away,
if not pleased, at least submissive and resigned.
"But that was a fourth fatality which you have forgotten to add to
your delightful and witty justification. Thinking myself scoffed at,
my self-love rebelled, and indignation for the moment silenced love.
Shame overwhelmed me! I thought that everybody could read on my face
all the horror in my heart, and I saw in you, under the outward
appearance of an angel, nothing but a fearful daughter of the Prince
of Darkness. My mind was thoroughly upset, and at the end of eleven
days I lost the small portion of good sense that was left in me--at
least I must suppose so, as it is then that I wrote to you the letter
of which you have so good a right to complain, and which at that time
seemed to me a masterpiece of moderation.
"But I hope it is all over now, and this very day at eleven o'clock
you will see me at your feet--tender, submissive and repentant. You
will forgive me, divine woman, or I will myself avenge you for the
insult I have hurled at you. The only thing which I dare to ask from
you as a great favour is to burn my first letter, and never to
mention it again. I sent it only after I had written four, which I
destroyed one after the other: you may therefore imagine the state of
"I have given orders to my messenger to go to your convent at once,
so that my letter can be delivered to you as soon as you wake in the
morning. He would never have discovered me, if my good angel had not
made me go up to him at the door of the opera-house. But I shall not
require his services any more; do not answer me, and receive all the
devotion of a heart which adores you."
When my letter was finished, I called my Forlanese, gave him one
sequin, and I made him promise me to go to Muran immediately, and to
deliver my letter only to the nun herself. As soon as he had gone I
threw myself on my bed, but anxiety and burning impatience would not
allow me to sleep.
I need not tell the reader who knows the state of excitement under
which I was labouring, that I was punctual in presenting myself at
the convent. I was shewn into the small parlour where I had seen her
for the first time, and she almost immediately made her entrance.
As soon as I saw her near the grating I fell on my knees, but she
entreated me to rise at once as I might be seen. Her face was
flushed with excitement, and her looks seemed to me heavenly. She
sat down, and I took a seat opposite to her. We remained several
minutes motionless, gazing at each other without speaking, but I
broke the silence by asking her, in a voice full of love and anxiety,
whether I could hope to obtain my pardon. She gave me her beautiful
hand through the grating, and I covered it with tears and kisses.
"Our acquaintance," she said, "has begun with a violent storm; let us
hope that we shall now enjoy it long in perfect and lasting calm.
This is the first time that we speak to one another, but what has
occurred must be enough to give us a thorough knowledge of each
other. I trust that our intimacy will be as tender as sincere, and
that we shall know how to have a mutual indulgence for our faults."
"Can such an angel as you have any?"
"Ah, my friend! who is without them?"
"When shall I have the happiness of convincing you of my devotion
with complete freedom and in all the joy of my heart?"
"We will take supper together at my casino whenever you please,
provided you give me notice two days beforehand; or I will go and sup
with you in Venice, if it will not disturb your arrangements."
"It would only increase my happiness. I think it right to tell you
that I am in very easy circumstances, and that, far from fearing
expense, I delight in it: all I possess belongs to the woman I love."
"That confidence, my dear friend, is very agreeable to me, the more
so that I have likewise to tell you that I am very rich, and that I
could not refuse anything to my lover."
"But you must have a lover?"
"Yes; it is through him that I am rich, and he is entirely my master.
I never conceal anything from him. The day after to-morrow, when I
am alone with you, I will tell you more."
"But I hope that your lover...."
"Will not be there? Certainly not. Have you a mistress?"
"I had one, but, alas! she has been taken from me by violent means,
and for the last six months I have led a life of complete celibacy."
"Do you love her still?"
"I cannot think of her without loving her. She has almost as great
charms, as great beauty, as you have; but I foresee that you will
make me forget her."
"If your happiness with her was complete, I pity you. She has been
violently taken from you, and you shun society in order to feed your
sorrow. I have guessed right, have I not? But if I happen to take
possession of her place in your heart, no one, my sweet friend, shall
turn me out of it."
"But what will your lover say?"
"He will be delighted to see me happy with such a lover as you. It
is in his nature."
"What an admirable nature! Such heroism is quite beyond me!"
"What sort of a life do you lead in Venice?"
"I live at the theatres, in society, in the casinos, where I fight
against fortune sometimes with good sometimes with bad success."
"Do you visit the foreign ambassadors?"
"No, because I am too much acquainted with the nobility; but I know
"How can you know them if you do not see them?"
"I have known them abroad. In Parma the Duke de Montalegre, the
Spanish ambassador; in Vienna I knew Count Rosemberg; in Paris, about
two years ago, the French ambassador."
"It is near twelve o'clock, my dear friend; it is time for us to
part. Come at the same hour the day after tomorrow, and I will give
you all the instructions which you will require to enable you to come
and sup with me."
"May I venture to ask you for a pledge? The happiness which you
promise me is so immense!"
"What pledge do you want?"
"To see you standing before that small window in the grating with
permission for me to occupy the same place as Madame de S----."
She rose at once, and, with the most gracious smile, touched the
spring; after a most expressive kiss, I took leave of her. She
followed me with her eyes as far as the door, and her loving gaze
would have rooted me to the spot if she had not left the room.
I spent the two days of expectation in a whirl of impatient joy,
which prevented me from eating and sleeping; for it seemed to me that
no other love had ever given me such happiness, or rather that I was
going to be happy for the first time.
Irrespective of birth, beauty, and wit, which was the principal merit
of my new conquest, prejudice was there to enhance a hundredfold my
felicity, for she was a vestal: it was forbidden fruit, and who does
not know that, from Eve down to our days, it was that fruit which has
always appeared the most delicious! I was on the point of
encroaching upon the rights of an all-powerful husband; in my eyes
M---- M---- was above all the queens of the earth.
If my reason had not been the slave of passion, I should have known
that my nun could not be a different creature from all the pretty
women whom I had loved for the thirteen years that I had been
labouring in the fields of love. But where is the man in love who
can harbour such a thought? If it presents itself too often to his
mind, he expels it disdainfully! M---- M---- could not by any means
be otherwise than superior to all other women in the wide world.
Animal nature, which chemists call the animal kingdom, obtains
through instinct the three various means necessary for the
perpetuation of its species.
There are three real wants which nature has implanted in all human
creatures. They must feed themselves, and to prevent that task from
being insipid and tedious they have the agreeable sensation of
appetite, which they feel pleasure in satisfying. They must
propagate their respective species; an absolute necessity which
proves the wisdom of the Creator, since without reproduction all
would, be annihilated--by the constant law of degradation, decay and
death. And, whatever St. Augustine may say, human creatures would
not perform the work of generation if they did not find pleasure in
it, and if there was not in that great work an irresistible
attraction for them. In the third place, all creatures have a
determined and invincible propensity to destroy their enemies; and it
is certainly a very wise ordination, for that feeling of self-
preservation makes it a duty for them to do their best for the
destruction of whatever can injure them.
Each species obeys these laws in its own way. The three sensations:
hunger, desire, and hatred--are in animals the satisfaction of
habitual instinct, and cannot be called pleasures, for they can be so
only in proportion to the intelligence of the individual. Man alone
is gifted with the perfect organs which render real pleasure peculiar
to him; because, being, endowed with the sublime faculty of reason,
he foresees enjoyment, looks for it, composes, improves, and
increases it by thought and recollection. I entreat you, dear
reader, not to get weary of following me in my ramblings; for now
that I am but the shadow of the once brilliant Casanova, I love to
chatter; and if you were to give me the slip, you would be neither
polite nor obliging.
Man comes down to the level of beasts whenever he gives himself up to
the three natural propensities without calling reason and judgment to
his assistance; but when the mind gives perfect equilibrium to those
propensities, the sensations derived from them become true enjoyment,
an unaccountable feeling which gives us what is called happiness, and
which we experience without being able to describe it.
