Part 5 out of 9
fidelity to the cause, had been more than questionable of late.
His passion for Sue troubled his soul; yet his lawful abandonment to the
society of Arabella for twelve hours seemed instinctively a worse thing--
even though she had not told him of her Sydney husband till afterwards.
He had, he verily believed, overcome all tendency to fly to liquor--
which, indeed, he had never done from taste, but merely as an escape
from intolerable misery of mind. Yet he perceived with despondency that,
taken all round, he was a man of too many passions to make a good clergyman;
the utmost he could hope for was that in a life of constant internal
warfare between flesh and spirit the former might not always
As a hobby, auxiliary to his readings in Divinity, he developed
his slight skill in church-music and thorough-bass, till
he could join in part-singing from notation with some accuracy.
A mile or two from Melchester there was a restored village church,
to which Jude had originally gone to fix the new columns
and capitals. By this means he had become acquainted with
the organist, and the ultimate result was that he joined
the choir as a bass voice.
He walked out to this parish twice every Sunday, and sometimes in the week.
One evening about Easter the choir met for practice, and a new hymn which Jude
had heard of as being by a Wessex composer was to be tried and prepared for
the following week. It turned out to be a strangely emotional composition.
As they all sang it over and over again its harmonies grew upon Jude,
and moved him exceedingly.
When they had finished he went round to the organist to make inquiries.
The score was in manuscript, the name of the composer being at the head,
together with the title of the hymn: "The Foot of the Cross."
"Yes," said the organist. "He is a local man. He is a professional musician
at Kennetbridge--between here and Christminster. The vicar knows him.
He was brought up and educated in Christminster traditions, which accounts
for the quality of the piece. I think he plays in the large church there,
and has a surpliced choir. He comes to Melchester sometimes, and once tried
to get the cathedral organ when the post was vacant. The hymn is getting
about everywhere this Easter."
As he walked humming the air on his way home, Jude fell to
musing on its composer, and the reasons why he composed it.
What a man of sympathies he must be! Perplexed and harassed
as he himself was about Sue and Arabella, and troubled
as was his conscience by the complication of his position,
how he would like to know that man!" He of all men would
understand my difficulties," said the impulsive Jude.
If there were any person in the world to choose as a confidant,
this composer would be the one, for he must have suffered,
and throbbed, and yearned.
In brief, ill as he could afford the time and money for the journey,
Fawley resolved, like the child that he was, to go to Kennetbridge
the very next Sunday. He duly started, early in the morning, for it
was only by a series of crooked railways that he could get to the town.
About mid-day he reached it, and crossing the bridge into the quaint old
borough he inquired for the house of the composer.
They told him it was a red brick building some little way further on.
Also that the gentleman himself had just passed along the street not five
"Which way?" asked Jude with alacrity.
"Straight along homeward from church."
Jude hastened on, and soon had the pleasure of observing a man in a black
coat and a black slouched felt hat no considerable distance ahead.
Stretching out his legs yet more widely he stalked after. "A hungry soul
in pursuit of a full soul!" he said. "I must speak to that man!"
He could not, however, overtake the musician before he had entered his own
house, and then arose the question if this were an expedient time to call.
Whether or not he decided to do so there and then, now that he had got here,
the distance home being too great for him to wait till late in the afternoon.
This man of soul would understand scant ceremony, and might be quite
a perfect adviser in a case in which an earthly and illegitimate passion
had cunningly obtained entrance into his heart through the opening afforded
Jude accordingly rang the bell, and was admitted.
The musician came to him in a moment, and being respectably dressed,
good-looking, and frank in manner, Jude obtained a favourable reception.
He was nevertheless conscious that there would be a certain awkwardness in
explaining his errand.
"I have been singing in the choir of a little church near Melchester,"
he said. "And we have this week practised 'The Foot of the Cross,'
which I understand, sir, that you composed?"
"I did--a year or so ago."
"I--like it. I think it supremely beautiful!"
"Ah well--other people have said so too. Yes, there's money in it,
if I could only see about getting it published. I have other
compositions to go with it, too; I wish I could bring them out;
for I haven't made a five-pound note out of any of them yet.
These publishing people--they want the copyright of an obscure
composer's work, such as mine is, for almost less than I should have
to pay a person for making, a fair manuscript copy of the score.
The one you speak of I have lent to various friends about
here and Melchester, and so it has got to be sung a little.
But music is a poor staff to lean on--I am giving it up entirely.
You must go into trade if you want to make money nowadays.
The wine business is what I am thinking of. This is my forthcoming list--
it is not issued yet--but you can take one."
He handed Jude an advertisement list of several pages in booklet shape,
ornamentally margined with a red line, in which were set forth
the various clarets, champagnes, ports, sherries, and other wines
with which he purposed to initiate his new venture. It took Jude
more than by surprise that the man with the soul was thus and thus;
and he felt that he could not open up his confidences.
They talked a little longer, but constrainedly, for when the musician found
that Jude was a poor man his manner changed from what it had been while Jude's
appearance and address deceived him as to his position and pursuits.
Jude stammered out something about his feelings in wishing to congratulate
the author on such an exalted composition, and took an embarrassed leave.
All the way home by the slow Sunday train, sitting in the fireless
waiting-rooms on this cold spring day, he was depressed enough at
his simplicity in taking such a journey. But no sooner did he reach
his Melchester lodging than he found awaiting him a letter which had
arrived that morning a few minutes after he had left the house.
It was a contrite little note from Sue, in which she said,
with sweet humility, that she felt she had been horrid in telling
him he was not to come to see her, that she despised herself
for having been so conventional; and that he was to be sure to come
by the eleven-forty-five train that very Sunday, and have dinner
with them at half-past one.
Jude almost tore his hair at having missed this letter till it
was too late to act upon its contents; but he had chastened himself
considerably of late, and at last his chimerical expedition
to Kennetbridge really did seem to have been another special
intervention of Providence to keep him away from temptation.
But a growing impatience of faith, which he had noticed in himself
more than once of late, made him pass over in ridicule the idea
that God sent people on fools' errands. He longed to see her;
he was angry at having missed her: and he wrote instantly,
telling her what had happened, and saying he had not enough
patience to wait till the following Sunday, but would come any day
in the week that she liked to name.
Since he wrote a little over-ardently, Sue, as her manner was,
delayed her reply till Thursday before Good Friday,
when she said he might come that afternoon if he wished,
this being the earliest day on which she could welcome him,
for she was now assistant-teacher in her husband's school.
Jude therefore got leave from the cathedral works at the trifling
expense of a stoppage of pay, and went.
"Whoso prefers either Matrimony or other Ordinance before the Good
of Man and the plain Exigence of Charity, let him profess Papist,
or Protestant, or what he will, he is no better than a Pharisee."--
SHASTON, the ancient British Palladour,
From whose foundation first such strange reports
(as Drayton sang it), was, and is, in itself the city of a dream.
Vague imaginings of its castle, its three mints, its magnificent
apsidal abbey, the chief glory of South Wessex, its twelve churches,
its shrines, chantries, hospitals, its gabled freestone mansions--
all now ruthlessly swept away--throw the visitor, even against
his will, into a pensive melancholy, which the stimulating
atmosphere and limitless landscape around him can scarcely dispel.
The spot was the burial-place of a king and a queen, of abbots
and abbesses, saints and bishops, knights and squires.
The bones of King Edward "the Martyr," carefully removed hither
for holy preservation, brought Shaston a renown which made it
the resort of pilgrims from every part of Europe, and enabled it
to maintain a reputation extending far beyond English shores.
To this fair creation of the great Middle-Age the Dissolution was,
as historians tell us, the death-knell. With the destruction
of the enormous abbey the whole place collapsed in a general ruin:
the Martyr's bones met with the fate of the sacred pile
that held them, and not a stone is now left to tell where
The natural picturesqueness and singularity of the town still remain;
but strange to say these qualities, which were noted by many writers
in ages when scenic beauty is said to have been unappreciated,
are passed over in this, and one of the queerest and quaintest spots
in England stands virtually unvisited to-day.
It has a unique position on the summit of a steep and imposing scarp,
rising on the north, south, and west sides of the borough out of
the deep alluvial Vale of Blackmoor, the view from the Castle Green
over three counties of verdant pasture--South, Mid, and Nether Wessex--
being as sudden a surprise to the unexpectant traveller's eyes
as the medicinal air is to his lungs. Impossible to a railway,
it can best be reached on foot, next best by light vehicles;
and it is hardly accessible to these but by a sort of isthmus on
the north-east, that connects it with the high chalk table-land on
Such is, and such was, the now world-forgotten Shaston or Palladour.
Its situation rendered water the great want of the town; and within
living memory, horses, donkeys and men may have been seen toiling up
the winding ways to the top of the height, laden with tubs and barrels
filled from the wells beneath the mountain, and hawkers retailing their
contents at the price of a halfpenny a bucketful.
This difficulty in the water supply, together with two other
odd facts, namely, that the chief graveyard slopes up as steeply
as a roof behind the church, and that in former times the town passed
through a curious period of corruption, conventual and domestic,
gave rise to the saying that Shaston was remarkable for three
consolations to man, such as the world afforded not elsewhere.