The voluptuous man who reasons, disdains greediness, rejects with
contempt lust and lewdness, and spurns the brutal revenge which is
caused by a first movement of anger: but he is dainty, and satisfies
his appetite only in a manner in harmony with his nature and his
tastes; he is amorous, but he enjoys himself with the object of his
love only when he is certain that she will share his enjoyment, which
can never be the case unless their love is mutual; if he is offended,
he does not care for revenge until he has calmly considered the best
means to enjoy it fully. If he is sometimes more cruel than
necessary, he consoles himself with the idea that he has acted under
the empire of reason; and his revenge is sometimes so noble that he
finds it in forgiveness. Those three operations are the work of the
soul which, to procure enjoyment for itself, becomes the agent of our
passions. We sometimes suffer from hunger in order to enjoy better
the food which will allay it; we delay the amorous enjoyment for the
sake of making it more intense, and we put off the moment of our
revenge in order to mike it more certain. It is true, however, that
one may die from indigestion, that we allow ourselves to be often
deceived in love, and that the creature we want to annihilate often
escapes our revenge; but perfection cannot be attained in anything,
and those are risks which we run most willingly.
Continuation of the Last Chapter--My First Assignation With M. M.
--Letter From C. C.--My Second Meeting With the Nun At My Splendid
Casino In Venice I Am Happy
There is nothing, there can be nothing, dearer to a thinking being
than life; yet the voluptuous men, those who try to enjoy it in the
best manner, are the men who practise with the greatest perfection
the difficult art of shortening life, of driving it fast. They do
not mean to make it shorter, for they would like to perpetuate it in
the midst of pleasure, but they wish enjoyment to render its course
insensible; and they are right, provided they do not fail in
fulfilling their duties. Man must not, however, imagine that he has
no other duties but those which gratify his senses; he would be
greatly mistaken, and he might fall the victim of his own error. I
think that my friend Horace made a mistake when he said to Florus:
'Nec metuam quid de me judicet heres,
Quod non plura datis inveniet.'
The happiest man is the one who knows how to obtain the greatest sum
of happiness without ever failing in the discharge of his duties, and
the most unhappy is the man who has adopted a profession in which he
finds himself constantly under the sad necessity of foreseeing the
Perfectly certain that M---- M---- would keep her word, I went to the
convent at ten o'clock in the morning, and she joined me in the
parlour as soon as I was announced.
"Good heavens!" she exclaimed, "are you ill?"
"No, but I may well look so, for the expectation of happiness wears
me out. I have lost sleep and appetite, and if my felicity were to
be deferred my life would be the forfeit."
"There shall be no delay, dearest; but how impatient you are! Let us
sit down. Here is the key of my casino. You will find some persons
in it, because we must be served; but nobody will speak to you, and
you need not speak to anyone. You must be masked, and you must not
go there till two hours after sunset; mind, not before. Then go up
the stairs opposite the street-door, and at the top of those stairs
you will see, by the light of a lamp, a green door which you will
open to enter the apartment which you will find lighted. You will
find me in the second room, and in case I should not be there you
will wait for me a few minutes; you may rely upon my being punctual.
You can take off your mask in that room, and make yourself
comfortable; you will find some books and a good fire."
The description could not be clearer; I kissed the hand which was
giving me the key of that mysterious temple, and I enquired from the
charming woman whether I should see her in her conventual garb.
"I always leave the convent with it," she said, "but I have at the
casino a complete wardrobe to transform myself into an elegant woman
of the world, and even to disguise myself."
"I hope you will do me the favour to remain in the dress of a nun."
"Why so, I beg?"
"I love to see you in that dress."
"Ah! ah! I understand. You fancy that my head is shaved, and you
are afraid. But comfort yourself, dear friend, my wig is so
beautifully made that it defies detection; it is nature itself."
"Oh, dear! what are you saying? The very name of wig is awful. But
no, you may be certain that I will find you lovely under all
circumstances. I only entreat you not to put on that cruel wig in my
presence. Do I offend you? Forgive me; I am very sorry to have
mentioned that subject. Are you sure that no one can see you leave
"You will be sure of it yourself when you have gone round the island
and seen the small door on the shore. I have the key of a room
opening on the shore, and I have every confidence in the sister who
"And the gondola?"
"My lover himself answers for the fidelity of the gondoliers."
"What a man that lover is! I fancy he must be an old man."
"You are mistaken; if he were old, I should be ashamed. He is not
forty, and he has everything necessary to be loved--beauty, wit,
sweet temper, and noble behaviour."
"And he forgives your amorous caprices?"
"What do you mean by caprices? A year ago he obtained possession of
me, and before him I had never belonged to a man; you are the first
who inspired me with a fancy. When I confessed it to him he was
rather surprised, then he laughed, and read me a short lecture upon
the risk I was running in trusting a man who might prove indiscreet.
He wanted me to know at least who you were before going any further,
but it was too late. I answered for your discretion, and of course I
made him laugh by my being so positively the guarantee of a man whom
I did not know."
"When did you confide in him?"
"The day before yesterday, and without concealing anything from him.
I have shewn him my letters and yours; he thinks you are a Frenchman,
although you represent yourself as a Venetian. He is very curious to
know who you are, but you need not be afraid; I promise you
faithfully never to take any steps to find it out myself."
"And I promise you likewise not to try to find out who is this
wonderful man as wonderful as you are yourself. I am very miserable
when I think of the sorrow I have caused you."
"Do not mention that subject any more; when I consider the matter, I
see that only a conceited man would have acted differently."
Before leaving her, she granted me another token of her affection
through the little window, and her gaze followed me as far as the
In the evening, at the time named by her, I repaired to the casino,
and obeying all her instructions I reached a sitting-room in which I
found my new conquest dressed in a most elegant costume. The room
was lighted up by girandoles, which were reflected by the looking-
glasses, and by four splendid candlesticks placed on a table covered
with books. M---- M---- struck me as entirely different in her
beauty to what she had seemed in the garb of a nun. She wore no cap,
and her hair was fastened behind in a thick twist; but I passed
rapidly over that part of her person, because I could not bear the
idea of a wig, and I could not compliment her about it. I threw
myself at her feet to shew her my deep gratitude, and I kissed with
rapture her beautiful hands, waiting impatiently for the amorous
contest which I was longing for; but M---- M---- thought fit to
oppose some resistance. Oh, how sweet they are! those denials of a
loving mistress, who delays the happy moment only for the sake of
enjoying its delights better! As a lover respectful, tender, but
bold, enterprising, certain of victory, I blended delicately the
gentleness of my proceedings with the ardent fire which was consuming
me; and stealing the most voluptuous kisses from the most beautiful
mouth I felt as if my soul would burst from my body. We spent two
hours in the preliminary contest, at the end of which we
congratulated one another, on her part for having contrived to
resist, on mine for having controlled my impatience.
Wanting a little rest, and understanding each other as if by a
natural instinct, she said to me,
"My friend, I have an appetite which promises to do honour to the
supper; are you able to keep me good company?"
"Yes," I said, knowing well what I could do in that line, "yes, I
can; and afterwards you shall judge whether I am able to sacrifice to
Love as well as to Comus."
She rang the bell, and a woman, middle-aged but well-dressed and
respectable-looking, laid out a table for two persons; she then
placed on another table close by all that was necessary to enable us
to do without attendance, and she brought, one after the other, eight
different dishes in Sevres porcelain placed on silver heaters. It
was a delicate and plentiful supper.
When I tasted the first dish I at once recognized the French style of
cooking, and she did not deny it. We drank nothing but Burgundy and
Champagne. She dressed the salad cleverly and quickly, and in
everything she did I had to admire the graceful ease of her manners.
It was evident that she owed her education to a lover who was a
first-rate connoisseur. I was curious to know him, and as we were
drinking some punch I told her that if she would gratify my curiosity
in that respect I was ready to tell her my name.
"Let time, dearest," she answered, "satisfy our mutual curiosity."
M---- M---- had, amongst the charms and trinkets fastened to the
chain of her watch, a small crystal bottle exactly similar to one
that I wore myself. I called her attention to that fact, and as mine
was filled with cotton soaked in otto of roses I made her smell it.
"I have the same," she observed.
And she made me inhale its fragrance.
"It is a very scarce perfume," I said, "and very expensive."
"Yes; in fact it cannot be bought."
"Very true; the inventor of that essence wears a crown; it is the
King of France; his majesty made a pound of it, which cost him thirty
"Mine was a gift presented to my lover, and he gave it to me:"
"Madame de Pompadour sent a small phial of it to M. de Mocenigo, the
Venetian ambassador in Paris, through M. de B----, now French
"Do you know him?"