It was a place where the churchyard lay nearer heaven than
the church steeple, where beer was more plentiful than water,
and where there were more wanton women than honest wives and maids.
It is also said that after the Middle Ages the inhabitants were too
poor to pay their priests, and hence were compelled to pull down
their churches, and refrain altogether from the public worship of God;
a necessity which they bemoaned over their cups in the settles of
their inns on Sunday afternoons. In those days the Shastonians were
apparently not without a sense of humour.
There was another peculiarity--this a modern one--which Shaston appeared
to owe to its site. It was the resting-place and headquarters of
the proprietors of wandering vans, shows, shooting-galleries, and other
itinerant concerns, whose business lay largely at fairs and markets.
As strange wild birds are seen assembled on some lofty promontory,
meditatively pausing for longer flights, or to return by the course they
followed thither, so here, in this cliff-town, stood in stultified silence
the yellow and green caravans bearing names not local, as if surprised
by a change in the landscape so violent as to hinder their further progress;
and here they usually remained all the winter till they turned to seek again
their old tracks in the following spring.
It was to this breezy and whimsical spot that Jude ascended from
the nearest station for the first time in his life about four
o'clock one afternoon, and entering on the summit of the peak
after a toilsome climb, passed the first houses of the aerial town;
and drew towards the school-house. The hour was too early;
the pupils were still in school, humming small, like a swarm of gnats;
and he withdrew a few steps along Abbey Walk, whence he regarded the spot
which fate had made the home of all he loved best in the world.
In front of the schools, which were extensive and stone-built,
grew two enormous beeches with smooth mouse-coloured trunks,
as such trees will only grow on chalk uplands. Within the mullioned
and transomed windows he could see the black, brown, and flaxen crowns
of the scholars over the sills, and to pass the time away he walked
down to the level terrace where the abbey gardens once had spread,
his heart throbbing in spite of him.
Unwilling to enter till the children were dismissed he remained
here till young voices could be heard in the open air,
and girls in white pinafores over red and blue frocks appeared
dancing along the paths which the abbess, prioress, subprioress,
and fifty nuns had demurely paced three centuries earlier.
Retracing his steps he found that he had waited too long, and that
Sue had gone out into the town at the heels of the last scholar,
Mr. Phillotson having been absent all the afternoon at a teachers'
meeting at Shottsford.
Jude went into the empty schoolroom and sat down, the girl who
was sweeping the floor having informed him that Mrs. Phillotson
would be back again in a few minutes. A piano stood near--
actually the old piano that Phillotson had possessed at Marygreen--
and though the dark afternoon almost prevented him seeing
the notes Jude touched them in his humble way, and could
not help modulating into the hymn which had so affected him
in the previous week.
A figure moved behind him, and thinking it was still the girl with the broom
Jude took no notice, till the person came close and laid her fingers lightly
upon his bass hand. The imposed hand was a little one he seemed to know,
and he turned.
"Don't stop," said Sue. "I like it. I learnt it before I left Melchester.
They used to play it in the training school."
"I can't strum before you! Play it for me."
"Oh well--I don't mind."
Sue sat down, and her rendering of the piece, though not remarkable,
seemed divine as compared with his own. She, like him, was evidently touched--
to her own surprise--by the recalled air; and when she had finished,
and he moved his hand towards hers, it met his own half-way. Jude grasped it--
just as he had done before her marriage.
"It is odd," she said, in a voice quite changed, "that I should care
about that air; because----"
"I am not that sort--quite."
"Not easily moved?"
"I didn't quite mean that."
"Oh, but you ARE one of that sort, for you are just like me at heart!"
"But not at head."
She played on and suddenly turned round; and by an unpremeditated
instinct each clasped the other's hand again.
She uttered a forced little laugh as she relinquished his quickly.
"How funny!" she said. "I wonder what we both did that for?"
"I suppose because we are both alike, as I said before."
"Not in our thoughts! Perhaps a little in our feelings."
"And they rule thoughts.... Isn't it enough to make one blaspheme
that the composer of that hymn is one of the most commonplace men
I ever met!"
"What--you know him?"
"I went to see him."
"Oh, you goose--to do just what I should have done! Why did you?"
"Because we are not alike," he said drily.
"Now we'll have some tea," said Sue. "Shall we have it here
instead of in my house? It is no trouble to get the kettle
and things brought in. We don't live at the school you know,
but in that ancient dwelling across the way called Old-Grove Place.
It is so antique and dismal that it depresses me dreadfully.
Such houses are very well to visit, but not to live in--
I feel crushed into the earth by the weight of so many previous
lives there spent. In a new place like these schools there is only
your own life to support. Sit down, and I'll tell Ada to bring
the tea-things across."
He waited in the light of the stove, the door of which she flung open
before going out, and when she returned, followed by the maiden with tea,
they sat down by the same light, assisted by the blue rays of a spirit-lamp
under the brass kettle on the stand.
"This is one of your wedding-presents to me," she said,
signifying the latter.
"Yes," said Jude.
The kettle of his gift sang with some satire in its note, to his mind;
and to change the subject he said, "Do you know of any good readable
edition of the uncanonical books of the New Testament? You don't read them
in the school I suppose?"
"Oh dear no!--'twould alarm the neighbourhood.... Yes, there is one.
I am not familiar with it now, though I was interested in it when my former
friend was alive. Cowper's APOCRYPHAL GOSPELS."
"That sounds like what I want." His thoughts, however reverted
with a twinge to the "former friend"--by whom she meant,
as he knew, the university comrade of her earlier days.
He wondered if she talked of him to Phillotson.
"The Gospel of Nicodemus is very nice," she went on to keep him from
his jealous thoughts, which she read clearly, as she always did.
Indeed when they talked on an indifferent subject, as now,
there was ever a second silent conversation passing between
their emotions, so perfect was the reciprocity between them.
"It is quite like the genuine article. All cut up into verses, too;
so that it is like one of the other evangelists read in a dream,
when things are the same, yet not the same. But, Jude, do you
take an interest in those questions still? Are you getting
"Yes. I am reading Divinity harder than ever."
She regarded him curiously.
"Why do you look at me like that?" said Jude.
"Oh--why do you want to know?"
"I am sure you can tell me anything I may be ignorant of in that subject.
You must have learnt a lot of everything from your dear dead friend!"
"We won't get on to that now!" she coaxed. "Will you be carving
out at that church again next week, where you learnt the pretty hymn?"
"That will be very nice. Shall I come and see you there?
It is in this direction, and I could come any afternoon by train
for half an hour?"
"No. Don't come!"
"What--aren't we going to be friends, then, any longer,
as we used to be?"
"I didn't know that. I thought you were always going to be kind to me!"
"No, I am not."
"What have I done, then? I am sure I thought we two----
" The TREMOLO in her voice caused her to break off.
"Sue, I sometimes think you are a flirt," said he abruptly.
There was a momentary pause, till she suddenly jumped up;
and to his surprise he saw by the kettle-flame that her face
"I can't talk to you any longer, Jude!" she said, the tragic
contralto note having come back as of old. "It is getting
too dark to stay together like this, after playing morbid
Good Friday tunes that make one feel what one shouldn't! ...
We mustn't sit and talk in this way any more. Yes--you must
go away, for you mistake me! I am very much the reverse of
what you say so cruelly--Oh, Jude, it WAS cruel to say that!
Yet I can't tell you the truth--I should shock you by letting
you know how I give way to my impulses, and how much I feel
that I shouldn't have been provided with attractiveness unless
it were meant to be exercised! Some women's love of being
loved is insatiable; and so, often, is their love of loving;
and in the last case they may find that they can't give it
continuously to the chamber-officer appointed by the bishop's
licence to receive it. But you are so straightforward,
Jude, that you can't understand me! ... Now you must go.
I am sorry my husband is not at home."
"I perceive I have said that in mere convention! Honestly I
don't think I am sorry. It does not matter, either way,
sad to say!"
As they had overdone the grasp of hands some time sooner,
she touched his fingers but lightly when he went out now.
He had hardly gone from the door when, with a dissatisfied look,
she jumped on a form and opened the iron casement of a
window beneath which he was passing in the path without.
"When do you leave here to catch your train, Jude?"
He looked up in some surprise. "The coach that runs to meet
it goes in three-quarters of an hour or so."
"What will you do with yourself for the time?"
"Oh--wander about, I suppose. Perhaps I shall go and sit in the old church."
"It does seem hard of me to pack you off so! You have thought enough
of churches, Heaven knows, without going into one in the dark.
"Where you are. I can talk to you better like this than when you were
inside.... It was so kind and tender of you to give up half a day's work
to come to see me! ... You are Joseph the dreamer of dreams, dear Jude.
And a tragic Don Quixote. And sometimes you are St. Stephen, who, while they
were stoning him, could see Heaven opened. Oh, my poor friend and comrade,
you'll suffer yet!"
Now that the high window-sill was between them, so that he could
not get at her, she seemed not to mind indulging in a frankness
she had feared at close quarters.
"I have been thinking," she continued, still in the tone of one
brimful of feeling, "that the social moulds civilization fits us
into have no more relation to our actual shapes than the conventional
shapes of the constellations have to the real star-patterns. I am
called Mrs. Richard Phillotson, living a calm wedded life with my
counterpart of that name. But I am not really Mrs. Richard Phillotson,
but a woman tossed about, all alone, with aberrant passions,
and unaccountable antipathies.... Now you mustn't wait longer,
or you will lose the coach. Come and see me again. You must come
to the house then."
"Yes!" said Jude. "When shall it be?"
"To-morrow week. Good-bye--good-bye!" She stretched out
her hand and stroked his forehead pitifully--just once.
Jude said good-bye, and went away into the darkness.
Passing along Bimport Street he thought he heard the wheels
of the coach departing, and, truly enough, when he reached
the Duke's Arms in the Market Place the coach had gone.
It was impossible for him to get to the station on foot in time
for this train, and he settled himself perforce to wait for the next--
the last to Melchester that night.
He wandered about awhile, obtained something to eat; and then,
having another half-hour on his hands, his feet involuntarily
took him through the venerable graveyard of Trinity Church,
with its avenues of limes, in the direction of the schools again.
They were entirely in darkness. She had said she lived over the way
at Old-Grove Place, a house which he soon discovered from her
description of its antiquity.
A glimmering candlelight shone from a front window, the shutters
being yet unclosed. He could see the interior clearly--
the floor sinking a couple of steps below the road without,
which had become raised during the centuries since the house
was built. Sue, evidently just come in, as standing with her
hat on in this front parlour or sitting-room, whose walls
were lined with wainscoting of panelled oak reaching from
floor to ceiling, the latter being crossed by huge moulded
beams only a little way above her head. The mantelpiece was
of the same heavy description, carved with Jacobean pilasters
and scroll-work. The centuries did, indeed, ponderously overhang
a young wife who passed her time here.
She had opened a rosewood work-box, and was looking at a photograph.
Having contemplated it a little while she pressed it against her bosom,
and put it again in its place.
Then becoming aware that she had not obscured the windows she
came forward to do so, candle in hand. It was too dark for her
to see Jude without, but he could see her face distinctly,
and there was an unmistakable tearfulness about the dark,
She closed the shutters, and Jude turned away to pursue his solitary
journey home. "Whose photograph was she looking at?" he said.
He had once given her his; but she had others, he knew. Yet it
was his, surely?
He knew he should go to see her again, according to her invitation.
Those earnest men he read of, the saints, whom Sue, with gentle irreverence,
called his demi-gods, would have shunned such encounters if they
doubted their own strength. But he could not. He might fast and pray
during the whole interval, but the human was more powerful in him than
HOWEVER, if God disposed not, woman did. The next morning but one brought
him this note from her:
Don't come next week. On your own account don't! We were too free,
under the influence of that morbid hymn and the twilight.
Think no more than you can help of SUSANNA FLORENCE MARY.
The disappointment was keen. He knew her mood, the look
of her face, when she subscribed herself at length thus.
But whatever her mood he could not say she was wrong in her view.
I acquiesce. You are right. It is a lesson in renunciation
which I suppose I ought to learn at this season. JUDE
He despatched the note on Easter Eve, and there seemed a finality in
their decisions. But other forces and laws than theirs were in operation.
On Easter Monday morning he received a message from the Widow Edlin,
whom he had directed to telegraph if anything serious happened:
Your aunt is sinking. Come at once.
He threw down his tools and went. Three and a half hours later
he was crossing the downs about Marygreen, and presently plunged into
the concave field across which the short cut was made to the village.
As he ascended on the other side a labouring man, who had been watching
his approach from a gate across the path, moved uneasily, and prepared
to speak. "I can see in his face that she is dead," said Jude.
"Poor Aunt Drusilla!"
It was as he had supposed, and Mrs. Edlin had sent out the man to break
the news to him.
"She wouldn't have knowed 'ee. She lay like a doll wi'
glass eyes; so it didn't matter that you wasn't here,"
Jude went on to the house, and in the afternoon, when everything was done,
and the layers-out had finished their beer, and gone, he sat down alone
in the silent place. It was absolutely necessary to communicate with Sue,
though two or three days earlier they had agreed to mutual severance.
He wrote in the briefest terms:
Aunt Drusilla is dead, having been taken almost suddenly.
The funeral is on Friday afternoon.
He remained in and about Marygreen through the intervening days,
went out on Friday morning to see that the grave was finished,
and wondered if Sue would come. She had not written, and that seemed
to signify rather that she would come than that she would not.
Having timed her by her only possible train, he locked the door
about mid-day, and crossed the hollow field to the verge of the upland
by the Brown House, where he stood and looked over the vast prospect
northwards, and over the nearer landscape in which Alfredston stood.
Two miles behind it a jet of white steam was travelling from the left
to the right of the picture.
There was a long time to wait, even now, till he would know if she
had arrived. He did wait, however, and at last a small hired
vehicle pulled up at the bottom of the hill, and a person alighted,
the conveyance going back, while the passenger began ascending the hill.
He knew her; and she looked so slender to-day that it seemed as if
she might be crushed in the intensity of a too passionate embrace--
such as it was not for him to give. Two-thirds of the way up her
head suddenly took a solicitous poise, and he knew that she had at
that moment recognized him. Her face soon began a pensive smile,
which lasted till, having descended a little way, he met her.
"I thought," she began with nervous quickness, "that it would be so sad
to let you attend the funeral alone! And so--at the last moment--
"Dear faithful Sue!" murmured Jude.
With the elusiveness of her curious double nature, however, Sue did not stand
still for any further greeting, though it wanted some time to the burial.
A pathos so unusually compounded as that which attached to this hour was
unlikely to repeat itself for years, if ever, and Jude would have paused,
and meditated, and conversed. But Sue either saw it not at all, or, seeing it
more than he, would not allow herself to feel it.
The sad and simple ceremony was soon over, their progress
to the church being almost at a trot, the bustling undertaker
having a more important funeral an hour later, three miles off.
Drusilla was put into the new ground, quite away from her ancestors.
Sue and Jude had gone side by side to the grave, and now sat
down to tea in the familiar house; their lives united at least
in this last attention to the dead.
"She was opposed to marriage, from first to last, you say?"
"Yes. Particularly for members of our family."
Her eyes met his, and remained on him awhile.
"We are rather a sad family, don't you think, Jude?"
"She said we made bad husbands and wives. Certainly we make unhappy ones.
At all events, I do, for one!"
Sue was silent. "Is it wrong, Jude," she said with a tentative tremor,
"for a husband or wife to tell a third person that they are unhappy
in their marriage? If a marriage ceremony is a religious thing,
it is possibly wrong; but if it is only a sordid contract,
based on material convenience in householding, rating, and taxing,
and the inheritance of land and money by children, making it
necessary that the male parent should be known--which it seems to be--
why surely a person may say, even proclaim upon the housetops, that it
hurts and grieves him or her?"
"I have said so, anyhow, to you."
Presently she went on: "Are there many couples, do you think,
where one dislikes the other for no definite fault?"
"Yes, I suppose. If either cares for another person, for instance."
"But even apart from that? Wouldn't the woman, for example,
be very bad-natured if she didn't like to live with
her husband; merely"--her voice undulated, and he guessed
things--"merely because she had a personal feeling against it--
a physical objection--a fastidiousness, or whatever it may
be called--although she might respect and be grateful to him?
I am merely putting a case. Ought she to try to overcome
Jude threw a troubled look at her. He said, looking away:
"It would be just one of those cases in which my experiences
go contrary to my dogmas. Speaking as an order-loving man--
which I hope I am, though I fear I am not--I should say, yes.
Speaking from experience and unbiased nature, I should say,
no.... Sue, I believe you are not happy!"
"Of course I am!" she contradicted. "How can a woman be unhappy
who has only been married eight weeks to a man she chose freely?"
"Why do you repeat it? ... But I have to go back by the six o'clock train.
You will be staying on here, I suppose?"
"For a few days to wind up Aunt's affairs. This house is gone now.
Shall I go to the train with you?"
A little laugh of objection came from Sue. "I think not.
You may come part of the way."
"But stop--you can't go to-night! That train won't take you to Shaston.
You must stay and go back to-morrow. Mrs. Edlin has plenty of room, if you
don't like to stay here?"
"Very well," she said dubiously. "I didn't tell him I would come
Jude went to the widow's house adjoining, to let her know;
and returning in a few minutes sat down again.
"It is horrible how we are circumstanced, Sue--horrible!" he said abruptly,
with his eyes bent to the floor.
"I can't tell you all my part of the gloom. Your part is that you
ought not to have married him. I saw it before you had done it,
but I thought I mustn't interfere. I was wrong. I ought to have!"
"But what makes you assume all this, dear?"
"Because--I can see you through your feathers, my poor little bird!"
Her hand lay on the table, and Jude put his upon it.
Sue drew hers away.
"That's absurd, Sue," cried he, "after what we've been talking about!