"I have had the honour to dine with him on the very day he came to
take leave of the ambassador by whom I had been invited. M. de B----
is a man whom fortune has smiled upon, but he has captivated it by
his merit; he is not less distinguished by his 'talents than by his
birth; he is, I believe, Count de Lyon. I recollect that he was
nicknamed 'Belle Babet,' on account of his handsome face. There is a
small collection of poetry written by him which does him great
It was near midnight; we had made an excellent supper, and we were
near a good fire. Besides, I was in love with a beautiful woman, and
thinking that time was precious--I became very pressing; but she
"Cruel darling, have you promised me happiness only to make me suffer
the tortures of Tantalus? If you will not give way to love, at least
obey the laws of nature after such a delicious supper, go to bed."
"Are you sleepy?"
"Of course I am not; but it is late enough to go to bed. Allow me to
undress you; I will remain by your bedside, or even go away if you
"If you were to leave me, you would grieve me."
"My grief would be as great as yours, believe me, but if I remain
what shall we do?"
"We can lie down in our clothes on this sofa."
"With our clothes! Well, let it be so; I will let you sleep, if you
wish it; but you must forgive me if I do not sleep myself; for to
sleep near you and without undressing would be impossible."
"Wait a little."
She rose from her seat, turned the sofa crosswise, opened it, took
out pillows, sheets, blankets, and in one minute we had a splendid
bed, wide and convenient. She took a large handkerchief, which she
wrapped round my head, and she gave me another, asking me to render
her the same service. I began my task, dissembling my disgust for
the wig, but a precious discovery caused me the most agreeable
surprise; for, instead of the wig, my, hands found the most
magnificent hair I had ever seen. I uttered a scream of delight and
admiration. which made her laugh, and she told me that a nun was
under no other obligation than to conceal her hair, from the
uninitiated. Thereupon she pushed me adroitly, and made me fall' an
the sofa. I got up again, and, having thrown off my clothes as quick
as lightning I threw myself on her rather than near her. She was
very strong; and folding me in her arms she thought that I ought to
forgive her for all the torture she was condemning me to. I had not
obtained any essential favour; I was burning, but I was trying to
master my impatience, for I did not think that I had yet the right to
be exacting. I contrived to undo five or six bows of ribbons, and
satisfied, with her not opposing any resistance in that quarter my
heart throbbed with pleasure, and I possessed myself of the most
beautiful bosom, which I smothered under my kisses. But her favours
went no further; and my excitement increasing in proportion to the
new perfections I discovered in her, I doubled my efforts; all in
vain. At last, compelled to give way to fatigue, I fell asleep in
her arms, holding her tightly, against me. A noisy chime of bells
"What is the matter?" I exclaimed.
"Let us get up, dearest; it is time for me to return to the convent."
"Dress yourself, and let me have the pleasure of seeing you in the
garb of a saint, since you are going away a virgin."
"Be satisfied for this time, dearest, and learn from me how to
practice abstinence; we shall be happier another time. When I have
gone, if you have nothing to hurry you, you can rest here."
She rang the bell, and the same woman who had appeared in the
evening, and was most likely the secret minister and the confidante
of her amorous mysteries, came in. After her hair had been dressed,
she took off her gown, locked up her jewellery in her bureau, put on
the stays of a nun, in which she hid the two magnificent globes which
had been during that fatiguing night the principal agents of my
happiness, and assumed her monastic robes. The woman having gone out
to call the gondoliers, M---- M---- kissed me warmly and tenderly,
and said to me,
"I expect to see you the day after to-morrow, so as to hear from you
which night I am to meet you in Venice; and then, my beloved lover,
you shall be happy and I too. Farewell."
Pleased without being satisfied, I went to bed and slept soundly
I left the casino without seeing anyone, and being well masked I
repaired to the house of Laura, who gave me a letter from my dear
C---- C----. Here is a copy of it:
"I am going to give you, my best beloved, a specimen of my way of
thinking; and I trust that, far from lowering me in your estimation,
you will judge me, in spite of my youth, capable of keeping a secret
and worthy of being your wife. Certain that your heart is mine, I do
not blame you for having made a mystery of certain things, and not
being jealous of what can divert your mind and help you to bear
patiently our cruel separation, I can only delight in whatever
procures you some pleasure. Listen now. Yesterday, as I was going
along one of the halls, I dropped a tooth-pick which I held in my
hand, and to get it again, I was compelled to displace a stool which
happened to be in front of a crack in the partition. I have already
become as curious as a nun--a fault very natural to idle people--I
placed my eye against the small opening, and whom did I see? You in
person, my darling, conversing in the most lively manner with my
charming friend, Sister M---- M----. It would be difficult for you
to imagine my surprise and joy. But those two feelings gave way soon
to the fear of being seen and of exciting the curiosity of some
inquisitive nun. I quickly replaced the stool, and I went away.
Tell me all, dearest friend, you will make me happy. How could I
cherish you with all my soul, and not be anxious to know the history
of your adventure? Tell me if she knows you, and how you have made
her acquaintance. She is my best friend, the one of whom I have
spoken so often to you in my letters, without thinking it necessary
to tell you her name. She is the friend who teaches me French, and
has lent me books which gave me a great deal of information on a
matter generally little known to women. If it had not been for her,
the cause of the accident which has been so near costing me my life,
would have been discovered. She gave me sheets and linen
immediately; to her I owe my honour; but she has necessarily learned
in that way that I have a lover, as I know that she has one; but
neither of us has shewn any anxiety to know the secrets of the other.
Sister M---- M---- is a rare woman. I feel certain, dearest, that
you love one another; it cannot be otherwise since you are
acquainted; but as I am not jealous of that affection, I deserve that
you should tell me all. I pity you both, however; for all you may do
will, I fear, only irritate your passion. Everyone in the convent
thinks that you are ill, and I am longing to see you. Come, at
least, once. Adieu!"
The letter of C---- C---- inspired me with the deepest esteem for
her, but it caused me great anxiety, because, although I felt every
confidence in my dear little wife, the small crack in the wall might
expose M---- M---- and myself to the inquisitive looks of other
persons. Besides, I found myself compelled to deceive that amiable,
trusting friend, and to tell a falsehood, for delicacy and honour
forbade me to tell her the truth. I wrote to her immediately that
her friendship for M---- M---- made it her duty to warn her friend at
once that she had seen her in the parlour with a masked gentleman.
I added that, having heard a great deal of M---- M----'s merit, and
wishing to make her acquaintance, I had called on her under an
assumed name; that I entreated her not to tell her friend who I was,
but she might say that she had recognized in me the gentleman who
attended their church. I assured her with barefaced impudence that
there was no love between M---- M---- and me, but without concealing
that I thought her a superior woman.
On St. Catherine's Day, the patroness of my dear C---- C----, I
bethought myself of affording that lovely prisoner the pleasure of
seeing me. As I was leaving the church after mass, and just as I was
going to take a gondola, I observed that a man was following me. It
looked suspicious, and I determined to ascertain whether I was right.
The man took a gondola and followed mine. It might have been purely
accidental; but, keeping on my guard for fear of surprise, I alighted
in Venice at the Morosini Palace; the fellow alighted at the same
place; his intentions were evident. I left the palace, and turning
towards the Flanders Gate I stopped in a narrow street, took my knife
in my hand, waited for the spy, seized him by the collar, and pushing
him against the wall with the knife at his throat I commanded him to
tell me what business he had with me. Trembling all over he would
have confessed everything, but unluckily someone entered the street.
The spy escaped and I was no wiser, but I had no doubt that for the
future that fellow at least would keep at a respectful distance. It
shewed me how easy it would be for an obstinate spy to discover my
identity, and I made up my mind never to go to Muran but with a mask,
or at night.
The next day I had to see my beautiful nun in order to ascertain
which day she would sup with me in Venice, and I went early to the
convent. She did not keep me waiting, and her face was radiant with
joy. She complimented me upon my having resumed my attendance at
their church; all the nuns had been delighted to see me again after
an absence of three weeks.
"The abbess," she said, "told me how glad she was to see you, and
that she was certain to find out who you are."
I then related to her the adventure of the spy, and we both thought
that it was most likely the means taken by the sainted woman to
gratify her curiosity about me.
"I have resolved not to attend your church any more."
"That will be a great deprivation to me, but in our common interest I
can but approve your resolution."
She related the affair of the treacherous crack in the partition, and
"It is already repaired, and there is no longer any fear in that
quarter. I heard of it from a young boarder whom I love dearly, and
who is much attached to me. I am not curious to know her name, and
she has never mentioned it to me."
"Now, darling angel, tell me whether my happiness will be postponed."
"Yes, but only for twenty-four hours; the new professed sister has
invited me to supper in her room, and you must understand I cannot
invent any plausible excuse for refusing her invitation."
"You would not, then, tell her in confidence the very legitimate
obstacle which makes me wish that the new sisters never take supper?"
"Certainly not: we never trust anyone so far in a convent. Besides,
dearest, such an invitation cannot be declined unless I wish to gain
a most bitter enemy."
"Could you not say that you are ill?"
"Yes; but then the visits!"
"I understand; if you should refuse, the escape might be suspected."
"The escape! impossible; here no one admits the possibility of
breaking out of the convent."
"Then you are the only one able to perform that miracle?"
"You may be sure of that; but, as is always the case, it is gold
which performs that miracle."
"And many others, perhaps."
"Oh! the time has gone by for them! But tell me, my love, where will
you wait for me to-morrow, two hours after the setting of the sun?"
"Could I not wait for you at your casino?"
"No, because my lover will take me himself to Venice."
"It is not possible."
"Yet it is true."
"I can wait for you in St. John and St. Paul's Square behind the
pedestal of the statue of Bartholomew of Bergamo."
"I have never seen either the square or the statue except in
engravings; it is enough, however, and I will not fail. Nothing but
very stormy weather could prevent me from coming to a rendezvous for
which my heart is panting."
"And if the weather were bad?"
"Then, dearest, there would be nothing lost; and you would come here
again in order to appoint another day."
I had no time to lose, for I had no casino. I took a second rower so
as to reach St. Mark's Square more rapidly, and I immediately set to
work looking for what I wanted. When a mortal is so lucky as to be
in the good graces of the god Plutus, and is not crackbrained, he is
pretty sure to succeed in everything: I had not to search very long
before I found a casino suiting my purpose exactly. It was the
finest in the neighbourhood of Venice, but, as a natural consequence,
it was likewise the most expensive. It had belonged to the English
ambassador, who had sold it cheap to his cook before leaving Venice.
The owner let it to me until Easter for one hundred sequins, which I
paid in advance on condition that he would himself cook the dinners
and the suppers I might order.
I had five rooms furnished in the most elegant style, and everything
seemed to be calculated for love, pleasure, and good cheer. The
service of the dining-room was made through a sham window in the
wall, provided with a dumb-waiter revolving upon itself, and fitting
the window so exactly that master and servants could not see each
other. The drawing-room was decorated with magnificent looking-
glasses, crystal chandeliers, girandoles in gilt, bronze, and with a
splendid pier-glass placed on a chimney of white marble; the walls
were covered with small squares of real china, representing little
Cupids and naked amorous couples in all sorts of positions, well
calculated to excite the imagination; elegant and very comfortable
sofas were placed on every side. Next to it was an octagonal room,
the walls, the ceiling, and the floor of which were entirely covered
with splendid Venetian glass, arranged in such a manner as to reflect
on all sides every position of the amorous couple enjoying the
pleasures of love. Close by was a beautiful alcove with two secret
outlets; on the right, an elegant dressing-room, on the left, a
boudoir which seemed to have been arranged by the mother of Love,
with a bath in Carrara marble. Everywhere the wainscots were
embossed in ormolu or painted with flowers and arabesques.
After I had given my orders for all the chandeliers to be filled with
wax candles, and the finest linen to be provided wherever necessary,
I ordered a most delicate and sumptuous supper for two, without
regard to expense, and especially the most exquisite wines. I then
took possession of the key of the principal entrance, and warned the
master that I did not want to be seen by anyone when I came in or
I observed with pleasure that the clock in the alcove had an alarum,
for I was beginning, in spite of love, to be easily influenced by the
power of sleep.
Everything being arranged according to my wishes, I went, as a
careful and delicate lover, to purchase the finest slippers I could
find, and a cap in Alencon point.
I trust my reader does not think me too particular; let him recollect
that I was to receive the most accomplished of the sultanas of the
master of the universe, and I told that fourth Grace that I had a
casino. Was I to begin by giving her a bad idea of my truthfulness?
At the appointed time, that is two hours after sunset, I repaired to
my palace; and it would be difficult to imagine the surprise of his
honour the French cook, when he saw me arrive alone. Not finding all
the chandeliers lighted-up as I had ordered, I scolded him well,
giving him notice that I did not like to repeat an order.
"I shall not fail; sir, another time, to execute your commands."
"Let the supper be served."
"Your honour ordered it for two."
"Yes, for two; and, this time, be present during my supper, so that I
can tell you which dishes I find good or bad."
The supper came through the revolving: dumb-waiter in very good
order, two dishes at a tune. I passed some remarks upon everything;
but, to tell the truth, everything was excellent: game, fish,
oysters, truffles, wine, dessert, and the whole served in very fine
Dresden china and silver-gilt plate.
I told him that he had forgotten hard eggs, anchovies, and prepared
vinegar to dress a salad. He lifted his eyes towards heaven, as if
to plead guilty, to a very heinous crime.
After a supper which lasted two hours, and during which I must
certainly have won the admiration of my host, I asked him to bring me
the bill. He presented it to me shortly afterwards, and I found it
reasonable. I then dismissed him, and lay down in the splendid bed
in the alcove; my excellent supper brought on very soon the most
delicious sleep which, without the Burgundy and the Champagne, might
very likely not have visited me, if I had thought that the following
night would see me in the same place, and in possession of a lovely
divinity. It was broad day-light when I awoke, and after ordering
the finest fruit and some ices for the evening I left the casino. In
order to shorten a day which my impatient desires would have caused
me to find very long, I went to the faro-table, and I saw with
pleasure that I was as great a favourite with fortune as with love.
Everything proceeded according to my wishes, and I delighted in
ascribing my happy success to the influence of my nun.
I was at the place of meeting one hour before the time appointed, and
although the night was cold I did not feel it. Precisely as the hour
struck I saw a two-oared gondola reach the shore and a mask come out
of it, speak a few words to the gondolier, and take the direction of
the statue. My heart was beating quickly, but seeing that it was a
man I avoided him, and regretted not having brought my pistols. The
mask, however, turning round the statue, came up to me with
outstretched hands; I then recognized my angel, who was amused at my
surprise and took my arm. Without speaking we went towards St.
Mark's Square, and reached my casino, which was only one hundred
yards from the St. Moses Theatre.
I found everything in good order; we went upstairs and I threw off my
mask and my disguise; but M---- M---- took delight in walking about
the rooms and in examining every nook of the charming place in which
she was received. Highly gratified to see me admire the grace of her
person, she wanted me likewise to admire in her attire the taste and
generosity of her lover. She was surprised at the almost magic spell
which, although she remained motionless, shewed her lovely person in
a thousand different manners. Her multiplied portraits, reproduced
by the looking-glasses, and the numerous wax candles disposed to that
effect, offered to her sight a spectacle entirely new to her, and
from which she could not withdraw her eyes. Sitting down on a stool
I contemplated her elegant person with rapture. A coat of rosy
velvet, embroidered with gold spangles, a vest to match, embroidered
likewise in the richest fashion, breeches of black satin, diamond
buckles, a solitaire of great value on her little finger, and on the
other hand a ring: such was her toilet. Her black lace mask was
remarkable for its fineness and the beauty of the design. To enable
me to see her better she stood before me. I looked in her pockets,
in which I found a gold snuff-box, a sweetmeat-box adorned with
pearls, a gold case, a splendid opera-glass, handkerchiefs of the
finest cambric, soaked rather than perfumed with the most precious
essences. I examined attentively the richness and the workmanship of
her two watches, of her chains, of her trinkets, brilliant with
diamonds. The last article I found was a pistol; it was an English
weapon of fine steel, and of the most beautiful finish.
"All I see, my divine angel, is not worthy of you; yet I cannot
refrain from expressing my admiration for the wonderful, I might
almost say adorable, being who wants to convince you that you are
truly his mistress."
"That is what he said when I asked him to bring me to Venice, and to
leave me. 'Amuse yourself,' he said, 'and I hope that the man whom
you are going to make happy will convince you that he is worthy of
"He is indeed an extraordinary man, and I do not think there is
another like him. Such a lover is a unique being; and I feel that I
could not be like him, as deeply as I fear to be unworthy of a
happiness which dazzles me."
"Allow me to leave you, and to take off these clothes alone."