I am more strict and formal than you, if it comes to that;
and that you should object to such an innocent action shows that you
are ridiculously inconsistent!"
"Perhaps it was too prudish," she said repentantly.
"Only I have fancied it was a sort of trick of ours--
too frequent perhaps. There, you may hold it as much as you like.
Is that good of me?"
"But I must tell him."
"Oh--of course, if you think it necessary. But as it means nothing it
may be bothering him needlessly."
"Well--are you sure you mean it only as my cousin?"
"Absolutely sure. I have no feelings of love left in me."
"That's news. How has it come to be?"
"I've seen Arabella."
She winced at the hit; then said curiously, "When did you see her?"
"When I was at Christminster."
"So she's come back; and you never told me! I suppose you will live
with her now?"
"Of course--just as you live with your husband."
She looked at the window pots with the geraniums and cactuses,
withered for want of attention, and through them at the outer distance,
till her eyes began to grow moist. "What is it?" said Jude,
in a softened tone.
"Why should you be so glad to go back to her if--if what you
used to say to me is still true--I mean if it were true then!
Of course it is not now! How could your heart go back to Arabella
"A special Providence, I suppose, helped it on its way."
"Ah--it isn't true!" she said with gentle resentment. "You are teasing me--
that's all--because you think I am not happy!"
"I don't know. I don't wish to know."
"If I were unhappy it would be my fault, my wickedness;
not that I should have a right to dislike him! He is considerate
to me in everything; and he is very interesting, from the amount
of general knowledge he has acquired by reading everything
that comes in his way.... Do you think, Jude, that a man ought
to marry a woman his own age, or one younger than himself--
eighteen years--as I am than he?"
"It depends upon what they feel for each other."
He gave her no opportunity of self-satisfaction, and she had to go on unaided,
which she did in a vanquished tone, verging on tears:
"I--I think I must be equally honest with you as you have been with me.
Perhaps you have seen what it is I want to say?--that though I
like Mr. Phillotson as a friend, I don't like him--it is a torture
to me to--live with him as a husband!--There, now I have let it out--
I couldn't help it, although I have been--pretending I am happy.--
Now you'll have a contempt for me for ever, I suppose!"
She bent down her face upon her hands as they lay upon the cloth,
and silently sobbed in little jerks that made the fragile three-legged
"I have only been married a month or two!" she went on,
still remaining bent upon the table, and sobbing into her hands.
"And it is said that what a woman shrinks from--in the early
days of her marriage--she shakes down to with comfortable
indifference in half a dozen years. But that is much like saying
that the amputation of a limb is no affliction, since a person
gets comfortably accustomed to the use of a wooden leg or arm
in the course of time!"
Jude could hardly speak, but he said, "I thought there
was something wrong, Sue! Oh, I thought there was!"
"But it is not as you think!--there is nothing wrong except
my own wickedness, I suppose you'd call it--a repugnance
on my part, for a reason I cannot disclose, and what would
not be admitted as one by the world in general! ... What
tortures me so much is the necessity of being responsive
to this man whenever he wishes, good as he is morally!--
the dreadful contract to feel in a particular way in a matter
whose essence is its voluntariness! ... I wish he would
beat me, or be faithless to me, or do some open thing that I
could talk about as a justification for feeling as I do!
But he does nothing, except that he has grown a little cold
since he has found out how I feel. That's why he didn't
come to the funeral.... Oh, I am very miserable--I don't
know what to do! ... Don't come near me, Jude, because you
But he had jumped up and put his face against hers--or rather against her ear,
her face being inaccessible.
"I told you not to, Jude!"
"I know you did--I only wish to--console you! It all
arose through my being married before we met, didn't it?
You would have been my wife, Sue, wouldn't you, if it hadn't
been for that?"
Instead of replying she rose quickly, and saying she was going to walk to her
aunt's grave in the churchyard to recover herself, went out of the house.
Jude did not follow her. Twenty minutes later he saw her cross the village
green towards Mrs. Edlin's, and soon she sent a little girl to fetch her bag,
and tell him she was too tired to see him again that night.
In the lonely room of his aunt's house, Jude sat watching the cottage
of the Widow Edlin as it disappeared behind the night shade. He knew
that Sue was sitting within its walls equally lonely and disheartened;
and again questioned his devotional motto that all was for the best.
He retired to rest early, but his sleep was fitful from the sense
that Sue was so near at hand. At some time near two o'clock,
when he was beginning to sleep more soundly, he was aroused by a
shrill squeak that had been familiar enough to him when he lived
regularly at Marygreen. It was the cry of a rabbit caught in a gin.
As was the little creature's habit, it did not soon repeat its cry;
and probably would not do so more than once or twice; but would
remain bearing its torture till the morrow when the trapper would
come and knock it on the head.
He who in his childhood had saved the lives of the earthworms now
began to picture the agonies of the rabbit from its lacerated leg.
If it were a "bad catch" by the hind-leg, the animal would tug during
the ensuing six hours till the iron teeth of the trap had stripped
the leg-bone of its flesh, when, should a weak-springed instrument
enable it to escape, it would die in the fields from the mortification
of the limb. If it were a "good catch," namely, by the fore-leg,
the bone would be broken and the limb nearly torn in two in attempts
at an impossible escape.
Almost half an hour passed, and the rabbit repeated its cry.
Jude could rest no longer till he had put it out of its pain,
so dressing himself quickly he descended, and by the light
of the moon went across the green in the direction of the sound.
He reached the hedge bordering the widow's garden, when he stood still.
The faint click of the trap as dragged about by the writhing animal
guided him now, and reaching the spot he struck the rabbit on the back
of the neck with the side of his palm, and it stretched itself
He was turning away when he saw a woman looking out of the open
casement at a window on the ground floor of the adjacent cottage.
"Jude!" said a voice timidly--Sue's voice. "It is you--
is it not?"
"I haven't been able to sleep at all, and then I heard the rabbit,
and couldn't help thinking of what it suffered, till I felt I must come
down and kill it! But I am so glad you got there first.... They ought
not to be allowed to set these steel traps, ought they!"
Jude had reached the window, which was quite a low one, so that she
was visible down to her waist. She let go the casement-stay and put
her hand upon his, her moonlit face regarding him wistfully.
"Did it keep you awake?" he said.
"No--I was awake."
"How was that?"
"Oh, you know--now! I know you, with your religious doctrines,
think that a married woman in trouble of a kind like mine commits
a mortal sin in making a man the confidant of it, as I did you.
I wish I hadn't, now!"
"Don't wish it, dear," he said. "That may have BEEN my view;
but my doctrines and I begin to part company."
"I knew it--I knew it! And that's why I vowed I wouldn't disturb
your belief. But--I am SO GLAD to see you!--and, oh, I didn't
mean to see you again, now the last tie between us, Aunt Drusilla,
Jude seized her hand and kissed it. "There is a stronger one left!"
he said. "I'll never care about my doctrines or my religion any more!
Let them go! Let me help you, even if I do love you, and even if you
"Don't say it!--I know what you mean; but I can't admit
so much as that. There! Guess what you like, but don't
press me to answer questions!"
"I wish you were happy, whatever I may be!"
"I CAN'T be! So few could enter into my feeling--they would say
'twas my fanciful fastidiousness, or something of that sort,
and condemn me.... It is none of the natural tragedies of love that's
love's usual tragedy in civilized life, but a tragedy artificially
manufactured for people who in a natural state would find relief
in parting! ... It would have been wrong, perhaps, for me to tell
my distress to you, if I had been able to tell it to anybody else.
But I have nobody. And I MUST tell somebody! Jude, before I
married him I had never thought out fully what marriage meant,
even though I knew. It was idiotic of me--there is no excuse.
I was old enough, and I thought I was very experienced.
So I rushed on, when I had got into that training school scrape,
with all the cock-sureness of the fool that I was! ... I am certain
one ought to be allowed to undo what one had done so ignorantly!
I daresay it happens to lots of women, only they submit, and I kick....
When people of a later age look back upon the barbarous customs and
superstitions of the times that we have the unhappiness to live in,
what WILL they say!"
"You are very bitter, darling Sue! How I wish--I wish----"
"You must go in now!"
In a moment of impulse she bent over the sill, and laid her face upon
his hair, weeping, and then imprinting a scarcely perceptible little kiss
upon the top of his head, withdrawing quickly, so that he could not put
his arms round her, as otherwise he unquestionably would have done.
She shut the casement, and he returned to his cottage.
SUE'S distressful confession recurred to Jude's mind all the night as being
a sorrow indeed.
The morning after, when it was time for her to go, the neighbours
saw her companion and herself disappearing on foot down the hill
path which led into the lonely road to Alfredston. An hour
passed before he returned along the same route, and in his face
there was a look of exaltation not unmixed with recklessness.
An incident had occurred.
They had stood parting in the silent highway, and their tense
and passionate moods had led to bewildered inquiries of each
other on how far their intimacy ought to go; till they had
almost quarrelled, and she said tearfully that it was hardly
proper of him as a parson in embryo to think of such a thing
as kissing her even in farewell as he now wished to do.