"Do anything you please."
A quarter of an hour afterwards my mistress came back to me. Her
hair was dressed like a man's; the front locks came down her cheeks,
and the black hair, fastened with a knot of blue ribbon, reached the
bend of her legs; her form was that of Antinous; her clothes alone,
being cut in the French style, prevented the illusion from being
complete. I was in a state of ecstatic delight, and I could not
realize my happiness.
"No, adorable woman," I exclaimed, "you are not made for a mortal,
and I do not believe that you will ever be mine. At the very moment
of possessing you some miracle will wrest you from my arms. Your
divine spouse, perhaps, jealous of a simple mortal, will annihilate
all my hope. It is possible that in a few minutes I shall no longer
"Are you mad, dearest? I am yours this very instant, if you wish
"Ah! if I wish it! Although fasting, come! Love and happiness will
be my food!"
She felt cold, we sat near the fire; and unable to master my
impatience I unfastened a diamond brooch which pinned her ruffle.
Dear reader, there are some sensations so powerful and so sweet that
years cannot weaken the remembrance of them. My mouth had already
covered with kisses that ravishing bosom; but then the troublesome
corset had not allowed me to admire all its perfection. Now I felt
it free from all restraint and from all unnecessary support; I have
never seen, never touched, anything more beautiful, and the two
magnificent globes of the Venus de Medicis, even if they had been
animated by the spark of life given by Prometheus, would have yielded
the palm to hose of my divine nun.
I was burning with ardent desires, and I would have satisfied them on
the spot, if my adorable mistress had not calmed my impatience by
these simple words:
"Wait until after supper."
I rang the bell; she shuddered.
"Do not be anxious, dearest."
And I shewed her the secret of the sham window.
"You will be able to tell your lover that no one saw you."
"He will appreciate your delicate attention, and that will prove to
him that you are not a novice in the art of love. But it is evident
that I am not the only one who enjoys with you the delights of this
"You are wrong, believe me: you are the first woman I have seen here.
You are not, adorable creature, my first love, but you shall be the
"I shall be happy if you are faithful. My lover is constant, kind,
gentle and amiable; yet my heart has ever been fancy-free with him."
"Then his own heart must be the same; for if his love was of the same
nature as mine you would never have made me happy."
"He loves me as I love you; do you believe in my love for you?"
"Yes, I want to believe in it; but you would not allow me to...."
"Do not say any more; for I feel that I could forgive you in
anything, provided you told me all. The joy I experience at this
moment is caused more by the hope I have of gratifying your desires
than by the idea that I am going to pass a delightful night with you.
It will be the first in my life."
"What! Have you never passed such a night with your lover?"
"Several; but friendship, compliance, and gratitude, perhaps, were
then the only contributors to our pleasures; the most essential--
love--was never present. In spite of that, my lover is like you; his
wit is lively, very much the same as yours, and, as far as his
features are concerned, he is very handsome; yet it is not you. I
believe him more wealthy than you, although this casino almost
convinces me that I am mistaken, but what does love care for riches?
Do not imagine that I consider you endowed with less merit than he,
because you confess yourself incapable of his heroism in allowing me
to enjoy another love. Quite the contrary; I know that you would not
love me as you do, if you told me that you could be as indulgent as
he is for one of my caprices."
"Will he be curious to hear the particulars of this night?"
"Most likely he will think that he will please me by asking what has
taken place, and I will tell him everything, except such particulars
as might humiliate him."
After the supper, which she found excellent, she made some punch, and
she was a very good hand at it. But I felt my impatience growing
stronger every moment, and I said,
"Recollect that we have only seven hours before us, and that we
should be very foolish to waste them in this room."
"You reason better than Socrates," she answered, "and your eloquence
has convinced me. Come!"
She led me to the elegant dressing-room, and I offered her the fine
night-cap which I had bought for her, asking her at the same time to
dress her hair like a woman. She took it with great pleasure, and
begged me to go and undress myself in the drawing-room, promising to
call me as soon as she was in bed.
I had not long to wait: when pleasure is waiting for us, we all go
quickly to work. I fell into her arms, intoxicated with love and
happiness, and during seven hours I gave her the most positive proofs
of my ardour and of the feelings I entertained for her. It is true
that she taught me nothing new, materially speaking, but a great deal
in sighs, in ecstasies, in enjoyments which can have their full
development only in a sensitive soul in the sweetest of all moments.
I varied our pleasures in a thousand different ways, and I astonished
her by making her feel that she was susceptible of greater enjoyment
than she had any idea of. At last the fatal alarum was heard: we had
to stop our amorous transports; but before she left my arms she
raised her eyes towards heaven as if to thank her Divine Master for
having given her the courage to declare her passion to me.
We dressed ourselves, and observing that I put the lace night-cap in
her pocket she assured me that she would keep it all her life as a
witness of the happiness which overwhelmed her. After drinking a cup
of coffee we went out, and I left her at St. John and St. Paul's
Square, promising to call on her the day after the morrow; I watched
her until I saw her safe in her gondola, and I then went to bed. Ten
hours of profound sleep restored me to my usual state of vigour.
Visit to the Convent and Conversation With M. M.--A Letter from Her,
and My Answer--Another Interview At the Casino of Muran In the
Presence of Her Lover
According to my promise, I went to see M---- M---- two days
afterwards, but as soon as she came to the parlour she told me that
her lover had said he was coming, and that she expected him every
minute, and that she would be glad to see me the next day. I took
leave of her, but near the bridge I saw a man, rather badly masked,
coming out of a gondola. I looked at the gondolier, and I recognized
him as being in the service of the French ambassador. "It is he,"
I said to myself, and without appearing to observe him I watched him
enter the convent. I had no longer any doubt as to his identity, and
I returned to Venice delighted at having made the discovery, but I
made up my mind not to say anything to my mistress.
I saw her on the following day, and we, had a long conversation
together, which I am now going to relate.
"My friend," she said to me, "came yesterday in order to bid farewell
to me until the Christmas holidays. He is going to Padua, but
everything has been arranged so that we can sup at his casino
whenever we wish."
"Why not in Venice?"
"He has begged me not to go there during his absence. He is wise and
prudent; I could not refuse his request."
"You are quite right. When shall we sup together?"
"Next Sunday, if you like."
"If I like is not the right expression, for I always like. On
Sunday, then, I will go to the casino towards nightfall, and wait for
you with a book. Have you told your friend that you were not very
uncomfortable in my small palace?"
"He knows all about it, but, dearest, he is afraid of one thing--he
fears a certain fatal plumpness...."
"On my life, I never thought of that! But, my darling, do you not
run the same risk with him?"
"No, it is impossible."
"I understand you. Then we must be very prudent for the future. I
believe that, nine days before Christmas, the mask is no longer
allowed, and then I shall have to go to your casino by water,
otherwise, I might easily be recognized by the same spy who has
already followed me once."
"Yes, that idea proves your prudence, and I can easily, shew you the
place. I hope you will be able to come also during Lent, although we
are told that at that time God wishes us to mortify our senses.
Is it not strange that there is a time during which God wants us to
amuse ourselves almost to frenzy, and another during which, in order
to please Him, we must live in complete abstinence? What is there in
common between a yearly observance and the Deity, and how can the
action of the creature have any influence over the Creator, whom my
reason cannot conceive otherwise than independent? It seems to me
that if God had created man with the power of offending Him, man
would be right in doing everything that is forbidden to him, because
the deficiencies of his organization would be the work of the Creator
Himself. How can we imagine God grieved during Lent?"
"My beloved one, you reason beautifully, but will you tell me where
you have managed, in a convent, to pass the Rubicon?"
"Yes. My friend has given me some good books which I have read with
deep attention, and the light of truth has dispelled the darkness
which blinded my eyes. I can assure you that, when I look in my own
heart, I find myself more fortunate in having met with a person who
has brought light to my mind than miserable at having taken the veil;
for the greatest happiness must certainly consist in living and in
dying peacefully--a happiness which can hardly be obtained by
listening to all the idle talk with which the priests puzzle our
"I am of your opinion, but I admire you, for it ought to be the work
of more than a few months to bring light to a mind prejudiced as
"There is no doubt that I should have seen light much sooner if I had
not laboured under so many prejudices. There was in my mind a
curtain dividing truth from error, and reason alone could draw it
aside, but that poor reason--I had been taught to fear it, to repulse
it, as if its bright flame would have devoured, instead of
enlightening me. The moment it was proved to me that a reasonable
being ought to be guided only by his own inductions I acknowledged
the sway of reason, and the mist which hid truth from me was
dispelled. The evidence of truth shone before my eyes, nonsensical
trifles disappeared, and I have no fear of their resuming their
influence over my mind, for every day it is getting stronger; and I
may say that I only began to love God when my mind was disabused of
priestly superstitions concerning Him."