Then she had conceded that the fact of the kiss would be nothing:
all would depend upon the spirit of it. If given in
the spirit of a cousin and a friend she saw no objection:
if in the spirit of a lover she could not permit it.
"Will you swear that it will not be in that spirit?"
she had said.
No: he would not. And then they had turned from each other
in estrangement, and gone their several ways, till at a distance
of twenty or thirty yards both had looked round simultaneously.
That look behind was fatal to the reserve hitherto more
or less maintained. They had quickly run back, and met,
and embracing most unpremeditatedly, kissed close and long.
When they parted for good it was with flushed cheeks on her side,
and a beating heart on his.
The kiss was a turning-point in Jude's career. Back again
in the cottage, and left to reflection, he saw one thing:
that though his kiss of that aerial being had seemed the purest
moment of his faultful life, as long as he nourished this
unlicensed tenderness it was glaringly inconsistent for him to
pursue the idea of becoming the soldier and servant of a religion
in which sexual love was regarded as at its best a frailty,
and at its worst damnation. What Sue had said in warmth
was really the cold truth. When to defend his affection
tooth and nail, to persist with headlong force in impassioned
attentions to her, was all he thought of, he was condemned
IPSO FACTO as a professor of the accepted school of morals.
He was as unfit, obviously, by nature, as he had been
by social position, to fill the part of a propounder of
Strange that his first aspiration--towards academical proficiency--
had been checked by a woman, and that his second aspiration--
towards apostleship--had also been checked by a woman. "Is it,"
he said, "that the women are to blame; or is it the artificial system
of things, under which the normal sex-impulses are turned into devilish
domestic gins and springs to noose and hold back those who want
It had been his standing desire to become a prophet, however humble,
to his struggling fellow-creatures, without any thought of personal gain.
Yet with a wife living away from him with another husband, and himself
in love erratically, the loved one's revolt against her state being
possibly on his account, he had sunk to be barely respectable according to
It was not for him to consider further: he had only to confront the obvious,
which was that he had made himself quite an impostor as a law-abiding
At dusk that evening he went into the garden and dug a shallow hole, to which
he brought out all the theological and ethical works that he possessed,
and had stored here. He knew that, in this country of true believers,
most of them were not saleable at a much higher price than waste-paper value,
and preferred to get rid of them in his own way, even if he should sacrifice
a little money to the sentiment of thus destroying them. Lighting some loose
pamphlets to begin with, he cut the volumes into pieces as well as he could,
and with a three-pronged fork shook them over the flames. They kindled,
and lighted up the back of the house, the pigsty, and his own face, till they
were more or less consumed.
Though he was almost a stranger here now, passing cottagers
talked to him over the garden hedge.
"Burning up your awld aunt's rubbidge, I suppose? Ay; a lot gets heaped up
in nooks and corners when you've lived eighty years in one house."
It was nearly one o'clock in the morning before the leaves, covers,
and binding of Jeremy Taylor, Butler, Doddridge, Paley, Pusey, Newman and
the rest had gone to ashes, but the night was quiet, and as he turned
and turned the paper shreds with the fork, the sense of being no longer
a hypocrite to himself afforded his mind a relief which gave him calm.
He might go on believing as before, but he professed nothing, and no
longer owned and exhibited engines of faith which, as their proprietor,
he might naturally be supposed to exercise on himself first of all.
In his passion for Sue he could not stand as an ordinary sinner, and not
as a whited sepulchre.
Meanwhile Sue, after parting from him earlier in the day, had gone along to
the station, with tears in her eyes for having run back and let him kiss her.
Jude ought not to have pretended that he was not a lover, and made her give
way to an impulse to act unconventionally, if not wrongly. She was inclined
to call it the latter; for Sue's logic was extraordinarily compounded,
and seemed to maintain that before a thing was done it might be right to do,
but that being done it became wrong; or, in other words, that things which
were right in theory were wrong in practice.
"I have been too weak, I think!" she jerked out as she pranced on,
shaking down tear-drops now and then. "It was burning,
like a lover's--oh, it was! And I won't write to him any more,
or at least for a long time, to impress him with my dignity!
And I hope it will hurt him very much--expecting a letter
to-morrow morning, and the next, and the next, and no letter coming.
He'll suffer then with suspense--won't he, that's all!--and I am
very glad of it!"--Tears of pity for Jude's approaching sufferings
at her hands mingled with those which had surged up in pity
Then the slim little wife or a husband whose person was disagreeable to her,
the ethereal, fine-nerved, sensitive girl, quite unfitted by temperament and
instinct to fulfil the conditions of the matrimonial relation with Phillotson,
possibly with scarce any man, walked fitfully along, and panted, and brought
weariness into her eyes by gazing and worrying hopelessly.
Phillotson met her at the arrival station, and, seeing that she
was troubled, thought it must be owing to the depressing effect
of her aunt's death and funeral. He began telling her of his
day's doings, and how his friend Gillingham, a neighbouring
schoolmaster whom he had not seen for years, had called upon him.
While ascending to the town, seated on the top of the omnibus
beside him, she said suddenly and with an air of self-chastisement,
regarding the white road and its bordering bushes of hazel:
"Richard--I let Mr. Fawley hold my hand a long while.
I don't know whether you think it wrong?"
He, waking apparently from thoughts of far different mould,
said vaguely, "Oh, did you? What did you do that for?"
"I don't know. He wanted to, and I let him."
"I hope it pleased him. I should think it was hardly a novelty."
They lapsed into silence. Had this been a case in the court of an
omniscient judge, he might have entered on his notes the curious
fact that Sue had placed the minor for the major indiscretion,
and had not said a word about the kiss.
After tea that evening Phillotson sat balancing the school registers.
She remained in an unusually silent, tense, and restless condition,
and at last, saying she was tired, went to bed early. When Phillotson
arrived upstairs, weary with the drudgery of the attendance-numbers, it
was a quarter to twelve o'clock. Entering their chamber, which by day
commanded a view of some thirty or forty miles over the Vale of Blackmoor,
and even into Outer Wessex, he went to the window, and, pressing his face
against the pane, gazed with hard-breathing fixity into the mysterious
darkness which now covered the far-reaching scene. He was musing, "I think,"
he said at last, without turning his head, "that I must get the committee
to change the school-stationer. All the copybooks are sent wrong
There was no reply. Thinking Sue was dozing he went on:
"And there must be a rearrangement of that ventilator in the class-room. The
wind blows down upon my head unmercifully and gives me the ear-ache."
As the silence seemed more absolute than ordinarily he turned round.
The heavy, gloomy oak wainscot, which extended over the walls
upstairs and down in the dilapidated "Old-Grove Place,"
and the massive chimney-piece reaching to the ceiling,
stood in odd contrast to the new and shining brass bedstead,
and the new suite of birch furniture that he had bought for her,
the two styles seeming to nod to each other across three centuries
upon the shaking floor.
"Soo!" he said (this being the way in which he pronounced her name).
She was not in the bed, though she had apparently been there--
the clothes on her side being flung back. Thinking she
might have forgotten some kitchen detail and gone downstairs
for a moment to see to it, he pulled off his coat and idled
quietly enough for a few minutes, when, finding she did not come,
he went out upon the landing, candle in hand, and said
"Yes!" came back to him in her voice, from the distant kitchen quarter.
"What are you doing down there at midnight--tiring yourself out for nothing!"
"I am not sleepy; I am reading; and there is a larger fire here."
He went to bed. Some time in the night he awoke. She was not there,
even now. Lighting a candle he hastily stepped out upon the landing,
and again called her name.
She answered "Yes!" as before, but the tones were small and confined,
and whence they came he could not at first understand.
Under the staircase was a large clothes-closet, without a window;
they seemed to come from it. The door was shut, but there was no
lock or other fastening. Phillotson, alarmed, went towards it,
wondering if she had suddenly become deranged.
"What are you doing in there?" he asked.
"Not to disturb you I came here, as it was so late."
"But there's no bed, is there? And no ventilation! Why, you'll be suffocated
if you stay all night!"
"Oh no, I think not. Don't trouble about me."
"But--" Phillotson seized the knob and pulled at the door.
She had fastened it inside with a piece of string, which broke
at his pull. There being no bedstead she had flung down some rugs
and made a little nest for herself in the very cramped quarters
the closet afforded.
When he looked in upon her she sprang out of her lair,
great-eyed and trembling.
"You ought not to have pulled open the door!" she cried excitedly.
"It is not becoming in you! Oh, will you go away; please will you!"
She looked so pitiful and pleading in her white nightgown
against the shadowy lumber-hole that he was quite worried.
She continued to beseech him not to disturb her.
He said: "I've been kind to you, and given you every liberty;
and it is monstrous that you should feel in this way!"
"Yes," said she, weeping. "I know that! It is wrong and wicked of me,
I suppose! I am very sorry. But it is not I altogether that am
"Who is then? Am l?"
"No--I don't know! The universe, I suppose--things in general,
because they are so horrid and cruel!"
"Well, it is no use talking like that. Making a man's house so
unseemly at this time o' night! Eliza will hear if we don't mind."