"I congratulate you; you have been more fortunate than I, for you
have made more progress in one year than I have made in ten."
"Then you did not begin by reading the writings of Lord Bolingbroke?
Five or six months ago, I was reading La Sagesse, by Charron, and
somehow or other my confessor heard of it; when I went to him for
confession, he took upon himself to tell me to give up reading that
book. I answered that my conscience did not reproach me, and that I
could not obey him. 'In that case,' replied he, 'I will not give you
absolution.' 'That will not prevent me from taking the communion,' I
said. This made him angry, and, in order to know what he ought to
do, he applied to Bishop Diedo. His eminence came to see me, and
told me that I ought to be guided by my confessor. I answered that
we had mutual duties to perform, and that the mission of a priest in
the confessional was to listen to me, to impose a reasonable penance,
and to give me absolution; that he had not even the right of offering
me any advice if I did not ask for it. I added that the confessor
being bound to avoid scandal, if he dared to refuse me the
absolution, which, of course, he could do, I would all the same go to
the altar with the other nuns. The bishop, seeing that he was at his
wit's end, told the priest to abandon me to my conscience. But that
was not satisfactory to me, and my lover obtained a brief from the
Pope authorizing me to go to confession to any priest I like. All
the sisters are jealous of the privilege, but I have availed myself
of it only once, for the sake of establishing a precedent and of
strengthening the right by the fact, for it is not worth the trouble.
I always confess to the same priest, and he has no difficulty in
giving me absolution, for I only tell him what I like."
"And for the rest you absolve yourself?"
"I confess to God, who alone can know my thoughts and judge the
degree of merit or of demerit to be attached to my actions."
Our conversation shewed me that my lovely friend was what is called a
Free-thinker; but I was not astonished at it, because she felt a
greater need of peace for her conscience than of gratification for
On the Sunday, after dinner, I took a two-oared gondola, and went
round the island of Muran to reconnoitre the shore, and to discover
the small door through which my mistress escaped from the convent.
I lost my trouble and my time, for I did not become acquainted with
the shore till the octave of Christmas, and with the small door six
months afterwards. I shall mention the circumstance in its proper
As soon as it was time, I repaired to the temple, and while I was
waiting for the idol I amused myself in examining the books of a
small library in the boudoir. They were not numerous, but they were
well chosen and worthy of the place. I found there everything that
has been written against religion, and all the works of the most
voluptuous writers on pleasure; attractive books, the incendiary
style of which compels the reader to seek the reality of the image
they represent. Several folios, richly bound, contained nothing but
erotic engravings. Their principal merit consisted much more in the
beauty of the designs, in the finish of the work, than in the
lubricity of the positions. I found amongst them the prints of the
Portier des Chartreux, published in England; the engravings of
Meursius, of Aloysia Sigea Toletana, and others, all very beautifully
done. A great many small pictures covered the walls of the boudoir,
and they were all masterpieces in the same style as the engravings.
I had spent an hour in examining all these works of art, the sight of
which had excited me in the most irresistible manner, when I saw my
beautiful mistress enter the room, dressed as a nun. Her appearance
was not likely to act as a sedative, and therefore, without losing
any time in compliments, I said to her,
"You arrive most opportunely. All these erotic pictures have fired
my imagination, and it is in your garb of a saint that you must
administer the remedy that my love requires."
"Let me put on another dress, darling, it will not take more than
"Five minutes will complete my happiness, and then you can attend to
"But let me take off these woollen robes, which I dislike."
"No; I want you to receive the homage of my love in the same dress
which you had on when you gave birth to it."
She uttered in the humblest manner a 'fiat voluntas tua', accompanied
by the most voluptuous smile, and sank on the sofa. For one instant
we forgot all the world besides. After that delightful ecstacy I
assisted her to undress, and a simple gown of Indian muslin soon
metamorphosed my lovely nun into a beautiful nymph.
After an excellent supper, we agreed not to meet again till the first
day of the octave. She gave me the key of the gate on the shore, and
told me that a blue ribbon attached to the window over the door would
point it out by day, so as to prevent my making a mistake at night.
I made her very happy by telling her that I would come and reside in
her casino until the return of her friend. During the ten days that
I remained there, I saw her four times, and I convinced her that I
lived only for her.
During my stay in the casino I amused myself in reading, in writing
to C---- C----, but my love for her had become a calm affection. The
lines which interested me most in her letters were those in which she
mentioned her friend. She often blamed me for not having cultivated
the acquaintance of M---- M----, and my answer was that I had not
done so for fear of being known. I always insisted upon the
necessity of discretion.
I do not believe in the possibility of equal love being bestowed upon
two persons at the same time, nor do I believe it possible to keep
love to a high degree of intensity if you give it either too much
food or none at all. That which maintained my passion for M--- M----
in a state of great vigour was that I could never possess her without
running the risk of losing her.
"It is impossible," I said to her once, "that some time or other one
of the nuns should not want to speak to you when you are absent?"
"No," she answered, "that cannot happen, because there is nothing
more religiously respected in a convent than the right of a nun to
deny herself, even to the abbess. A fire is the only circumstance I
have to fear, because in that case there would be general uproar and
confusion, and it would not appear natural that a nun should remain
quietly locked up in her cell in the midst of such danger; my escape
would then be discovered. I have contrived to gain over the lay-
sister and the gardener, as well as another nun, and that miracle was
performed by my cunning assisted by my lover's gold.
"He answers for the fidelity of the cook and his wife who take care of
the casino. He has likewise every confidence in the two gondoliers,
although one of them is sure to be a spy of the State Inquisitors."
On Christmas Eve she announced the return of her lover, and she told
him that on St. Stephen's Day she would go with him to the opera, and
that they would afterwards spend the night together.
"I shall expect you, my beloved one," she added, "on the last day of
the year, and here is a letter which I beg you not to read till you
As I had to move in order to make room for her lover, I packed my
things early in the morning, and, bidding farewell to a place in
which during ten days I had enjoyed so many delights, I returned to
the Bragadin Palace, where I read the following letter:
"You have somewhat offended me, my own darling, by telling me,
respecting the mystery which I am bound to keep on the subject of my
lover, that, satisfied to possess my heart, you left me mistress of
my mind. That division of the heart and of the mind appears to me a
pure sophism, and if it does not strike you as such you must admit
that you do not love me wholly, for I cannot exist without mind, and
you cannot cherish my heart if it does not agree with my mind. If
your love cannot accept a different state of things it does not excel
in delicacy. However, as some circumstance might occur in which you
might accuse me of not having acted towards you with all the
sincerity that true love inspires, and that it has a right to demand,
I have made up my mind to confide to you a secret which concerns my
friend, although I am aware that he relies entirely upon my
discretion. I shall certainly be guilty of a breach of confidence,
but you will not love me less for it, because, compelled to choose
between you two, and to deceive either one or the other, love has
conquered friendship; do not punish me for it, for it has not been
done blindly, and you will, I trust, consider the reasons which have
caused the scale to weigh down in your favour.
"When I found myself incapable of resisting my wish to know you and
to become intimate with you, I could not gratify that wish without
taking my friend into my confidence, and I had no doubt of his
compliance. He conceived a very favourable opinion of your character
from your first letter, not only because you had chosen the parlour
of the convent for our first interview, but also because you
appointed his casino at Muran instead of your own. But he likewise
begged of me to allow him to be present at our first meeting-place,
in a small closet--a true hiding-place, from which one can see and
hear everything without being suspected by those in the drawing-room.
You have not yet seen that mysterious closet, but I will shew it to
you on the last day of the year. Tell me, dearest, whether I could
refuse that singular request to the man who was shewing me such
compliant kindness? I consented, and it was natural for me not to
let you know it. You are therefore aware now that my friend was a
witness of all we did and said during the first night that we spent
together, but do not let that annoy you, for you pleased him in
everything, in your behaviour towards me as well as in the witty
sayings which you uttered to make me laugh. I was in great fear,
when the conversation turned upon him, lest you would say something
which might hurt his self-love, but, very fortunately, he heard only
the most flattering compliments. Such is, dearest love, the sincere
confession of my treason, but as a wise lover you will forgive me
because it has not done you the slightest harm. My friend is
extremely curious to ascertain who you are. But listen to me, that
night you were natural and thoroughly amiable, would you have been
the same, if you had known that there was a witness? It is not
likely, and if I had acquainted you with the truth, you might have
refused your consent, and perhaps you would have been right.
"Now that we know each other, and that you entertain no doubt, I
trust, of my devoted love, I wish to ease my conscience and to
venture all. Learn then, dearest, that on the last day of the year,
my friend will be at the casino, which he will leave only the next
morning. You will not see him, but he will see us. As you are
supposed not to know anything about it, you must feel that you will
have to be natural in everything, otherwise, he might guess that I
have betrayed the secret. It is especially in your conversation that
you must be careful. My friend possesses every virtue except the
theological one called faith, and on that subject you can say
anything you like. You will be at liberty to talk literature,
travels, politics, anything you please, and you need not refrain from
anecdotes. In fact you are certain of his approbation.
"Now, dearest, I have only this to say. Do you feel disposed to
allow yourself to be seen by another man while you are abandoning
yourself to the sweet voluptuousness of your senses? That doubt
causes all my anxiety, and I entreat from you an answer, yes or no.
Do you understand how painful the doubt is for me? I expect not to
close my eyes throughout the night, and I shall not rest until I have
your decision. In case you should object to shew your tenderness in
the presence of a third person, I will take whatever determination
love may suggest to me. But I hope you will consent, and even if you
were not to perform the character of an ardent lover in a masterly
manner, it would not be of any consequence. I will let my friend
believe that your love has not reached its apogee"
That letter certainly took me by surprise, but all things considered,
thinking that my part was better than the one accepted by the lover,
I laughed heartily at the proposal. I confess, however, that I
should not have laughed if I had not known the nature of the
individual who was to be the witness of my amorous exploits.
Understanding all the anxiety of my friend, and wishing to allay it,
I immediately wrote to her the following lines:
"You wish me, heavenly creature, to answer you yes or no, and I, full
of love for you, want my answer to reach you before noon, so that you
may dine in perfect peace.
"I will spend the last night of the year with you, and I can assure
you that the friend, to whom we will give a spectacle worthy of
Paphos and Amathos, shall see or hear nothing likely to make him
suppose that I am acquainted with his secret. You may be certain
that I will play my part not as a novice but as a master. If it is
man's duty to be always the slave of his reason; if, as long as he
has control over himself, he ought not to act without taking it for
his guide, I cannot understand why a man should be ashamed to shew
himself to a friend at the very moment that he is most favoured by
love and nature.
"Yet I confess that you would have been wrong if you had confided the
secret to me the first time, and that most likely I should then have
refused to grant you that mark of my compliance, not because I loved
you less then than I do now, but there are such strange tastes in
nature that I might have imagined that your lover's ruling taste was
to enjoy the sight of an ardent and frantic couple in the midst of
amorous connection, and in that case, conceiving an unfavourable
opinion of you, vexation might have frozen the love you had just sent
through my being. Now, however, the case is very different. I know
all I possess in you, and, from all you have told me of your lover,
I am well disposed towards him, and I believe him to be my friend.
If a feeling of modesty does not deter you from shewing yourself
tender, loving, and full of amorous ardour with me in his presence,
how could I be ashamed, when, on the contrary, I ought to feel proud
of myself? I have no reason to blush at having made a conquest of
you, or at shewing myself in those moments during which I prove the
liberality with which nature has bestowed upon me the shape and the
strength which assure such immense enjoyment to me, besides the
certainty that I can make the woman I love share it with me. I am
aware that, owing to a feeling which is called natural, but which is
perhaps only the result of civilization and the effect of the
prejudices inherent in youth, most men object to any witness in those
moments, but those who cannot give any good reasons for their
repugnance must have in their nature something of the cat. At the
same time, they might have some excellent reasons, without their
thinking themselves bound to give them, except to the woman, who is
easily deceived. I excuse with all my heart those who know that they
would only excite the pity of the witnesses, but we both have no fear
of that sort. All you have told me of your friend proves that he
will enjoy our pleasures. But do you know what will be the result of
it? The intensity of our ardour will excite his own, and he will
throw himself at my feet, begging and entreating me to give up to him
the only object likely to calm his amorous excitement. What could I
do in that case? Give you up? I could hardly refuse to do so with
good grace, but I would go away, for I could not remain a quiet
"Farewell, my darling love; all will be well, I have no doubt.
Prepare yourself for the athletic contest, and rely upon the
fortunate being who adores you."
I spent the six following days with my three worthy friends, and at
the 'ridotto', which at that time was opened on St. Stephen's Day.
As I could not hold the cards there, the patricians alone having the
privilege of holding the bank, I played morning and evening, and I
constantly lost; for whoever punts must lose. But the loss of the
four or five thousand sequins I possessed, far from cooling my love,
seemed only to increase its ardour.
At the end of the year 1774 the Great Council promulgated a law
forbidding all games of chance, the first effect of which was to
close the 'ridotto'. This law was a real phenomenon, and when the
votes were taken out of the urn the senators looked at each other
with stupefaction. They had made the law unwittingly, for three-
fourths of the voters objected to it, and yet three-fourths of the
votes were in favour of it. People said that it was a miracle of St.
Mark's, who had answered the prayers of Monsignor Flangini, then
censor-in-chief, now cardinal, and one of the three State
On the day appointed I was punctual at the place of rendezvous, and I
had not to wait for my mistress. She was in the dressing-room, where
she had had time to attend to her toilet, and as soon as she heard me
she came to me dressed with the greatest elegance.
"My friend is not yet at his post," she said to me, "but the moment
he is there I will give you a wink."
"Where is the mysterious closet?"
"There it is. Look at the back of this sofa against the wall. All
those flowers in relief have a hole in the centre which communicates
with the closet behind that wall. There is a bed, a table, and
everything necessary to a person who wants to spend the night in
amusing himself by looking at what is going on in this room. I will
skew it to you whenever you like."
"Was it arranged by your lover's orders?"
"No, for he could not foresee that he would use it."
"I understand that he may find great pleasure in such a sight, but
being unable to possess you at the very moment nature will make you
most necessary to him, what will he do?"
"That is his business. Besides, he is at liberty to go away when he
has had enough of it, or to sleep if he has a mind to, but if you
play your part naturally he will not feel any weariness."
"I will be most natural, but I must be more polite."
"No, no politeness, I beg, for if you are polite, goodbye to nature.
Where have you ever seen, I should like to know, two lovers, excited
by all the fury of love, think of politeness?"
"You are right, darling, but I must be more delicate."
"Very well, delicacy can do no harm, but no more than usual. Your
letter greatly pleased me, you have treated the subject like a man of
I have already stated that my mistress was dressed most elegantly,
but I ought to have added that it was the elegance of the Graces, and
that it did not in any way prevent ease and simplicity. I only
wondered at her having used some paint for the face, but it rather
pleased me because she had applied it according to the fashion of the
ladies of Versailles. The charm of that style consists in the
negligence with which the paint is applied. The rouge must not
appear natural; it is used to please the eyes which see in it the
marks of an intoxication heralding the most amorous fury. She told
me that she had put some on her face to please her inquisitive
friend, who was very fond of it.
"That taste," I said, "proves him to be a Frenchman."
As I was uttering these words, she made a sign to me; the friend was
at his post, and now the play began.
"The more I look at you, beloved angel, the more I think you worthy
of my adoration."
"But are you not certain that you do not worship a cruel divinity?"
"Yes, and therefore I do not offer my sacrifices to appease you, but
to excite you. You shall feel all through the night the ardour of my
"You will not find me insensible to your offerings."
"I would begin them at once, but I think that, in order to insure
their efficiency, we ought to have supper first. I have taken
nothing to-day but a cup of chocolate and a salad of whites of eggs
dressed with oil from Lucca and Marseilles vinegar."
"But, dearest, it is folly! you must be ill?"
"Yes, I am just now, but I shall be all right when I have distilled
the whites of eggs, one by one, into your amorous soul."
"I did not think you required any such stimulants."