(He meant the servant.) "Just think if either of the parsons in this
town was to see us now! I hate such eccentricities, Sue. There's no
order or regularity in your sentiments! ... But I won't intrude on
you further; only I would advise you not to shut the door too tight,
or I shall find you stifled to-morrow."
On rising the next morning he immediately looked into the closet,
but Sue had already gone downstairs. There was a little nest
where she had lain, and spiders' webs hung overhead. "What must
a woman's aversion be when it is stronger than her fear of spiders!"
he said bitterly.
He found her sitting at the breakfast-table, and the meal began
almost in silence, the burghers walking past upon the pavement--
or rather roadway, pavements being scarce here--which was
two or three feet above the level of the parlour floor.
They nodded down to the happy couple their morning greetings,
as they went on.
"Richard," she said all at once; "would you mind my living away from you?"
"Away from me? Why, that's what you were doing when I married you.
What then was the meaning of marrying at all?"
"You wouldn't like me any the better for telling you."
"I don't object to know."
"Because I thought I could do nothing else. You had got my
promise a long time before that, remember. Then, as time went on,
I regretted I had promised you, and was trying to see an honourable
way to break it off. But as I couldn't I became rather reckless
and careless about the conventions. Then you know what scandals
were spread, and how I was turned out of the training school you
had taken such time and trouble to prepare me for and get me into;
and this frightened me and it seemed then that the one thing I
could do would be to let the engagement stand. Of course I,
of all people, ought not to have cared what was said, for it was
just what I fancied I never did care for. But I was a coward--
as so many women are--and my theoretic unconventionality broke down.
If that had not entered into the case it would have been better to
have hurt your feelings once for all then, than to marry you and hurt
them all my life after.... And you were so generous in never giving
credit for a moment to the rumour."
"I am bound in honesty to tell you that I weighed its probability
and inquired of your cousin about it."
"Ah!" she said with pained surprise.
"I didn't doubt you."
"But you inquired!"
"I took his word."
Her eyes had filled. "HE wouldn't have inquired!" she said.
"But you haven't answered me. Will you let me go away?
I know how irregular it is of me to ask it----"
"It is irregular."
"But I do ask it! Domestic laws should be made according to temperaments,
which should be classified. If people are at all peculiar in character they
have to suffer from the very rules that produce comfort in others! ... Will
you let me?"
"But we married"
"What is the use of thinking of laws and ordinances," she burst out,
"if they make you miserable when you know you are committing no sin?"
"But you are committing a sin in not liking me."
"I DO like you! But I didn't reflect it would be--that it would
be so much more than that.... For a man and woman to live on intimate
terms when one feels as I do is adultery, in any circumstances,
however legal. There--I've said it! ... Will you let me, Richard?"
"You distress me, Susanna, by such importunity!"
"Why can't we agree to free each other? We made the compact,
and surely we can cancel it--not legally of course;
but we can morally, especially as no new interests,
in the shape of children, have arisen to be looked after.
Then we might be friends, and meet without pain to either.
Oh Richard, be my friend and have pity! We shall both be
dead in a few years, and then what will it matter to anybody
that you relieved me from constraint for a little while?
I daresay you think me eccentric, or super-sensitive, or
something absurd. Well--why should I suffer for what I was born
to be, if it doesn't hurt other people?"
"But it does--it hurts me! And you vowed to love me."
"Yes--that's it! I am in the wrong. I always am! It is as culpable to bind
yourself to love always as to believe a creed always, and as silly as to vow
always to like a particular food or drink!"
"And do you mean, by living away from me, living by yourself?"
"Well, if you insisted, yes. But I meant living with Jude."
"As his wife?"
"As I choose."
Sue continued: "She, or he, 'who lets the world, or his own
portion of it, choose his plan of life for him, has no need
of any other faculty than the apelike one of imitation.'
J. S. Mill's words, those are. I have been reading it up.
Why can't you act upon them? I wish to, always."
"What do I care about J. S. Mill!" moaned he. "I only want
to lead a quiet life! Do you mind my saying that I have
guessed what never once occurred to me before our marriage--
that you were in love, and are in love, with Jude Fawley!"
"You may go on guessing that I am, since you have begun.
But do you suppose that if I had been I should have asked you
to let me go and live with him?"
The ringing of the school bell saved Phillotson from the necessity
of replying at present to what apparently did not strike him
as being such a convincing ARGUMENTUM AD VERECUNDIAM as she,
in her loss of courage at the last moment, meant it to appear.
She was beginning to be so puzzling and unstateable that he was ready
to throw in with her other little peculiarities the extremest request
which a wife could make.
They proceeded to the schools that morning as usual, Sue entering
the class-room, where he could see the back of her head through
the glass partition whenever he turned his eyes that way.
As he went on giving and hearing lessons his forehead and eyebrows
twitched from concentrated agitation of thought, till at length
he tore a scrap from a sheet of scribbling paper and wrote:
Your request prevents my attending to work at all. I don't know
what I am doing! Was it seriously made?
He folded the piece of paper very small, and gave it to a little
boy to take to Sue. The child toddled off into the class-room.
Phillotson saw his wife turn and take the note, and the bend
of her pretty head as she read it, her lips slightly crisped,
to prevent undue expression under fire of so many young eyes.
He could not see her hands, but she changed her position,
and soon the child returned, bringing nothing in reply.
In a few minutes, however, one of Sue's class appeared,
with a little note similar to his own. These words only were
I am sincerely sorry to say that it was seriously made.
Phillotson looked more disturbed than before, and the meeting-place
of his brows twitched again. In ten minutes he called up the child
he had just sent to her, and dispatched another missive:
God knows I don't want to thwart you in any reasonable way.
My whole thought is to make you comfortable and happy. But I
cannot agree to such a preposterous notion as your going to live
with your lover. You would lose everybody's respect and regard;
and so should I!
After an interval a similar part was enacted in the class-room,
and an answer came:
I know you mean my good. But I don't want to be respectable!
To produce "Human development in its richest diversity"
(to quote your Humboldt) is to my mind far above respectability.
No doubt my tastes are low--in your view--hopelessly low!
If you won t let me go to him, will you grant me this one request--
allow me to live in your house in a separate way?
To this he returned no answer.
She wrote again:
I know what you think. But cannot you have pity on me?
I beg you to; I implore you to be merciful! I would not
ask if I were not almost compelled by what I can't bear!
No poor woman has ever wished more than I that Eve had
not fallen, so that (as the primitive Christians believed)
some harmless mode of vegetation might have peopled Paradise.
But I won't trifle! Be kind to me--even though I have not been
kind to you! I will go away, go abroad, anywhere, and never
Nearly an hour passed, and then he returned an answer:
I do not wish to pain you. How well you KNOW I don't! Give me a little time.
I am disposed to agree to your last request.
One line from her:
Thank you from my heart, Richard. I do not deserve your kindness.
All day Phillotson bent a dazed regard upon her through the glazed partition;
and he felt as lonely as when he had not known her.
But he was as good as his word, and consented to her living
apart in the house. At first, when they met at meals,
she had seemed more composed under the new arrangement;
but the irksomeness of their position worked on her temperament,
and the fibres of her nature seemed strained like harp-strings.
She talked vaguely and indiscriminately to prevent his
PHILLOTSON was sitting up late, as was often his custom,
trying to get together the materials for his long-neglected
hobby of Roman antiquities. For the first time since reviving
the subject he felt a return of his old interest in it.
He forgot time and place, and when he remembered himself and
ascended to rest it was nearly two o'clock.
His preoccupation was such that, though he now slept on the other side
of the house, he mechanically went to the room that he and his wife
had occupied when he first became a tenant of Old-Grove Place,
which since his differences with Sue had been hers exclusively.
He entered, and unconsciously began to undress.
There was a cry from the bed, and a quick movement.
Before the schoolmaster had realized where he was he perceived Sue
starting up half-awake, staring wildly, and springing out upon
the floor on the side away from him, which was towards the window.
This was somewhat hidden by the canopy of the bedstead,
and in a moment he heard her flinging up the sash. Before he had
thought that she meant to do more than get air she had mounted
upon the sill and leapt out. She disappeared in the darkness,
and he heard her fall below.
Phillotson, horrified, ran downstairs, striking himself sharply
against the newel in his haste. Opening the heavy door
he ascended the two or three steps to the level of the ground,
and there on the gravel before him lay a white heap.
Phillotson seized it in his arms, and bringing Sue into the hall
seated her on a chair, where he gazed at her by the flapping
light of the candle which he had set down in the draught on
the bottom stair.
She had certainly not broken her neck. She looked at him with eyes
that seemed not to take him in; and though not particularly large
in general they appeared so now.
She pressed her side and rubbed her arm, as if conscious of pain;
then stood up, averting her face, in evident distress at his gaze.
"Thank God--you are not killed! Though it's not for want of trying--
not much hurt I hope?"
Her fall, in fact, had not been a serious one, probably owing to the
lowness of the old rooms and to the high level of the ground without.
Beyond a scraped elbow and a blow in the side she had apparently incurred
"I was asleep, I think!" she began, her pale face still turned away from him.
"And something frightened me--a terrible dream--I thought I saw you--"
The actual circumstances seemed to come back to her, and she was silent.
Her cloak was hanging at the back of the door, and the wretched
Phillotson flung it round her. "Shall I help you upstairs?"
he asked drearily; for the significance of all this sickened him
of himself and of everything.
"No thank you, Richard. I am very little hurt. I can walk."
"You ought to lock your door," he mechanically said, as if lecturing
in school. "Then no one could intrude even by accident."
"I have tried--it won't lock. All the doors are out of order."
The aspect of things was not improved by her admission.
She ascended the staircase slowly, the waving light of
the candle shining on her. Phillotson did not approach her,
or attempt to ascend himself till he heard her enter her room.
Then he fastened up the front door, and returning, sat down on
the lower stairs, holding the newel with one hand, and bowing
his face into the other. Thus he remained for a long long time--
a pitiable object enough to one who had seen him; till, raising his
head and sighing a sigh which seemed to say that the business
of his life must be carried on, whether he had a wife or no,
he took the candle and went upstairs to his lonely room on the other
side of the landing.
No further incident touching the matter between them occurred
till the following evening, when, immediately school was over,
Phillotson walked out of Shaston, saying he required no tea,
and not informing Sue where he was going. He descended from
the town level by a steep road in a north-westerly direction,
and continued to move downwards till the soil changed from its
white dryness to a tough brown clay. He was now on the low
Where Duncliffe is the traveller's mark,
And cloty Stour's a-rolling dark.
More than once he looked back in the increasing obscurity of evening.
Against the sky was Shaston, dimly visible
On the grey-topp'd height
Of Paladore, as pale day wore
The new-lit lights from its windows burnt with a steady shine
as if watching him, one of which windows was his own. Above it
he could just discern the pinnacled tower of Trinity Church.
The air down here, tempered by the thick damp bed of tenacious clay,
was not as it had been above, but soft and relaxing, so that when
he had walked a mile or two he was obliged to wipe his face with
Leaving Duncliffe Hill on the left he proceeded without
hesitation through the shade, as a man goes on, night or day,
in a district over which he has played as a boy. He had walked
altogether about four and a half miles
Where Stour receives her strength,
From six cleere fountains fed, 
when he crossed a tributary of the Stour, and reached Leddenton--
a little town of three or four thousand inhabitants--
where he went on to the boys' school, and knocked at the door
of the master's residence.
 William Barnes.  Drayton.
A boy pupil-teacher opened it, and to Phillotson's inquiry
if Mr. Gillingham was at home replied that he was, going at
once off to his own house, and leaving Phillotson to find
his way in as he could. He discovered his friend putting away
some books from which he had been giving evening lessons.
The light of the paraffin lamp fell on Phillotson's face--
pale and wretched by contrast with his friend's, who had a cool,
practical look. They had been schoolmates in boyhood,
and fellow-students at Wintoncester Training College, many years
before this time.
"Glad to see you, Dick! But you don't look well? Nothing the matter?"
Phillotson advanced without replying, and Gillingham closed
the cupboard and pulled up beside his visitor.
"Why you haven't been here--let me see--since you were married?
I called, you know, but you were out; and upon my word it
is such a climb after dark that I have been waiting till
the days are longer before lumpering up again. I am glad you
didn't wait, however."
Though well-trained and even proficient masters, they occasionally
used a dialect-word of their boyhood to each other in private.
"I've come, George, to explain to you my reasons for taking
a step that I am about to take, so that you, at least,
will understand my motives if other people question them anywhen--
as they may, indeed certainly will.... But anything is better
than the present condition of things God forbid that you should
ever have such an experience as mine!"
"Sit down. You don't mean--anything wrong between you and Mrs. Phillotson?"
"I do.... My wretched state is that I've a wife I love who not only
does not love me, but--but Well, I won't say. I know her feeling!
I should prefer hatred from her!"
"And the sad part of it is that she is not so much to blame
as I. She was a pupil-teacher under me, as you know, and I took
advantage of her inexperience, and toled her out for walks,
and got her to agree to a long engagement before she well knew
her own mind. Afterwards she saw somebody else, but she blindly
fulfilled her engagement."
"Loving the other?"
"Yes; with a curious tender solicitude seemingly; though her exact
feeling for him is a riddle to me--and to him too, I think--
possibly to herself. She is one of the oddest creatures I
ever met. However, I have been struck with these two facts;
the extraordinary sympathy, or similarity, between the pair.
He is her cousin, which perhaps accounts for some of it.
They seem to be one person split in two! And with her
unconquerable aversion to myself as a husband, even though
she may like me as a friend, 'tis too much to bear longer.
She has conscientiously struggled against it, but to no purpose.
I cannot bear it--I cannot! I can't answer her arguments--she has
read ten times as much as I. Her intellect sparkles like diamonds,
while mine smoulders like brown paper.... She's one too many
"She'll get over it, good-now?"
"Never! It is--but I won't go into it--there are reasons why she never will.
At last she calmly and firmly asked if she might leave me and go to him.
The climax came last night, when, owing to my entering her room by accident,
she jumped out of window--so strong was her dread of me! She pretended it
was a dream, but that was to soothe me. Now when a woman jumps out of window
without caring whether she breaks her neck or no, she's not to be mistaken;
and this being the case I have come to a conclusion: that it is wrong to so
torture a fellow-creature any longer; and I won't be the inhuman wretch to do
it, cost what it may!"
"What--you'll let her go? And with her lover?"
"Whom with is her matter. I shall let her go; with him certainly,
if she wishes. I know I may be wrong--I know I can't logically,
or religiously, defend my concession to such a wish of hers,
or harmonize it with the doctrines I was brought up in.
Only I know one thing: something within me tells me I am doing
wrong in refusing her. I, like other men, profess to hold
that if a husband gets such a so-called preposterous request
from his wife, the only course that can possibly be regarded
as right and proper and honourable in him is to refuse it, and put
her virtuously under lock and key, and murder her lover perhaps.
But is that essentially right, and proper, and honourable,
or is it contemptibly mean and selfish? I don't profess to decide.
I simply am going to act by instinct, and let principles
take care of themselves. If a person who has blindly walked
into a quagmire cries for help, I am inclined to give it,
"But--you see, there's the question of neighbours and society--
what will happen if everybody----"
"Oh, I am not going to be a philosopher any longer! I only see what's
under my eyes."
"Well--I don't agree with your instinct, Dick!" said Gillingham gravely.
"I am quite amazed, to tell the truth, that such a sedate, plodding fellow as
you should have entertained such a craze for a moment. You said when I called
that she was puzzling and peculiar: I think you are!"
"Have you ever stood before a woman whom you know to be intrinsically
a good woman, while she has pleaded for release--been the man she has
knelt to and implored indulgence of?"
"I am thankful to say I haven't."
"Then I don't think you are in a position to give an opinion.
I have been that man, and it makes all the difference
in the world, if one has any manliness or chivalry in him.
I had not the remotest idea--living apart from women as I have
done for so many years--that merely taking a woman to church
and putting a ring upon her finger could by any possibility
involve one in such a daily, continuous tragedy as that now shared
by her and me!"
"Well, I could admit some excuse for letting her leave you,
provided she kept to herself. But to go attended by a cavalier--
that makes a difference."
"Not a bit. Suppose, as I believe, she would rather endure her
present misery than be made to promise to keep apart from him?
All that is a question for herself. It is not the same thing
at all as the treachery of living on with a husband and
playing him false.... However, she has not distinctly implied
living with him as wife, though I think she means to....
And to the best of my understanding it is not an ignoble,
merely animal, feeling between the two: that is the worst of it;
because it makes me think their affection will be enduring.
I did not mean to confess to you that in the first jealous
weeks of my marriage, before I had come to my right mind, I hid
myself in the school one evening when they were together there,
and I heard what they said. I am ashamed of it now,
though I suppose I was only exercising a legal right.
I found from their manner that an extraordinary affinity,
or sympathy, entered into their attachment, which somehow
took away all flavour of grossness. Their supreme desire is
to be together--to share each other's emotions, and fancies,
"Well no. Shelleyan would be nearer to it. They remind me of--
what are their names--Laon and Cythna. Also of Paul and Virginia a little.
The more I reflect, the more ENTIRELY I am on their side!"
"But if people did as you want to do, there'd be a general
domestic disintegration. The family would no longer be the social unit."
"Yes--I am all abroad, I suppose!" said Phillotson sadly.
"I was never a very bright reasoner, you remember.... And yet,
I don't see why the woman and the children should not be the unit
without the man."
"By the Lord Harry!--Matriarchy! ... Does SHE say all this too?"
"Oh no. She little thinks I have out-Sued Sue in this--
all in the last twelve hours!"
"It will upset all received opinion hereabout. Good God--
what will Shaston say!"
"I don't say that it won't. I don't know--I don't know! ... As I say,
I am only a feeler, not a reasoner."