"Who could want any with you? But I have a rational fear, for if I
happened to prime without being able to fire, I would blow my brains
"My dear browny, it would certainly be a misfortune, but there would
be no occasion to be in despair on that account."
"You think that I would only have to prime again."
While we were bantering in this edifying fashion, the table had been
laid, and we sat down to supper. She ate for two and I for four, our
excellent appetite being excited by the delicate cheer. A sumptuous
dessert was served in splendid silver-gilt plate, similar to the two
candlesticks which held four wax candles each. Seeing that I admired
them, she said:
"They are a present from my friend."
"It is a magnificent present, has he given you the snuffers
"It is a proof that your friend is a great nobleman."
"Because great lords have no idea of snuffing the candle."
"Our candles have wicks which never require that operation."
"Good! Tell me who has taught you French."
"Old La Forest. I have been his pupil for six years. He has also
taught me to write poetry, but you know a great many words which I
never heard from him, such as 'a gogo, frustratoire, rater,
dorloter'. Who taught you these words?"
"The good company in Paris, and women particularly."
We made some punch, and amused ourselves in eating oysters after the
voluptuous fashion of lovers. We sucked them in, one by one, after
placing them on the other's tongue. Voluptuous reader, try it, and
tell me whether it is not the nectar of the gods!
At last, joking was over, and I reminded her that we had to think of
more substantial pleasures. "Wait here," she said, "I am going to
change my dress. I shall be back in one minute." Left alone, and
not knowing what to do, I looked in the drawers of her writing-table.
I did not touch the letters, but finding a box full of certain
preservative sheaths against the fatal and dreaded plumpness, I
emptied it, and I placed in it the following lines instead of the
'Enfants de L'Amitie, ministres de la Peur,
Je suis l'Amour, tremblez, respectez le voleur!
Et toi, femme de Dieu, ne crains pas d'etre mere;
Car si to le deviens, Dieu seal sera le pere.
S'iL est dit cependant que tu veux le barren,
Parle; je suis tout pret, je me ferai chatrer.'
My mistress soon returned, dressed like a nymph. A gown of Indian
muslin, embroidered with gold lilies, spewed to admiration the
outline of her voluptuous form, and her fine lace-cap was worthy of a
queen. I threw myself at her feet, entreating her not to delay my
happiness any longer.
"Control your ardour a few moments," she said, "here is the altar,
and in a few minutes the victim will be in your arms."
"You will see," she added, going to her writing-table, "how far the
delicacy and the kind attention of my friend can extend."
She took the box and opened it, but instead of the pretty sheaths
that she expected to see, she found my poetry. After reading it
aloud, she called me a thief, and smothering me with kisses she
entreated me to give her back what I had stolen, but I pretended not
to understand. She then read the lines again, considered for one
moment, and under pretence of getting a better pen, she left the
"I am going to pay you in your own coin."
She came back after a few minutes and wrote the following six lines:
'Sans rien oter au plaisir amoureux,
L'objet de ton larcin sert a combier nos voeux.
A l'abri du danger, mon ame satisfaite
Savoure en surete parfaite;
Et si tu veux jauer avec securite,
Rends-moi mon doux ami, ces dons de l'amitie.
After this I could not resist any longer, and I gave her back those
objects so precious to a nun who wants to sacrifice on the altar of
The clock striking twelve, I shewed her the principal actor who was
longing to perform, and she arranged the sofa, saying that the alcove
being too cold we had better sleep on it. But the true reason was
that, to satisfy the curious lover, it was necessary for us to be
Dear reader, a picture must have shades, and there is nothing, no
matter how beautiful in one point of view, that does not require to
be sometimes veiled if you look at it from a different one. In order
to paint the diversified scene which took place between me and my
lovely mistress until the dawn of day, I should have to use all the
colours of Aretino's palette. I was ardent and full of vigour, but I
had to deal with a strong partner, and in the morning, after the last
exploit, we were positively worn out; so much so that my charming nun
felt some anxiety on my account. It is true that she had seen my
blood spurt out and cover her bosom during my last offering; and as
she did not suspect the true cause of that phenomenon, she turned
pale with fright. I allayed her anxiety by a thousand follies which
made her laugh heartily. I washed her splendid bosom with rosewater,
so as to purify it from the blood by which it had been dyed for the
first time. She expressed a fear that she had swallowed a few drops,
but I told her that it was of no consequence, even if were the case.
She resumed the costume of a nun, and entreating me to lie down and
to write to her before returning to Venice, so as to let her know how
I was, she left the casino.
I had no difficulty in obeying her, for I was truly in great need of
rest. I slept until evening. As soon as I awoke, I wrote to her
that my health was excellent, and that I felt quite inclined to begin
our delightful contest all over again. I asked her to let me know
how she was herself, and after I had dispatched my letter I returned
I Give My Portrait to M. M.--A Present From Her--I Go to the Opera
With Her--She Plays At the Faro Table and Replenishes My Empty Purse-
-Philosophical Conversation With M. M.--A Letter From C. C.--She
Knows All--A Ball At the Convent; My Exploits In the Character of
Pierrot--C. C. Comes to the Casino Instead of M. M.--I Spend the
Night With Her In A Very Silly Way.
My dear M---- M---- had expressed a wish to have my portrait,
something like the one I had given to C---- C----, only larger, to
wear it as a locket. The outside was to represent some saint, and an
invisible spring was to remove the sainted picture and expose my
likeness. I called upon the artist who had painted the other
miniature for me, and in three sittings I had what I wanted. He
afterwards made me an Annunciation, in which the angel Gabriel was
transformed into a dark-haired saint, and the Holy Virgin into a
beautiful, light-complexioned woman holding her arms towards the
angel. The celebrated painter Mengs imitated that idea in the
picture of the Annunciation which he painted in Madrid twelve years
afterwards, but I do not know whether he had the same reasons for it
as my painter. That allegory was exactly of the same size as my
portrait, and the jeweller who made the locket arranged it in such a
manner that no one could suppose the sacred image to be there only
for the sake of hiding a profane likeness.
The end of January, 1754, before going to the casino, I called upon
Laura to give her a letter for C---- C----, and she handed me one
from her which amused me. My beautiful nun had initiated that young
girl, not only into the mysteries of Sappho, but also in high
metaphysics, and C---- C---- had consequently become a Freethinker.
She wrote to me that, objecting to give an account of her affairs to
her confessor, and yet not wishing to tell him falsehoods, she had
made up her mind to tell him nothing.
"He has remarked," she added, "that perhaps I do not confess anything
to him because I did not examine my conscience sufficiently, and I
answered him that I had nothing to say, but that if he liked I would
commit a few sins for the purpose of having something to tell him in
I thought this reply worthy of a thorough sophist, and laughed
On the same day I received the following letter from my adorable nun
"I write to you from my bed, dearest browny, because I cannot remain
standing on my feet. I am almost dead. But I am not anxious about
it; a little rest will make me all right, for I eat well and sleep
soundly. You have made me very happy by writing to me that your
bleeding has not had any evil consequences, and I give you fair
notice that I shall have the proof of it on Twelfth Night, at least
if you like; that is understood, and you will let me know. In case
you should feel disposed to grant me that favour, my darling, I wish
to go to the opera. At all events, recollect that I positively
forbid the whites of eggs for the future, for I would rather have a
little less enjoyment and more security respecting your health. In
future, when you go to the casino of Muran, please to enquire whether
there is anybody there, and if you receive an affirmative answer, go
away. My friend will do the same. In that manner you will not run
the risk of meeting one another, but you need not observe these
precautions for long, if you wish, for my friend is extremely fond of
you, and has a great desire to make your acquaintance. He has told
me that, if he had not seen it with his own eyes, he never would have
believed that a man could run the race that you ran so splendidly the
other night, but he says that, by making love in that manner, you bid
defiance to death, for he is certain that the blood you lost comes
from the brain. But what will he say when he hears that you only
laugh at the occurrence? I am going to make you very merry: he wants
to eat the salad of whites of eggs, and he wants me to ask you for
some of your vinegar, because there is none in Venice. He said that
he spent a delightful night, in spite of his fear of the evil
consequences of our amorous sport, and he has found my own efforts
superior to the usual weakness of my sex. That may be the case,
dearest browny, but I am delighted to have done such wonders, and to
have made such trial of my strength. Without you, darling of my
heart, I should have lived without knowing myself, and I wonder
whether it is possible for nature to create a woman who could remain