"Now," said Gillingham, "let us take it quietly, and have something
to drink over it." He went under the stairs, and produced
a bottle of cider-wine, of which they drank a rummer each.
"I think you are rafted, and not yourself," he continued.
"Do go back and make up your mind to put up with a few whims.
But keep her. I hear on all sides that she's a charming
"Ah yes! That's the bitterness of it! Well, I won't stay.
I have a long walk before me."
Gillingham accompanied his friend a mile on his way, and at parting
expressed his hope that this consultation, singular as its subject was,
would be the renewal of their old comradeship. "Stick to her!"
were his last words, flung into the darkness after Phillotson;
from which his friend answered "Aye, aye!"
But when Phillotson was alone under the clouds of night, and no sound
was audible but that of the purling tributaries of the Stour, he said,
"So Gillingham, my friend, you had no stronger arguments against it
"I think she ought to be smacked, and brought to her senses--
that's what I think!" murmured Gillingham, as he walked
The next morning came, and at breakfast Phillotson told Sue:
"You may go--with whom you will. I absolutely and unconditionally agree."
Having once come to this conclusion it seemed to Phillotson
more and more indubitably the true one. His mild serenity
at the sense that he was doing his duty by a woman who was
at his mercy almost overpowered his grief at relinquishing her.
Some days passed, and the evening of their last meal together had come--
a cloudy evening with wind--which indeed was very seldom absent
in this elevated place. How permanently it was imprinted upon
his vision; that look of her as she glided into the parlour to tea;
a slim flexible figure; a face, strained from its roundness,
and marked by the pallors of restless days and nights, suggesting tragic
possibilities quite at variance with her times of buoyancy;
a trying of this morsel and that, and an inability to eat either.
Her nervous manner, begotten of a fear lest he should be injured
by her course, might have been interpreted by a stranger as displeasure
that Phillotson intruded his presence on her for the few brief minutes
"You had better have a slice of ham or an egg, or something with your tea?
You can't travel on a mouthful of bread and butter."
She took the slice he helped her to; and they discussed as they
sat trivial questions of housekeeping, such as where he would find
the key of this or that cupboard, what little bills were paid,
and what not.
"I am a bachelor by nature, as you know, Sue," he said, in a heroic attempt
to put her at her ease. "So that being without a wife will not really be
irksome to me, as it might be to other men who have had one a little while.
I have, too, this grand hobby in my head of writing 'The Roman Antiquities
of Wessex,' which will occupy all my spare hours."
"If you will send me some of the manuscript to copy at any time,
as you used to, I will do it with so much pleasure!" she said
with amenable gentleness. "I should much like to be some help
to you still--as a--friend."
Phillotson mused, and said: "No, I think we ought to be really separate,
if we are to be at all. And for this reason, that I don't wish to ask
you any questions, and particularly wish you not to give me information
as to your movements, or even your address.... Now, what money do you want?
You must have some, you know."
"Oh, of course, Richard, I couldn't think of having any of your
money to go away from you with! I don't want any either.
I have enough of my own to last me for a long while, and Jude
will let me have----"
"I would rather not know anything about him, if you don't mind.
You are free, absolutely; and your course is your own."
"Very well. But I'll just say that I have packed only a change or two
of my own personal clothing, and one or two little things besides that are
my very own. I wish you would look into my trunk before it is closed.
Besides that I have only a small parcel that will go into Jude's portmanteau."
"Of course I shall do no such thing as examine your luggage!
I wish you would take three-quarters of the household furniture.
I don't want to be bothered with it. I have a sort of affection
for a little of it that belonged to my poor mother and father.
But the rest you are welcome to whenever you like to send
"That I shall never do."
"You go by the six-thirty train, don't you? It is now a quarter to six."
"You ... You don't seem very sorry I am going, Richard!"
"Oh no--perhaps not."
"I like you much for how you have behaved. It is a curious thing
that directly I have begun to regard you as not my husband,
but as my old teacher, I like you. I won't be so affected as to
say I love you, because you know I don't, except as a friend.
But you do seem that to me!"
Sue was for a few moments a little tearful at these reflections,
and then the station omnibus came round to take her up.
Phillotson saw her things put on the top, handed her in,
and was obliged to make an appearance of kissing her as he wished
her good-bye, which she quite understood and imitated.
From the cheerful manner in which they parted the omnibus-man had no
other idea than that she was going for a short visit.
When Phillotson got back into the house he went upstairs
and opened the window in the direction the omnibus had taken.
Soon the noise of its wheels died away. He came down then,
his face compressed like that of one bearing pain; he put on his
hat and went out, following by the same route for nearly a mile.
Suddenly turning round he came home.
He had no sooner entered than the voice of his friend Gillingham
greeted him from the front room.
"I could make nobody hear; so finding your door open I walked in,
and made myself comfortable. I said I would call, you remember."
"Yes. I am much obliged to you, Gillingham, particularly for coming to-night."
"How is Mrs.----"
"She is quite well. She is gone--just gone. That's her tea-cup,
that she drank out of only an hour ago. And that's the plate she--"
Phillotson's throat got choked up, and he could not go on.
He turned and pushed the tea-things aside.
"Have you had any tea, by the by?" he asked presently in a renewed voice.
"No--yes--never mind," said Gillingham, preoccupied. "Gone, you say she is?"
"Yes.... I would have died for her; but I wouldn't be cruel
to her in the name of the law. She is, as I understand,
gone to join her lover. What they are going to do I cannot say.
Whatever it may be she has my full consent to."
There was a stability, a ballast, in Phillotson's pronouncement
which restrained his friend's comment. "Shall I--leave you?"
"No, no. It is a mercy to me that you have come. I have some articles
to arrange and clear away. Would you help me?"
Gillingham assented; and having gone to the upper rooms
the schoolmaster opened drawers, and began taking out all Sue's
things that she had left behind, and laying them in a large box.
"She wouldn't take all I wanted her to," he continued.
"But when I made up my mind to her going to live in her own way I
did make up my mind."
"Some men would have stopped at an agreement to separate."
"I've gone into all that, and don't wish to argue it. I was, and am,
the most old-fashioned man in the world on the question of marriage--
in fact I had never thought critically about its ethics at all.
But certain facts stared me in the face, and I couldn't go
They went on with the packing silently. When it was done Phillotson closed
the box and turned the key.
"There," he said. "To adorn her in somebody's eyes; never again in mine!"
FOUR-AND-TWENTY hours before this time Sue had written the following
note to Jude:
It is as I told you; and I am leaving to-morrow evening.
Richard and I thought it could be done with less obtrusiveness
after dark. I feel rather frightened, and therefore ask you
to be sure you are on the Melchester platform to meet me.
I arrive at a little to seven. I know you will, of course,
dear Jude; but I feel so timid that I can't help begging
you to be punctual. He has been so VERY kind to me through
Now to our meeting! S.
As she was carried by the omnibus farther and farther down
from the mountain town--the single passenger that evening--
she regarded the receding road with a sad face. But no hesitation
was apparent therein.
The up-train by which she was departing stopped by signal only.
To Sue it seemed strange that such a powerful organization as a
railway train should be brought to a stand-still on purpose for her--
a fugitive from her lawful home.
The twenty minutes' journey drew towards its close, and Sue began
gathering her things together to alight. At the moment that the train
came to a stand-still by the Melchester platform a hand was laid on
the door and she beheld Jude. He entered the compartment promptly.
He had a black bag in his hand, and was dressed in the dark suit he wore
on Sundays and in the evening after work. Altogether he looked a very
handsome young fellow, his ardent affection for her burning in his eyes.
"Oh Jude!" She clasped his hand with both hers, and her tense state caused
her to simmer over in a little succession of dry sobs. "I--I am so glad!
I get out here?"
"No. I get in, dear one! I've packed. Besides this bag I've
only a big box which is labelled."
"But don't I get out? Aren't we going to stay here?"
"We couldn't possibly, don't you see. We are known here--I, at any rate,
am well known. I've booked for Aldbrickham; and here's your ticket
for the same place, as you have only one to here."
"I thought we should have stayed here," she repeated.
"It wouldn't have done at all."
"Ah! Perhaps not."
"There wasn't time for me to write and say the place I had decided on.
Aldbrickham is a much bigger town--sixty or seventy thousand inhabitants--
and nobody knows anything about us there."
"And you have given up your cathedral work here?"
"Yes. It was rather sudden--your message coming unexpectedly.
Strictly, I might have been made to finish out the week.
But I pleaded urgency and I was let off. I would have deserted
any day at your command, dear Sue. I have deserted more than
that for you!"
"I fear I am doing you a lot of harm. Ruining your prospects of the Church;
ruining your progress in your trade; everything!"
"The Church is no more to me. Let it lie! I am not to be one of
The soldier-saints who, row on row,
Burn upward each to his point of bliss,
if any such there be! My point of bliss is not upward,
"Oh I seem so bad--upsetting men's courses like this!" said she,
taking up in her voice the emotion that had begun in his.
But she recovered her equanimity by the time they had travelled a
"He has been so good in letting me go," she resumed.
"And here's a note I found on my dressing-table, addressed